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ve not met him yet. - 12/29/2011 9:43:59 PM   
Bree11


Posts: 9
Joined: 11/16/2011
Status: offline 		Basically here is the deal I created an account on CM around the 14th of November. Yes I got the usual emails that flow in at first and I tried to answer them all, but couldn't. SO then the few that I did answer I met a Dom who was close by  and seemed sane. We have talked everyday since either via phone or internet. He lives really close but we both have been to busy to meet. He just recently became my owner and I don't know if thats good or bad cause I have not meet him physically yet. I was thinking to meet then see if the vibe is right. He has spoken to my family in  some conversations and they love him. We have video chatted several times so its not like he is just some virtual Dom. I know he is close and I know that I am to meet him very soon in fact a few short days. Please tell me is this odd? I want to be his sub, but I want to be cautious also.. Can a Dom take ownership of you if you have not met them yet?  Bree:) 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/29/2011 9:55:44 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Guys don't become your owner unless you say it's ok. I certainly would not give ownership of myself, the most important thing that I have, until I meet someone no matter how many times or ways I've talked to him on the phone. Someone can say what they like, but unless I agree to it then it isn't happening. He's trying to keep you for himself, competition is tough on here for men, but you have a say in who you will be with just like he does. A relationship is made of two people and both parties have an equal role in choosing the other. He sounds like he is taking advantage of your newness to push his agenda forward, that doesn't speak well of him.

Slow down, wait till you meet him and see if you even like the guy. It's different in person and sometimes there isn't an attraction. There's no rush, even after you meet you aren't compelled to instantly decide how you feel. Take as much time as you need. If he doesn't pan out there are many other people out there who might be a good match for  you.

(in reply to Bree11)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/29/2011 10:14:35 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		Someone announcing you 'belong' to them without having you agree to it does sound pretty odd, if someone tried that with me I'd probably die laughing. BDSM includes a principal called SSC- Safe, Sane, and Consensual. It's not consensual if he's going around making decisions without having you agree to them. If you started talking to a guy from a vanilla dating site and he announced that he was now your steady boyfriend before you'd ever met him, would that be ok with you? I hope not. It's your responsibility to set your own boundaries right? You are an adult, you decide what you will or will not do.

Now I'm sure that some guys would love to go around pronouncing to the world that certain women belong to them, but it doesn't work that way and its rather silly that your guy thinks this tactic of his will hold water. Tell him that you're not sure about ownership just yet and you'll let him know when it's clear to you how you feel about it no matter how long that takes. If he thinks it's not submissive tell him that's too bad. You're not his submissive until you've decided you want to be. Simple as that.

(in reply to Bree11)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/29/2011 10:29:02 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Do you value yourself so little that you would give yourself over to someone you have never met?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bree11

He just recently became my owner and I don't know if thats good or bad cause I have not meet him physically yet.



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to Bree11)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/29/2011 10:41:25 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bree11

Basically here is the deal I created an account on CM around the 14th of November. Yes I got the usual emails that flow in at first and I tried to answer them all, but couldn't. SO then the few that I did answer I met a Dom who was close by  and seemed sane. We have talked everyday since either via phone or internet. He lives really close but we both have been to busy to meet. He just recently became my owner and I don't know if thats good or bad cause I have not meet him physically yet. I was thinking to meet then see if the vibe is right. He has spoken to my family in  some conversations and they love him. We have video chatted several times so its not like he is just some virtual Dom. I know he is close and I know that I am to meet him very soon in fact a few short days. Please tell me is this odd? I want to be his sub, but I want to be cautious also.. Can a Dom take ownership of you if you have not met them yet?  Bree:) 


You have allowed a man you have not met to speak to your family? Why? Why would he want too? This part baffles me.

You are either rushing yourself, or he is rushing you. My suggestion.. a frank discussion with him. If you arent honest with him at this point, you never will be. Fear should not be the reason to take a collar, and it sounds like you are afraid of losing him.

Regardless, take a few steps back. Explain this is far too fast. If he cannot understand your anxiety, then he isnt the man you want as your dominant.

Think of it this way... if he doesnt respect this boundary, will he respect any others?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Bree11)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/29/2011 11:52:02 PM   
chzwiz007


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/2/2011
Status: offline 		Bree baby,  You are a real sub!  Some joker tells you he owns you and you agree without meeting him.  How did you make it this far and live this long?  What general area are you located in?  Try fetlife, they have a larger community.

If you really like this guy then go for it.  What the hell.  Set up safe calls to your folks with code words. Take a chance, it may be just what you are looking for.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 12:09:04 AM   
SixMore2Go


Posts: 190
Joined: 7/1/2009
Status: offline 		You have not met him but he is your owner now? How is that possible?


_____________________________



(in reply to Bree11)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 12:55:04 AM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		FR

It seems to me that some are quick to use such terms or phrases and some are not, such as "owner", "Master", "I love you", "Mine", etc. Depending on the person depends on how seriously they mean them when they say them. I've seen some real charmers use those terms/phrases because they know that is what the other person wants to hear, yet they are just words to them.

Can a Dom take ownership of you before you have met them? Only if you let them. But the follow through, meeting, and compatability, to me, is when the seriousness of the words will be found. I take the above terms/phrases pretty seriously.

_____________________________

I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

(in reply to SixMore2Go)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 1:08:05 AM   
Jaquin


Posts: 156
Joined: 12/12/2011
Status: offline 		Ok off topic a sec here - but I've seen it all over and no clue what it means.

What's "fr" stand for?


On topic: as others have said OP, he doesn't own you until you accept.  There's one guy out there on the net that I'd love it if he could own me but besides some webcam we've never met so while I feel like I'm holding out for him sometimes I don't feel like I'm his.

Slow down, calm down, let your feelings tell you if this man is good for you.

If he runs off before you decide then it only goes to show that he wasn't the right one for you anyway.  The guy I really like has stayed and chatted with me, with nothing more then cams, for over a year and neither of us are making any moves to make it more then just friends.  And that's what drives me nuts, I'd love it if we could but our physical locations also makes that impossible in our lives right now.

I'm not saying making this guy wait a year, but if he can stand to stick around while you decide, while you're indecisive and not at 'your best submissive state' then he may just be worthy of owning you.

Don't let him trick you into thinking it's an honour to be owned.  It should be his honour that you choose to give up the very essence of who you are to him.

Edit: Not to say that there is no honour in being owned, but in this case - just handing it out so frivolously this man obviously puts no real honour in the position.  And from a submissive perspective I feel it is easier to take then to give.  I could be wrong, I have very little dominant in me to tell me the other side.  Don't wish to offend anyone


< Message edited by Jaquin -- 12/30/2011 1:18:22 AM >

_____________________________

"The feeling of freedom, and freedom denied."

(in reply to anniezz338)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 1:59:07 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		FR means fast reply.

To the OP. Someone else said you can not belong to someone until you let it be so, that is the crux of this. I am not going to do down online relationships because I have been in one and they can be very powerful. It seems to me though that you are just not feeling it, which is fine, you should explain that to him and say you want to meet before going further.

Good luck.


_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Jaquin)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 2:18:28 AM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline 		fr = fast reply

If you just type into the box below, it tacks your comment onto the last one. Note that my comment is in reply to you. If I had pushed reply to on any other post, my post would be in reply to that poster. True confession : I habitually fast reply and never mention it to any one. Except you, of course Jaquin, because we're Buds.

Back on topic : Bree, you are getting some good advice. There is something about "being owned" before "being in the same room" that just doesn't ,,,uh ...add up. BE CAREFUL. It could be the fella was just playing with a word. Or it could be a very serious boundary issue.

If you read the article linked, and apply each point to yourself and also to Mr. Owner, you just might learn something important. Of course I read it, and wouldn't be linking it if it didn't say what I mean.

http://www.articlesnatch.com/Article/Boundary-Issues--5-Warning-Signs-Of-Unhealthy-Boundaries/799056


_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to Jaquin)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 4:36:18 AM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		I remember when I got my first computer and experienced cyber D/s or cyber BDSM. I had just ended an almost 10 year relationship with the man who introduced me to D/s and BDSM---even with all that experience under my belt all I really had was callouses on my ass because I was pretty naivee. I went into a chat room one day and this guy popped into my message box---asked if I wanted his collar---I said yes (because I really did not know better all I knew was that a collar was something one must attain as well as a Master and in my previous relationship we never had a collar never even talked about them.) He announced in the room I was his property and everyone in the chat room clapped and he logged out. I was stunned wtf---he left. I was humiliated so I went and changed chat name---but I stuck it out and learned---since that time another 10+ years have passed and I know what works for me.

My advise Bree is watch the boards because you get an idea of what is expected however, you have to make your own choices---do I think it's silly that you are owned before you have met---NO....it's happened to many people....some of them the relationship went to hell in a hand basket once they met....some it went to hell years later and some are probably still together.

I personally don't buy the whole ownership thing or collars---when I say owner and property in reference to my own relationship it's normally in jest. I simply know that I love the man and I like doing what he asks me to do and sometimes it amazes me that I will do things for him that no other man could have gotten me to do. I DO know that I was crazy about him before I met him and I was terrified to speak the 'l' word prior to meeting but once I did it came easy.

Welcome to the boards---don't worry about what is normal or not---I think nothing here is normal---normal depends on who you ask. As a 'nilla if being tied up and getting your ass spanked because you left a spot on a dish is normal?



_____________________________

Me to Daddy: Now you'll think I'm a weirdo
Him: I love you BECAUSE you ARE a weirdo.

(in reply to Bree11)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 5:07:38 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		There isn't one way of doing this, but having said that I am wary of instant collars (just add submissive) and the like.

For me (and this is only my experience) I had run into instant doms who declared I was theirs without having met them; both naivete, inexperience and the need to please others among other things tied into my allowing this.
I didn't know what ownership really meant.

Then much the same as you (but after I had been here for over 18 months) someone local to me sent me a cmail and I answered it.
It took us about 3 weeks before we met, and we got to know each other via cmails.

There was nothing instant about the way I became his.
We saw each other regularly for over 6 months before he was my Master.
Becoming his was a process of our getting to really know each other.

Ownership -being owned- is different than anything else I have ever known.
Nearly 3 years after he sent me that first cmail He still owns me.

So, you need to ask yourself: what does ownership mean to you.
It is okay if you don't yet know.
In the beginning, I didn't either and as time with him goes along, I am realising it has more depth than I ever imagined it could.

But part of the process of becoming His and coming to understand the depths of that made me aware of one thing: for me and for us ownership is a very big deal.
There are other realisations too, and discovering them and the journey of it all is part of the wonder of being owned.



_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Bree11)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 5:12:40 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bree11

Basically here is the deal I created an account on CM around the 14th of November. Yes I got the usual emails that flow in at first and I tried to answer them all, but couldn't. SO then the few that I did answer I met a Dom who was close by  and seemed sane. We have talked everyday since either via phone or internet. He lives really close but we both have been to busy to meet. He just recently became my owner and I don't know if thats good or bad cause I have not meet him physically yet. I was thinking to meet then see if the vibe is right. He has spoken to my family in  some conversations and they love him. We have video chatted several times so its not like he is just some virtual Dom. I know he is close and I know that I am to meet him very soon in fact a few short days. Please tell me is this odd? I want to be his sub, but I want to be cautious also.. Can a Dom take ownership of you if you have not met them yet?  Bree:) 



Are you sure he isn't married (though it would be unusual for him to be if he has spoken to your family enough for them to "love him")? It took a while for Master and I to meet in person but we live over 4 hours apart (for now).

Take your time. A dom cannot "take" ownership. You have to give it to him. Don't give it to him until YOU are good and ready to do so.

(in reply to Bree11)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 5:30:20 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		There IS such a thing as an online collar, but that only applies to online relationships.  You're assuming that the two of you will transition to offline.

To be blunt, someone who would collar you at this point is either completely new and clueless or else is manipulating you.  When you DO meet, make sure it's at a public place and do not play until several meetings have gone by.  I wonder if he's simply a player who will use the online collar to pressure you for play right away and then dump you.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 5:55:50 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		If he is reallly close, meeting for coffee isn't that hard to do no matter how busy your schedule is.  You say you want to be cautious but you let this guy talk to your family which i presume you mean kids?  You say you want to be cautious but you accept this guy owns you?  You say this guy "seems sane?"  i do have a question -- whose idea was it that he speak and interact with your kids?

All in all, online allows your mind to create a fantasy of the person, you don't see any of his bad traits so to speak, and you can't feel or touch him which is a HUGE concept in actual relationships with someone because until you meet him you will have no clue if you have chemistry. 

I am not sure why within 6 weeks of talking via the internet you both need a for words like owner and sub to define what you are to each other.  

I this someone was spot on when they said talk to him and tell him you are uncomfortable with throwing around the owner word when you have never met and you live so close.

To me, meeting wouldn't even solidify it, because until you actually spend time together person to person, you will not know what your real reactions are to him.  

angel


< Message edited by barelynangel -- 12/30/2011 5:56:39 AM >

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 5:58:00 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Are ya kidding-would you marry a guy you haven't met?
Cuz to me, a collar is a sign of commitment, a symbol of a bond rooted in trust, shared experiences, and love, of some sort or the other.
And how in the world can one have any of that with one whom you've never met?

Hell- and I am gonna capitalize this for emphasis...
YOU DON"T EVEN KNOW WHO/WHAT HE IS!
I mean really, he could be a midget with a cleft palate, a hunchback, a lazy eye, a club foot a permanent drool and a scorching case of leprosy to match the bone through what little remains of his nose.
How'd ya like them apples?

Now me, I take things like that seriously. I play/interact with folks for a long long time before I make such commitments, because I tend to take collars, and others feelings/aspirations/dreams/goals/hearts seriously (No rapid removal, rip away nerf collars here, puuuullleeeezzzeee).
Cripes.
This reminds me of my old grannie, who would always tell me that "Fools rush in where Angels fear to tread."

A relationship takes time, it takes interacting, it takes getting to know each other good/bad/ugly/indifferent, it takes shared values and mutual goals, it takes blood sweat and tears and freaking work, lots and lots of work. But it ain't instant, just add water and stir.



_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 7:21:06 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bree11
He lives really close but we both have been to busy to meet.



quote:

He just recently became my owner and I don't know if thats good or bad cause I have not meet him physically yet.


quote:

He has spoken to my family in  some conversations and they love him.


I want you to look at those three quotes and tell me if they sound sane to you.

Until you meet him he is a stranger. Period. Finito.

quote:

We have video chatted several times so its not like he is just some virtual Dom.
Video chatting is pretty much the definition of virtual dom.





_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Bree11)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 8:16:00 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel


To me, meeting wouldn't even solidify it, because until you actually spend time together person to person, you will not know what your real reactions are to him.  

angel



Especially this........to ME.

I mean hell, what if he STINKS?

And yeah, that was typed with a chuckle but still, for me, scent is a huge deal. There are too many factors that go into attraction for me to get too excited about anyone I haven't actually spent physical time with.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 8:20:31 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		What family members has he spoken to and how often for them to come to love him? I'm thinking rushing in... bringing along family members... especially children... is a bad idea and rushing to love and ownership... well... may not be odd as it happens far too often, but surely it is potential for drama, inappropriate emotions and entanglements that lead to life chaos.

Since your profile is hidden... I can't see your age, but I would think this the error of someone very young and yet around here, I have seen some pretty old foolish people. Not odd... just not smart in my opinion.


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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