My fantasy, now a reality... (Full Version)

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femdomlover72 -> My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 8:26:44 AM)

I am experiencing something I have dreamed of my entire adult life. I am a live in slave to one of the most gorgeous Dommes anywhere. For the sake of discretion I won't mention Her name, unless She gives me permission. I don't really care if people believe this post or not. I am living it, it is so real now, it doesn't matter to me what others think. She regularly humiliates me in front of Her roomates. I am made to serve in front of Her lover, Her friends, anyone who happens to be in the house. It is very different from what I imagined, and so like what I imagined. It is far more intense, and deep than I thought it would be. It runs way beyond fantasy, and fetish. I have served Her for over a year, but this has changed all the dynamics of our relationship.

Some things hurt, like being shown what my place is in Her eyes. Yesterday, I noticed Her doing something with strangers she said she would not do, and never with me. Nothing sexual or BDSM related, but significant to me just the same. I asked her about it because it hurt my feelings. She blasted me, and made it very clear that I was beneath Her and that it did not matter what I felt or thought. That hurts, but I accept it. She made it very clear what my place was, what my role was. I realize now that I was wrong. The rules, what She says, and does, can change at anytime, and even contradict what She says and I must accept that if I am to be Her slave. I thought about it, and I accepted it because I do want to be Her slave, more than anything in life. I know, more than ever now, that I am simply Her slave, meant to serve and amuse Her at Her whim. She is not overly concerned with my feelings, and does not want to talk about them most of the time. Some of the realities of being a real time live in slave can be painful, but I am finding that I am willing to accept them for the privilege of serving Her.

Maybe you believe me, maybe you don't, I just need an outlet to express what I am going through. Even though I have been Her slave for over a year now I am still new to many things. There are so many things that you don't consider when you dream about being a personal slave. Be careful what you wish for, in my case I got it. More than I ever dreamed possible, and I love it, even when it hurts.



mnottertail -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 8:28:09 AM)

This would seem better suited to a different forum. 

Yeah, we all go thru some stuff, glad it is working for you at the moment. 



femdomlover72 -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 8:29:23 AM)

Thanks for the reply. Wasn't sure where to post it, but I am open to suggestions.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 8:30:54 AM)

How about the journal on your profile?



mnottertail -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 8:30:58 AM)

Oh, don't worry on these things so long as you are not constantly doing it, they have people on this site who only worry about these things. 



mnottertail -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 8:32:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
How about the journal on your profile?


And that right there?  THAT'S why you make the big bucks!!!!



sincelo -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 8:35:46 AM)

That is great that works for you. Personally i need consistency. I dislike the rules to change mid-stream because it fosters distrust. I am happy it is working for you though and that you are so happy.



femdomlover72 -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 8:36:24 AM)

@LadyHibiscus Oh I don't know. I doubt anyone would read it. At least I get responses here. Even if they are not positive.



femdomlover72 -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 8:38:12 AM)

I can't say that I really like the rules to change, but I came to the conclusion that if this is going to work I have to be willing to accept certain things, even if I don't like them.



sincelo -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 8:40:29 AM)

well it isn't a matter of liking or not i guess but functional or not. For me i wouldn't be functional. For you it can be.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 8:41:50 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
How about the journal on your profile?


And that right there?  THAT'S why you make the big bucks!!!!



I hope to get a raise to .09 experience points!



LillyoftheVally -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 8:49:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: femdomlover72

@LadyHibiscus Oh I don't know. I doubt anyone would read it. At least I get responses here. Even if they are not positive.


What do you hope from the responses? People to say good for you? If so, congrats.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 8:51:18 AM)

Any attention is good attention. ~nodnod~



femdomlover72 -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 8:53:52 AM)

I am just looking for discussion. People's opinions really on different aspects of BDSM and how it relates to my experience. Isn't that a major reason why people post? It is for me anyway. I am not really looking for anyone's approval if that is what your asking. I am just looking for an outlet, and I like to put my experiences out there to compare them to others who are willing to share.



LillyoftheVally -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 8:57:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: femdomlover72

I am just looking for discussion. People's opinions really on different aspects of BDSM and how it relates to my experience. Isn't that a major reason why people post? It is for me anyway. I am not really looking for anyone's approval if that is what your asking. I am just looking for an outlet, and I like to put my experiences out there to compare them to others who are willing to share.


Ahh ok, it wasn't really clear because there was not a question. So I would say your experience sounds like my idea of hell, I am submissive but do not like to be with someone who takes that to mean that I am less than them, though I do know that there are plenty of people who that does appeal to.

I think humiliation is one thing, one erotic thing, but I think there is a difference between being treated as less, being humiliated and patronised and the person believing that this is true and making me feel they really feel that way.

But as I said, good on you for finding what you want, and also for fantasy matching up in reality as something you actually want, which is really rare.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 8:58:26 AM)

Yes, I hope that you continue to enjoy what you've found. I know that I would never dream of treating my man like that, but if you are satisfied with being subject to someone's whimsy, good.



femdomlover72 -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 9:10:45 AM)

Yes, perhaps I should have made that more clear. Thanks for your reply, which is what I was hoping for. You are right, my living situation is something that I never expected to become real, and I feel it is ultra rare for someone to have their dreams come to life. I have discovered that there is much more to the reality than the fantasy, things that aren't going to be fun, exciting, or pleasant. I don't feel like I will ever find myself in such a situation again, and I don't want to ruin it by complaining about the things that don't add up. As a slave I feel I have no right to complain. I should only serve. There is another part of me that wants to say something when things don't add up. Is it wrong to question things? For Her it is, and I am more prepared to accept unpleasant truths, than I am prepared to be without Her.



Clickofheels -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 9:18:22 AM)

Even from a Dominant perspective, I agree with LillyoftheVally in her statement: "your experience sounds like my idea of hell."

Personally, I would get no personal satisfaction from treating a submissive like less than a human being, making him have to second guess me constantly, or refuse to consider his feelings nor allow discussion of them at all... no matter how "gorgeous" he was! In my opinion a relationship involves TWO people and not just one...in all aspects. And a relationship is meant to enrich lives, not detract from them.

However, that said, I agree with Lilly also..."good on you for finding what you want."

Wishing you happiness,
Ms Click






Lockit -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 9:20:32 AM)

While any relationship has potential to challenge us, if you find a comfortable place within it, at no real risk to you, more power to you. I am not sure that one would need an outlet other than someone close if the relationship were going as it needed to go. Or do you mean outlet in a different manner than it is typically used?

I recently was challenged in helping someone digest a situation very much like your own. I say challenged because from what I know to be okay in good emotional health and what really happens are different and I rarely mince words. I rarely wish to be cruel, though I can be, I don't often like to be. I will be kinder and gentler in dealing/working personally with someone in crisis and very careful how I say something, but the bottom line, no matter how you say it, can be the harsh part. Facing the fact that you really accepted something that eventually hurt you... is a harsh life lesson.

When the fantasy/fetish overcomes certain other things and causes a real life or personal problem and you know you did it to yourself... that is a lot to deal with. Laying blame for certain things is where most go... but to heal, you really need to see your part in a situation. What your needs were that took you there... what kept you there... what is healthy... what is okay life wise... what is reasonable... and what was an emotional game that fed into a fetish sometimes. Kicking your own ass can be a long term process for some. As you said, be careful what you wish for. One day, something may change and you find you just can't bear that line being crossed or being dismissed. Then eyes almost wide open... is ass kicking time. You won't like it, I promise you.

Only you can walk your walk and only you can learn your lessons. I will hope that you will always be happy and honest with yourself. If you are not honest with yourself and have played into a fetish or a need/desperation or a fallacy... you will one day pay the piper.

And by what I have said... you can see that I don't find a situation like your own healthy in the long run. Even a dominant or as you say... superior, needs accountability and discipline.



SailingBum -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 9:28:16 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: femdomlover72

I am experiencing something I have dreamed of my entire adult life. I am a live in slave to one of the most gorgeous Dommes anywhere. For the sake of discretion I won't mention Her name, unless She gives me permission. I don't really care if people believe this post or not. I am living it, it is so real now, it doesn't matter to me what others think. She regularly humiliates me in front of Her roomates. I am made to serve in front of Her lover, Her friends, anyone who happens to be in the house. It is very different from what I imagined, and so like what I imagined. It is far more intense, and deep than I thought it would be. It runs way beyond fantasy, and fetish. I have served Her for over a year, but this has changed all the dynamics of our relationship.

Some things hurt, like being shown what my place is in Her eyes. Yesterday, I noticed Her doing something with strangers she said she would not do, and never with me. Nothing sexual or BDSM related, but significant to me just the same. I asked her about it because it hurt my feelings. She blasted me, and made it very clear that I was beneath Her and that it did not matter what I felt or thought. That hurts, but I accept it. She made it very clear what my place was, what my role was. I realize now that I was wrong. The rules, what She says, and does, can change at anytime, and even contradict what She says and I must accept that if I am to be Her slave. I thought about it, and I accepted it because I do want to be Her slave, more than anything in life. I know, more than ever now, that I am simply Her slave, meant to serve and amuse Her at Her whim. She is not overly concerned with my feelings, and does not want to talk about them most of the time. Some of the realities of being a real time live in slave can be painful, but I am finding that I am willing to accept them for the privilege of serving Her.

Maybe you believe me, maybe you don't, I just need an outlet to express what I am going through. Even though I have been Her slave for over a year now I am still new to many things. There are so many things that you don't consider when you dream about being a personal slave. Be careful what you wish for, in my case I got it. More than I ever dreamed possible, and I love it, even when it hurts.


Dunno aobut the rest of you....But it sure sounds to me like the OP is trying to convince themselves it's ok to have their owner to be so uncaring toward the OP. Furthermore intentionally hurt the OP feelings on a regular basis which I suspect will continue to get worse over time with more hurt feeling and rejection.

My advice to the OP is you can have that type relationship in a loving caring environment. That is my take on what's going on here as the OP does not sound to happy about the situation.

BadOne



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