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Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 5:49:24 PM

AcademyForSlaves

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Hello,

We used to have to sneak a peek at our parents adult magazines or go to an adult movie theatre to find our fetish, but now BDSM and fetish scenes can be found in so many mainstream movies and one only has to login to the internet to find kink. Has it become too common that the excitement and thrill is gone, or do you feel it is a good thing that BDSM can now be seen all around us?

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RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 6:06:30 PM

LillyBoPeep

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Joined: 12/29/2010
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The excitement and thrill isn't gone because my interactions in my own life will be different from porn and movies. Porn and movies have little to do with real life. A lot of the thrill for me is so wrapped up in the exchange with the other person, and not some attachment to a particular activity or scenario.

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RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 6:25:15 PM

DarkSteven

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While I agree with your basic premise about BDSM themes becoming more prevalent, I am very unhappy with how badly it's represented in common culture. I have seen several movies that involve BDSM:
9-1/2 Weeks - the Dom makes his sub shoplift. He works in a huge, empty office and seems to do nothing there.
The Secretary - the Dom cannot bring himself to Dominate his sub once he cares for her. He humiliates her by wasting her time (a manual typewriter?!?!, as well as a trip into the dumpster).
Black Velvet - there's a powerful D/s flavor to the movie, but it's deliberately done to feel creepy and wrong. Also it's laced with drugs.

I've also read The Story of O and it was awful. Bad writing, and the absence of emotions and feelings did not make me think of the book as healthy.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that SOMETHING is indeed becoming more common, but it ain't BDSM. It's a badly misrepresented version of it.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 6:25:46 PM

Reform

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I agree with Lilly that movies don't reflect real life, and I've long felt that kinky images in the movies (or other media) aren't really that accurate in portraying wiitwd. On the other hand, I'm glad it's around. I felt weird growing up not knowing there was a term or a scene of people involved with what I (wanted to) do, and finally seeing something on TV made me delve into it more. So in general I'm in favor of more images, even if they are not totally accurate because they show the possibility of alternate sexual practices. Seeing it on TV doesn't make it any less exciting, imo. But I also don't think seeing it on TV makes it normal, I think we're a long way from that.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 4

RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 6:28:50 PM

lelloy

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I'm not into D/s because it's new and shiny. Porn BDSM is a completely different beast for me and I've always looked at it with some amount of ick. Either it's overdone and a complete turnoff or it's nothing I couldn't see at a local play party. BDSM as a theme may be more common but the most people don't know shit.

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RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 7:00:50 PM

LordNMasterGrey

Posts: 42
Joined: 11/29/2011
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Mainstream society still seems to behave timidly about BDSM (in the U.S. that is, as I understand the U.K. is a little more accepting, though I could be wrong). Unfortunately, like anything else, the media interest's will skew only the more provocative aspects of this interest/lifestyle to get that "shock" value they need to enhance their films.

I think that with the wonderful exposure to the "internet", and other electronic means, BDSM has become more readily available for our exploration. As for the thrill being gone.. Maybe to those who do not partake in this lifestyle, as they only know what they see! :)

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RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 7:02:08 PM

RaspberryLemon

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Joined: 7/18/2011
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I couldn't care less how common, uncommon, accepted, or unaccepted what I do is. I don't do it because it's "taboo" and "unique," and that's certainly not where the excitement comes from either. I do it and it's exciting to me because it is what feels right. Because it's what works for me. That's it. Everything else doesn't matter.

< Message edited by RaspberryLemon -- 12/1/2011 7:03:11 PM >

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Post #: 7

RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 7:51:59 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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Imo it's been pretty normal and common for years upon years. I don't really go out of my way to hide who/what I am because of fear of it causing me problems with the rest of the world. I joke around with friends and family about sex and the kinky stuff always ends up coming out. Most of my friends will laugh, shake their heads and then say it's not what they're into but in the next sentence they're telling me how they enjoy tied to the bed, spanked, fucked from behind, hair pulling or anal.

From my experience almost every person...male and female...that I've ever met has something kinky they enjoy. Every man I've ever fucked had some kind of fetish for something but yet never had heard of bdsm.

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RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 8:09:54 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AcademyForSlaves

Hello,

We used to have to sneak a peek at our parents adult magazines or go to an adult movie theatre
to find our fetish, but now BDSM and fetish scenes can be found in so many mainstream movies
and one only has to login to the internet to find kink. Has it become too common that the excitement
and thrill is gone, or do you feel it is a good thing that BDSM can now be seen all around us?

I don't find my excitement and thrills by logging on to the internet, and what transpires within
my relationships isn't shared with the world, virtual or otherwise, so it will always maintain a
sense of uniqueness.

There are still far too many misconceptions about BDSM in the public arena, and with the easier
access to sites such as this, those very misconceptions are what inspires many to come here
looking for a quick thrill, which in turn plays a part in furthering those misconceptions.

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Post #: 9

RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 8:10:33 PM

Winterapple

Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline

I agree with Lily and Steven wholeheartedly.
Porn, movies, magazines etc have little
influence on my actual life. And none of
those things sparked my interest,
if anything did.
The art, films, books and music that I
have found resonance with were not
bdsm porn or mainstream attempts at it.
The mass media takes don't see very well
informed and they are usually done in a
jokey way. Or someone like Madonna uses
it to appear shocking or daring in a very
cynical way.
I'm not interested in whether it's considered
shocking or ho hum because that isn't
what drives me.

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A thousand dreams within me softly burn.
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RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 8:24:17 PM

LillyBoPeep

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Joined: 12/29/2010
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I agree; the "ooo mysterious" stuff isn't what motivates me. So who cares how "big" it is/becomes?

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"Obey your Master." Metallica

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RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 9:00:48 PM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

Personally I have never had to look hard to find my "fetish" but I didn't really know to look for it until the '80s and by then it was not hard to find. I don't care for what movies show bdsm as because it is often done the same way as begin a "pagan" is(show and glits, magic and the "craft", all smoke and mirrors and lies) There are some things that are mainstream now and some things that still aren't. Terms get often used, over used, and meanings for them get changed. But having said that bdsm is not all around me. As a parent I limit what young people around me come in contact with and do not at all miss living in a city where everyone knew everyone else's movements. As to the thrill being gone....it's isn't in any of my realationships because the thrill in my realationships is me *go me*

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RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 9:20:38 PM

Awareness

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Joined: 9/8/2010
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All societies essentially swing between a pendulum of Victorian values and extreme permissiveness. They do so because ultimately both extremes exhibit problems. Each new generation believes they're more enlightened than those who came before. They are almost invariably wrong.

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RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 9:26:02 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AcademyForSlaves

Has it become too common that the excitement and thrill is gone, or do you feel it is a good thing that BDSM can now be seen all around us?

Sex is quite common. Does that mean that people don't find it exciting or thrilling anymore? If it did, people would stop having sex.

Really, that is just a ridiculous question. If someone is only doing it because it is "taboo," then they have other issues.

(in reply to AcademyForSlaves)

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RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 9:34:31 PM

stellauk

Posts: 1360
Status: offline

Not sure where to start here? What is normal? What is common?

Sure it appears to have become more mainstream and is found in the movies and such, but that doesn't lead to any greater understanding or acceptance especially when the motion picture industry tends to include it in ways which sexualize, objectify and fetishize women. Therefore is it really part of mainstream culture, or is that just a stereotype? I'm sorry, but the leather catsuits and whips and stuff bears no relation to the well-spoken, professional dommes I encounter at munches and LAM.

Maybe when a director and a producer has got the balls to show a male dominant female submissive main character storyline as it really is then we might see some progress but to my mind at least mainstream media and culture still hasn't arrived.

Has the thrill and excitement gone? Certainly not, not least from what I have seen among the OPs in the 'Introduce Yourself' section of the boards (and elsewhere) of mainly men taking Route One, along with others on the other side with the uploaded cock shots, twat shots, ass shots and bewbage - still plenty of thrill and excitement all over.

Too much perhaps. Especially for those who prefer to form their initial impression of a potential partner from a different part of the anatomy.

The fact that BDSM is becoming more mainstream as such isn't all honey and roses.

Certain people are becoming just as marginalized within 'the lifestyle' as they were out in wider society, and indeed, reading through some threads, you'd be forgiven for thinking that they can perhaps find greater acceptance out in wider society or 'vanilla'.

Economic difficulties also appear to have opened another front in gender warfare within the community around the same two battle grounds - sex and money - and the conflict has spread to BDSM.

But that saying and this is something I'm noticing more and more in recent years and that is the inclusion and expansion within different communities of people with different ethnicity which in cultural terms is a step forward and the signs of oppression in terms of skin colour both within and without one's community appear to be waning and becoming more a part of history than a prevalent part of culture.

And for me, in among all the cock shots and fighting along gender lines, this represents a step forward.

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RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 9:52:21 PM

GimpinDenial

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise
There are still far too many misconceptions about BDSM in the public arena, and with the easier
access to sites such as this, those very misconceptions are what inspires many to come here
looking for a quick thrill, which in turn plays a part in furthering those misconceptions.

Well Said.

I am still amazed at how many people I have spoken with that assume bd/sm or d/s always equals sexual intercourse.

The only way I can explain it without sitting them down for hours on end while repeating myself is to simply watch "the Secretary"

Even then... they dwell on the fact that Maggies character was released from a mental hospital, so obviously that means every person in the lifestyle must have some mental setback.

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RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 10:19:42 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AcademyForSlaves

Hello,

We used to have to sneak a peek at our parents adult magazines or go to an adult movie theatre to find our fetish, but now BDSM and fetish scenes can be found in so many mainstream movies and one only has to login to the internet to find kink. Has it become too common that the excitement and thrill is gone, or do you feel it is a good thing that BDSM can now be seen all around us?

Well since I didnt take a ad out in the local rag explaining my kink to everyone. I really could care less how "mainstream" kink becomes... I do it cuz it makes me smile and get wood.

BadOne

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RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 10:20:32 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
The Secretary - the Dom cannot bring himself to Dominate his sub once he cares for her. He humiliates her by wasting her time (a manual typewriter?!?!, as well as a trip into the dumpster).

I think you missed the point of that movie. It wasn't about his domination of her. It was about his denial of BDSM and his eventual acceptance of what he originally saw as his own demons.

He started BDSM relationships and stopped midstream because he couldn't accept himself or the feelings he had until he met Lee. Well, that was part of the story anyhow.

It's also about Lee and her drive to find a master. There can be no submission without dominance and no dominance without submission. Complementary sides of one coin, Yin-Yang, etc. In the end it is her absolute submission that allows Gray to accept his own nature.

Then there's that whole, "Be who you are without concern for how society sees you" theme that so many films claim to show but rarely pull off.

Of course, in the end, it was just a standard love story: Girl meets boy, girl loses boy, girl does [thing] to prove her love.

Hell, compare it to "Say Anything"

John Cusack (Lee Holloway) meets Ione Skye (E.Edward Gray) and things fall apart until he (she) shows up outside of her window (inside his office) refusing to leave until their love is acknowledged. "Secretary" was just made with a bit more subtlety. Well, until the end that is.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/1/2011 10:30:42 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

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Joined: 9/20/2010
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Some of the accoutrements are. Some of the imagery.

That's been happening for a long time though. Go-go boots in the sixties and stiletto heels were stolen from BDSM imagery. The end result is that the heels became higher and skinnier, the boots became tighter and skinnier in the scene. I'm not complaining.

Before anyone starts thinking that BDSM drives fashion: corsets and stockings used to be de-rigueur for all women, not extremely expensive fetish items. Come to think of it, horsewhips were far more common a century ago to.

(in reply to AcademyForSlaves)

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RE: Is BDSM becoming normal and common? - 12/2/2011 12:41:38 AM

MrBukani

Posts: 1920
Joined: 4/18/2010
Status: offline

If you're gonna label every kink and fetish as bdsm, yes it is common.
Kinda like a selffulfillin prophecy.

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

Post #: 20

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