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RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make them work and over come the obsticles that arise?


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RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make th... - 3/27/2007 3:45:12 PM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		     My LDR has lasted several years and for me, I have not found it a  challenge.  If I need to talk, I pick up the phone and thank heavens I have unlimited LD.   The mental connection that we have makes the distance easier than most, I suppose.   It is my hope to relocate at some point, within a year or so, but right now that is just not possible.    When I relocate, I will have a seperate residence.    In the meantime, we each have a place to go to on vacation.   

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make th... - 3/27/2007 7:09:26 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		800 miles... damn.. I wish I could be so lucky....

But, keep in mind... some people 1 foot way are further apart than those that are 1000 miles away.

also, keep in mind... that approx 50% of committed (marriage) fail.... relationships of lesser commitment will only fail more often. 

I hear that LDR fail more often... compared to what?  Some CDR (close distance relationships) fail in the beginning.. but it takes them are few years to admit it and actually end it.  Alot of LDR's fail quicker not because LDR are actually harder... but because it easier to walk away from a relationship not going anywhere.  More than a few stay in a CDR because they don't want to be alone.  It is few singles that actual stay single for any great length of time.  Most have been in relationships more than they actually been single.

So.. when looking at LDR's lets compare apples to apples and oranges to oranges.   I question some LDRs as being comparable to CDRs.  There are indeed LDRs that are committed devoted relationships that move forward into CDR situations.  But there are alot of LDRs that are comparable to causal dating CDR that have serious fun and end up fading in time. LDRs that stay together will do so for much the same reasons that CDRs stay together... WORK!

There has to be Compatiability and Commitment.  A person needs to stay balanced with Realistic Expectation of each other and the relationship.  You both need to be getting something out of the relationship and feel like you can give something to it,.  It's not enough to just Communicate... It must be Effective!!




_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make th... - 3/27/2007 7:30:47 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: impishlilhellcat

I think I should rephrase the post it kinda got off the track I was looking and I don't think I was specific enough. So here goes...... I wasn't asking if people thought it was possible or not I know everyone has their own personal opinions.. I was just curious as to how many people had LDR's and what kinds of activities and such they did to help keep that bond there and strong in the abscence of their SO...I hope that makes more sense :P


Hehe, that's the boards for you. You'll get plenty of answers, just not to the question you asked. I am also in a long distance relationship with someone I met while visiting the city he lives in (attending a MAsT meeting there, no less.) We knew immediately that there was a connection and it's actually the distance that saved us (I truly believe this) because if I could have, I would have pushed for the relationship to move more quickly than was good. After getting to know each other over the next 5 months both in person and through phone/internet, we decided to cohabitate. Now, 3 months after that, I still don't "live" at our home fulltime but as of June I will and both of us are anticipating that greatly. So to answer your question:

Communication! Talk as much as you can, whenever you can talk about everything.
Webcams aren't dirty - seeing his face and him seeing yours can make you feel closer.
Fall asleep talking to each other, especially on speaker phone. It almost feels as if he's there.
Don't be afraid of "phone sex" or "cyber sex" talking dirty on the phone can be exciting and fulfilling and chatting dirty can be a great way to explore things you might be too shy to say in person.
Share things with each other - send interesting and funny news, videos, websites, or watch tv "together" by chatting online, these things work almost as well as if you're actually doing things together in real life, giving you shared experiences to talk about.
Make plans for what you'll do next time you're together. Having something to look forward to will make the time pass quickly.
Send each other real life letters in the (gasp) mail. You can include special little things that can't be sent via email.

Those are some of my suggestions. Hope it works out for you, it really can work.


_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make th... - 3/27/2007 7:32:22 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: impishlilhellcat

I was just wondering how many of you are in long distance relationships and how you make them work? How do you deal with the obsticles that arise from being apart from your significant other and how do you make that bond stronger even though you are oh say 800 miles apart?


We were 800 miles apart... not any more.  That's how we dealt with it. 

Edited to add:

lol... I just noted that this thread was started not very long after FirmhandKY and I met.  How's that for serendipity? 


< Message edited by losttreasure -- 3/27/2007 7:40:40 PM >

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Just because it isn't "all about me", doesn't make it "all about you".

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make th... - 3/27/2007 7:35:46 PM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		Applauds Your post Knight.    I think a LDR REALLY depends on the people involved.    I've been in live in relationships and felt alone and craved physical touch, however, in my LDR, I never feel lonely and although sometimes I ache to hold my partner, I always feel Him touching my heart.  
LDR's often get a negative rap, simply because it goes against the norm and when it doesn't work, people will complain thus shedding a more negative light.    Does anyone say 24/7 doesn't work or it's a challenge?    No not really because it's the norm and more accepted.    People often do not want to admit their failures on what is acceptable and the norm.   I think if one were to actually do a study, the failure in CDR and LDR's would probably be pretty close to equal.   
     I think you are exactly right when it comes to communication.    A LDR based totally on cyber or phone sex probably is doomed for failure.   A CDR based totally on the physical end, probably is not going to last very long.    How often do we see posts where a 24/7 relationship is NOT working, because the scening and sex becomes no exsistant and there is a total failure to communicate?  
     Even though I don't see my partner every every day nor do we talk every, we are both 100% of each other's world.     We are both just working on either end until we are able to close the physical distance.    For me, as I near my 40th birthday, it's more prefered to endure the challenge of a LDR with a person who completes me and makes me happy and secure not only in myself but my relationship, than to settle with someone closer who won't make me feel completely content.         

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make th... - 3/28/2007 1:16:10 PM   
Unrepentant1


Posts: 283
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

quote:

ORIGINAL: impishlilhellcat

I was just wondering how many of you are in long distance relationships and how you make them work? How do you deal with the obsticles that arise from being apart from your significant other and how do you make that bond stronger even though you are oh say 800 miles apart?


We were 800 miles apart... not any more.  That's how we dealt with it. 

Edited to add:

lol... I just noted that this thread was started not very long after FirmhandKY and I met.  How's that for serendipity? 




Its the only solution as I see it, its ok to get involed in one as long as you intend to see it through and one moves.

(in reply to losttreasure)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make th... - 3/28/2007 1:20:08 PM   
vivaaurora


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		My Daddy and i are in a very long distance relationship, and it didnt start out that way. we are both truck drivers, and i got sick and lost my job. we talk on the phone alot, and look forward to the time that we do have togeather. We also get to talk on line every so often. Alot of phone playing, alot of just listening to eachother talk. Make the most of the times you do get to see eachother, and look at the time when you cant as being able to get to know eachother as people alot better

(in reply to Unrepentant1)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make th... - 3/28/2007 1:42:59 PM   
OnlyHis


Posts: 137
Joined: 2/25/2004
Status: offline 		I have been with Master going on 6 years now and it has been mostley long distance. But we have been together many times from anything from 2 weeks to several months.  I had talked to him for almost a year before I made my first visit to Master and the relationship has just grown stronger ever since.  Yes we have had some very rough spots, there were times i wondered if it would last. There were some obstacles standing in our way but we managed to get past those things.
Long distance can work but you both have to want it. There is a lot of emotional rollercoaster rides to overcome. There can be insecurities and sometimes jealousies but if it is what both ( or more) parties really want in a relationship and it works for them it is well worth the rough spots.
Take care

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make th... - 3/28/2007 1:43:42 PM   
Tiredone


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/9/2007
Status: offline 		Long distance relationships with the right person may work, but if you have someone who has a weak will and listens to other people advise then it will not work. Happened to me, Had a guy (who is on this site) play the comforting friend while I was away and moved in on me when he saw the chance. He's definitely a low life.....

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Long Distance relationship.. How do you All make th... - 3/28/2007 7:11:08 PM   
andreaC


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline 		I am in a long distance relationship for close to 6 yrs now.  I have to admit that at time its hard cause there is no physical contact, face to face interaction, but luckily we get to meet in real and in 4 months, i hope to move to where Master is living.

What helps us is lots of communication, we talk everyday, if i cant talk to Master (if he is travelling) then i either send him an email or he will call me .



_____________________________

andreaC - owned by Master Carrera2
Complete and extremely happy :)
Jeg elsker deg Herre

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)
Profile   Post #: 50
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