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How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 7:35:28 AM

DuncanBlues

Posts: 17
Joined: 12/16/2011
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I'm a slave at heart, but my wife is not into it. She's spanked me a few times but feels bad when my but starts turning red. She's tied me up but isn't good at it. I can easily escape. I bought some rough rope and she thought I was joking. I tied myself up with it and let her finish me off so I couldn't escape once.

I've tried pretended I'm her slave, but it is difficult since she isn't into it. Any suggestions on how to do this fantasy-wise? My marriage may depend on it. (I might not reply for a while. I have to head to work soon and my wife doesn't know I'm on this site.)

Post #: 1

RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 7:45:37 AM

SAMHAIN09

Posts: 207
Joined: 11/8/2010
Status: offline

Find her a mentor I guess. That or make an arrangement you go to a pro dom while she doesn't have to feel uncomfortable dealing with you.

(in reply to DuncanBlues)

Post #: 2

RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 7:46:24 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
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Hmm well seeing as a slave doesn't = into rope its pretty easy, she doesn't want to do kinky things then she doesn't have to, you should be happy with that because you want to make her happy right? As a slave I mean? Simples problem solved.

Of course that is not what you mean. what you mean is how can i get my wife to be interested something she isn't interested in. You probably can't but you can explain how important it is to you and see if she will try again. Maybe you don't use rope but bondage tape or a straight jacket or cuffs or whatver. Also if you don't want to escape then don't try escaping, I find that works.

ETA It has been said above about going to a pro, I would say this is a good option if all else fails and your wife understands/is comfortable for you to use that as an outlet. Indeed in that situation it may not need to be a pro but you could try and find someone on here who would be happy in that situation, though that would take longer.

< Message edited by LillyoftheVally -- 1/5/2012 7:48:06 AM >

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to DuncanBlues)

Post #: 3

RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 8:11:11 AM

DuncanBlues

Posts: 17
Joined: 12/16/2011
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Yes. What I should be asking is: How can I get my own mind into the proper slave mentality, I suppose.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 4

RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 8:19:32 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DuncanBlues

Yes. What I should be asking is: How can I get my own mind into the proper slave mentality, I suppose.

I'm not sure there is a "proper slave mentality"...that smacks of "one twue way"ism.

What is it about being a slave that appeals to you? Is it the sense of service to your mistress? The power exchange? Is it the kinky sex that you expect to have? Is it the impact play/stingy play/etc.?

Could it be that you are a bottom and not a submissive/slave?

(in reply to DuncanBlues)

Post #: 5

RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 8:28:55 AM

DuncanBlues

Posts: 17
Joined: 12/16/2011
Status: offline

I guess my problem is I don't know all the terminology. I would enjoy the kinky aspects of being spanked, tied, etc. But also complete service to a mistress for life. I don't know what this means. In my case I have married someone who rarely even has straight sex with me and doesn't open mouth kiss. So I'm looking for a way to use that as a fantasy of cuckolding perhaps. I know what I'm going to be told. Get out of the marriage. My problem is that goes against my values, and I feel guilty having moved my wife here from somewhere else having known this marriage was a bad idea to start with. I keep hoping she will be the one to call it off, but she doesn't. In the meantime, I keep trying to make it work for me through at least some sort of fantasy.

(in reply to searching4mysir)

Post #: 6

RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 8:33:40 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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Well, maybe a lost cause, if she is not sexual or interested in power or control.

Let's start with the basics.

What does she like? What does she like that you do for her? (sex and non sex, all of it) lets see if we can get a list here, and separate good and bad and see where you are at.

If she wont even open mouth kiss you, I doubt that she will have sex with a man in front of you, so we might hold off on the cuckold stuff for now....that looks like an uphill climb from this vantage point.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to DuncanBlues)

Post #: 7

RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 8:40:22 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I am having a hard time matching this thread up with your Intro thread, Duncan. What's going on here?

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RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 8:43:44 AM

hlen5

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Joined: 3/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am having a hard time matching this thread up with your Intro thread, Duncan. What's going on here?

Me too!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 9

RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 8:46:03 AM

DuncanBlues

Posts: 17
Joined: 12/16/2011
Status: offline

She likes foot rubs, massages. She's a writer I read her writing behind her. I have complained about it. But that's because she lacks self-confidence and I've been trying to build that up in her. I feel more like a father or dominant to her than a husband or sub/slave.

I try to do all the work around the house, but she feels guilty and does some of it. If she'd at least make me do all of that, I could get off on it.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 10

RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 9:04:21 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

it doesn't sound like she's into it. I think you're either going to have to accept that you have an equality based relationship or she gives you permission to see a pro or you leave the relationship. First though I would tell her exactly what you told us and what you desire. Then after that you have a decision to make.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 9:08:58 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

Im not trying to be rude, but if you knew this was so important to you why did you get married without having it as part of the relationship? It sounds as though you havent been married for that long, that you moved her to be with you, it also sounds like you had doubts before you get married, and so I am really confused about why you got married? I only ask because I have seen a few men ask things like this on the board and I never understand how they get into that position.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 12

RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 9:22:57 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
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Do you already maintain all the cars, including making sure they have full tanks?

Do you do the yard work and take out the trash? Laundry? Dust/Vacuum? Clean the bathrooms? Grocery shopping? Cooking?

If she likes foot rubs and massages, how about when she gets home from work you draw her a nice, warm, bubble bath and rub her feet as you talk about her day?

I'm not going to say get out of the marriage, not just yet. I believe marriage is for life and that you move heaven and earth to try to make it work before giving up on it.

(in reply to DuncanBlues)

Post #: 13

RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 9:25:21 AM

kanina

Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline

Turning somone into something she is not is a bad move...

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Post #: 14

RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 10:06:23 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Your journals made me sad. I think you should get therapy ASAP. Perhaps for you at first, then couples.

(in reply to DuncanBlues)

Post #: 15

RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 10:14:30 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

Don't try to fit a round peg into a square hole. She isn't going to change. People don't change, at least not fundamentally. It is very unfair for you to expect her to turn into something she isn't, wasn't, and never will be. If anyone needs to change, it is you.
As for calling off your marriage, think about what you are saying. You are probably both miserable, but you want her to be the bad guy.
I read your journal, and it made me sad too. You seem to believe that suffering is a virtue. Is that a Christian thing?

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 1/5/2012 10:19:04 AM >

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 16

RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 10:40:24 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

You seem to believe that suffering is a virtue. Is that a Christian thing?

Within Catholicism there is a thing called "redemptive suffering" but not generally within the Born-Again movement.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 17

RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 10:42:26 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

You seem to believe that suffering is a virtue. Is that a Christian thing?

Within Catholicism there is a thing called "redemptive suffering" but not generally within the Born-Again movement.

Redemptive suffering is usually to do with dealing with illness, that sort of thing, rather than wallowing in misery for the sake of it.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 18

RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 10:44:22 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DuncanBlues

She likes foot rubs, massages. She's a writer I read her writing behind her. I have complained about it. But that's because she lacks self-confidence and I've been trying to build that up in her. I feel more like a father or dominant to her than a husband or sub/slave.

I try to do all the work around the house, but she feels guilty and does some of it. If she'd at least make me do all of that, I could get off on it.

Just so you know...your getting off has exactly ZERO to do with slavery, submission, or service. If I need something done, I don't care if he enjoys it or not, I want it done.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to DuncanBlues)

Post #: 19

RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/5/2012 11:14:46 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

You seem to believe that suffering is a virtue. Is that a Christian thing?

Within Catholicism there is a thing called "redemptive suffering" but not generally within the Born-Again movement.

Redemptive suffering is usually to do with dealing with illness, that sort of thing, rather than wallowing in misery for the sake of it.

True...I didn't want to get into detail as this isn't the P&R room

Redemptive suffering has nothing to do with wallowing in misery.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 20

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