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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/2/2011 10:05:30 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

(I don't think it's terribly fair to bash on Awareness while he can't respond...)

He purposely made inflammatory and sexist comments, so I called him on it is all. The thing is, he brought it on himself......

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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/2/2011 12:06:50 PM

LadyPact

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Just to keep this on track.......

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
I wanted to mention something... As usual, this involves my dog. <snipped for brevity>

If I felt "put upon" when he needed something, I'd feel like a bad person.

You know, if I was sitting here saying that your dog should call the vet, somehow comprehend the nature of the thunderstorms that scare him, or be responsible for medical matters that are outside his scope as an animal, I'd feel like a bad person, too. There's a huge difference between what would a dog do if it didn't have an owner and what would a human being do if they weren't in a relationship. The dog's not capable of another method other than dependence on you for it's needs because.... it's a dog.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I agree totally with most of what you said.

However, there is still a serious communication problem here, based on what the OP is saying. Even if his domme does feel he is trying to control play, her response of "Take pain meds," is inappropriate. While there are some medications that I think any dominant should be "forceful" about their sub taking (BP, diabetes, cholesterol, anti-depressants when prescribed, etc.), pain meds should never be "demanded" to be taken by someone when they have already stated they don't work.

I happen to agree with the highlighted above. I'm even with you on the very specific difference between what I'll call 'maintenance meds' and a pain killer med. After four and a half years, I still require clip to tell Me daily that he's taken his.

The bottom line is, whatever doesn't work, doesn't work. The practical thing is to find what does work. Hopefully there will be an alternative option that is acceptable.

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Post #: 42

RE: Advice Needed. - 12/2/2011 12:19:01 PM

LillyBoPeep

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No, to me the concept is the same. My dog tries, but is still limited. This guy tries, but is still limited.
Some are just assuming that he's trying to get out of chores or trying to control play, or hasn't bothered to look for other methods for his back. Maybe he has, but he's just still limited.

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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/2/2011 12:54:23 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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I'm sorry Lily I have to disagree. Your dog really isn't capable of doing anything other than rely on you.

The OP, who identifies as a slave, *does* have the option to walk away, to defy his Mistress, to seek other medical alternatives.

I really don't think you can equate a person with a dog in this situation. Other than this: the owner is *supposed* to have compassion for his/her property. To not have compassion makes you a bad owner in my eyes.

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Post #: 44

RE: Advice Needed. - 12/2/2011 12:58:08 PM

LillyBoPeep

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He doesnn't want to seek other medical alternatives, he want sher to understand what he knows will help him. She's not preventing him from seeking medical help, she's trying to order him to take meds annd ignoring what he believes will work.

Yeah, he has the optionn to leave, but she also has the option to "do better."
If she chooses to remain as-is, then he should leave.

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Post #: 45

RE: Advice Needed. - 12/2/2011 3:09:57 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The bottom line is, whatever doesn't work, doesn't work. The practical thing is to find what does work. Hopefully there will be an alternative option that is acceptable.

That alternative option seems to be better communication. Seems to be a frequent problem for many, huh?

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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/2/2011 3:14:35 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I'm sorry Lily I have to disagree. Your dog really isn't capable of doing anything other than rely on you.

The OP, who identifies as a slave, *does* have the option to walk away, to defy his Mistress, to seek other medical alternatives.

I really don't think you can equate a person with a dog in this situation. Other than this: the owner is *supposed* to have compassion for his/her property. To not have compassion makes you a bad owner in my eyes.

On the surface, the dog analogy does seem logical. But as you and LP said, the dog can't do anything BUT rely on it's owner. The huge difference here is the slave CAN talk, CAN sit down and have a conversation.

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Post #: 47

RE: Advice Needed. - 12/2/2011 3:17:47 PM

LillyBoPeep

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He has sat down and talked and she says "you should take meds," and gets pissy but doesn't communicate. =p She's ignoring what he's saying because she doesn't like what he's saying.
The issue isn't that he hasn't tried to talk to her, it's that she doesn't bother to understand where he might be coming from. That's what I'm trying to get at. If relating to someone makes her feel "put upon," then that's pretty lame, if you ask me.

And P.S. -- if anyone really did read my post, you'd see that I did mention that there are obviously big differences between a human and a dog -- a human can do quite a bit for himself that a dog can't. But I still think the ability to empathize and see the big picture without thinking "oh iiiiiiiii feel so inconvenienced" matters in human relationships, too, though.

< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 12/2/2011 3:25:08 PM >

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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/2/2011 3:21:00 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

He doesnn't want to seek other medical alternatives, he want sher to understand what he knows will help him. She's not preventing him from seeking medical help, she's trying to order him to take meds annd ignoring what he believes will work.

Yeah, he has the optionn to leave, but she also has the option to "do better."
If she chooses to remain as-is, then he should leave.

As LP said, what "non conventional" methods would he use if he wasn't in a relationship and has a spasm. I suffer from spasms. While I admit I have never tried flogging/pain play as an alternative, there are other non conventional methods and I do get the feeling that the OP has used them as well. He doesn't indicate that the flogging/heavy paddling is the ONLY method that works.

Yes, he has the option to leave. And she has the option to "do better." But when it comes to communication, he has the option to "do better" as well. To be honest, I don't consider that "doing better" is an option for either of them when it comes to their relationship. It is time for "do better" or move on.

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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/2/2011 4:19:10 PM

stacey4u2luv

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hmmmmmmmmmmm The things that make you go hmmmmmmmm?????? Reason i go hmmm is and i do not doubt what the OP has posted but, there is always two sides to every story. 1. OP says he is very lucky to have her and respects her by saying that. i do wonder if there is more to this story. As i said i do not doubt that OP at all but sometimes people do misunderstand someones intent too. Maybe there is missing pieces to a jigsaw puzzle. Maybe there is lack of communication either on here( and i am not accusing) as it could also be in a relationship that someone does not give excuses for actions or words till they themselves test something out to later decide what to do about something. (Hopefully that makes proper sense)

i am wondering if this is a situation that they should totally work out on their own? (Obviously they do need to work it out and do something) but our advise may not be the best as we may not know it all as we are on the outside looking in. This is one i would just love to hear the other persons side of the story and her reasoning's as the initial words of the OP is very caring and i feel it possible she may have her own reasons too.

i do agree that jumping onto meds is not something someone should just jump in and do if there is alternatives, but... there could be other concerns and i would hate to tell someone advice and they jump on it and it be the wrong decision as these two should know each other more than what we do on here.

From what the OP said she does sound non communicative but at times too i have thought i do not want to say more till i know more or until something else presents itself.... maybe she too wants to know more or maybe she knows more????

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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/2/2011 5:01:36 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stacey4u2luv

hmmmmmmmmmmm The things that make you go hmmmmmmmm?????? Reason i go hmmm is and i do not doubt what the OP has posted but, there is always two sides to every story. 1. OP says he is very lucky to have her and respects her by saying that. i do wonder if there is more to this story. As i said i do not doubt that OP at all but sometimes people do misunderstand someones intent too. Maybe there is missing pieces to a jigsaw puzzle. Maybe there is lack of communication either on here( and i am not accusing) as it could also be in a relationship that someone does not give excuses for actions or words till they themselves test something out to later decide what to do about something. (Hopefully that makes proper sense)

Of course we aren't getting the whole story, and there is definately a piece to the puzzle.

quote:

i am wondering if this is a situation that they should totally work out on their own? (Obviously they do need to work it out and do something) but our advise may not be the best as we may not know it all as we are on the outside looking in. This is one i would just love to hear the other persons side of the story and her reasoning's as the initial words of the OP is very caring and i feel it possible she may have her own reasons too.

In every situation, people should be trying to work things out on their own, and people on the board never know the whole story (ok, once in a blue moon we get both sides). There is also the fact that some subs will often say how "wonderful" their dominant is and the relationship is great, except for one thing. I don't take it to mean much more than they are trying to soften the blow should their partner find out they posted.

quote:

i do agree that jumping onto meds is not something someone should just jump in and do if there is alternatives, but... there could be other concerns and i would hate to tell someone advice and they jump on it and it be the wrong decision as these two should know each other more than what we do on here.

Who is "jumping onto meds?" He has already tried them unsuccessfully, so he jumped already. But he (and you) mention alternativeS, plural. What did he do for the spasms before his relationship? Self flaggelation?

Anyone who jumps on the advice they get on a message board that involves leaving their partner, taking a drug or alternative healing method without thinking it through has bigger problems than whatever they posted.

quote:

From what the OP said she does sound non communicative but at times too i have thought i do not want to say more till i know more or until something else presents itself.... maybe she too wants to know more or maybe she knows more????

But also from what the OP said, he is doing expected tasks and wants to stop and get a flogging/heavy paddling. That would piss me off, too.

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RE: Advice Needed. - 12/2/2011 6:07:56 PM

stacey4u2luv

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That is correct Lafayette i should have re-read the initial post once more before posting the part about jumping onto meds. A better choice of words would be that if there is alternatives to taking meds it generally is healthier for the body. He should really discuss this with a doctor and maybe get second opinions if necessary from other doctors if it is not working for him. None the less there is issues that need to be worked through.

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