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RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 9:07:55 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I just re-read the original post, and he does seem to be asking about the "dickheads". Unless I'm missing something. (which I could be!)

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to FrostedFlake)

Post #: 21

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 9:08:12 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

No matter how many times you tell men that the vast majority of women are not turned on by things like watching them jerk on cam, the men refuse to believe that it's true. For some reason men feel that women MUST be turned on by the same things they are turned on by. So, if a guy is turned on by whatever it is, he feels he is doing the woman a big favor by letting her participate with him.

This leads to the attitude that the man is not going to pay for play. He expects that the woman will supply the toys and the sexy clothing to scratch his itch because she is getting just as much out of his pleasures as he is. Even a relationship is too much for these guys. Why bother with a relationship when she should be thrilled to be able to dominate him just the way he tells her to do it?

And this leads to the meaning of domination. Many males have their check list of activities the Dominant is supposed to do to him. The woman is supposed to be his fetish delivery system. The men just don't get it that they are doing the dominating is such a relationship. I remember years ago reading a profile here from a male sub. He not only had a list of what he wanted done to him but he also had the percentage of time each thing should be done to him. I tried to point out to him that he should be looking for a submissive who could follow his instructions to a T. He was completely oblivious to the idea that he was dominating in any way. His thoughts were that since he was willing to allow a Dominant lady to do things to him, he should have a say as to what was done and for what percentage of their time together. Her enjoyment should come from being allowed to do those things he just knew all Dominant women want to do.

Maybe the answer really is that many men think with their dicks (many, not all, Steven as you are the exception). It baffles me as to why they believe that all women wish to cater to their needs and want nothing in return except to make the man happy with his dick.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 22

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 9:27:43 AM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

Thank you Blushes

And you're right. I misread his post, subtly. Explains why I am not seeing what I hoped to. I just took a look and snipped this

quote:

The ironic thing is that, while she's correct that the Dommes aren't lining up waiting to play, there seem to be plenty of them waiting impatiently for men to have relationships with. So in my mind, there's a group of male subs wanting to meet Dominant women for play, "and a somewhat smaller group of Dommes wanting to meet male subs for relationships". Why the mismatch?

It is the part that I put "Quote marks" around that I misread. I thought that was what Steven was driving at. Perhaps if I asked what I thought Steven had.

quote:

The ironic thing is that, while she's correct that the Dommes aren't lining up waiting to play, there seem to be plenty of them waiting impatiently for men to have relationships with. So in my mind, there's a group of male subs wanting to meet Dominant women for play, and a somewhat smaller group of male subs wanting to meet Dommes for relationships. Why the mismatch?

I sure would like to read what Folks think of it. And thank you for helping me see where I went wrong.
FF
(Edited for spelling)

< Message edited by FrostedFlake -- 12/4/2011 9:33:04 AM >

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 23

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 9:53:56 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

I just re-read the original post, and he does seem to be asking about the "dickheads". Unless I'm missing something. (which I could be!)

I didn't intend that. To me, a dickhead is someone who is a jerk. The men I'm asking about are those who should be capable or assessing the situation and acting on it and aren't, but there's no malice or jerkishness involved.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arienos

quote:

Is it stupidity, or not being emotionally healthy enough to sustain a relationship? Or stubbornness at not wanting to provide one? Or something else?

When your comment on male submissive lacking intelligence, common sense and/or the capability of entering into and sustaining a meaningful relationship (Stupid) or extensive missed maturation in terms of emotional commitment (Emotional health.) or unreasonable determination (stubbornness ) I found myself trying to identify with your comment and looking at many other male submissives known to me. Somehow I disagree with your thinking. Indeed there are a host of women who involved themselves in dominance spending years searching for someone that will defer to their perception of dominance but dominance and submission are not perceived the same by everyone. Neither are sadism and masochism therefore I submit many submissive men will not accept less then what they set out to acquire especally in the relationship aspect.

Fair enough. I had thought of single male subs as not being flexible, but you could make the same statement about Dommes if they're single and looking.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 24

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 9:56:26 AM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

Thank you, Steven.

Would you like to address what I posted just above?

That would be SO nice.

Thanks again.
FF

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 25

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 10:00:07 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

For every ten letters I get from sub guys on here, I probably get one or two that I see a genuineness in. Of course there are wankers. This is nothing more than an adult sex site to many of those guys. They are easy to spot and its important we don't become bitter and resentful. Wankers are wankers at the end of the day and very easy to eliminate, just as the financial Dommes are easily eliminated off the sub guys list. We all have to scrabble though the shit to find the diamond.
I recently put up a very direct advertisement on my profile. I am looking for a sub guy/woman close in location to me, who is preferably experienced in poly. I have also stated that this is potentially for a long term relationship. I haven't beaten about the bush but made it a headline. Suddenly the ridiculously pervy emails have all but stopped and I am now getting much less mail but mail from decent polite and possibly the more serious subs.
Having had a long term and semi long term relationship with male subs, I guess I am in a better position to see though the crap. Men that are not straight talkers and who show an iota of wankiness really don't get more than a minute of my time. These guys are so transparent we could make pains of glass out of them.

As for the ops question, I love going to fem Domme clubs and having a good scene with a stranger and whilst I am looking for something more long term, that's exactly what I will be doing.

(in reply to FrostedFlake)

Post #: 26

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 10:04:42 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake

Thank you, Steven.

Would you like to address what I posted just above?

That would be SO nice.

Thanks again.
FF

Basically, that the Dommes want one thing and the male subs want something else. I considered it odd that the male subs hadn't figured out how to get what they want, but as Arienos pointed out, the entire obligation isn't on the male subs' heads.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to FrostedFlake)

Post #: 27

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 10:23:03 AM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

Thank you, Maria That is good information.

80%-90% of your mail is junkmail. You are looking for decent, polite, serious, straight talk about the possibility of a lasting relationship without a trace of wankiness, and proximity is important. You are also interested in poly, but that is less general, so I'll give it it's own sentence.

That will be terribly surprising, it seems, to about 85% of the guys.

Thank you Steven.

I hope it is all right with you if I work the other side of the street.

If it's a hijack, I'll stop.
FF

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 28

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 12:42:25 PM

hangemhigh1953

Posts: 245
Joined: 7/8/2011
Status: offline

Well, on CM, from what I've seen most of the Dommes are findommes or pros, and most of the sub men are wankers looking for fetish delivery systems. Neither of those are going to fall in love with each other.

_____________________________

"Chains of love got a hold on me,
when passion's a prison you can't break free"

(in reply to FrostedFlake)

Post #: 29

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 1:28:38 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I think that a large part of the profiles that call themselves dominant women are looking for money. I do not directly correlate them with being female, or dominant. Granted, not many of those profiles pop up on my home page but when I have done a search due to threads about the topic. In that regard, I think most are glaringly obvious and would be a piece of cake to avoid. Much like the faux female s-type profiles I see constantly.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to hangemhigh1953)

Post #: 30

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 2:29:24 PM

Servant4Queen

Posts: 179
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline

In defence of many of the men that come here (no not including the clueless, the wankers, the a-holes) but those men that have a sincere interest in meeting a woman, a Domme. Look at it from our point of view.

We come here and what do we see. Answer: Just select browse photos to get your answer.
We see a VAST array of females with pictures of themselves posed in provactive outfits , or poses. Many nude DISPLAYING their breasts , ass, legs, kinks, toys, you name it. Like as if displaying their goods for sale. Dont companies spend serious money displaying their product as well? Most women should know men are visual to start with. Proof comes when you post a profile with no photos and you get few messages verses posting with a photo and then comes the avalanche of messages. So whats the first thing or things that are going to pop into a males brain? If you answered a relationship you are problably wrong. If a relationship is first and foremost to a Domme than why knowingly confuse a male with these visions first?
Wouldnt a knowledgeable Domme know what she is doing when she posts provocative photos of herself ? Would it ultimately be better to post a less provocative photo(s) with emphasis on what you are looking for in a relationship? Well yes and many Dommes do just that. But the reality is the vast majority of females (taking into account subs and Dommes) post some pretty sexually explicit content to attract males yet some complain they are getting a slew of wankers and whatever else.

It sort of reminders me of the Chris Rock joke (horribly paraphased) A women is standing on the corner dressed in a very sexy provocative outfit. She finds herself being bombarded by men mistaking her for a hooker or a lady that is looking for a "good time". She gets fed up and goes to the first Policeman she can find. "Officer, Can you please stop these men from harassing me?! The Policeman responds laughing " Lady who do you think I am ?I'm just a guy dressed in a Police uniform. I cant help you."

I guess the point is there are a lot of mixed messages going on here , for both genders.

*disclaimer this does not all apply to all women

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 31

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 2:40:43 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

S4Q......do you realize how very hypocritical your words are, considering your avatar?

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Servant4Queen)

Post #: 32

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 2:40:52 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

quote:

Surely no one can seriously suggest they're all the same because of their sex? Nah 'cause that would be utter bollocks
Nobody but you suggested it.

Nope. I suggested that you did. I'm not sure what your comment "they are men" meant if that wasn't it but it was indeed vague and I don't care enough to debate you. It was a typical hh "stereotypical and dismissive of men" comment. I don't make those. But, eh, whateva.......luci

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(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 33

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 2:52:39 PM

Servant4Queen

Posts: 179
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

S4Q......do you realize how very hypocritical your words are, considering your avatar?

Not hypocritcal at all. I am what I am exactly as described in my profile. 100%

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 34

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 2:54:45 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

quote:

I suggested that you did.

And you were wrong. Another stereotypical luci post dismissive of whatever we post, even if you have to make stuff up to justify it. Either your dislike clouds your comprehension, or you really just don't get subtlety and self deprecating humour. Personally, my vote is for both.

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 35

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 3:13:45 PM

smartsub10

Posts: 865
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I know a family of sisters, all 55+, all widowed, all single, all actively persued by local single men. While the women enjoy the company they do not share the same desire to remarry as the men persuing them.

Hoo boy, can I relate to that. I've been divorced a long time but have been in a few long term relationships. I enjoy my alone time. I like my own company, like to travel and dine alone. I do want a relationship but I won't settle for any guy who shows interest in me just so I can have someone - if I know there isn't enough compatibility or chemistry.

When I tell guys that I'm not interested I often get replies such as: "No wonder you're still alone, you don't know a good thing when it comes along" or "Looks like you're going to be alone for a long time". The most recent response to my rejection was this: "You're 56 years old. You don't have a lot of time left to be fussy."

I guess these statements are supposed to make me feel bad about my rejection of the guy and hook up with him so he can get his jollies and I won't be *gasp* alone.

< Message edited by smartsub10 -- 12/4/2011 3:22:56 PM >

_____________________________

Beauty fades...stupid is forever
~ Judge Judith Scheindlin
____________________________________________

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Post #: 36

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 3:22:46 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

actually Servant, it may surprise you to know that female profiles without pics also get a ton of messages. Not as much as the ones with pictures, but still a LOT.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Servant4Queen)

Post #: 37

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 3:34:32 PM

Servant4Queen

Posts: 179
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

actually Servant, it may surprise you to know that female profiles without pics also get a ton of messages. Not as much as the ones with pictures, but still a LOT.

Oh I am sure they do. I dont contend the fact that if you are female and have some resemblance of a profile you will get messages. However I have read with my own eyes, on many profiles and/or journals whereas a female will state that once she puts up a photo or photos the number of messages increased significantly. Moreover, in general on any "dating" website, once a user puts up photos of themselves, messages do increase when compared to no photos on a profile.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 38

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 3:59:17 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Servant4Queen

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
S4Q......do you realize how very hypocritical your words are, considering your avatar?

Not hypocritcal at all. I am what I am exactly as described in my profile. 100%

AND you are nude DISPLAYING your chest , ass, legs in all your pictures, just as you accuse the women of doing. So are you saying it's perfectly fine for guys to do that, but if women do it they're wrong? I'm not saying whether it's right or wrong in either case. What I am doing is agreeing w/ LaTigresse and pointing out your hypocrisy.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to Servant4Queen)

Post #: 39

RE: Why the mismatch? - 12/4/2011 4:20:01 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

When I took down the photos of myself, my junk mail plummeted!

I LOVE the play. I have Nostalgia Moments (tm) about the days when I could go to a party and play all night without even knowing anyone's real name. Good times! What changed? Is it the culture of entitlement? is it the idea that I should feel privileged to help some dude get his wank on?

Speaking for myself--I don't have to have Feelings for the people I play with, I just have to LIKE them. That means we chat a bit, have a lovely beverage, decide what's okay and not okay, what he'd like and what he's really going to get... and we BOTH have the chance to say no.

It's been a long damn time since I played with anyone NEW, that wasn't already in my extended circle. Because the DO IT NOW was too strong, I reckon, or the desire for fantasy over reality. (IRONY: on my website, my tagline was "make your fantasies a reality). I am tired of sifting throught the marrieds, the confused, the liars, to find the good ones, the ones that don't bore me.

More IRONY: I love watching men masturbate. I love making them do nasty kinky things and laughing like a kid with a new toy. Should I just become a vidchat cam queen? I am tempted, some days, for about thirty seconds. Shoot, two months of camming, that's a plane ticket to Peon! And some fine accomodations and shopping... Hmm...

Many of you know that I am a RealTime person. I am here to tell you that the self identified sub males that manage to show up to coffee, or a party, are just like their online counterparts much of the time. It's a big world of quid-pro-quo. Play, yes, service no. Many of them blow their chances reaaly soon on the game, and for that I say thank you, time was saved all around.

Take away the kin k. Is any of this different from vanilla life? If it was EASY, would there be POF and eharmony and the other sites? I don'think so.

(Typos courtesy of android)

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Servant4Queen)

Post #: 40

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