How to handle someone who doesn't get it?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

How to handle someone who doesn't get it?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> How to handle someone who doesn't get it?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 6:33:40 PM

AriesHausdorff

Posts: 33
Joined: 7/11/2010
Status: offline

Dear Ladies,

a by now long time ago I offered a young lady which had a, to put it politely, terrible profile, to help her with rewriting and translating her profile. As things go, it took a while, and one day I had a rather insultive mail in my inbox.
I tried to explain that there are issues that simply take their time, but the follow up mails got rather more...
Hmm...
Bitchy?
No, because a bitch can't help herself. A Mistress - one so-called by herself - should be able to control her temper, just as a Master should.
Or am I at fault there and for the ladies the rules of play are rather reversed?

Giving the issue time to cool off I checked back today and found a pile of just as insultive mails.

I wrote my reply to all those, so, technically, the issue is closed for me.

What I would like to know now is this, dear Ladies:

1) How to handle a Mistress who lacks the ability to accept others as equal and does not accept that there is a real life out there that has certain demands? Ignore?
2) Is it wrong to offer ones skills and help to others? Does that make me some kind of... Servant... When I offer assistance?

I'd dearly would love feedback. Private messages are also welcome, in case you consider your personal advice to collide with a majorities opinion or the like.

Sincerely
Aries

Post #: 1

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 6:44:50 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

How to handle....

Let's see, you butted into someone else's business without being asked. Criticized the person, offered your 'assistance' and cannot understand why the person basically told you to fuck off and die.

I think you've got more pressing issues of your own you need to address.

Forget the other person and mind your own damned business.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to AriesHausdorff)

Post #: 2

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 6:50:02 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

1. To be kinda blunt, your post is not well written. Among other things, "insultive" is not a word. So I'm not quite sure how you're qualified to rewrite profiles.

2. You said you'd rewrite her profile, and she accepted. But evidently the two of you did not agree on a time frame. Sounds like she got angry that it took so long, and both of you failed to simply reach accord on that issue.

3. Your account is pretty subjective. The title implies she was 100% at fault for not getting it. Also, saying "Giving the issue time to cool off I checked back today" which to me says that she wrote you a steamed message asking why it was taking so long and you didn't answer for several days. OF COURSE she got more steamed.

To answer your questions:

I have no idea why you equate a mutual failure to agree on a schedule to be her not accepting you as equal.

So you have a real life? So do all of us. Next time you offer to a task for anyone, state how long it will take. Like I said, you failed to do this and she failed to ask it, so the failure was mutual.

How do you handle a Mistress that does not like some aspect of your tasking? Work with her to get past that! Either you learn to do it her way, she learns to accept that you're not going to do it her way, or you part ways.

Why on earth would it be wrong to offer to help others?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to AriesHausdorff)

Post #: 3

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 7:09:51 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I had to check his profile, but I just knew the OP was a male dominant.

This is why is is so worried about offeried assistance being viewed as "service."

For the OP, I will reiterate the eloquence of LaT:

Let's see, you butted into someone else's business without being asked. Criticized the person, offered your 'assistance' and cannot understand why the person basically told you to fuck off and die.

I think you've got more pressing issues of your own you need to address.

Forget the other person and mind your own damned business.

And while you are at it, spend some time learning about dominance and submission.

_____________________________

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 4

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 7:13:08 PM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
Status: offline

fr to OP
Um. I think *you* might be the one who didn't get it, sweetpea.

_____________________________

There is no spoon.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 5

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 7:21:35 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AriesHausdorff
What I would like to know now is this, dear Ladies:

1) How to handle a Mistress who lacks the ability to accept others as equal and does not accept that there is a real life out there that has certain demands? Ignore?

2) Is it wrong to offer ones skills and help to others? Does that make me some kind of... Servant... When I offer assistance?

First of all, I just KNEW the OP was a male Dominant but had to look & find out for sure, and I was right. How to....."handle?" WTH?? All you need to "handle" is how to mind your own business. I'm curious as to whether you two were already friends or if you already knew her on any level whatsoever. What we all do know is you offered your assistance with her profile so, apparently, she did not ask for it. So you took it upon yourself to butt in and tell her how you think she should write her profile. Your OP never said whether she actually accepted your offer either, so maybe she didn't.

No one knows the correspondence that went between you two or what she was thinking. Maybe she thought you were trying to get all Domly on her and not treating her as an equal and she didn't appreciate it. I mean some male Doms give female Dommes a hard time and act as though women can't possibly be Dominant and treat us accordingly. That could have set her off. Maybe she just didn't like a stranger who doesn't know anything about her telling her how to write her own personal profile.

I don't think it's wrong to offer one's services and talents where they could be useful, but there are some situations where it's not really advisable. Contacting a total stranger and telling her something along the lines of...your profile sucks and I'll help you re-write it....well, that's just not a good idea. Ever. Now, were it me and a strange person wrote to me wanting to re-write my profile, I'd say "No thank you. There is NO way you could ever possibly know me or how I want to portray myself better than I do. If s/he got pushy and went ahead and sent me a re-write then, yes, I'd get in his/her face, BLOCK & DELETE.

No, I don't think the rules are reversed for "the ladies," but I think common sense would tell you to not butt into someone else's business. That never brings a positive result.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to AriesHausdorff)

Post #: 6

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 7:29:59 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

OMFG

The OP perved my profile, then sent Cmail and asked why I looked at *his* profile. Like I didn't already explain that here. Like I have to have a reason.

Dude, get over yourself quick, or I predict you will not have a good time here.

_____________________________

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 7:36:14 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

Oh dear Goddess!! He looked at mine too. AND wrote to me. The deal is, if I don't already know who an OP is, I'll check out his or her profile. lol

< Message edited by NiceButMeanGirl -- 12/2/2011 7:37:04 PM >

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 8

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 7:41:36 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AriesHausdorff

Dear Ladies,
1) How to handle a Mistress who lacks the ability to accept others as equal and does not accept
that there is a real life out there that has certain demands? Ignore?

2) Is it wrong to offer ones skills and help to others? Does that make me some kind of... Servant
When I offer assistance?

This has nothing to do with whether either of you are dominant or submissive. You offered to
help someone make a better impression of themselves by rewriting their profile. That's called
being kind, and being kind does not make one a servant.

I don't know if this is someone you had been in previous correspondence with, but since she did
accept your assistance, she could have been more gracious and patient enough to wait until you
had completed the rewrite.

And since this happened long ago, as you say in your opening post, don't you think it's time to let
go of the negative thoughts and find something more positive to focus on?

< Message edited by poise -- 12/2/2011 7:42:31 PM >

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to AriesHausdorff)

Post #: 9

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 7:44:09 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Oy, so he wrote a condescending email to a domme, telling her she was doing everything wrong and should let him take charge. Any bets what he asked for his 'fee' for this service? And he's surprised that she was offended by his attitude?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 10

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 7:52:08 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Oy, so he wrote a condescending email to a domme, telling her she was doing everything wrong and should let him take charge. Any bets what he asked for his 'fee' for this service? And he's surprised that she was offended by his attitude?

Yes, that's it in a nutshell.

As for those who are assuming that she accepted his offer, he never said she accepted. He might have implied it by making her sound impatient, but he never did actually say she accepted. Also, I'd be very interested to hear what HER side of the story is, but we'll probably never know. Strangely enough, there was a female Dominant's letter in my cmail right before his and they're both from Germany. I can only wonder if that's her......

NBMG

< Message edited by NiceButMeanGirl -- 12/2/2011 7:55:25 PM >

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 11

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 8:15:00 PM

SweetCheri

Posts: 228
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: Hopefully in my place.
Status: offline

quote:

to help her with rewriting and translating her profile.

I checked your profile and guess what? You're not qualified to help with rewriting and translating a profile, in fact you need help in that department yourself. I counted at least 10 errors in your first two sentences.

Maybe that is why she reacted badly.

_____________________________

Une fille d'Ottawa
Grandit je ne sais pas.

CG/HH

(in reply to AriesHausdorff)

Post #: 12

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 8:35:56 PM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

Guten abend Here Hausdorff

Ich nicht Domme und sprechen kine Deutsch. Eine Bemerkung machen, entshuldegung.

You speak English a lot better than I speak German, but you saw how bad that was. Part of what the ladies and Steven were reacting to is your grammar, which is off, and your word choice, which is off. You didn't mean to say exactly what you said, you meant something a little different. And they read exactly what you wrote and responded to that instead of what you meant to write..And there are certain cultural connotations. Apparently, men tend to talk down to women. And women tend to be sensitive about it. Particularly Dominant Women. Apparently you have conveyed this impression, here, whether you meant to or not, and apparently also did so with the Lady you are asking advice over.

Mental note to self : Keep in mind that some refer to it as 'Perving their profile".

Moving along, you might, if you take an objective view, note that the questions you actually posed are not necessarily the questions you want answered, and they are not necessarily phrased in such a way as to please the ear you are directing them toward. "Handle a Mistress" as you see, went down hard. The other problems with the questions are more subtle. In general, you put forward the impression that you already know the answer to the real question. But if you did, you wouldn't be asking questions.

Now, if you had asked something along the lines of, "Could someone please point out to me what it was that I did to upset this lady?", I feel the response you received would have been both more pleasant and of some use to you.

In closing, it seems clear to me (student of human nature) that you like the Lady you are asking about. But it might help a bit to say so.

Begging Pardon if I have spoken out of turn.
FF

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 13

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 9:30:16 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

1. To be kinda blunt, your post is not well written. Among other things, "insultive" is not a word. So I'm not quite sure how you're qualified to rewrite profiles.

2. You said you'd rewrite her profile, and she accepted. But evidently the two of you did not agree on a time frame. Sounds like she got angry that it took so long, and both of you failed to simply reach accord on that issue.

3. Your account is pretty subjective. The title implies she was 100% at fault for not getting it. Also, saying "Giving the issue time to cool off I checked back today" which to me says that she wrote you a steamed message asking why it was taking so long and you didn't answer for several days. OF COURSE she got more steamed.

To answer your questions:

I have no idea why you equate a mutual failure to agree on a schedule to be her not accepting you as equal.

So you have a real life? So do all of us. Next time you offer to a task for anyone, state how long it will take. Like I said, you failed to do this and she failed to ask it, so the failure was mutual.

How do you handle a Mistress that does not like some aspect of your tasking? Work with her to get past that! Either you learn to do it her way, she learns to accept that you're not going to do it her way, or you part ways.

Why on earth would it be wrong to offer to help others?

I think "insultive" might get included in the next version....don't be so presumptuous.....it's taken 27 years for me to get Websters to look at "hornification" and I'm told there's a 50/50 chance it'll be in the next edition.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 14

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 9:32:10 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Hornification. I like it.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 15

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 9:33:19 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Hornification. I like it.

(I was being kind actually...I have it on an inside track that it's 70/30)

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 16

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 9:38:03 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AriesHausdorff

Dear Ladies,

a by now long time ago I offered a young lady which had a, to put it politely, terrible profile, to help her with rewriting and translating her profile. As things go, it took a while, and one day I had a rather insultive mail in my inbox.
I tried to explain that there are issues that simply take their time, but the follow up mails got rather more...
Hmm...
Bitchy?
No, because a bitch can't help herself. A Mistress - one so-called by herself - should be able to control her temper, just as a Master should.
Or am I at fault there and for the ladies the rules of play are rather reversed?

Giving the issue time to cool off I checked back today and found a pile of just as insultive mails.

I wrote my reply to all those, so, technically, the issue is closed for me.

What I would like to know now is this, dear Ladies:

1) How to handle a Mistress who lacks the ability to accept others as equal and does not accept that there is a real life out there that has certain demands? Ignore?
2) Is it wrong to offer ones skills and help to others? Does that make me some kind of... Servant... When I offer assistance?

I'd dearly would love feedback. Private messages are also welcome, in case you consider your personal advice to collide with a majorities opinion or the like.

Sincerely
Aries

You have a schematic of a wheelbarrow on your photos section.

Now, maybe it's just me but....(and I am a sub, so maybe I just have this WAY THE FUCK WRONG BUT..........), I'm thinking....that's really not a big draw for chics.

(It's a gut feel, but I'm going with it).

(in reply to AriesHausdorff)

Post #: 17

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 10:06:31 PM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

Uhm, Nookie.

A closer look might be in order. And a look around.

Just sayin.
FF

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 18

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 10:21:55 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

So it's not a wheelbarrow? Because there is NO way I am perving that dood's profile.

(And really, I think JJ knows from wheelbarrows)

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to FrostedFlake)

Post #: 19

RE: How to handle someone who doesn't get it? - 12/2/2011 11:18:18 PM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

I mention I'm Qualified Submarines?
FF
http://www.usshaddo.com/Default.aspx?URL=Home

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> How to handle someone who doesn't get it?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109