quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

It still doesn't mean that every man still yearning for his long dead relationship is going to go ballistic and turn into a murderer.  Of course Ted Bundy and others come to mind.  That's because you don't hear about the people who suffer in silence and just become self destructive.

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ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Because I am tired of hearing about it, and the hooker thing was creepy, in and of itself. He could lose his license doing stuff like that. Nothing i say seems to help

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ORIGINAL: Lockit

LOL Good lord... he is risking his license over a two year old broken relationship... sounds pretty crazy to me.. but he won't do that other kind of crazy.

I hope you argue in court better than this.

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ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I am considering ending yet another relationship in my life.
I have this guy friend, who dated a woman 20 years younger than him for about 3 years.  They broke up 2 years ago!

She is engaged now (although he doesn't know that).  He still refers to her as his "soul mate" and says shit like they have a spiritual connection, so he knows when she is nearby.  Stalkerish stuff, in other words.  The latest thing he has done is found a hooker on Craigslist, gathered up all his ex's stuff still in his possession, and gave it to the hooker, saying that she is more honest and forthright than the previous owner of this stuff.  I think that is just too creepy for words.

I like this guy, in a friendship way, and he would be a hell of a catch for someone.  He is musically talented, smart, physically attractive, makes a great living, and is probably kinky as hell, but his obsession with this relationship is just too weird.  I can't think of anything to say to him to snap him out of it (he has done counseling to death), and his obsessiveness is starting to freak me out, not to mention that I am sick of hearing about the whole thing.   I certainly don't want to tell him that his ex is engaged. 

I don't know, can this friendship be saved?  The thing with the hooker crossed a big line, in my opinion. 

Sorry, but I only read this part and not the rest of the thread. It is at three pages now, and I want to get offline soon and go watch a movie while playing Pokemon White before going to bed. Now for my .

First off, I have experienced psychic phenomena in the past, in spite of my wish for it not to happen. Some of these times have been over friends, not just family and lovers. It is not uncommon for people to just...feel...when something awful has happened to a close family member. I had this unwelcome soul link with two of my past lovers and with several friends. Even moving to the opposite coast did not break it, it had to fade away over the years with each one. If others don't believe in this happening...it doesn't change anything.

So I will swallow it that he felt this link with her. What bothers me...is that he kept her things for two years after they broke up. WTF? I have kept a scrap of paper with a past lover's handwriting on it, or something else insignificant to everyone else but had meaning to me...until I was ready to let it go. The right time was when it no longer held any emotional impact. Belongings are different. If he offered them to her and she told him to toss them away, that's different; if he never offered, but refused to return them...

That he felt a moment of spite and needed to give them away to a hooker, ah...that could help some people with burying what is already long dead...BUT...telling you about this, telling anyone about what he did, as if he is proud of his cleverness... Ewwh, yanno? IMHO, he is still too...emotional...over her to be good relationship material.

Also, someone not behaving like a gentleman with their ex is a turn off for me, and I would wonder if my own stuff would eventually be kept and given to another prostitute, along with a derisive comment about my character.

I know I am repeating myself but...it took me about ten years to get over leaving a certain past lover. We were incompatible and I refused to get married when I knew a divorce would loom in our future. The link remained though, fading only after 4-6 years. I did not intentionally stalk, and have no control over where my sleeping soul chooses to wander. Anyway, I moved from California back to West Virginia because with the way I felt, the state of California wasn't big enough for the both of us. Three time zones away was better; I would never have to experience the "eyes meeting across a crowded room" or store or whatever, and feel the knife twisting.

IMO, until she doesn't matter to him anymore, whoever he hooks up with will either be a friend with benefits...or what I call a "bandaid" relationship, someone that helps us heal from past scars but not the person we want to grow old with. I was my first lover's bandaid, and I paid for...him catching her boinking another guy in their bed. He healed because of me being in his life but the relationship was toxic for me.

You are his guy's friend. BE that friend by telling him that he crossed a line with you, that giving her stuff to that hooker and saying what he did was really beneath him. Even if you end up dropping the friendship, I feel he should have a chance to wake up and smell the coffee. This is just my own opinion and only worth two cents, if that much. After all, I don't know either of you.

Ever see a musical called Auntie Mame? There is a song with the lyrics saying, "There's nothing like a bosom buddy to tell you how ROTTEN you are...!" If you are pissed off and disgusted over his behavior...

Btw, it doesn't matter that she married someone else. The (second) guy I left married someone several months after I left him a cowardly Dear John letter. Maybe it was closer to six months. It made no difference to me; my heart wasn't free until about ten years had passed. (During that time I was NOT good relationship material.) Hearing P had married so soon knocked me on my arse and it will probably do the same to your friend if you told him she is married. Unless for some peculiar male reason...it helps him to let go of her easier. If I wanted to...get with him...it would squick me out to be the one to tell him his ex is married, but that's just one of my strange quirks. I hope the guys are giving you better feedback on another guy than I can.

Okay, I made my epic post for the night and now it is time to toddle off and play Pokemon, lol. One of these days I will try to catch up with all the new threads, but right now Nintendo is giving away Victinis until Dec. 31 and it takes me about five hours to restart a game and get one, then transfer it over, kill off the game and restart. (Yes, I am greedy and want lots...these lil animals are cute, lol.)

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ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I'm sorry.. in one statement you claim he is stalkerish, and then you say he

quote:

would be a hell of a catch for someone

not computing...

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ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

That would be my hope too.  He really has been a good friend.

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ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I think you misunderstand lockit. I am probably just as aware of DV issues as you. I have trouble believing someone I really like, and who is basically a caring person is going to suddenly go over the edge. His behavior is more self destructive than dangerous. I know his ex, she has never even mentioned him bothering her in the years they have been broken up. She is an atty and more than capable of getting an RO. I am so sorry that happened to your family, but I just don't think this is the same thing. He is a great guy, and good friend until this.

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ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Because I am tired of hearing about it, and the hooker thing was creepy, in and of itself. He could lose his license doing stuff like that. Nothing i say seems to help

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ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Telling him may enable him to see that it is in fact over... for good.

So, tell him and if he weirds out on you you can make a decision then to tell him he needs to get perspective and you are going to take a break until he does.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I am considering ending yet another relationship in my life.
I have this guy friend, who dated a woman 20 years younger than him for about 3 years.  They broke up 2 years ago!

She is engaged now (although he doesn't know that).  He still refers to her as his "soul mate" and says shit like they have a spiritual connection, so he knows when she is nearby.  Stalkerish stuff, in other words.  The latest thing he has done is found a hooker on Craigslist, gathered up all his ex's stuff still in his possession, and gave it to the hooker, saying that she is more honest and forthright than the previous owner of this stuff.  I think that is just too creepy for words.

I like this guy, in a friendship way, and he would be a hell of a catch for someone.  He is musically talented, smart, physically attractive, makes a great living, and is probably kinky as hell, but his obsession with this relationship is just too weird.  I can't think of anything to say to him to snap him out of it (he has done counseling to death), and his obsessiveness is starting to freak me out, not to mention that I am sick of hearing about the whole thing.   I certainly don't want to tell him that his ex is engaged. 

I don't know, can this friendship be saved?  The thing with the hooker crossed a big line, in my opinion. 

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ORIGINAL: gungadin09

Dear Abby,
I never thought I would be writing this...


pam