RE: Climbing the kink ladder

RE: Climbing the kink ladder (Full Version)

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DaddySatyr -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 8:06:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl Michael ~ Im sorry if I gave the impression I wanted anyone to measure themselves against anyone else. That wasnt the meaning I wanted to convey, part of the reason why I said the exact nature of the kink didnt matter. There is no right or wrong path... just your path. There is no limit to a "ladder" nor should it be used as a measuring stick except by you to measure your own progress. I understand that and I wasn't meaning to "take you out to the woodshed"; just that the mental image conjured by the word, "ladder" suggests "height". Honestly, I didn't dwell on that. I was just saying that I understood how people could equate "ladder" with "stature". "height", or "level". Peace and comfort, Michael

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 8:08:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MikeSojourner As far as it being a "ladder" I think that is misleading, giving the impression that doing something you're doing now is "better" than what you were doing previously. Doing more of something (heavier impact play, tighter bondage, whatever) doesn't equate to better or higher. quickly leaping in... Of course the whole ladder = higher thing swept past me... I just liked the analogy because I have the hate for the term "journey" and its kin when we're talking about BDSM and life generally. So I just went with what she meant. [;)]

tazzygirl -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 8:10:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml I've been up and down the ladder a few times. For me, each new relationship has represented a different ladder, so there've been times when doing "x" (let's say "watersports") has seemed like a totally natural and hawt thing to do early on, in others it's something we've come to, and in others it just never felt right. nice way to view that, crazy... each relationship being the "ladder" as opposed to each kink having its own. I didnt consider it from that angle. It does take more than one person to experience most everything. (If I say everything, you know someone will argue that point. [;)] so lets say most with the recognition that some things can be experienced solo) Thank you, thats given me something to swirl about today.

tazzygirl -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 8:15:03 AM)
quote: My perception was tazzygirl referenced kink. Awareness responded with thinking I share as there are a number of things kink wise that initially intrigued me mentally, and physically painfully pleasured me, today they bore the hell out of me. I had the great fortune of encountering a man deeply steeped in mental imagery, his wife, a master at head games, if fact, it was the first time I encountered a woman calling herself master and under her direction and guidance there was an unending wide variety of first times. Not sure what the bolded part means. Can you elaborate?

tazzygirl -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 8:18:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael I still do a bit of teaching and there are still a few things I want to learn but after having done this for a little while my views are a bit different. Chemisty is far more important to me than anything else. The fluffiest play with the right woman is going to be hotter than the most intense play with one that isnt right. At the same time, I avoided canes for years because the first time I saw them used MDomina, a wel known sadist in SF was beating her pain slut hard enough for the welts to almost bleed. Scared the,fuck out of me 15 years ago. Never played at that level but I LOVE canes now. This is something I was curious about as well. Is there a point where a partner may say enough and you are ok with that even though it may not be as intense as you have liked in the past? Can you enjoy less kink with the right person and be happy with that limited amount of kink?

NuevaVida -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 9:32:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl Is there a point where a partner may say enough and you are ok with that even though it may not be as intense as you have liked in the past? Can you enjoy less kink with the right person and be happy with that limited amount of kink? Hi tazzy, I'd like to take a stab at these questions, from my own experience. First, I no longer see things as a ladder. My life is an evolution, and there are ebbs and flows (forwards, backwards, left, right, up down, etc.) - in all aspects. Whatever is best for me at a given time is where I need to be. If that means a higher intensity of kink or a lower one, it makes no difference, as long as I'm doing what's best for me at that time. That said, my ex owner pushed pushed pushed until I really didn't think I could take much more. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Now I am with a man whose "level of kink" so to speak, is much different. It is milder than I've experienced in the past, and while there are times I'd love for him to really have at it with me, those are just passing moments. I love the man. I love the relationship. I love the way he loves me. I love the way I feel in this relationship. Just him kissing me sends me reeling - far more than the ex's shambock. Sometimes the way he looks at me makes me cry out of happiness. So yes, I happily trade in the kink I've had before, for what I am living now. There is not one moment where I remember feeling frustrated and wanting more. And the funny thing is, together we are experimenting in areas neither of us have experienced, and that's just so damn cool to me. The "kink" is intensifying, but it's a together journey as a unit. This shared experience is unlike anything I've enjoyed before, because of the connection between us.

LaTigresse -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 11:29:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael I still do a bit of teaching and there are still a few things I want to learn but after having done this for a little while my views are a bit different. Chemistry is far more important to me than anything else. The fluffiest play with the right woman is going to be hotter than the most intense play with one that isn't right. At the same time, I avoided canes for years because the first time I saw them used MDomina, a wel known sadist in SF was beating her pain slut hard enough for the welts to almost bleed. Scared the,fuck out of me 15 years ago. Never played at that level but I LOVE canes now. This is something I was curious about as well. Is there a point where a partner may say enough and you are ok with that even though it may not be as intense as you have liked in the past? Can you enjoy less kink with the right person and be happy with that limited amount of kink? For ME, the answer is a resounding YES! Primary for me, is the power exchange dynamic. The kink is like the sprinkles on top. Pretty, nice to have, but not necessary. That doesn't mean I don't like kink or want it, it's simply that the relationship does not hinge upon it.

SailingBum -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 11:58:43 AM)
ehhh I dont look at in a BDSM sense...I tend to view life as a journey... ya know over the hills and all that. Im not one to get all retrospective n shit over my kinked experiences. More to the point I tend to look forward. BadOne

Kaliko -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 1:40:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Awareness It's not a ladder, it's not a progression, there is no natural increase in intensity which occurs as you gain experience, it's simply the unimaginative response to someone seeking to recreate their previous high. Oh, I don't know. I think I've gotten pretty darn imaginative.

Awareness -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 1:57:28 PM)
That's kind of my point. It's difference of stimulus which allows the high to continue. The unimaginative simply increase intensity which is why they believe there's a progression. There's not, they just don't understand how their own psychology operates. In my experience, the more imaginative a woman is, the better she is in the sack.

AAkasha -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 2:28:34 PM)
This is a great question. I definitely have had a progression regarding what I have tried, things that were new, taking it to the next level. When I was 19 I would never think of anything like a man on a leash (I would consider that "goofy") or a strap on (eww, gross). I've become more competent at delivering more intense forms of pain or humiliation. However - and this is a big, big however -- I still find that at the core, the most basic things still "do it" for me. Unlike a progression like drug addiction where someone "needs more to get high," I still get the same rush of intense, erotic arousal from things like simple bondage, hair pulling, or a piece of duct tape pressed over a man's lips. Where my intensity may shift of change really is more of a reflection of what it TAKES to get a man to a place that I consider honest vulnerability -- to where I get a reaction. I may "crave" or "miss" some acts now and then, but at the core, my fascination and lust always comes back to bondage and vulnerability on any level. The simple "click" of a pair of handcuffs around his wrists makes me wet already. There is nothing I consider "boring" in my kink menu - unless my partner bores me. If that makes sense. Akasha

tazzygirl -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 2:37:02 PM)
Oh great response, Aakasha. A follow up thought. Is it different depending on the person? I would assume, and that isnt always safe, that you would do more to please one you love as opposed to someone who is just bottoming to you. Do you find your kinks modified depending on the person you are with, regardless of their relationship outside of the kink? I hope that makes sense. If not, I will try and clear it up.

DesFIP -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 6:38:32 PM)
I've never been an adrenaline junkie. I barely have a higher pain threshold now than I did when I met him all those years ago. I enjoy the same things I did in the beginning. So no, no progression here.

SixMore2Go -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 8:22:10 PM)
Meself, I have no ladders. I have no progression, I merely try this thing or that as it might catch me fancy. Some I enjoy and continue, and others I do not. Those I do enjoy I may drop and those I have not liked I may try again at a later date and enjoy for a time. What I do varies with each woman, not driven by her desires or experience, but for the most part merely by me own wants and desires at that moment. Kink is but a hobby of mine, something to heighten me enjoyment of another person. 'Tis not a requirement, nor must every encounter be of greater intensity. For me, a new experience is very often more appealing than a harder variant of an old experience.

Winterapple -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/16/2011 10:27:29 PM)
I don't see it as a ladder or moving up the ranks or anything like that. I don't have a list I'm checking off or a to do list. It's the unique interaction with another person. The spark, chemistry and how it unfolds. When the mental connection happens my body will follow. Every relationship is a world of it's own. So, I guess I think of things as spheres. It's the other person and the world we create together.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/17/2011 12:30:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael At the same time, I avoided canes for years because the first time I saw them used MDomina, a wel known sadist in SF was beating her pain slut hard enough for the welts to almost bleed. Scared the,fuck out of me 15 years ago. Never played at that level but I LOVE canes now. I tailor 'the climb' more toward the partner I am with. As in SimplyMichael's example above, I had a sub who wanted to be 'broken' with severe corporal. That meant I pushed my personal limit and caned him until he cried...and bled. My thing is to get my partner deeply into subspace by whatever method works for him, and that's what it took. I have a different partner now, and shudder to think what would happen to my sweet Wayward if I did that to him. We'll find something else, thank you. Just depends on the man.

Casteele -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/17/2011 5:28:50 PM)
(I started to write something else here, but I am going to post a new topic elsewhere because I fear it risks derailing this topic..) For me, I think my personality is and will always be the kind in which I am forever exploring. There is no high or low for me, but rather various adventures. Some of them I eventually decide I wish I had never gone on, others I am indifferent--it is/was what it is/was, and still others I'd happily go on again if the opportunity presented itself again. There are some which do present themselves nicely to the idea of a ladder; Those in which skill and experience are important factors (using rope and knots in bondage, for example), while others do not lend themselves well to such concepts (how many here would instantly gets their heckles in a bunch if someone claimed to be the one and only true/ideal Master/Dom by which all others must measure themselves? Although the phrase "Master level Master" is amusing to me, but I digress). There are some things in which I do want to become more experienced with and improve my skill level.. And some in which I do feel I've mastered/accomplished as much as I wish to, and moved on to other things. This applies to both kink and vanilla pursuits. There are even a few in which I feel there is no "end game," such as arts and artistic pursuits, in which we are always trying to find new and different (not necessarily better) ways to express ourselves. Regarding the comments of some about always seeking to find a way to top their previous experience, that sounds more like putting it in a frame of reference more akin to an addiction than anything, which appears to be the major apprehension towards using terms like "ladder" and "path." Am I interpreting those comments correctly?

tazzygirl -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/17/2011 5:40:38 PM)
Would that type of addiction be bad in your opinion?

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/17/2011 8:52:22 PM)
Don't do, and never have done, "kink" -- will leave that to the slap and tickle crowd. M/s is simple... Owner orders, slave does. Period. It's not "kink"... probably closer to service/acceptance.

tazzygirl -> RE: Climbing the kink ladder (12/17/2011 8:55:52 PM)
Some would call even that kinky. [;)]

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