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RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/6/2012 4:10:53 PM   
Ninebelowzero


Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline 		Good call

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RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/6/2012 7:25:55 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DuncanBlues

I'm a slave at heart, but my wife is not into it. She's spanked me a few times but feels bad when my but starts turning red. She's tied me up but isn't good at it. I can easily escape. I bought some rough rope and she thought I was joking. I tied myself up with it and let her finish me off so I couldn't escape once.

I've tried pretended I'm her slave, but it is difficult since she isn't into it. Any suggestions on how to do this fantasy-wise? My marriage may depend on it. (I might not reply for a while. I have to head to work soon and my wife doesn't know I'm on this site.)

Often, when people are in frustrating or depressing situations, they eroticize the inability to receive pleasure, as a way to cope.  It is almost like Stockholm Syndrome.  For example, I used to date a woman who had been in a marriage where she and her husband did not have sex for four years.  She had been a bedroom sub before then, but during her four-year drought, she developed fantasies where she had to beg for sex.  She really did have to beg, in real life, and he denied her.  So for her to beg me, and me to be "talked into it" was a rush of happy wetness for her.

You may find you have less of a desire to be sub if your relationship to your relationship changes.  Weird sentence I know, but it's what I want to say.

My suggestion: focus less on kinky sex, and more on happiness and fulfillment in nonsexual areas.  If you are happy and successful elsewhere, the great sex will come, as if by magic.

Good luck.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to DuncanBlues)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/7/2012 10:26:13 AM   
DuncanBlues


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/16/2011
Status: offline 		Interesting. In my case, I've had slave fantasies since childhood. Still, you're theory likely has some merit even in my case. Before her withdrawal of affection these feelings weren't as intense.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/7/2012 10:37:27 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DuncanBlues

Interesting. In my case, I've had slave fantasies since childhood. Still, you're theory likely has some merit even in my case. Before her withdrawal of affection these feelings weren't as intense.

I'm  not saying that a happy relationship would turn you nilla.  Rather, your relationship to your desires for submission would change.  They would be coming from a happy place, instead of a (borderline-addictive?) need.

I haven't read this thread, so if you spoke about the following, my apologies.  However, if you find yourself watching more and more porn, or spending a lot of time masturbating, etc., there is probably more going on that just missing sex.  You may be replacing emotional intimacy with a cyber connection to pornographers who "accept you as you are" -- they cater to your slave fantasies instead of judging and pulling away.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to DuncanBlues)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/7/2012 11:29:08 AM   
stellauk


Posts: 1360
Status: offline 		You cannot change people, all you can change are relationships.


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(in reply to DuncanBlues)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/7/2012 5:27:53 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Pay her. 

Long ago (30 years), I had a mixed poly house with subs and slaves.  I don't tolerate a submissive's negotiations well, but I used to pay allowance bonuses to my girls for extraordinary role play situations they didn't enjoy.  They were happy for the bonuses, I was happy to see them with nuns, midgets, shemales & donkeys.


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I give good thread.

(in reply to DuncanBlues)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/7/2012 9:29:43 PM   
BootyBoy


Posts: 108
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline 		@ DuncanBlues

You seem to be falling into this "submissive role" with some misapprehensions. The bottom line of a relationship is still a relationship. All of the S&M stuff isn't going to do you a bit of good if the relationship is damaged or broken in the fist place. - BTW I'm talking from your Journals now.

I'll cut to the chase. Whatever fundamental problems you have in a vanilla relationship are going to be just a prominent in a D/s relationship. This may sound weird to you, but a submissive husband needs just as much respect and worth as a Dominant husband—it's just expressed in diametrically different ways, but at it's heart is the same level of care and affection, friendship and partnership. So whatever is causing problems needs to be talked about, and probably with a therapist, or at least a trained counsellor. Free resources are available in most places, but you need to take that step.

Nothing is going to change until you take the steps to change it. Think about it.
I hope that you will do this.

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/8/2012 10:24:30 PM   
slaverachel2Him


Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2011
Status: offline 		So the profile isn't found. Perhaps he got "busted?" i was going to PM him as i have been in that situation. Perhaps He decided it was just a fantasy after all and reall not being in control was too much.

The other problem COULD be is that they are two submissives waiting in a "stand off" of sorts. Two Dominants can work, but 2 submissives have a lot harder time getting it together, in fact i don't know if 2 REALLY submissive/slaves CAN make it work. i have seen that happen with subs- it was kind of sad and terrible as they kind of danced around each other, one knowing they preferred Dominant men but was set against it as "wrong" and the other husband) trying to be dominant as only a really submissive can- NOT! They ended up divorced. He as far as i know never has gotten a GF, and she decided she was asexual because she can't face that she like rough sex and Dominant males. So they might be in a vanilla-"sub" wife/ and kink slave husb.





< Message edited by slaverachel2Him -- 1/8/2012 10:31:13 PM >

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(in reply to BootyBoy)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: How can I get my wife to be my mistress? - 1/9/2012 12:54:50 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Actually I'm not sure he got busted, I think it might be more of he found his way with the wife and is giving it a shot. According to his latest journals he seemed happier in his relationship by diving more into the slave aspect of it. I hope so anyway, if you read this Duncan....good luck and if it doesn't work out at least you know you honestly tried. 

(in reply to slaverachel2Him)
Profile   Post #: 49
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