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Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 10:20:08 AM   
Katerina


Posts: 6
Joined: 3/19/2004
Status: offline 		hypothetical....
Your Master/Mistress, Dom/me walks throught the door or stops by your house, or sends it by courier...a dozen yellow roses and a box of chocolates.

You know he/she is not trying to make up for some bumbling error they committed on your body or being, nor did you catch them with the tramp next door.

The note reads: For you, the love and passion of my life. My strength and wisdom, the vessel that is always full and ready to quench my needs; the courage to endure and remain loyal and true and one with my soul; my light and vision, the fulfillment of all my dreams.

Would your perception of them change? Would they seem, somehow, less dominant, less in control? Would you, as a sub or slave, see a weakness there, you may not have seen before?

Or would you just accept the gifts, in the spirit they were given, as the note implies, and not wonder if the other shoe is somehow, about to drop?

Do romance and domination live in the same bed, walk down the same road, or are they forever separated when Dom/me and sub make that committment to each other along the dusty crossroads of life?

Be safe and well,
katerina
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 10:28:23 AM   
SAMANTHALYNNE


Posts: 21
Joined: 3/28/2004
Status: offline 		I BELIEVE THAT ROMANCE AND DOMINATION DO GO TOGETHER,IF THE OTHER PERSON REALLY LOVES AND RESPECTS YOU THEN THEY WOULD NEED TO DOMINATE YOU,DOMINATION IS A SIGN THAT THEY DO NOT LOVE YOU,AND ROMANCE IS A PART OF TRUE LOVE.I FOUND THAT THE HARD WAY.
SINCERELY
SAMANTHALYNNE

_____________________________

SAMANTHALYNNE

(in reply to Katerina)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 10:30:34 AM   
SAMANTHALYNNE


Posts: 21
Joined: 3/28/2004
Status: offline 		ROMANCE AND DOMINATION DO NOT GO TOGETHER IT IS A SIGN THAT THEY DON"T LOVE YOU AND IT IS WRONG,ROMANCE IS A PART OF TRUE LOVE AND DOMINATION HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ROMANCE,DOMINATION IS TOTALLY WRONG AND I FOUND THAT OUT THE HARD WAY

_____________________________

SAMANTHALYNNE

(in reply to SAMANTHALYNNE)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 10:36:37 AM   
SAMANTHALYNNE


Posts: 21
Joined: 3/28/2004
Status: offline 		PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM DOMINATION AS FAR AS YOU CAN
SINCERELY
SAMANTHALYNNE
DOMINATION IS A SIN AGAINST EVERYONE THAT IS BEING DOMINATED AND IF A PERSON REALLY LOVES YOU THEN THEY WOULD NOT BE THREATENED BY FREEDOM,AND IF SOMEONE REALLY LOVES THEN THEY WOULD LET YOU BE FREE AND THEY WOULD NOT LET YOU BE TRAPPED IN DOMINATION THEY WOULD SET YOU FREE
I FOUND OUT THAT DOMINATION IS BAD THE HARD WAY,STAY AWAY FROM DOMINATION IT WILL ONLY HURT ALL THOSE WHO ARE TRAPPED BY IT.

_____________________________

SAMANTHALYNNE

(in reply to SAMANTHALYNNE)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 10:37:54 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		Dear Samanthalynne-

If you click on the 'edit' button on the top right of one of your own posts, you can make corrections to it. it's also generally thought that it is best to type in caps and lowercase, as all caps reads like shouting.

welcome to the board-

stay warm,
Lawrence

(in reply to SAMANTHALYNNE)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 10:42:22 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		Dear Katerina-

I'd hope that I didn't seem less dominant when I behaved romanticlly- I enjoy the romantic aspects of a relationship, even one that is based on a power exchange.

To me, this stuff seems VERY romantic (in a sort of different way). I am a romantic type, and that is going to flavor any relationship I am in.


Stay warm,
Lawrence

(in reply to Katerina)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 10:46:31 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		dear S.-

Please try to type slower- It's hard to understand what you are trying to say. It seems that you have been hurt by a dominant. I am sorry to hear that, and it does happen- but it doesn't mean that domination is a bad thing.

For me, a major part of dominantion is to nurture- to help my subject to grow and thrive. Sometimes, in any relationship, someone gets hurt.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

(in reply to SAMANTHALYNNE)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 11:13:41 AM   
inyouagain


Posts: 418
Joined: 1/6/2004
Status: offline 		Your first two replys appear to be direct contradictions of one another with the exception of you found them out the hard way. Do all the CAPS infer urgency or sincerity?

Your third post reads like an anti-BDSM campaign. If I'm not mistaken you are seeking feminization and Domination by one or two Mistresses to make you a sissygirl. Based on your comments in all three posts, I would have to ask you if you are sincerely ready for what you stated you seek?

Regarding Katerina's post and question:

Romance is a stand alone element that often will attach itself to any type of relationship, not just a D/s relationship. All the way back to the dawn of time Cupid has perplexed people in all types of relationships. Romance sometimes involves sworn enemies, crosses cultural, economic and social lines, and many prominant romances in history have began as a simple glance turning into direct eye contact (romances that formed without a relationship of any kind).

quote:


Do romance and domination live in the same bed, walk down the same road, or are they forever separated when Dom/me and sub make that committment to each other along the dusty crossroads of life?


Romance can become a bedfellow to any kind of relationship, including Domination, as Cupid does not discriminate against kinks. The limits agreed to in a Domination relationship can exclude romantic involvement... and then quite possibly change a little further down the road, or possibly become and remain a taboo. It is up to the parties who constitute the relationship to define/redefine the terms and/or limits of it. Do what works best for the both of you.

I think your question was sort of one-sided,as it only involved a perceived 'romantic weakness' of a Dominant... what about same from a sub (as seen through the eyes of the Dominant)?

Take your gifts and appreciate their romantic aspects in their true intent. How would you feel if you knew of other's who received same, while you did not?

Inyouagain

(in reply to SAMANTHALYNNE)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 11:16:20 AM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline 		Your question more or less answers itself katerina. You wonder. Any collared slave or submissive would. What exactly does this mean.? Can you now manipulate your dominant or master because they are so taken with you? Will they bend to your will rather than risk losing you? If you are like most of the women that I have known over the years, you'll try and find out. You won't feel secure until you do. You'll test and probe, to see if there is weakness there that you can exploit. You probably won't even know that you are doing it, except maybe in hindsight. If you do find that your dominant is so smitten that you can bend them, or wrap them around your finger, it's the beginning of the end.

What I am saying here certainly applies more to Master/slave relations than it does for couples whose D/s lifestyle begins and ends in the bedroom. If D/s is just about play time for you, then it certainly can coexist just fine with romantic notions of mutual devotion and heartfelt professions of undying love. My experience is that consentual slavery doesn't mix so well with classical notions of romance. That isn't to say that there isn't deep affection and even love in such relationships, the dynamics are just very different.

Take care of yourself.

Leonidas

(in reply to Katerina)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 11:27:38 AM   
ShadowHwk


Posts: 158
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SAMANTHALYNNE

PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM DOMINATION AS FAR AS YOU CAN
SINCERELY
SAMANTHALYNNE
DOMINATION IS A SIN AGAINST EVERYONE THAT IS BEING DOMINATED AND IF A PERSON REALLY LOVES YOU THEN THEY WOULD NOT BE THREATENED BY FREEDOM,AND IF SOMEONE REALLY LOVES THEN THEY WOULD LET YOU BE FREE AND THEY WOULD NOT LET YOU BE TRAPPED IN DOMINATION THEY WOULD SET YOU FREE
I FOUND OUT THAT DOMINATION IS BAD THE HARD WAY,STAY AWAY FROM DOMINATION IT WILL ONLY HURT ALL THOSE WHO ARE TRAPPED BY IT.


It seems to me that you have been hurt. Fine - we all get hurt, but you have stated your opinion as a fact - which it is not. It is a truth that only works for you. As for domination being a sin? Well damn me to hell and back! I must be a sinner - and I love it.

Peace and Light
Terry

(in reply to SAMANTHALYNNE)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 11:52:24 AM   
ShadowHwk


Posts: 158
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Katerina

snippige

Would your perception of them change? Would they seem, somehow, less dominant, less in control? Would you, as a sub or slave, see a weakness there, you may not have seen before?

Or would you just accept the gifts, in the spirit they were given, as the note implies, and not wonder if the other shoe is somehow, about to drop?

Do romance and domination live in the same bed, walk down the same road, or are they forever separated when Dom/me and sub make that committment to each other along the dusty crossroads of life?


My answers to your questions are just opinions… as always your mileage may vary:

Would your perception change? To me this would depend on how you already perceive them. If you see them as a committed partner, one who loves and cares for you, then I think the gesture could only reinforce that perception, on the other hand if you do not already have a romantic relationship, but something closer to an arrangement or contract then you perceptions might very well change.

As Leonidas has stated, you may very well, if only unconsciously, perceive this as a weakness, and if so you will feel compelled to test until you know the truth of things.

Should you accept the gifts, and the spirit in which they were given? Of course, to do otherwise would be a rather dreadful show of bad manners at the very least. To what shoe do you refer? The shoe of weakness or of some infidelity? Or do you feel this gesture is the harbinger of some ominous event yet to come? My guess is that the Master in question is simply quite fond of his pet, and chooses to express that fondness in a fairly forthright manner.

In my life, my relationships romance and domination live in the same house, sleep in the same bed (if the Master/Mistress allows!) and walk hand in hand – well ok, sometimes a step or two behind. But the romance has a darker flavor to it… and sometimes has a wicked bite… but it is romance nonetheless. The perception of what constitutes romance varies greatly from one person to the next. In a vanilla context the idea of a picnic in the woods is usually considered at least somewhat romantic, in a lifestyle context the same picnic in the woods accompanied by the binding of said sub/slave to a tree naked and flogging her would be considered by some to be equally romantic – possibly more so.

My advice would be to accept the gifts as given, and try and think of them as an expression of affection, not of weakness.

Peace and Light
Terry

(in reply to Katerina)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 1:54:40 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		I personally believe that the best relationships in life include love. When I first agreed to serve Master, I didn't know him well enough to love him. I liked him, respected him, and trusted him. I have grown to love him, and know he has grown to love me also. It does not weaken our relationship in any manner.

I actually have to laugh at this though. Master would LOVE to bring home a dozen roses on occassion. There are times that I do something that pleases him without even realizing it, and he would enjoy doing something that shows how much he cares. But I hate cut flowers. I don't enjoy their beauty nearly as much as I should, because I know they will be gone so shortly. I don't wear jewelry, and I try to advoid chocolates. So, whatever his *flower* ends up being (what he gets instead of flowers) all the more special as he really had to think about it.

When you are living together, even if you have certain ways to always *be on*, you are still people. I think any dominant that is sure enough of themselves to do things give you gifts *just for the heck of it*, apologize because they know that being wrong isn't the same as being weak, or, sometimes put your needs before their's as they know you don't/won't, then I say hold on tight! And *you* are a very lucky person.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to ShadowHwk)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 2:12:17 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Katerina

hypothetical....
Your Master/Mistress, Dom/me walks throught the door or stops by your house, or sends it by courier...a dozen yellow roses and a box of chocolates.





Would your perception of them change? Would they seem, somehow, less dominant, less in control? Would you, as a sub or slave, see a weakness there, you may not have seen before?

Or would you just accept the gifts, in the spirit they were given, as the note implies, and not wonder if the other shoe is somehow, about to drop?

Do romance and domination live in the same bed, walk down the same road, or are they forever separated when Dom/me and sub make that committment to each other along the dusty crossroads of life?

Be safe and well,
katerina


In my opinion, which is only mine by the way.

There has to be romance with the Domination. For me to submit to somebody I have to love them. Although, if a person is not seeking a committed relationship I don't feel the same would hold true.
I was seeking a committed relationship. I found what I was seeking. He is the love of my life first then he is my Dominant. I do as he orders not out of fear but because I have the upmost respect for him as he has earned it.
Our play is not only in the bedroom. It is day to day from waking up to going to bed. Sometimes we all have bad days. When you are in tune with one another you know this. You go the extra mile to please the person. That may be giving them a dozen roses just to say you care. To see that smile across their face and know you have made their day just a little bit better.
So...yes, in my opinion the two must intermingle.

(in reply to Katerina)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 2:48:31 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM DOMINATION AS FAR AS YOU CAN
SINCERELY
SAMANTHALYNNE
DOMINATION IS A SIN AGAINST EVERYONE THAT IS BEING DOMINATED


I am very confused as to what you really believe samanthalynne. You have another post asking to become a "sissy slave", and you have two posts here that contradict each other if i am reading them right.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to SAMANTHALYNNE)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 4:47:25 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

Dear Katerina-

I'd hope that I didn't seem less dominant when I behaved romanticlly- I enjoy the romantic aspects of a relationship, even one that is based on a power exchange.

To me, this stuff seems VERY romantic (in a sort of different way). I am a romantic type, and that is going to flavor any relationship I am in.


Stay warm,
Lawrence



You change not one little bit when you are romantic. You are Lawrence, whether romantic or not. Lawrence happens to be a dominant. He's also intelligent, witty, communicative, forthright, strong, compassionate and kind (let's not forget sadistic). You are still all those things when you are romantic. It's a very nice combination, actually.

You is you.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 5:31:23 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline
quote:

You change not one little bit when you are romantic. You are Lawrence, whether romantic or not. Lawrence happens to be a dominant. He's also intelligent, witty, communicative, forthright, strong, compassionate and kind (let's not forget sadistic). You are still all those things when you are romantic. It's a very nice combination, actually.

You is you.


madame-

Me is blushing.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 5:32:34 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		This thread is full of great responses!



quote:

ORIGINAL: inyouagain


Romance is a stand alone element that often will attach itself to any type of relationship, not just a D/s relationship. All the way back to the dawn of time Cupid has perplexed people in all types of relationships. Romance sometimes involves sworn enemies, crosses cultural, economic and social lines, and many prominant romances in history have began as a simple glance turning into direct eye contact (romances that formed without a relationship of any kind).

<snip>

Romance can become a bedfellow to any kind of relationship, including Domination, as Cupid does not discriminate against kinks. The limits agreed to in a Domination relationship can exclude romantic involvement... and then quite possibly change a little further down the road, or possibly become and remain a taboo. It is up to the parties who constitute the relationship to define/redefine the terms and/or limits of it. Do what works best for the both of you.




This was beautifully put. There is no way for me to expound upon it other than to say that you can see the truth of "it's up to the parties who constitute the relationship to define/redefine the terms...." simply in reading the different replys in this thread and seeing the different perspectives of the situation.

Romance is nice but I don't make relationship choices based on it. If it's present and spontaneous I enjoy it but I don't put a great amount of import in it other than to enjoy it. For me, it's the things that are the foundation of the relationship that will carry it through changes. Whatever those foundational things are, the participants decide.

I can't speak to a submissive's mindset regarding whether or not I'd see this person as "less" of a dominant. I suppose simply by stating the question you've proven that the thought could arise. I don't worry too much about degrees of submission and dominance and their relativity to being a 'true,' 'real,' 'more/less of' anything; so this line of thought is a bit foreign to me. I'm interested in whether the nuts and bolts (described as foundational in the above paragraph) work.

I've sent subs flowers. Sometimes you just GOTTA go that extra mile for someone that's really made you smile...it's one way to keep the smile alive.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to Katerina)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Romance and Domination - 3/31/2004 7:23:06 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

madame-

Me is blushing.

Stay warm,
Lawrence



HA! Ya know...I can _see_ you blush.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Romance and Domination - 4/9/2004 12:08:22 PM   
masterdstar


Posts: 160
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		There is no greater, deeper romance than that which can be found in the genuine Ds relationship. Relationship, not “playing”. To reject romance (the outward sign of love) is always foolhardy no matter what type of relationship it may be. Love is always the only thing we need to change in our lives.

“Die! Die!
Die to this love
If you die to this love
Your soul will be renewed

Die! Die!
Don’t fear the death
Of that which is known
If you die to the temporal
You will become timeless

Die! Die!
Cut off those chains
That hold you prisoner
To the world of attachment

Die! Die!
Die to the deathless
And you will be eternal

Die! Die!
And come out of this cloud
When you leave the cloud
You will be the effulgent moon

Die! Die!
Die to the din and the noise
Of mundane concerns
In the silence of love
You will find the spark of life”
RUMI

Enjoy your wonder-filled day,
MDS

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Romance and Domination - 4/9/2004 12:36:42 PM   
Checkers


Posts: 29
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline


Hi All,
Have enjoyed this thread.
I am new to being a Dom (learning alot!) , and I am romantically involved with my sub. As such, I find that I sometimes have to discipline myself to *not* be too cordial or *too* relaxed and friendly (or perhaps I should say lazy?) around her.
Sometimes my dominant tendencies flow easily, and that is something that we both enjoy, and that I want to tap into more and more.
Other times I catch myself spoiling her a bit - and I think that my romantic inclinations make this a bit easier to do....
I am still in the process of exploring and integrating all these things.
I enjoy seeing other viewpoints and experiences at sites like this.

Checkers







(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 20
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