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vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 2:24:43 PM   
GaryXXX


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Status: offline 		Apart from kinky sex is there any difference ?

Any opinions on this appreciated , if you don't get the question let me know I'll try making more sense
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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 2:34:49 PM   
DarkSteven


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Status: offline 		I consider there to be two places where D/s occurs: in the bedroom and out of it.  When you talk about kinky sex, you are addressing the differences in the bedroom.

So your question then becomes: Does a D/s relationship differ from a vanilla one outside the bedroom?   I would say yes: In a D/s relationship, a Dom/me is in control both in private and in public, albeit more subtly in public.  A vanilla relationship is supposed to be egalitarian (although a non-egalitarian vanilla relationship could be construed to be D/s in vanilla clothing).


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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 2:41:49 PM   
bighappygoth39


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Status: offline 		I'd like to think that there has to be more trust, a stronger bond and more work on communication than with vanilla relationships, but I'm sure there are plenty on here who would disagree.
I'm sure there have been plenty of D/s relationships that haven't worked because of the same problems that some vanilla relationships experience.

I'd say in general, though, that D/s relationships don't usually have to worry about the whole 'well, he/she doesn't satisfy me in bed, and I'd love to be able to do this or get him/her to do that to me, etc' which can lead to trouble in a relationship. I can't think of any other differences, really. I'm sure more suggestions will follow, though...

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 2:47:36 PM   
GaryXXX


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Status: offline 		That makes perfect sense apart from , I've never heard or seen one word in the post , I'm sure I'm not the only one , to save the average educated people here , could you translate it

The D/s in vanilla clothing makes sense to me , so should it be called D/s relationship if the sex is just normal (as most understand normal to refer )

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 2:50:34 PM   
Ninebelowzero


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Status: offline 		What Gothy said

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 2:54:18 PM   
bighappygoth39


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Status: offline 		Yay! That's my first 'What Gothy said' post.

How sad am I? (That's a rhetorical question, people)

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 3:03:50 PM   
seekerofslut


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Status: offline 		I've always perceived "the power struggle" at the core of vanilla. D/s sets the chain of command and the duties of both parties. The power struggle is eliminated. Faithful adherence to the contractual obligations greatly lowers strife.
Now, just add kink. Stir. Enjoy :)
 

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 3:06:11 PM   
LillyBoPeep


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Status: offline 		"Normal" sex can certainly be part of a D/s relationship. Not all D/s folks are also s&m folks.
Even in vanilla relationships, sometimes onne partner is more the leader than the other. To me, the big difference, I guess, is that the relationship imbalance is agreed to and worked towards, rather than being accidental or default. But some traditional/religious people sometimes believe in default male-over-female imbalances and I don't know that i'd call that D/s in vanilla clothing" because I don't believe it's right to apply our standards to people who aren't intendinng to participate.

< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 11/26/2011 3:10:38 PM >

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 3:11:15 PM   
bighappygoth39


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Status: offline 		I can say that in my personal experience, the main difference is that my partner knew all about my kinky side to start off with, so there are no misconceptions about what I enjoy, and it also takes away the shyness of having to find out the deepest desires of each other as well, which then leaves you to find out what you both enjoy together, and enjoy exploring more and more things together.

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 3:16:46 PM   
GaryXXX


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Status: offline 		I have to have "normal sex" in a relationship , (aswell as the kinky stuff ) how normal is that . Normal normal what the hell is normal I hate normal the word ...

Great answers so far

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 3:16:48 PM   
Ninebelowzero


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Status: offline 		I'm not the most experienced here with regards to kink but I find as well that I up my game significantly as I know my partner has put a shit load more effort into the preparation too than an otherwise nilla session.

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 3:21:16 PM   
GaryXXX


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quote:

ORIGINAL: bighappygoth39

I can say that in my personal experience, the main difference is that my partner knew all about my kinky side to start off with, so there are no misconceptions about what I enjoy, and it also takes away the shyness of having to find out the deepest desires of each other as well, which then leaves you to find out what you both enjoy together, and enjoy exploring more and more things together.


I get that , it kind of has to be done , because if she ain't into it , the relationship isn't going to work .
No matter what else is right about the relationship

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 3:21:48 PM   
bighappygoth39


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quote:

ORIGINAL: GaryXXX

I have to have "normal sex" in a relationship , (aswell as the kinky stuff ) how normal is that . Normal normal what the hell is normal I hate normal the word ...

Great answers so far


I hate the label of 'normal' as well, but it gets used a lot. I guess in D/s it just means sex without any sort of kink. Just the plain old missionary position in-out.

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 3:24:17 PM   
bighappygoth39


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

I'm not the most experienced here with regards to kink but I find as well that I up my game significantly as I know my partner has put a shit load more effort into the preparation too than an otherwise nilla session.


That's good to know. It's always nice when the extra effort is appreciated. The extra effort makes it all the more enjoyable, personally.

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I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 3:34:27 PM   
Ninebelowzero


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Status: offline 		Even the nilla wooppee making is more intense. I have no idea why.

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 3:36:08 PM   
GaryXXX


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Status: offline 		It can't just be kinky sex in a relationship , can it ! .

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 3:36:43 PM   
bighappygoth39


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

Even the nilla wooppee making is more intense. I have no idea why.


The freedom that releasing our inner kink gives us is pretty awesome.

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 3:38:36 PM   
LillyBoPeep


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Status: offline 		Well, OP, what do you think "kinky sex" and "vanilla sex" are?
kinky sex, to me, doesn't have to be about leather body harnesses ot dragging out a full toy bag, though those things certainly can be used if people want.
I generally think of vanilla sex as the slow, soft stuff, but honestly, even that with someone you're in a kinky relationship with... well, even that can be kinky, too. :p

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 3:45:17 PM   
Ninebelowzero


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Status: offline 		Is that it? Cos I don't know

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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 3:45:41 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


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quote:

ORIGINAL: GaryXXX

Apart from kinky sex is there any difference ?



Not nearly as many as the kink-tards often think there are -- at least with a 24/7 dynamic.



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