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Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 6:36:29 AM   
nightstalker15


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/1/2011
Status: offline 		Good morning A/all,

I was hoping someone could help me with an issue I seem to be having. I am a very lucky boy to be collared to a wonderful Mistress for going on a year now. We have great compatibility however I find that she doesnt seem to respect some of my limitations. I have at times backspasms that cause me to be unable to do my chores. Ive found some things help with reducing the amount of time Im out of commission or when I feel the trigger comming on however they arent conventional means. My Mistress says that if I'm in pain I should take medication instead of my other methods that work better.

I was wondering if you had any advice on how to communicate that meds dont work as well as a flogging or heavy paddling would. She seems to get rather irate that I cant do my assigned tasks when I have a spasm but doesnt tell me that it bothers her.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 6:43:19 AM   
VirginPotty


Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline
quote:

she doesnt seem to respect some of my limitations.


Dump her & find a Mistress that WILL respect your limits especially health related issues.

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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 6:44:55 AM   
MrBukani


Posts: 1920
Joined: 4/18/2010
Status: offline 		If it's your back in pain you can take pills but they won't help you.
Strenghtening your back through exercise is the only healthy solution.
If that was your question and the backaches are not metaphore for some dark underlying watchamightcallitwhatever.
This is my definitive answer.

(in reply to nightstalker15)
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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 6:50:34 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		She pprobably sees you as tryig to sneak out of your responsibilities, while also trying to get to have fun. It may not be a fair assumption - a local lady uses her floggers as a means of back massage, too. It does work for some people. Does she not believe that you're really having back issues? Maybe you could get some info together and read through it with her. Find a way to explain that you would rather not use meds, especially when they won't work. My late M had a back injury and didn't want to take meds because he didn't have much success with them, and didn't want to take unnecessary chemicals. Massages helped him (steamrollering through the pain only got him so far sometimes) so that was one of my jobs.

You'll have to try to explain that this is a real problem, and also, try to find some other forms of dealing wiith it that aren't possibly kink related. She may be more willing to indulge those at first as she comes to understand the problem. Do massages help? Warm packs in the area? Things like that?

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"Obey your Master." Metallica


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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 6:53:35 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		When I read your post I have to admit that I laughed. I know back pain isn't a laughing matter but because you are a submissive masochist that probably thoroughly enjoys a flogging and paddling, I have to say that if I was your Mistress, I may be wondering about your request too.
I would be telling you to go and visit an osteopath and you wouldn't be going there covered in paddle and flogging marks.
Maybe though, you have a new remedy that inflicts itself on 30% of the population. If only we could bottle it

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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 7:00:31 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I've known of other people who find a flogging relieves back pain. But since she doesn't want to do this for you, you need to find alternative methods to help. Primarily, get exercises for your back and ask her to help you be consistent in doing them.

Then you can save the fun stuff for fun times which is what she prefers.


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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 7:02:20 AM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nightstalker15

Good morning A/all,

I was hoping someone could help me with an issue I seem to be having. I am a very lucky boy to be collared to a wonderful Mistress for going on a year now. We have great compatibility however I find that she doesnt seem to respect some of my limitations. I have at times backspasms that cause me to be unable to do my chores. Ive found some things help with reducing the amount of time Im out of commission or when I feel the trigger comming on however they arent conventional means. My Mistress says that if I'm in pain I should take medication instead of my other methods that work better.

I was wondering if you had any advice on how to communicate that meds dont work as well as a flogging or heavy paddling would. She seems to get rather irate that I cant do my assigned tasks when I have a spasm but doesnt tell me that it bothers her.


Right off the top of my head your Mistress sounds like a douche who should be more concerned for her property, however, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt for a minute here. Does she have any reason for insisting on the meds instead of the methods you prefer? Meaning has she done any research on it or attended dr appts with you? It's dangerous to insist on something of a medical nature without understanding the issue. If she just feels like pushing the meds for some whim on her part that is quite different than if she holds her opinion because she has sound reasons for it. If it's whimsy kick her to the curb, if not listen to what she has to say and discuss it with your doctor.

Is she exasperated because she perhaps feels you are being passive aggressive here to get something from her like a flogging or heavy paddling? If she's not convinced that you are truly in need of help and why it would help you then it might tick her off if she thinks you're crying wolf to get something from her. I dont know how to solve that one except be sure that you aren't.

If she gets upset and won't talk to you about it, then I'd say you have some major communication issues and I'd be questioning if this relationship is right for you over that more than anything else. I'm not thinking the medical problem is the issue so much, rather that the two of you don't seem to connect in a healthy nurturing way. If she is that rigid and unable to bend enough to allow the relationship to progress in a healthy manner I'm not sure it's the right one for you, however, she could be completely open to working on communication. See you asked if there was a way to communicate with her that the meds don't work, there isn't one except for communicating that to her. If the two of you can't do that then what's the point really?

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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 7:08:53 AM   
stacey4u2luv


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		You know the old saying that one knows His/her own body the best, explain this to her that you know exactly what you need and that one cannot always jump straight to meds for everything as a matter of fact if there is alternatives to meds one should always do that first. If you feel it works better for you dang straight it would be you that knows what works best.

(in reply to VirginPotty)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 7:33:36 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I know that a flogging can feel as good as a deep tissue massage and work the same way on back pain. I started out as a sub and discovered that early on. I'm Domme now, but still I will ask for a good hard flogging for my back pain sometimes. It really does help my back pain way more than drugs, either Rx or OTC, and has none of the med side effects that drugs do.

If she is, in fact, getting irate but not saying it bothers her, I'd say she's behaving in a passive-aggressive manner. Also limits and boundaries should be respected and, if she's not doing that, I'd want to know why. But then, she sounds non-communicative. Does she think you are just trying to get some play in at the same time as you're not completing your duties?

Just my opinion, but if I was with someone who refused to communicate and ignored my health-issues, I'd get the hell out and not look back.

NBMG

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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 8:13:39 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Killerangel

It's dangerous to insist on something of a medical nature without understanding the issue.


And so you don't consider flogging and paddling the back isn't dangerous for someone with a possible underlying medical condition?

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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 8:16:59 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		He says he's tried meds, so it's totally possible he's gone the medical route, and found that it didn't help him. He's had time to investigate this and has concluded that non-pharmaceutical means work better -- I mean, who knows when he started having them; it's totally possible that he's only had them a month, and doesn't want to go to the doctor. But a lot of people with pain issues seek out alternative therapy. It's not that unusual.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 8:41:17 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		If I was your Mistress I'd force you to see a physical therapist and to continue to see your doctor about the meds if you feel they don't work and if you didn't do those things....well, let's just say the consequences would be to the point I'd be questioning your slavery and probably ending the relationship.



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Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 8:42:33 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Back pain is a giant mystery, but I do advocate something done by a professional, be it massage, chiro, or something else. There are good exercises for back and CORE strengthening---a solid core will help your back---and trying to find out the source of the pain if you can afford the tests.

I do find flogging like a good massage, but at best it's a temporary surface solution because really it's only bringing blood to the surface, not actually manipulating the tissue.

Annnnd...if my sub was having health issues, it would be important to me that they be taken care of.

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 9:10:55 AM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline 		I get that meds aren't the solution... mainly because drugs always have side effects.

But have you seen a doctor about this? A neurologist? Have you seen a physical therapist? Do you do regular stretching?

Do your back spasms come on only when you're doing chores?

This thread is so similar to the migraine thread, except it's the bottom asking for help rather than the top. The burden of the cure should not be on your Mistress. It should be on you. It's your body, you need to take care of it. She should demand you take care of yourself--outside of playtime.

January

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[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to nightstalker15)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 9:27:56 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nightstalker15
I find that she doesnt seem to respect some of my limitations.

You have only listed one of your limitations, that being your back spasms.
If there are other limits you feel aren't being respected, then how can it be a compatible relationship?

quote:

ORIGINAL: nightstalker15
I have at times backspasms that cause me to be unable to do my chores.
Ive found some things help with reducing the amount of time Im out of commission or
when I feel the trigger comming on however they arent conventional means. My Mistress
says that if I'm in pain I should take medication instead of my other methods
that work better.

Does she also allow you time for the medication to work before expecting you to carry
on your tasks? Was she aware of your back spasms prior to collaring you, and if so,
how have you been dealing with this issue over the past year? Some examples would help.

Other than the flogging, are the other methods you prefer illegal? Perhaps she doesn't condone
illegal activities in her home.

Are you left a specific schedule as to when these chores should be accomplished? Are these
spasms hourly, weekly, once in a blue moon? If the spasms are only on occassion, that leaves
an awful lot of time left in a day to accomplish a chore.

quote:

ORIGINAL: nightstalker15
I was wondering if you had any advice on how to communicate that meds dont work as well
as a flogging or heavy paddling would. She seems to get rather irate that I cant do my assigned tasks when I have a spasm but doesnt tell me that it bothers her.

Is she giving you a task and expecting you to complete it right away, and you respond by telling
her you're in pain and need a flogging first? I don't understand how she would become irate over
you being in pain other then perhaps the way you are addressing your inability to do something.
Becoming irate over you being in pain is another issue of noncompatiblilty to me.

< Message edited by poise -- 12/1/2011 9:32:40 AM >

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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 9:30:22 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		OP - your mistress might be more sympathetic if she sees you do things other than request flogging and paddling for your back issues. I hurt mine when I was 17 and it flares up from time to time so I sympathize, but unless you are proactive I can see her POV as well.

1. Do you need to lose weight? Excess weight often contributes.
2. Do you engage in activity that will strengthen your back regularly? (If I slack off for a few weeks at the gym and my yoga practice, my problems return.)
3. Are you seeing a doctor or chiropractor regularly? ("My doctor says" can be a magical phrase.)

What are these chores that you cannot do? I can do all indoor work but vacuuming. I wouldn't attempt yardwork. I'm wondering if you are trying to get out of doing dishes or she expects you to chop firewood.

(in reply to nightstalker15)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 10:21:30 AM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		I too have back spasms. My curved spine makes me prone to pinched nerves that cause the spasms. Narcotic pain killers do nothing for nerve pain. The only thing that stops my spasms is Soma.

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Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.


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(in reply to nightstalker15)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 10:31:12 AM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline 		  Pffft.  Sounds like yet another woman playing at being dominant without having the faintest fucking idea what that means or the responsibilities it implies.

If you really are committed to going down such a path, then at least refine your selection criteria.  That a woman has tits is not a sufficiently good reason to submit to her.


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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 11:34:35 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		The most important thing is what the ultimate cause of the spasms are. If you had a spinal injury, it can cause spasms (I have that). I have yet to find a med that will really do a thing for the spasms, because part of the injury causes pinched nervers which cause the spasms. Until the nerve slips back out, nothing is going to help the spasms.

Soma, and other muscle relaxants work by relaxing the muscles (I know, duh). That would be why the flogging/paddling works, since it will relax you and allow things to get back to normal.

You have some kind of medical diagnosis I would assume and have had treatments from a doctor. Is your mistress aware of your diagnosis? Not that you suffer from spasms, but the cause of them as diagnosed by your doctor. What is your doctor's recommendation for treatment?

I am one of those people that, while I believe in exercise, PT and such to resolve the problem as permantly as possible, believes that medication is great to treat pain until that resolution is achieved. That is if it works, and for me personally. For those that choose homeopathic remedies or other things that they have found to actually work, then that is there decision, and if their method works, then I'm likely to give it shot if I think it has potential for me.

Ultimately, it comes down to one major factor with your mistress. Is she a medical professional? If she isn't, then she really isn't in a position to tell you what you SHOULD be doing. All of us here don't tell you what has worked for us and make SUGGESTIONS of things to try.

If this is becoming a big enough issue between the two of you, that you have discussed it without resolution and now you are on a message board, it is time to reconsider the relationship.

(in reply to nightstalker15)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Advice Needed. - 12/1/2011 12:17:17 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nightstalker15

Good morning A/all,

I was hoping someone could help me with an issue I seem to be having. I am a very lucky boy to be collared to a wonderful Mistress for going on a year now. We have great compatibility however I find that she doesnt seem to respect some of my limitations. I have at times backspasms that cause me to be unable to do my chores. Ive found some things help with reducing the amount of time Im out of commission or when I feel the trigger comming on however they arent conventional means. My Mistress says that if I'm in pain I should take medication instead of my other methods that work better.

I was wondering if you had any advice on how to communicate that meds dont work as well as a flogging or heavy paddling would. She seems to get rather irate that I cant do my assigned tasks when I have a spasm but doesnt tell me that it bothers her.


Make an appointment with your doctor, the doctor that knows alllll about your back. Ask her to go with you and be a part of the discussion, at least the listening part, of how to improve your situation.

Ask your doctor about doing yoga to strengthen your back so that the problems lessen.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to nightstalker15)
Profile   Post #: 20
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