-=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (Full Version)

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ResidentSadist -> -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 8:37:36 AM)

“Oh Sir, since I am not preparing your meal, let pay them to do it for me”
“I want to be responsible for your pleasure, let me pay for the concert/movie/drinks/hookers/massage”
“ I brought you this gift as token and respect <unwrap a set Australian Murphy whips worth about $900.00>”

So do ya fuck her on the first date if she brings you $900 worth of whips?
Or $400 set 1200 thread count Egyptian linens?
What if she only drops $150 on the meals or theater tickets… does that earn her your fingers while you drive so she can put her feet on the windshield and squirt on your glove box?
When a submissive genuinely takes responsibility for your pleasure, even if it is just a monetary token, do you accept responsibility for hers and reciprocate?

As for me, I’ll lend a hand (or fingers) to casual friends and strangers in a dungeon or put out for an ice cream cone at the beach.  It seems to me that some are real touchy about sex … they only fuck for “true love” instead of just fucking for fucks’ sake or as a courtesy for those they care about.  What say you?



LadyHibiscus -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 8:49:42 AM)

I say if I wanna fuck, I fuck. Gratuities not required. If I don't wanna, no amount of gear will change my mind.

I don't get this transactional sex thing. When I was having sex, it was because I wanted to! And he said yes, so he was breathing. Win-win!



lelloy -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 8:51:47 AM)

You put out for an ice cream cone? Wow, you're easy!

For anything in the 500-900 range, I'd hope you'd give her the working over of her life.

Meh. No sex or playing on the first date. Sex is for relationships, sadism and playing for when they don't knock you out and drag you to their hole on the first date.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 9:00:32 AM)

So...sex and dating are somehow...related??



ResidentSadist -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 9:03:01 AM)

quote:

I don't get this transactional sex thing. When I was having sex, it was because I wanted to!

I am glad you responded.  You say sex has to be personally motivated for you.  I am also very self centered in my motivations but feel that maintaining a a relationship, be it casual friend, lover, partner etc, all have a level of exchange required. 

Let's pretend it's food not sex.  Would you serve food to casual friend if they were hungery? 
I feel the same way about sex... and for me, it's easier and faster to make someone squirt than it is to cook a good meal.
If you are my friend, and you are hungry for food, I'll feed you.  If you are hungery for sex, I'll fuck you.
For me, there is plenty of food and sex in this world and I never minded sharing mine.
For others, sex holds some some other level of value. 

Thank you for replying to the heart of what this thread is about.  ...and if you ever get hungry, just bring your sexy self over my house baby!



ResidentSadist -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 9:05:31 AM)

quote:

You put out for an ice cream cone? Wow, you're easy!

I am also talented... so I could make you cum faster than the sodajerk could make the icecream come.

It's all a matter of perspectives. 



mummyman321 -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 9:57:25 AM)

I always tend to be generous when I can. In no way did I ever expect anything in return. Now this is the way I was raised. My father always said you cannot take it with you so share it with some friends while you have the chance. And so I do when I can. Now I have never forked over $900 for a gift for someone I was not in a relationship with. At most I have spent on a friendly date was about $375. Lunch & dinner and some kink shopping with no expections in return.

But I think this is all a mute point. If she want sex and you want sex then have sex. Take the gift out of the picture. If she brought you not gifts would you want to have sex with her?




ResidentSadist -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 10:16:04 AM)

quote:

If she brought you not gifts would you want to have sex with her?

If I was just taking someone out for a quick lunch, and hadn't planned on sex in the afternoon but they dropped a big gift on me . . . the ride home would find their feet on windshield and cum on my glovebox.  It only seems polite to reward someone for their kindness. 

Should I take time to stop at a store and buy them a gift in return?
Should I tell them I love them?
... or, isn't it better to just tell them what a "good girl" they are for picking such a nice gift while reaching down between their legs and making them cum?

It's not whether I want to have sex with them, whether I want to breed with them, whether I want to make love out of passion or commit some sacred BDSM ritual on an altar... it's just sex.





seababy -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 10:18:40 AM)

I'm not into receiving expensive gifts unless the relationship is serious and has been established for a while for this particular reason. Expensive gifts always seem to feel like they have an obligation attached even if that isn't intentional. When there is sex involved I want it to be because they can't wait to tear my clothes not because they are grateful and he/she's always wanted that beautiful set of golf clubs, a new top of the range gaming computer or a soft serve icecream [;)], and I don't do gratitude sex. Guess I'm not that nice. :)



(This post may not make sense its 4 in the morning and I havent slept yet)






Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 10:25:11 AM)

I think any one who shells out lavish gifts with the idea they're going to get lucky deserves what they don't get if they don't get fucked cause unless the d hinted or said out right gifts get you fucked, you chose to do so freely and the other person is free to take said gifts and fuck or not.



littlewonder -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 10:32:07 AM)

I used to do the fuck for fuck's sake but it felt empty so I no longer do that. I only fuck when I love someone...well when he allows me to be fucked by him lol.

And when I buy someone a gift I don't expect anything at all in return. I buy stuff for people because I love them or I think they need something or just because. I actually hate when people give me things in reciprocation. To me it says they're giving me something because they feel like it's an obligation or duty, not because they just want to.

If Master ever fucked me because I bought him something I'd start to wonder about our relationship.  He fucks me because he can and wants to not because he feels like he has to.




HisPet21 -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 10:33:05 AM)

quote:

I'm not into receiving expensive gifts unless the relationship is serious


I concur with Seababy. I don't like to receive expensive gifts from what are, essentially, strangers. I also don't give expensive gifts to strangers. It's rude to do so, in my opinion. If I were dating again, I'd make it clear before the first date that I am paying for my food, you are paying for yours, and that's the end of it unless we get more serious. I don't feel comfortable taking from someone who might not be right for me (It feels like stealing). And I am certainly not going to fork out the dough for a person I may never talk to again. But that's just me.



MissImmortalPain -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 10:37:04 AM)

I collect swords(I know it seems off topic but it isn't) Most of the people that know me well make jokes about how if you want let in my house you better bring a sword with you, and a lot of them do. But does that mean I'm going to fuck someone just because they handed me a claymore and told me to be happy? No. If I did that I wouldn't have enough time off my back to even answer this question. I wouldn't fuck a friend just because they were horny either...for the same reason. I am going to make note of the fact that you fuck for icecream though.....I like ice cream.



ResidentSadist -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 10:51:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I think any one who shells out lavish gifts with the idea they're going to get lucky deserves what they don't get if they don't get fucked cause unless the d hinted or said out right gifts get you fucked, you chose to do so freely and the other person is free to take said gifts and fuck or not.

Thank you for your perspective. This is exactly what I was talking about, attaching value to sex.  Some see it only as “emotional value” or "passionate value" not monetary.  Personally, I think it takes a lot of faith to drop a large hunk of cash on a gift and it's reflects on the value of the act of giving... which in an off hand way is emotional.  An expensive gift shows faith in their judgement, how well they know you by risking that much on something that if not well chosen would go to waste. 

If you help a friend move, you are trading physical labor for the emotional responsibilities in a friendship.  I’d rather let her hire movers and blow each other while they do all the heavy lifting.  

By many value systems, it’s sex for love, sex for sex, sex for submission etc.  It strikes me odd that everyone puts a price on their sex but few (like you) acknowledge the validity of others’ value systems and even get judgmental about it.  Surely it isn’t fair in the social order of things for people who exchange their valued gifts (monetary, emotional or otherwise) to receive nothing in return.  Only a bitch would wish that on someone. 

Many BDSM relationships are based on service and sex.  The submissive gets acceptance and acknowledgement in return for their sex, not sexual gratification.  Sex, labor, love, emotional rewards… we all value them at our own personal rates and exchange them in different ways in our relationships.



needlesandpins -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 11:55:10 AM)

fr

i've done the cold, empty fuck just for the sake of a fuck. it leaves me feeling cheap and nasty in a bad way so i see no point in it now. when it comes to gifts; well 'value' needs to match my want. it's no good paying large sums of money for something that i don't want or need. something that reflects knowledge and thought of me is much more 'valuable' and could be something that cost no money at all. that aside though, nothing is going to get a fuck from me unless i want to fuck in the first place, in which case no gift is needed.

sex with my playmate is as casual as it gets and i have never had sex with someone i considered just a friend. these days sex has to have some worth to me even if it isn't in a relationship as vanillas would view it. my playmate pressented me with a gift the first time i stayed at his place although said gift was also for his own enjoyment. however, it wasn't something that was hugely expencive or i wouldn't have accepted it even though we were already having sex. i felt awkward when he wanted to pay for my meal the first time we went out, and again we were already fucking.

unless i was in a very serious relationship i don't think i'd feel comfortable accepting an expencive gift from anyone really. i have no problem in spending what i can afford on someone, but then i'd never expect sex in return for a gift i'd given. the only time i'd maybe have sex with someone is if they gave me a huge sum of money. then it would be worth that cheap, nasty, empty feeling, but it would be a one time thing with conditions attached.

needles



slaveluci -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 12:10:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

For me, there is plenty of food and sex in this world and I never minded sharing mine.
For others, sex holds some some other level of value. 


Ditto! I enjoy sex (and food) very much and don't have to be in a deep, complicated, serious relationship to enjoy sharing either. Some of the best experiences I have had have been with virtual total strangers. To each their own, but I'm just free like that[;)]

luci



GreedyTop -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 12:44:16 PM)

I love you, Kal. Fuck if I'm gonna buy some trinket to prove it though.

(fuck you, I killed my camera battery on that Shuttle launch thing ;) )

but .. you KNOW me, so I am not the target for this question, I think.


*my love to you and the girls*



daddyneedsluv -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 12:59:08 PM)

I think relevence should be placed upon what/if any understanding there was between the D/s. I have played it both ways in the past; with each situation being different.



MistrixMsE -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 1:27:46 PM)

I don't fuck for gifts, but I certainly appreciate them. I've in the past fucked simply for passion.. but never as a tit for tat exchange, that would cheapen the passion to me. Now in my old age, I'd rather fuck someone I'm not only feeling passion for in the moment, but whom I enjoy as a person enough to be passionate about intellectually as well as physically, and that requires more of a consistent relationship.

I'm still an exhibitionist & get off on all that kinky goodness... but prefer it to be with one person consistently. But hey, if one of my girlfriends (in the platonic sense, I'm not bi) wants to watch him fuck me because she things we are hot together... she's welcome to grab a vibe and enjoy the show though ;)



ResidentSadist -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (12/31/2011 1:57:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
I love you, Kal. Fuck if I'm gonna buy some trinket to prove it though.

(fuck you, I killed my camera battery on that Shuttle launch thing ;) )

but .. you KNOW me, so I am not the target for this question, I think.


*my love to you and the girls*

OK.. no trinkets.. how about an ice cream? 
[image]http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100731215243/clubpenguin/images/thumb/b/bb/Ice_Cream_Cone_Pin.png/114px-Ice_Cream_Cone_Pin.png[/image]

Luv ya and everhope sends her love to you. 
You guys keep that up and I' gonna' get the camera. 






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