lizi
Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Blueyeddom76
Lizi said:
"So many times I have responded to a seeming well intentioned comment with another of my own, and so on, and so on, till we finally get to the point for them where they do whatever to get sex or kink, and at that point I pull the plug."
This is where I lost you. Front loading with intelligent conversation before you broach the subject of kink seems very reasonable to me. I might not be understanding, but when exactly is it okay to talk about kink?
Ah, ok, gotcha. Thanks for pointing that out.
On that posting I was saying how guys would seemingly come in an innocent comment and 'only' want to start a conversation or friendship but all along their intentions were not innocent. So in this type of instance of someone coming in to say:
Them: "Hey....! I ride motorcycles too, what do you have?" Or comment on a journal entry of mine, or whatever other conversation starter.
Me: I'd respond and say "Yes, I have a Suzuki Intruder and a Honda Rebel, btw you know that I'm not single right?"
Them: "Oh sure, I know that, just wanted to talk about motorcycles."
Me: "Great! What do you ride?"
And so on and so on, till I've invested a fair amount of good will and friendship in someone who eventually lets the other shoe drop and says something like "how would you like to get together and let me strip you naked and play?"
In the situation I just described and was also talking about earlier...the subject of kink is NEVER going to be ok to bring up. Because I'm not looking for a kinky playmate, and I pointed out earlier that I wasn't looking for one, but the guys come in under false pretenses to act like they're not there for kink and in the end they are. Or the ones that want your Dom to send you to them for sharing or punishment. Geez, they start talking to you all normal and stuff and then after a while when your defenses are down they start getting more intrusive till they let their true intentions be known. Kink is never ok to discuss with a friend unless we're talking about it in general and we both feel comfortable doing that. Like sex, some men and women discuss it, some don't, depends on your relationship.
As far as a normal situation when people are writing to determine relationship compatibility then yes, you are absolutely right, front loading with intelligent conversation before approaching kink is great. I don't know exactly when kink should be approached but I guess it would be about the time when you have decided perhaps that you'd like to date this person and get to know them? Perhaps that would be a good thread subject, when does the kinky conversation start?
For myself, I am uncomfortable discussing it with someone I haven't decided yet if I like them enough to give things a go as far as spending time in real life. I mean in a vanilla situation when do people talk about sex? I guess sometimes before they go out, sometimes after, but I 'd think it would depend on if they've accepted the possibility of having that person be special to them in whatever manner they are looking for.
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