CaringandReal
Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
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ORIGINAL: femdomlover72
...my living situation is something that I never expected to become real, and I feel it is ultra rare for someone to have their dreams come to life.
Hi there, femdomlover72. I can strongly relate to your situation and you are very right. This sort of thing is ultra rare.
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I have discovered that there is much more to the reality than the fantasy, things that aren't going to be fun, exciting, or pleasant. I don't feel like I will ever find myself in such a situation again, and I don't want to ruin it by complaining about the things that don't add up.
Pain of all sorts is part and parcel of being a slave. Without it, it is hard to know who we really are.
In a certain sense, that's a thrilling discovery, isn't it? :-) It was for me because it told me, in no uncertain terms, that what I was experiencing was real. Real enslavement, not a role-play pretense where I get all my fantasies fulfilled. Painful, difficult, but deeply inspiring reality is so much better than dull pleasant fantasies where everything goes our own way. Instead, things are going her way and you must simply comply. The rarity of your relationship, in my eyes, is not the beauty of your mistress, however stunning she may be, it's in her Reality.
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As a slave I feel I have no right to complain. I should only serve.
Absolutely correct and a very good attitude to have, in my opinion. This is a very basic premise but it can be so hard to carry out in real life, especially when one becomes panicked or scared.
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There is another part of me that wants to say something when things don't add up.
By "add up" do you mean things are not fair? Or do you mean something is confusing you?
If you mean the first, well, if you are a slave, then in my opinion you really shouldn't be adding things up. This isn't a relationship of equals where you give X and expect Y back in return. Adding it up, keeping tabs, keeping score will just bring you misery, because things are not going to equal out. And of course that's the whole point of enslavement. It's deeply unfair--and that is its beauty and it's intense appeal...for some of us.
If you mean the second, and you are genuinely confused then, if you are permitted to do this, very respectfully and very carefully ask your owner a question in a way that indicates that you do not blame her, that you are not implying dissatisfaction or restlessness, but that you are curious to understand how certain things work so that you may serve her better. Being curious is no crime in a slave, as long as questioning is done in a respectful manner and as long as questions are welcomed. I’m wondering from everything you’ve said, however, if you may be denied questions because you ask the same one over and over but refuse to accept the answer?
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Is it wrong to question things? For Her it is, and I am more prepared to accept unpleasant truths, than I am prepared to be without Her.
Well, to tell you the truth, there is sincere honest questioning and then there is "my evil mistress won't do things my way and I will show her with my questions how unfair she’s being to me."
Do you see what I mean? Which one of these is you?
Of course, if she doesn't want you doing any sort of questioning then you have your answer. If you really care about serving her above all else, then just don't ask questions. Why? For the simple reason that it pleases her when you do not.
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I am more prepared to accept unpleasant truths, than I am prepared to be without Her
If you are truly prepared to accept unpleasant truths rather than be without her then be quiet, be still, and warmly embrace those truths that she gives you, even if they hurt. Learn to love the cruelties she bestows upon you, see them clearly as the gifts that they truly are. Realize how lucky you are and strive to love her more and you less. Even if it’s not reciprocated, strive to love her more.
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I suppose what I am not happy with is the idea that I can be replaced so easily…Part of me says I am making a mountain out of nothing, another part says to me "no, you got a glimpse of what She really thinks." And if that part is right, is it wrong of Her? Why shouldn't She be able to do or say anything She wants.
I liked this a lot. It suggests that you are working through the idea of being replaced easily and are learning to accept it.
The truth as I have experienced it is this: if you are enslaved to the right person, someone who really knows how to master you, you can be replaced easily because such a person is very strong and committed to being a mistress/master. They do not allow affection or other emotional ties to prevent them from doing the right thing. And sadly, sometimes the right thing to do with a slave is to dismiss them. These aren’t romantic relationships in the conventional sense, you know.
I personally find the fact of my easy replacement a comfort. I'm not the pampered, loved little pet that he cannot give up. I'm always the supplicant, always the one who needs him more than he needs me, always the one who has to watch her step not to displease him to the point where he might no longer want me. This feeling of being absolutely helpless and vulnerable before him is very important to me. It confirms that I really am a slave.
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I knew Her for one week, she said she was leaving out of state, and I begged Her to let me follow. She agreed, and I have been Her slave ever since.
Very few people would be willing to pull up roots and follow someone after only knowing them a week. I'm not surprised you've been a special slave to her since then. It's hard to find the level of loyalty, dedication, devotion, courage, and willingness to take risks that you demonstrated. You suggested by your actions that you were worth owning.
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Until a month ago, she would call me and confide in me at times. She has let me know more about Her than any other slave. She has treated me very nice many times. …I recently introduced Her to a new love interest, and things seem to have changed since.
Whose new love interest was this? Yours or hers? I’m going to assume for a moment it was your new lover, not hers. If that is not so ignore the next few words, as they are going to be harsh.
And you dare to call her cruel? What in the world were you thinking when you did that? :-( I am a little astonished by her leniency and generosity in allowing you to have love or sex interests other than herself. You repaid that kind generosity by rubbing her face in it with the presence of your new lover. How could you? This was thoughtless and I'm not the least bit surprised that you've lost some trust and affection after that. Perhaps she told you it was OK, but you are supposed to be hers. By having other love interests, you are proving that you are not really hers, that you still put other people before her or put your sexual needs before pleasing her.
Now let me address this from the other perspective. If she is the one who took on a new lover that you intentionally introduced her to with her pleasure in mind, then why do you feel so bad? When a new person comes into somebody’s life, they initially need a lot of attention and time. The relationship-establishment period is very intense, it takes a while. In the early days, it is very vulnerable and needs a lot of care and attention. Unfortunately, that means that other slaves or relationships must be put on a back burner for a while, but it doesn’t sound like she’s abandoned you completely. She may get some cruel pleasure from making you wait knowing she is spending time with the new person, but that’s one of the reasons you love her and love this relationship, isn’t it? Because you cannot influence her? Patience is needed. Think of how happy and involved she is in getting to know the new person, and, if they are to be a slave, training them. Doesn’t that give you a warm glow?
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She will never allow any sexual/romantic exchanges between Her and Her slaves.
I seriously don't understand why this bothers you. It singles you out as something very special. Who else would she do this to except someone she completely controlled? Think of the pleasure and the pride it likely brings her to treat you in this fashion. Think of how it makes her happy; not about how it makes you unhappy. Why do you wish to be on the same level with a mere vanilla lover? Do you think that for a really dominant woman a vanilla relationship is anywhere near as satisfying as owning a slave? Her not allowing that sort of exchange with you, as hard as it may be at times, underlines how thoroughly she regards you as her actual property.
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It hurts to feel that way, and I really just wanted to express how it made me feel. She never gave me the chance.….She made it clear to me that I was Her slave, and that I was beneath Her. That I am not to enjoy said activity with Her, but after Her. That I was a slave, and only to speak when spoken to.
I can understand how this hurt you. But our owners have the right to treat us this way--peremptorily and harshly, whenever they feel like it. They don’t have to respond to our demands for further discussion, either. I thought she was admirably clear in her expectations to you and being her natural self around you and not trying to hide anything or pretend to be "nice”. When a master or mistress can relax around you that much and just be themselves it means something very good about the relationship. It means she's very comfortable with you, she doesn't feel like she has to suck up to you or flatter you or treat you like she might a client. It also means she's not afraid that you're one of those fickle slaves that leave as soon as things stop going THEIR way. Her behavior says that she trusts you a great deal. What a compliment that is! This is all good stuff.
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I wish she had told me the above a year ago, I am completely fine with that.
Well, I think our masters or mistresses have the right to change course on us any time they wish. We’re not owed an early warning. As slaves, our job is to adjust to their wills, whatever those may be, no matter how many times they change.
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I get the impression that She is uncomfortable/unwilling to discuss feelings with me face to face, but that She does care for me.
I would hazard a guess that she is more unwilling than uncomfortable. Very strict masters and mistresses have codes of behavior they adhere to around slaves (the codes vary widely with the individual, of course, but they are almost always there) and they will not bend that behavior no matter how much it hurts a slave's feelings.
I think your guess (about her caring for you) might be right. She has given you strong signs of this. I suggest you strive with all of your heart to be worthy of that care and to not to ever let her down.
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She does tell me things sometimes that makes me feel very good….Contrast those things with Her recent treatment of me and it doesn't add up.
Based on what you’ve said, the math makes sense to me. You either (1) did something quite insensitive that hurt/annoyed her pretty badly and perhaps caused her to lose some trust in you or (2) she’s simply a bit busy at the moment with her newest conquest and she trusts you to be patient and loyal and wait for her attention to return to you. At this point I don’t know which it is but none of her behavior seems off or unnatural to me. If the reality is (1), though, obviously you’ve got a lot of hard work ahead of you to regain her trust.
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Despite the fact that She doesn't want to talk about Her feelings, I feel She shows them indirectly. I don't think that is healthy...
I personally believe that thinking that anything one's master or mistress does is "unhealthy" is extremely unhealthy--in the slave. Just obey her rules and try to realize there is wisdom there whether you can see it or not.
And about this "unhealthy" business: try to ignore, if you can, what the outside culture says about what is healthy and what is not, because more often that not it doesn’t apply in the rarified hothouse atmosphere of enslavement. More specifically, if your mistress prefers to express her emotions indirectly then it is your job as her slave to learn to accept and love this about her and to learn her emotional language, not to force her to behave in the way that you approve of because it would be "more healthy for her." It’s rather controlling on your end to think you know what is best for your mistress, don’t you think?
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Now I just want to serve Her. I don't care that we will never be intimate, or that I will never be treated as Her equal.
It sounds like you are moving in the right direction. This is the path that leads to heaven…in my experience, anyway.
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If you are not willing to give your money to your Mistress/Master then you are not willing to relinquish total control…Everything I make or own is Hers, and I ask for permission to use any money…I don't mind giving Her my money, I relish it.
I think you are absolutely right in everything you said about money in the context of slavery. Many “slaves” are willing to serve evah so slavishly until the point comes where they are required to relinquish their financial resources to a master or mistress. Then suddenly all their pretty words about being a deeply devoted slave are shown to be the lie that they were all the time. The old folk saying, "put your money where your mouth is" has a lot of truth to it. When you relinquish money to the one you serve, it proves a level of devotion and trust that not many reach.
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Yesterday was a harsh lesson to me and I was simply remarking on the fact that just because your fantasy is fulfilled doesn't mean that everything is going to be pleasant.. I have discovered that I am not gonna like everything about this life, but to me the pros outweigh the cons.
I really like the way you thought through this on your own and weren't unduly influenced by the advice you were given, as some of it was deadly to slaves with our aspirations. From everything you've said about your mistress, I believe she must be a very special and wonderful person, and I think your conclusion is sound. Just remember to hold firm when the going gets hard. The bad times will be bad, but they will pass soon enough.
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"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo
"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris
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RE: My fantasy, now a reality... - 
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