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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 8:06:35 PM

hausboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stellauk

My former mother in law in Poland immediately comes to mind for buying me a gift connected with my knowledge of languages.

Two dictionaries, one Hungarian-Finnish and the other Finnish-Hungarian.

That only qualifies as the Best Worst gift if you speak neither Hungarian nor Finnish.

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 8:10:06 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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They never include the receipt or anything. So I don't know if you could, we just give them away to people who need it. There's plenty of people in need who'd love clean brand new undies.

Daddy didn't mind when I bought him clothing cause I know him and his size and his taste, I bought him some knock around pants, bought him 4 pair, and all but 1 pair was in grey, 1 pair was black and then he wore those to martial arts class. And he liked when I bought him undies cause I asked him hey do you like these?* point to a catalog* and he said yes i do, and they're not quite undies they're shorts but you could wear them as undies.

My real dad, he used to need undershirts and socks badly, and so for fathers day and what not, for a long time I'd buy him undershirts and socks, because he needed them. Now he's got so many shirts and so many button downs he wears some of his good stuff for yard work lol, cause at this stage in the game he don't have any reason to really dress up a lot. And otherwise the shirts wouldn't get worn.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

geez. can he return/exchange them? My ex-wife would buy me undies and socks for Christmas, but I always liked that! She did buy me a thong one year...but that wasn't a gift for me. she seemed to enjoy it very much however...I felt like my ass was flossing every time I moved....

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 12/23/2011 8:13:56 PM >

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 8:10:29 PM

hausboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: peachgirl

maybe some twice-baked potato?

No, no....that's for the runner up....

wait a second...lemme see here.....[dig dig dig}.....how about.........Ah! here's a nice chicken breast....can't read the date! OOooo that's a keeper! I also have here....OH BOY! hold on! This is the grand prize....
honest to god mystery meat! Omaha Steaks on the package but no content label!

man, this really is the best worst gift ever! I haven't had this much fun with their Christmas gifts since the giant tin of diabetic popcorn. (think: sorbitol..... I stopped shitting sometime around Valentine's Day...)

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 8:14:14 PM

peachgirl

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You could throw a heckuva party with those goods!

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 8:16:06 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I have some rump roast ," real nice", it's been defrosted and refroze and defrosted and refroze cause our crappy freezer kept opening and letting everything thaw, if I had not have thrown it away we could have contributed that, and how about some steaks grey and withered from severe frost bite?

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: peachgirl

maybe some twice-baked potato?

No, no....that's for the runner up....

wait a second...lemme see here.....[dig dig dig}.....how about.........Ah! here's a nice chicken breast....can't read the date! OOooo that's a keeper! I also have here....OH BOY! hold on! This is the grand prize....
honest to god mystery meat! Omaha Steaks on the package but no content label!

man, this really is the best worst gift ever! I haven't had this much fun with their Christmas gifts since the giant tin of diabetic popcorn. (think: sorbitol..... I stopped shitting sometime around Valentine's Day...)

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 8:17:37 PM

Ninebelowzero

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Me & the old man got so pissed off with the whole thing one year that I bought him sun tan lotion & he bought me preparation H.

The bastard beat me.

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 8:20:23 PM

tazzygirl

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I bought the ex a bottle of baby oil, a set of hand towels and a container of baby wipes.

I shouldnt have to explain why.

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 8:22:52 PM

hausboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

I bought the ex a bottle of baby oil, a set of hand towels and a container of baby wipes.

I shouldnt have to explain why.

hey...that's a nice gift! I could use some of ... oh never mind.

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 8:25:55 PM

Snort

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My relatives bought me a nose flute - a cheap plastic whistle you blow throught your nose and modulate with your mouth. They thought it would keep me entertained through these long winter nights.

http://www.sillyasstoys.com/noseflute.aspx

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 8:29:30 PM

hausboy

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Wow...impressive! I think that qualifies you for a prize! how about....

lessee...what else do I have here...AH! how about a filet? It's only expired by about a week.

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 8:33:02 PM

stellauk

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: stellauk

My former mother in law in Poland immediately comes to mind for buying me a gift connected with my knowledge of languages.

Two dictionaries, one Hungarian-Finnish and the other Finnish-Hungarian.

That only qualifies as the Best Worst gift if you speak neither Hungarian nor Finnish.

I don't. Not even close.

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 8:36:46 PM

hausboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stellauk

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: stellauk

My former mother in law in Poland immediately comes to mind for buying me a gift connected with my knowledge of languages.

Two dictionaries, one Hungarian-Finnish and the other Finnish-Hungarian.

That only qualifies as the Best Worst gift if you speak neither Hungarian nor Finnish.

I don't. Not even close.

Damn! That beats the nose harp. I'm running out of prizes.... oh wait...here ya go, Stella....here's a box of pork loin (no expiration date found)....ya know, NOTHING quite says "Happy Hannukah!" like a nice box of expired pork loins......

edited to add: Kittos....moi moi! (Finnish)

< Message edited by hausboy -- 12/23/2011 8:38:11 PM >

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 8:39:47 PM

xXLithiumXx

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My mother and I do not get along. At all. We, in fact, hate each other.

Every year, we have to make this show of being around each other because of my brother and his children. (My brother is a whiney titty baby, basically, so I get forced into being around people I hate.)

I have decided to up the ante on not only not being invited back, but possibly making it so that she never speaks to me again.

I never buy her a gift, and she never gives me a gift. She is the biggest prude on the planet.

I am going to buy her a neon pink double headed dildo. The giant, huge, totally impossible to ignore, may have its own zip code, knobby bumps, and super improved vibrating motion twirly heads...

Yes. Yes I am.

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 8:46:36 PM

hausboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xXLithiumXx

My mother and I do not get along. At all. We, in fact, hate each other.

Every year, we have to make this show of being around each other because of my brother and his children. (My brother is a whiney titty baby, basically, so I get forced into being around people I hate.)

I have decided to up the ante on not only not being invited back, but possibly making it so that she never speaks to me again.

I never buy her a gift, and she never gives me a gift. She is the biggest prude on the planet.

I am going to buy her a neon pink double headed dildo. The giant, huge, totally impossible to ignore, may have its own zip code, knobby bumps, and super improved vibrating motion twirly heads...

Yes. Yes I am.

well, sorry...no expired frozen meat treats for you...this thread is only for crappy gifts you received.....not crappy gifts you plan to give! Although, I personally believe the people who portray themselves as prudes....probably already own the rechargeable hands-free double dong super twat twiddler.

If you really want to say "I don't love you...." don't mess around with amateur stuff.
Give the gift of old, unwanted meats.
Show them how little you care.

And best of all... if they don't notice the expiration dates...they'll get an extra special gift: E. Coli. The gift that keeps on giving.

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 8:56:31 PM

xXLithiumXx

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Lawls.

That is awesome.

Actually. The worst thing I ever got, hands down ever was a gift certificate for a sea food restaurant. Not only was it for a sea food place, it was for the worst one in town.

The problem is that I am deathly allergic to all things from The Locker. Fresh, salt, shelled, whatever...if it swims, even frogs, It will kill me.

My egg donor gave me that for my birthday one year.

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 8:59:31 PM

hausboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xXLithiumXx

Lawls.

That is awesome.

Actually. The worst thing I ever got, hands down ever was a gift certificate for a sea food restaurant. Not only was it for a sea food place, it was for the worst one in town.

The problem is that I am deathly allergic to all things from The Locker. Fresh, salt, shelled, whatever...if it swims, even frogs, It will kill me.

My egg donor gave me that for my birthday one year.

oh wait a minute....sorry Stella, honey....but Lithium's gift was not only thoughtless....it could have actually killed her! Ding Ding Ding! Ladies and Gentlemen we have a winner!

Yes, you my dear, take home the grand prize in my expired meat menagerie....for you...it is....the LAMB CHOP! (sorry... I fucking hate lamb and that bitch KNOWS it!)

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 9:06:42 PM

xXLithiumXx

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Right on!

You would think as my birth...um..hatchery?...I dunno what the hell to call her at this point...but you would think as having spawned me, she would have known this? I mean...I could be wrong, but I am preeeetttyyy certain it was her that carried me to hospital when the allergy was "discovered". Personally, I think she knew and was trying to kill me at the time.

I understand the idea behind your anger. I do. And I agree with your point.

You know...I think that you could have some fun with this....

I mean, there are all kinds of occasions through out the year where you could give jacked up gifts. Everyone has something they hate. This chick is all about showing off money? Buy her some cheap avon perfume. Insist that she try it on RIGHT now!!!!!

Give her a package of 6 sizes too big granny panties?

Even better, sign her up for christian childrens fund...so that the lil wide eyed starving kid is in her mail box 99 times a month begging for her money.

Send a strip o gram.

Coat her toilet in herpes.

Oh. Wait. That last one may get you arrested.

Anthrax may be a better option....

Frankly, I think if I were you, I would snap. I would be at her house at like 6 am on christmas morning making toast and coffee and telling her all about herself. But..Im ghetto like that.

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 9:06:46 PM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stellauk

My former mother in law in Poland immediately comes to mind for buying me a gift connected with my knowledge of languages.

Two dictionaries, one Hungarian-Finnish and the other Finnish-Hungarian.

This is absolutely the best linguistics joke EVER.

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 9:11:51 PM

angelikaJ

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Mine isn't quite the worst gift but one year when I was perhaps 11 my mother asked for my Christmas list and I told her a doll... and when she asked what else, I think I was insistent on a doll (I collected them) and my mother let it slip that my dad already got me a doll.
So the next thing on my list was an easy bake oven and she let it slip that my grandparents had that one covered.

(And actually, they got me a no-cook oven that has no-cook cookie dough.)

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RE: Worst gift...EVER! - 12/23/2011 9:13:32 PM

xXLithiumXx

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I think she should be able to like "doink" her on the head with the books. Honestly. That should be the one time assault is totally legal.

"Well, officer...you see, she gave me expired, frozen, leg of lamb"

" Oh. Well, that's okay. Just beat the shit out of her."

"well your honor, she gave me dictionaries for languages that only elves understand..."

"Well, defendant, I completely understand. You are free to go."

How complicated is that?

Give a retarded gift, get your forehead slapped.

(I would like to say here that the forehead slap is reserved for only the most ignorant and foolish of offenses. It is a patented four finger slap, utilizing lightening fast wrist reflexes evolved over countless years of being exposed to said stupidity, directly to the forehead of the ignorant person. U.S. Patent Pending.)

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