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RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 9:25:12 AM

TheFireWithinMe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe

quote:

yeah, i probably would.. I would consider that it could accelerate into much more.. and many cases by then its too late.. I have read that cops have the same psychological profile as criminals.. if that is true.. yeah,.. another reason.. and having peace of mind would be worth the effort of moving, imo.. Sure, file a complaint with the police dept but do that after you have moved, imo.. Like i said tho, i use a po box so that really wouldnt happen to me.. a guy would actually have to follow me all the way to where ever i was staying to find that out...

So you would move every time there is a possible threat to your safety? Then again why am I surprised, you once posted that you were leaving a thread because another poster gave you the creeps and you didn't feel safe.

his attitude was demoralizing to me simply cuz he is not alone in his views... I really dont like to think about how few guys there are that are actually decent..

A big part of it is not knowing what is going thru that persons mind and what he is capable of.. Why would i want to live someplace where i would be wondering if he was out there watching me.. or waiting for me.. or every time some noise woke me up in the middle of the night.. where i have to have 6 super duper locks on the door, bars on the windows (which is quite common in many areas in CA).. cameras around the property and at the front door.. vehicle alarm.. It is easier to move.. but then i dont really have any place i consider home base right now so it is quite easy for me, I dont have much to move.. half a day is all it takes.. That said, I dont give off a victim's vib so its less likely to happen to me..

I would think it would be easier to find out in the safe way I outlined in my post to NV rather than finding a place to live, packing up and moving but hey to each their own.

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Post #: 41

RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 9:36:11 AM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe
I would think it would be easier to find out in the safe way I outlined in my post to NV rather than finding a place to live, packing up and moving but hey to each their own.

My home is my castle, such as it is.. its where i feel safe and in control.. or that is how i should feel.. I would not have bothered to sue the guy, btw. I think it would also be different if a guy just sent me a letter in the mail, as opposed to actually driving to my home and searching out my vehicle.. I know some people think it was romantic and all but I was never into chick flicks or Harelquin romance stuff.. that just isnt how real life works..

It says here that this woman is a single mother.. that might have made her feel more unsafe, and protective for her childs sake.. Also,.. it was illegal according to the law for him to do that.. as a cop he would know that.. cops are supposed to uphold the law, not break it,.. no matter how love lorn he was..
"Under Rebecca’s Law, unauthorized use of the DMV database is illegal."
http://www.hispanicallyspeakingnews.com/notitas-de-noticias/details/after-giving-woman-a-ticket-cop-looks-up-her-address-to-ask-her-out-she-sue/13131/

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Post #: 42

RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 10:22:32 AM

littlewonder

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I admit I can understand the woman's anxiety over this. Many many years ago I had signed up for internet service at my home. The man came out, installed everything, set it up for me. I never flirted with him or anything. After a few days he started sending messages to my computer from the isp.

I was a newly single mom and living alone for the first time in my life. It was creepy and scarey to be honest. I contacted the isp and they fired him but then he started parking out front of my house. I called the police and had him arrested.

So while some may see this as harmless, for a single woman it can be a little scarey because you feel like someone is watching you and taking advantage of you.

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Post #: 43

RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 10:36:40 AM

TheFireWithinMe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe
I would think it would be easier to find out in the safe way I outlined in my post to NV rather than finding a place to live, packing up and moving but hey to each their own.

My home is my castle, such as it is.. its where i feel safe and in control.. or that is how i should feel.. I would not have bothered to sue the guy, btw. I think it would also be different if a guy just sent me a letter in the mail, as opposed to actually driving to my home and searching out my vehicle.. I know some people think it was romantic and all but I was never into chick flicks or Harelquin romance stuff.. that just isnt how real life works..

It says here that this woman is a single mother.. that might have made her feel more unsafe, and protective for her childs sake.. Also,.. it was illegal according to the law for him to do that.. as a cop he would know that.. cops are supposed to uphold the law, not break it,.. no matter how love lorn he was..
"Under Rebecca’s Law, unauthorized use of the DMV database is illegal."
http://www.hispanicallyspeakingnews.com/notitas-de-noticias/details/after-giving-woman-a-ticket-cop-looks-up-her-address-to-ask-her-out-she-sue/13131/

So if I understand you correctly it's a matter of distance? Wouldn't it you worry that the guy, having your address, would stalk you without your being aware of it? It is after all a possibility. Personally I wouldn't move, I would report his having done this to the police and let them punish him as appropriate. Moving isn't any solution at all as it wouldn't be hard for him to find out your new address and it seems to me that it's a lot of work for what is a temporary solution at best.

Incidentally I have maintained that it was illegal and inappropriate, I'm just not willing to mark him as a stalker before finding out more.

ETA: Oh boy I hope this makes sense, I'm exhausted from the sofa wars yesterday.

I'll be damned if I would allow any man the power to scare me into moving, especially when I don't know for sure he's a threat. Even if he were, there's no way I would hand over that much power to him, I would increase the safety of the place I have.

< Message edited by TheFireWithinMe -- 1/13/2012 11:34:57 AM >

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Post #: 44

RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 11:35:04 AM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe
So if I understand you correctly it's a matter of distance? Wouldn't it you worry that the guy, having your address, would stalk you without your being aware of it? It is after all a possibility. Personally I wouldn't move, I would report his having done this to the police and let them punish him as appropriate. Moving isn't any solution at all as it wouldn't be hard for him to find out your new address and it seems to me that it's a lot of work for what is a temporary solution at best.

Incidentally I have maintained that it was illegal and inappropriate, I'm just not willing to mark him as a stalker before finding out more.

I would just feel a letter would not be as threatening to me.. I might still move tho.. or i might reply to him or call him first and tell him no and to back off, see how he reacts, see if i heard from him again or if i noticed anyone hanging around my place (I would think he would give his number in the letter).. Someone that just sends a letter in the mail is less likely to stalk in person, imo.. it shows he will only make a minor effort to try to date you.. If all he had to do was punch your name in the computer and write out a letter.. it means he is on the lazy side or that he knows to keep his distance.. jmo.. Driving by someones home and a note on the car is so much more personal to me than just a letter in the mail..

He would also need to be a serious & possibly dangerous stalker to go to the effort to find a persons new address.. For most people it might be easy for them to be found again, but as i said, i use a po box and am very security minded about who knows where i live... Its mostly for convenience that i use it, but there is also the security thing which is important to me.. also, mail is harder to steal from a po box for ID theft.. So no, i would not worry about being found again..

He may not be a stalker,.. but he did break the law.. like i said tho, i would not have sued the guy.. unfortunately doing that means people can say she is doing it just to get money and discount how it made her feel..

eta to your eta- i see it differently, i see it as a new start. Staying there would take power away from me, i would be allways looking over my shoulder and it would be a constant thing, wondering if he is outside in the dark someplace. Moving would give me power back again to live without the worry of that guy being around..

< Message edited by tj444 -- 1/13/2012 11:38:25 AM >

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Post #: 45

RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 1:49:56 PM

Aileen1968

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Wow....I'm amazed at how many are screaming stalker and abuse of power.
It was probably only ten years ago that this was much more the norm to meet someone...bump into someone at a bookstore, supermarket, the park.
Nowadays with the internet and background checks and such, meeting someone on the spur of the moment and acting on it has become something to file a lawsuit over?????

The guy met someone he found an attraction to and acted on it. I would have been flattered.

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Post #: 46

RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 1:56:21 PM

TheFireWithinMe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Wow....I'm amazed at how many are screaming stalker and abuse of power.
It was probably only ten years ago that this was much more the norm to meet someone...bump into someone at a bookstore, supermarket, the park.
Nowadays with the internet and background checks and such, meeting someone on the spur of the moment and acting on it has become something to file a lawsuit over?????

The guy met someone he found an attraction to and acted on it. I would have been flattered.

Exactly, Aileen. I see it as nothing more than someone who wanted to see her again and acted on it. IIRC he wrote that he continued to think of her afterwards and decided to contact her and ask her out. He may not have chosen the best way to go about it but I see nothing ominous about it.

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RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 2:03:54 PM

LizDeluxe

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Not that I am trying to excuse the fact that he was totally out of line to track her down like that but... if the cop was hot she would have been all over him.

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Post #: 48

RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 2:18:13 PM

ricken

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When I did service calls I went into peoples homes and for me that was major off limits, I would be in situations that would be a little flirty, but I never went back, sent a letter or anything like that. IMO it's just wrong. I just got to say with out knowing this guy, it was at least unproffesional and wrong. Maybe he just didn't think things through....Or maybe he is one of those power hungry pigs thats a nut case, the fact is just because he's a cop don't make him a good guy. I wouldn't be happy at all if this happened to me.

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Post #: 49

RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 2:24:05 PM

TheFireWithinMe

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Okay so not contacting customers to ask them out wasn't your thing, that's fine. That doesn't mean a damn thing about this guy and it certainly doesn't mean he's a stalker/sociopath/dangerous dude. As you yourself stated, you don't know him nor do you know his motives for contacting her. Did you even read the article in the OP which mentions at least some of his note?

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RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 5:18:21 PM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe
Okay so not contacting customers to ask them out wasn't your thing, that's fine. That doesn't mean a damn thing about this guy and it certainly doesn't mean he's a stalker/sociopath/dangerous dude. As you yourself stated, you don't know him nor do you know his motives for contacting her. Did you even read the article in the OP which mentions at least some of his note?

Here is some of his note. These are his own words:
"I know this may seem crazy and you're probably right"

So, he knew it would appear like he was "crazy", he knew that would scare women (at least some), he knew it was wrong, he knows the law,.. none of that stopped him from going ahead..

Oh, well,.. I wonder what the outcome of the lawsuit will be..

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Post #: 51

RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 5:37:28 PM

barelynangel

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To me, yeah, kinda creepy. Making national news creepy no. Running to file a lawsuit, no. To me, this would have been something to take up with his superiors.

To me, this is what i would consider a frivolous lawsuit that is designed to not deal with the problem but instead to make it a media hype and get some settlement money.

angel

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Post #: 52

RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 5:59:02 PM

TheFireWithinMe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe
Okay so not contacting customers to ask them out wasn't your thing, that's fine. That doesn't mean a damn thing about this guy and it certainly doesn't mean he's a stalker/sociopath/dangerous dude. As you yourself stated, you don't know him nor do you know his motives for contacting her. Did you even read the article in the OP which mentions at least some of his note?

Here is some of his note. These are his own words:
"I know this may seem crazy and you're probably right"

So, he knew it would appear like he was "crazy", he knew that would scare women (at least some), he knew it was wrong, he knows the law,.. none of that stopped him from going ahead..

Oh, well,.. I wonder what the outcome of the lawsuit will be..

Oy vey, have you never heard the phrase "this may be a crazy idea but..."? I believe that is the way he meant the word crazy, not that she would think him crazy.

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RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 6:20:06 PM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheFireWithinMe
Okay so not contacting customers to ask them out wasn't your thing, that's fine. That doesn't mean a damn thing about this guy and it certainly doesn't mean he's a stalker/sociopath/dangerous dude. As you yourself stated, you don't know him nor do you know his motives for contacting her. Did you even read the article in the OP which mentions at least some of his note?

Here is some of his note. These are his own words:
"I know this may seem crazy and you're probably right"

So, he knew it would appear like he was "crazy", he knew that would scare women (at least some), he knew it was wrong, he knows the law,.. none of that stopped him from going ahead..

Oh, well,.. I wonder what the outcome of the lawsuit will be..

Oy vey, have you never heard the phrase "this may be a crazy idea but..."? I believe that is the way he meant the word crazy, not that she would think him crazy.

lol well, some women might take it more literally...

Maybe the crazy part is that he just gave a single mother a ticket, if she is like many women and struggling financially, it means her kid and her have to do without something to pay for it.. To ask a woman to go out with you after that, in the way he did it and expect her reaction to be a good one.. well,.. that takes balls i guess..

or he really is crazy!

Anytime i have been given a ticket, I have the choice to pay it or to dispute it and go to court.. if i go to court, it means the cop has to show up and testify.. Imo, the guy asking her out has a major conflict of interest.. If she goes out with him, will he testify in court against a woman he is dating (& perhaps having sex with)? Or will he not make it to court that day and her case get thrown out? Perhaps that is why he gave her the ticket in the first place.. at this point, we dont know, of course..

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RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 10:19:49 PM

DarqueMirror

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
It would actually be impossible for a cop to find me.. my PO Box is on my license and the other address that might be in their database is way old and i am not there anymore..

I'm not sure where you live, but here in Texas, that renders your license invalid. Your license has to have your physical address on it here. If you move, you have 30 days to update your address before you're considered to be driving without a license.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
Since cops can do background checks, I dont believe a cop could resist doing that behind my back which is one reason why i wont date cops in the first place..

Considering all the threads I've seen here about people background-checking potential partners, I find this part...unusual. But as I don't recall seeing you post in those threads, I'll just chalk it up to that.

< Message edited by DarqueMirror -- 1/13/2012 10:20:32 PM >

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RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 10:41:18 PM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarqueMirror

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
It would actually be impossible for a cop to find me.. my PO Box is on my license and the other address that might be in their database is way old and i am not there anymore..

I'm not sure where you live, but here in Texas, that renders your license invalid. Your license has to have your physical address on it here. If you move, you have 30 days to update your address before you're considered to be driving without a license.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
Since cops can do background checks, I dont believe a cop could resist doing that behind my back which is one reason why i wont date cops in the first place..

Considering all the threads I've seen here about people background-checking potential partners, I find this part...unusual. But as I don't recall seeing you post in those threads, I'll just chalk it up to that.

I live in CA and yes, its perfectly fine and legal for me to have my po box on my license.. I gave it when i was in there and applied for it in person and asked them so its not like I am trying to pull a fast one or anything.. It sort of surprised me but wtf, its California.. lol

Actually, anyone in CA can fill out a form using your vehicle license plate number, pay a fee and get your address from the DMV. That is why Rebeccas Law exists, a stalker killed a young actress and was able to find out where she lived by doing that very thing.. so I am glad i can have my po box on my license. You show it not just to cops, its your ID so when you go to a store and they ask to see your ID to verify your credit card, it is just safer to have a po box.

There is a limit in what a private person can do as far as background checks are concerned. Cops can access a lot more info. Ways i check someone out dont rely on databases to any great degree. I just try to find out if a guy will lie to me, even about mundane things... I do rely on body language when i meet someone tho, and things like that.. And i take my time and get to know the real person (in public places until i feel safe enough for more).

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RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 10:48:58 PM

DarqueMirror

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
I live in CA

Ahh. Well yes that's a whole different ball of wax.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
There is a limit in what a private person can do as far as background checks are concerned.

You'd be surprised. All you need to know is where/how to look. It just depends on the seeker's skill level. A half decent hacker can take one look at your posts here and with just your IP address,can find out your name, address, probably even where you attended third grade.

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Post #: 57

RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 10:56:58 PM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarqueMirror

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
I live in CA

Ahh. Well yes that's a whole different ball of wax.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
There is a limit in what a private person can do as far as background checks are concerned.

You'd be surprised. All you need to know is where/how to look. It just depends on the seeker's skill level. A half decent hacker can take one look at your posts here and with just your IP address,can find out your name, address, probably even where you attended third grade.

well,.. sure, a hacker can hack into all sorts of govt secured websites and stuff. But have you ever heard of a hacker finding out where someone lived that way?

No, no one can find where i attended third grade since i was not born here.. and my name has changed since then too. Name changes in Canada are private info (privacy laws in Canada are much stronger), not public and done thru the courts like they are in the US..

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Post #: 58

RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 11:00:43 PM

DarqueMirror

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
well,.. sure, a hacker can hack into all sorts of govt secured websites and stuff. But have you ever heard of a hacker finding out where someone lived that way?

No, no one can find where i attended third grade since i was not born here.. and my name has changed since then too. Name changes in Canada are private info (privacy laws in Canada are much stronger), not public and done thru the courts like they are in the US..

Have you ever seen what the bubbly techie chick can do with computers on Criminal Minds? Sure it's sped up a bit for an hour-long show, but her computer skills and abilities aren't really that exaggerated. What you think is private, sealed or forgotten about can be found if someone wants to look hard enough.

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Post #: 59

RE: 17 shades of fucked up - 1/13/2012 11:06:58 PM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarqueMirror

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
well,.. sure, a hacker can hack into all sorts of govt secured websites and stuff. But have you ever heard of a hacker finding out where someone lived that way?

No, no one can find where i attended third grade since i was not born here.. and my name has changed since then too. Name changes in Canada are private info (privacy laws in Canada are much stronger), not public and done thru the courts like they are in the US..

Have you ever seen what the bubbly techie chick can do with computers on Criminal Minds? Sure it's sped up a bit for an hour-long show, but her computer skills and abilities aren't really that exaggerated. What you think is private, sealed or forgotten about can be found if someone wants to look hard enough.

well,.. duh yeah, thats my fav tv show!!!

I am sure the hackers are amazing, but for someone to stalk you and be a super computer hacker in the same person? My impression of most hackers is they like just creating chaos from their computer, using their brains, not braun.. I am not saying its not possible.. just they seem to mostly be geeks that are not physically harmful (unless you are a secure website lol)...

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