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strongbottom88 -> RE: Courting a male submissive (1/6/2012 5:57:11 PM)
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I think my answer to this is dependent upon your definition of "courting." If by courting, you mean paying attention to, communicating with, and doing nice things for, then certainly I like being courted, I think most people male or female enjoy being made to feel appreciated, enjoyed, desired etc.
On the other hand, while I appreciate giving and recieving small gifts that are useful or have personal meaning of some sort, I'm not huge on giving or recieving a bunch of gifts as if the simple act of giving something is showing personal attention or courting. If a woman is buying me clothes, I'm likely to feel she is trying to tell me something about my wardrobe. Interestingly, if a woman starts buying me drinks out of the blue (and we are not already well established friends) I tend to feel that I'm expected to "put out." That may not be a bad thing, but I tend to feel "expected" to. On the other hand, if I buy a drink for a woman, I'm certainly not expecting anything beyond some conversation in return. I guess there is a socialized gender component to it all. If a woman buys me flowers I'm probably going to be looking around for a trash can to dump them in when she is not looking.
I'm not sure the whole dominant/submissive role plays a huge part in my thoughts on this. Truth be told, I think I have on average found vanilla women to be more aggressive and forward in terms of making initial contact, indicating what they are looking for early on, and making the "first move." I have met some women in vanilla settings who were very forward wh turned out to be very kinky and sadistic, but in situations where we both knew the other was kinky, I have found the expectation to be that I will at least make the intial contact and be the one to try to get the interaction going. At some point along the way, the woman will typically play a far more forward role in the process. I have no explanation for any of these dynamics and as only one person, I wouldn't even attempt to draw any conclusion from them.
In my experience, words are generally the most important and effective means of "courting" during the early stages in any setting and just to reiterate, I do find being courted in that regard to be enjoyable and I equally enjoy courting in that manner. Dominance, submission, sadism, masochism, etc are personal and sexual traits that have big impacts on relationships, but I do not see them as absolutely dictating how people get to know each other and since I tend to see the roles primarily in the "bedroom" I don't even think they have a huge impact on interaction during more vanilla day to day activities.
When it comes to "playing" on the other hand, there has to be some level of seduction or forwardness from the sadist/domme. I'm not going to tie myself up and try to crawl over to a sadistic woman asking to be beaten. I'm not going to grab her hand and place it on my hair and tell her to pull. I may try to initiate more vanilla sexual activities with a dominant woman once we have an established relationship and I may indicate an interest in playing, but as a bottom/masochist, I won't initiate play beyond occasionally poking, pinhcing, pulling hair etc. I guess i'm not including this part of a relationship as courting.
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