Climbing the kink ladder (Full Version)

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tazzygirl -> Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 12:58:08 AM)

I have been thinking about this topic for a while. So, if it doesnt make sense to people... tough [8D]

When I started out on my "path" in the lifestyle, I had an expectation of what I wanted, kink wise. Many I have spoke too say the same, but I wont say all had that experience from the onset.

Whatever the kink, doesnt matter. My question is a bit more general than that.

I called it a kink ladder in that some people, myself included, as they tried out a kink, discovered that they wanted to reach that next rung, a bit more experimental, maybe a bit more painful, a bit more intense. I certainly did. I found myself outgrowing men and having to move on towards something... took me a long time to find out what it was.

For example, pain wasnt my kink, beyond a light spanking. Took me a few years, but I "ascended" to canings. Not sure I want to go much higher on that particular ladder.

I would assume many of us have climbed a bit on the road to happiness.

Has anyone just got to a point that they called it "enough"? Found you had no desire to learn, or teach, anything else?

For those that can remember way back when... and for some of you thats a long time!... did you scale to the top of those ladders or are you still climbing?

Again, the exact kink isnt part of the OP. But, sharing will be smiled upon!



SexyThoughts -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 1:50:57 AM)

You're assuming there's only one ladder. One road to happiness.

Life has many things to do, and not enough time to do them all.

Sometimes you have to get off your kink ladder to play on other ladders
(to torture that particular analogy) :)



tazzygirl -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 1:52:04 AM)

Oh no, not just one ladder. There can be only one, or there can be millions, just depends on how you look at your kink.



Simpleplan -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 1:56:35 AM)

Good Lord, yes.  I've heard it as "stretching your wings" or something to that effect.  My wings are stretched quite far enough, thanks.  I have absolutely no desire to go any farther than I already have.



SorceressJ -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 2:29:55 AM)

Personally, and from reasonably extensive observations of others (and this may have to do with kink or any other human consideration), I think it may be halfway common that there are periods of growth/"ascension", and periods of rest/plateau. Both may have factors of satisfaction in them, and sometimes maybe a feeling of either 'I don't want to do this anymore' or 'I've found my niche and I'm all set with that'. Any and all of these are valid states, IMO, and to each their own journeys, but beware stagnation and any downward spiral which may turn out to be unhealthy.

Philosophically speaking, kink or otherwise:
"I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit." ~ Dawna Markova

EDITED because no one should be required to spell correctly at five thirty in the morning. [8|]



thursdays -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 2:30:21 AM)

[NM]



crazyml -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 2:51:19 AM)

I've been up and down the ladder a few times.

For me, each new relationship has represented a different ladder, so there've been times when doing "x" (let's say "watersports") has seemed like a totally natural and hawt thing to do early on, in others it's something we've come to, and in others it just never felt right.



Awareness -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 3:16:39 AM)

  This is part of the fucking problem.

People, in their stupid naivety and intense desire to distinguish themselves from others, like to believe this is all a progression of sorts.  It's not.

It's simply that repeating a stimulus produces a lesser and lesser effect as time goes on.  Thus, people require more extreme experiences to give them the same high they got the first time.

Basically, like porn addicts.

It's not a ladder, it's not a progression, there is no natural increase in intensity which occurs as you gain experience, it's simply the unimaginative response to someone seeking to recreate their previous high.



kalikshama -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 4:21:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SorceressJ

there are periods of growth/"ascension", and periods of rest/plateau. Both may have factors of satisfaction in them, and sometimes maybe a feeling of either 'I don't want to do this anymore' or 'I've found my niche and I'm all set with that'. Any and all of these are valid states, IMO, and to each their own journeys, but beware stagnation and any downward spiral which may turn out to be unhealthy.


That was great, thanks!



Arienos -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 4:59:08 AM)

quote:

Oh no, not just one ladder. There can be only one, or there can be millions, just depends on how you look at your kink.


My perception was tazzygirl referenced kink.
Awareness responded with thinking I share as there are a number of things kink wise that initially intrigued me mentally, and physically painfully pleasured me, today they bore the hell out of me. I had the great fortune of encountering a man deeply steeped in mental imagery, his wife, a master at head games, if fact, it was the first time I encountered a woman calling herself master and under her direction and guidance there was an unending wide variety of first times.



sheisreeds -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 5:02:56 AM)

For me it wasn't a straight climb upwards. From 19-22 I slowly upped the intensity, and then was completely out of the game until 26. Then I just kind of exploded into the scene. I tried everything I could as quickly as I could.

There have been a few places where I have had a slower evolution, but those are mostly in areas where there is increased risk, that's only mitigated by experience. So with things like blood play, and knives there has been a progression. Though the first time I was in the same room with someone who does fire play I shoved one of the wands in my mouth.

My partner and I have been pretty intense from the beginning. If anything were a little less intense now because we like to be able to function outside of play ;)

I credit my years being out of kink. When I separated I knew there had to be another way, and I wasn't going halfway on anything.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 5:15:47 AM)

I don't think it's always a matter of beinng unimaginative. I think people enjoy different things and maybe start slower while developing the confidence or skill or both to try what interests them.
Meanwhile, others find a place that fits and enjoy every minute of it.

I don't know if I've climbed ladders, just had different experiences. The fisrt time around, I was with a guy, and we mostly did what he liked, which mostly happened to be stuff I liked. I could suggest things, but it was pretty much him-driven. Nnow, since I'm single, I just try things as a bottom, which takes me along different pathways. More of tthis, less of that, etc. I learned I prefer being a part of another person's kink rather than always chasing my own - is that a ladder?

I liked SJ's answer - a downward spiral could also be an unhealthy escalation in intensity, couldn't it. I don't think more is always better for everyone. It can be a similar phenomenon to gateway drugs - starting with something light annd working up until you need more and more to even begin to feel annything. Or someone does it for unhealthy reasons; to express self-hatred and self -destruction, or hatred of a type of person, represented by the bottom. Etc, et, etc.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 5:32:23 AM)

I have taken breaks from climbing, but I'm always watching and interested.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 5:50:16 AM)

I still do a bit of teaching and there are still a few things I want to learn but after having done this for a little while my views are a bit different. Chemisty is far more important to me than anything else. The fluffiest play with the right woman is going to be hotter than the most intense play with one that isnt right.

At the same time, I avoided canes for years because the first time I saw them used MDomina, a wel known sadist in SF was beating her pain slut hard enough for the welts to almost bleed. Scared the,fuck out of me 15 years ago. Never played at that level but I LOVE canes now.



MissImmortalPain -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 6:14:24 AM)

Theres a ladder? Woman I'm an amputee...I don't like ladders, but I get what you mean. I have to agree with awareness(sort of) I think I would have said for many it is more akin to a drug addict trying to repeat a high, or find a higher higher, something of that sort. It has never really been something I followed after. When I had/have a thought to try something I do. If it is/was never something that pulled my interest than it isn't/wasnt done. But if you are looking for a draw line...the point where all play stops and I walk away.....there is this fetish some people have about cutting off body parts(don't ask me why) As someone that has had that happen that is where the game ends for me. Not going there not doing that



MikeSojourner -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 6:27:25 AM)

As far as it being a "ladder" I think that is misleading, giving the impression that doing something you're doing now is "better" than what you were doing previously.  Doing more of something (heavier impact play, tighter bondage, whatever) doesn't equate to better or higher.



littlewonder -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 6:41:24 AM)

I've never felt like I was climbing a kink ladder or experimenting or trying or learning new things.

I never had any kinks that I wanted to try or learn about. I simply met men I was attracted to for a long term relationship and obeyed..simple as that. I guess my kinks adapt to the kinks of the man I am with.




DaddySatyr -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 7:01:19 AM)

I have to admit that invoking the image of a ladder suggests "levels" and that someone on a higher rung is somehow more "advanced". I am not trying to be judgemental but, I don't think that's a great leap.

Having said that, the path that I follow is my own. It's no better or worse than anyone else's.

I avoided this lifestyle for a long time because the people I met who espoused the lifestyle to an "outsider" such as myself were very extreme (as far as I was concerned).

It wasn't until a lady that I knew insisted that I was a "Daddy", whether I wanted to acknowledge it or not, and explained it to me in a way that I could wrap my brain around, that I stepped into this lifestyle.

Initially, like many, I assumed that "dominant" meant that I was required to be a sadist. I had ladies telling me that I wasn't "dominant enough" because I refused to draw blood (as an example). I admit that I tried to "fit in" to the ideals of others.

As I became more comfortable in my own skin (and willing to endour people insisting that I didn't belong in this lifestyle), I started rejecting the idea that I needed to "measure up" in any way.

So, I've gone on, a bit, now but the long-and-short of it is that my path (as near as I can tell) is the perfect one for me and maybe a few ladies who might hold the same views, at some point. That is not to say that I am done progressing in the ways of education, exploration or, self-improvement. It does mean that as far as worrying about a "measuring stick", I left that need back in the locker room.



Peace and comfort,



Michael



tazzygirl -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 7:59:18 AM)

Michael ~

Im sorry if I gave the impression I wanted anyone to measure themselves against anyone else. That wasnt the meaning I wanted to convey, part of the reason why I said the exact nature of the kink didnt matter. There is no right or wrong path... just your path. There is no limit to a "ladder" nor should it be used as a measuring stick except by you to measure your own progress.



tazzygirl -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 8:04:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

This is part of the fucking problem.

People, in their stupid naivety and intense desire to distinguish themselves from others, like to believe this is all a progression of sorts.  It's not.

It's simply that repeating a stimulus produces a lesser and lesser effect as time goes on.  Thus, people require more extreme experiences to give them the same high they got the first time.

Basically, like porn addicts.

It's not a ladder, it's not a progression, there is no natural increase in intensity which occurs as you gain experience, it's simply the unimaginative response to someone seeking to recreate their previous high.



I dont happen to like porn. And I get "high" from just his smile. However I can see a natural response to increasing that "high". Sadly, I dont think I can increase his smile.



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