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Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online to re... - 11/29/2011 9:26:56 AM

Mazterlock

Posts: 24
Joined: 11/28/2011
Status: offline

I'm an experienced Master but new to meeting submissive women online. I take my responsibilities as a Master seriously.

My question is how do submissive women make safe and smart decisions when it comes to moving a potential M/s relationship from cyber-space to a real world experience?

It just looks to me like there are many, many men posing as "masters" online who are really prowlers and predators.

How do you sort out the legitimate men who are worth your time? What should legitimate dominant men do better in order to build trust?

Post #: 1

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 9:33:02 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

Master was always VERY consistent in his answers.

He was always true to his word and didn't make excuses (he was reliable). If he said he would call at 9pm he called at 9pm.

Kink wasn't introduced in our conversations for at least a month of daily emails, IMs, and phone calls.

It was quite a while before we even met face-to-face.

Most predators/prowlers don't have the patience for that.

(in reply to Mazterlock)

Post #: 2

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 9:38:49 AM

Mazterlock

Posts: 24
Joined: 11/28/2011
Status: offline

Excellent point. I believe that I am a very patient man. That makes sense. Thank you.

(in reply to searching4mysir)

Post #: 3

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 9:46:11 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

I met a guy I liked, who I could believe in and who was honest. He told me stuff about himself that most people would gloss over or lie about. To him, lying was just too much work. We talked on IM for a while, then went to some rock shows together, hung out and got to know each other as people.

Now I'm in a phase actively looking for a kinky partner. I met the previous guy totally on accident. I have to say, it can be a little awkward; so many people put the role or fantasy first, but if I can't just LIKE the guy as a friend or some other kid of "like," if I feel like he's being deceptive, all of tthat chips away at trust instead of building it up.

If I feel a weird vibe, I'm keen to listen to it. Searching4mysir is right that most scammers and predators don't have patience to actually build a relationship. They also tend to say things that just don't make sense. :p

Whennn it comes to meeting, I generally opt for a public place, and I take my own car so I have my own way home.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to searching4mysir)

Post #: 4

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 10:01:08 AM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

Hmmm... first you state this...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mazterlock

I'm an experienced Master...

Then you ask this...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mazterlock

What should legitimate dominant men do better in order to build trust?

And in your profile you state this...

quote:

I'm looking for a woman who wants special, discreet encounters that do not interfere with her everyday life and responsibilities. Do you want to be my secret sex slave?

1) An "experienced Master" would KNOW how to "build trust".

2) An AVAILABLE person wouldn't be concerned about being "discreet" or having another be thier "secret sex slave".

VERDICT: Another cheating newbie.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to Mazterlock)

Post #: 5

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 10:11:30 AM

HisPet21

Posts: 395
Status: offline

quote:

What should legitimate dominant men do better in order to build trust?

Not post pictures of their ass online. You may think I am being funny, but I am series. If I were looking, I'd ignore any men with nekkid pictures (cock or ass) on their profiles. These pictures, to me, say, "I am super horny and looking to attract other horny chicks with my hot ass." Your ass does not say to me, "I'd love to get to know you and create a well-developed relationship so that you can one day trust me enough to submit." Then, of course, I could be reading your ass wrong.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 6

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 10:18:38 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

The use of the words "discreet" and "secret" kills trust for me. If he is lying and sneaking around on his wife, I deem him untrustworthy.

OP - don't bother removing those words from your profile - it soon becomes obvious when one is dealing with a married cheater.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 7

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 10:19:23 AM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisPet21

Your ass does not say to me, "I'd love to get to know you and create a well-developed relationship so that you can one day trust me enough to submit."

Neither does his profile... which states:

quote:

I'm looking for a woman who wants special, discreet encounters that do not interfere with her everyday life and responsibilities. Do you want to be my secret sex slave?

Again, just another cheating newbie.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to HisPet21)

Post #: 8

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 10:26:33 AM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
Status: offline

You're not looking for a sub, you're looking for pussy. Between you stating that in your profile, and the picture of your ass (please find pants), I would head for the hills as a sub.

_____________________________

There is no spoon.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 9

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 11:51:24 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Meet for coffee in a public place...cafe, restaurant, park, etc....

Talk to them, get to know them.

It's that simple really.

How do you really trust ANYONE you first meet whether it's online or the real world? When you meet someone at a bar how do you know them? You don't.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Fornica)

Post #: 10

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 12:42:04 PM

subjohn69

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Master was always VERY consistent in his answers.

He was always true to his word and didn't make excuses (he was reliable). If he said he would call at 9pm he called at 9pm.

Kink wasn't introduced in our conversations for at least a month of daily emails, IMs, and phone calls.

It was quite a while before we even met face-to-face.
Most predators/prowlers don't have the patience for that.

do you know that to be true, or do you just hope it is ?

have you ever wondered where today's nutters find their victims, the world of bdsm wouldn't be a bad place to start

i have spoken to a lot of potential Dom(me)s over the years, and every now and again i speak to one who seems to be a sandwich short of a picnic, but my guess is the dangerous folk would be much harder to spot.

(in reply to searching4mysir)

Post #: 11

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 12:56:18 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

My greatest protective asset is that I don't take comfort in false senses of security and count on being able to handle most situations I could put myself in. I trust myself, know how to defend myself and make sure I am in a situation that I can best do what I need to do. I can't count on phone calls... time between contact and meeting, meeting in a public place and counting on what or who is there to be an asset to my safety, etc.

I am my best tool in self protection from wisdom to actually being able to fight someone off if I must. No safe call or public place is a guarantee... however.. I am my best guarantee there is. I will actually do things many others wouldn't even consider... meet in my home. It is convenient to me and I know where all my weapons are. Having been pulled right into a car in public when I was younger... I don't think being public is any more safe. I didn't stay in that car for long, let me tell you. He was arrested and within a short time I was back home with my children. If they are invited to my home, I already know their name and many things. I don't care if they know where I live... if need be... it could also be where they die. My home truly is my castle. You come here... and you would be the one vulnerable. hehe

Don't think like a potential victim. Think like a potential survivor, be smart, don't take chances by ignoring a gut feeling or romanticizing and be armed with armor and wisdom, while you actually live and have a life.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to subjohn69)

Post #: 12

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 1:08:57 PM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subjohn69

quote:

Master was always VERY consistent in his answers.

He was always true to his word and didn't make excuses (he was reliable). If he said he would call at 9pm he called at 9pm.

Kink wasn't introduced in our conversations for at least a month of daily emails, IMs, and phone calls.

It was quite a while before we even met face-to-face.
Most predators/prowlers don't have the patience for that.

do you know that to be true, or do you just hope it is ?

have you ever wondered where today's nutters find their victims, the world of bdsm wouldn't be a bad place to start

i have spoken to a lot of potential Dom(me)s over the years, and every now and again i speak to one who seems to be a sandwich short of a picnic, but my guess is the dangerous folk would be much harder to spot.

John,

I'm 5'7 and 280 pounds and a lot faster than I look. I'm not exactly easy to push/pull around, particularly if I don't want to be.

The poentially dangerous nutters I have come across were long gone before I ever met them in person (on this site or any other, and I've been dating with personal ads in the paper since the mid-90s). It can be difficult keeping your lies straight for months on end prior to meeting and putting off sexual talk. I put off talk about kink and camming because I don't want to be wank fodder. I was looking for a relationship not a roll in the sack.

This lifestyle is all about trust. The moment you break trust you are gone. I have a low tolerance for BS.

As Lockit said, I am my greatest protective asset.

(in reply to subjohn69)

Post #: 13

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 1:18:50 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mazterlock

How do you sort out the legitimate men who are worth your time? What should legitimate dominant men do better in order to build trust?

As others already said, "legitimate men" are not looking for a SECRET sex slave. Legitimate men build trust by being honest.

Smart women have learned the "code" of married men: "discrete relationship," and "secret sex slave" are among them.

PS. You have tan lines, so I know you had pants at some point in time. Please find them.

(in reply to Mazterlock)

Post #: 14

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 1:26:13 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

quote:

How do you sort out the legitimate men who are worth your time?

I don't. I stick to women.

9/7

(in reply to Mazterlock)

Post #: 15

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 1:54:02 PM

lelloy

Posts: 52
Joined: 9/11/2011
From: One end to the other, US
Status: offline

I made mistakes first, then I learned from them.

Answering questions is usually good; not necessarily even personal information but clarifying your position and allowing a sense of comfort to develop. They don't stress secrets or discretion. Being cautious about you work is one thing, hiding the fact that you're married is another. I avoid sexually fixated "Dominants", but that's personal preference. A bit of taste, a bit of humor.

I think you're ahead of the curve, I know your lily-white ass made me giggle.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 16

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 1:57:39 PM

Fetters4U

Posts: 393
Joined: 5/25/2011
Status: offline

While I seriously doubt the veracity of the originator of this thread, it is nevertheless a useful topic.

Probably the most vulnerable time for everyone concerned is the first meeting. Chances are you have been sending emails, exchanging photos, using IM and talking on cell phones. None of these provide any verifiable information about the person you are meeting.

Coffee shops and libraries have internet connections. Anyone can set up a Yahoo or Gmail account. Anyone can Photoshop an image. Disposable cells phones do not require a billing address.

So, you are going to a meeting with some one you have never met, you do not know what they look like, you do not know their real name, and you do not know where they live. The profiles are full of tales of folks meeting people who did not look like their photos. You could hand everything you know to the cops before you leave, and when they find your body, they still won't know where to start. Brilliant!

Web cam is a useful tool, since you actually know what the person looks like. This is slightly better than meeting in a bar, since you can screen grab their image and mail it to your friends. At least the cops will have something to show on the news.

With all due respect to Ms. Lockit, the board is correct when it describes you as deranged. First, knowing only your name and address, I can cause you endless harm without coming within 1000 miles of your home. You have heard of identity theft, right? Secondly, the Master, Mistress, Dom or Domme is in just as much danger as the sub. Surely we have all run into psychos in our travels on CM? Why should I meet a violence inclined nut job in her lair? I ask for my coffee black; she takes it as a racial slur and empties a magnum into my chest. No thanks.

I actually think folks into kink are slightly safer than vanillas. I mean, if I meet a girl from eHarmony, she is hoping that I will not beat her up, bind her and use her for sex. If I meet one from Collar Me, she is hoping that I will.

Joking aside, other than meeting in a very public place, has anyone come up with a really good way to manage the first real-world contact?

_____________________________

Male-Dom-Straight

A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up. -- Mae West
I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far. -- Mae West

To err is human; to edit, divine...

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 17

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 2:08:14 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fetters4U

With all due respect to Ms. Lockit, the board is correct when it describes you as deranged. First, knowing only your name and address, I can cause you endless harm without coming within 1000 miles of your home. You have heard of identity theft, right? Secondly, the Master, Mistress, Dom or Domme is in just as much danger as the sub. Surely we have all run into psychos in our travels on CM? Why should I meet a violence inclined nut job in her lair? I ask for my coffee black; she takes it as a racial slur and empties a magnum into my chest. No thanks.

LOL... A certain amount of posts will have most around here described as being deranged. Add a post from a certain member that brought a lot of laughs, thus my signature line... all well and fine. However... did you miss the comments I made about wisdom? If someone wishes to steal my identity... poor them! I won't be in the credit market ever again and if they wish to take on my medical debt and poor credit rating... thank you! I have false accounts... I have many protections in place and have a phone that no one can trace to me or trace me by unless it were a very serious legal investigation. I've been online a long time and did have an online stalker... I learned a lot about that and protecting myself. Bring it. lol If you can get passed what I do... then I needed to know someone could and take better precautions. I will not live in fear, but I will be wise and actually live my life.

You also do not know me at all. No one is in danger of my being deranged because I am not. I wouldn't off someone for something said. I might kick their ass out of my home, but no... I wouldn't kill. I would only arm and harm if someone I loved, including myself, were at real risk.

I also take steps to assure anyone coming to my home is pro-active in their own protections. But typically, anyone coming to my home has already been checked out from both sides, enough to know we both will be safe. If not... well, then we deal.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 11/29/2011 2:11:50 PM >

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Fetters4U)

Post #: 18

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 2:20:32 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Why is everyone always accusing you of being crazy? *lol*

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 19

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 2:27:08 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Why is everyone always accusing you of being crazy? *lol*

Its all your fault! ROFL! Then again... I knew this could happen when you suggested what you suggested and still thought it funny. I'm just blaming you because I'm hoping to see you bent over for punishment! hehe (Can we say passive aggressive and manipulative in the moment?)

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 20

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