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RE: Leaving marks/bruises - 1/31/2012 12:36:39 PM   
sheisreeds


Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline 		"emotional? Soft-hearted? Compassionate"

I kinda get it but at heart the things you're having this reaction to are out of love.

I can understand not being into extreme s&m but not being willing to understand and at least respect it is a different matter.

I get the sense that you're trying to appreciate it and kudos to you for that.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in


You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to sheisreeds)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Leaving marks/bruises - 1/31/2012 5:27:43 PM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		I dunno, I'm not that into it, but my GF is - bruises are the new hickey maybe.

(@ the OP)


< Message edited by xssve -- 1/31/2012 5:28:15 PM >

(in reply to sheisreeds)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Leaving marks/bruises - 1/31/2012 5:28:58 PM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		Wow, the "at" symbol is auto-censored.

< Message edited by xssve -- 1/31/2012 5:29:11 PM >

(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Leaving marks/bruises - 1/31/2012 6:38:24 PM   
AngelSighs


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/4/2011
Status: offline 		What I'm learning is that everyone's kink is INTENSELY PERSONAL and UNIQUE to them/their situation.  "To each his/her own."  It doesn't involve MY KINK and I'm NOT PASSING JUDGEMENT.

No, this isn't something I would do for a few reasons and NONE OF THEM JUDGMENTAL TO THOSE THAT DO.  For me, it's about not destroying what you value.  For those that do, it's about MARKING WHAT THEY VALUE, even temporarily.  I get it.

I have a job where this would be an IMMEDIATE RED FLAG.  It would also provide undue scrutiny or require explanations about my lifestyle that I WOULDN'T ENJOY MAKING.

I have grown children that WOULD FREAK OUT if I showed up with bruises.  I'm still their Mama and it would hurt them to see them on me.  They are protective and would be ready to "search and destroy" (legally tie that person up in their own HELL) to right what they perceive to be a wrong against me.  I get that too and would not want them upset.  Would they understand kinky sex?  ABSOLUTELY.  I raised them to be open-minded and to discuss this topic openly, even with me.  AND WE STILL DISCUSS IT.

My kink is between me and my potential Dom/partner.  I'm NOT ready for others to know this yet. 


_____________________________

Two things in Life that people are LEAST EDUCATED about.........Money and Sex.

Money stupid keeps you BROKE.

Sex stupid will get you DEAD.
----- ME

(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Leaving marks/bruises - 1/31/2012 9:08:48 PM   
Clickofheels


Posts: 603
Joined: 10/23/2011
Status: offline 		I tried to explain what I saw and where I saw it. I said it is YOUR CHOICE. I said I was NOT being a judge and a jury. I was NOT trying to offend ANYONE in ANYWAY. I asked one question to try to understand how corporal punishment is managed. And out of all the posts...ONE person answered my question without giving me static about how I worded my post...O-N-E.

You may ignore my post and my question...forget it was even posed to any of you.
I won't be back to see if there are any more comments.

(in reply to AngelSighs)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Leaving marks/bruises - 1/31/2012 10:44:04 PM   
MistrixMsE


Posts: 198
Joined: 1/3/2010
From: Chicago, USA - Touring Internationally
Status: offline 		From dominant standpoint: Nothing I find sexier than when a slave/sub willingly goes as far as I can take him/her... and proudly sends photos or posts them online the next day. I feel great pride not only that I could take them there, but also because they are proud to wear the reminders of our scene.

Edit for omission:
Edge play requires a great deal more awareness by both the dominant and the submissive. Communication, consciousness... all have to be ratcheted up a notch. That is how we know when its time to wind down the scene. I don't -play that heavy with everyone, tho it is a preference for me... but when i do, its with gusto and thorough enjoyment.. on both sides of the whip.


< Message edited by MistrixMsE -- 1/31/2012 10:53:31 PM >

_____________________________

Sadist with a sense of humor... your predicament amuses me.

(in reply to KatyShatter)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Leaving marks/bruises - 1/31/2012 10:59:52 PM   
hardcoresensual


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/18/2012
Status: offline 		girl loves them and longs for them on her body

(in reply to KatyShatter)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Leaving marks/bruises - 2/1/2012 4:35:14 AM   
sheisreeds


Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline 		ClickofHeels, what bugs me is the attitude. There was a lot of judgment in that ONE POST. Some of were just trying to state that what you expressed was hurtful.

AngelSighs, believe it or not marks would be a huge red flag at my job too, so we watch what we do closely. We love the winter time because my legs are always covered up and I can wear long sleeves :)

No one at work knows, and honestly I don't know if they would believe me if I told them.

I used to get super paranoid about "being exposed", and overtime I've realized I have the ability to keep the various parts of my life separate.

Caution is always the best approach when starting out though, you can always be more open, but if you become to open you can never go back.

Though most of us do have to navigate vanilla careers, family, and play. There's a lot of insight into that on this board.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in


You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to hardcoresensual)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Leaving marks/bruises - 2/1/2012 5:07:06 AM   
sheisreeds


Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline 		Clickofheels, sorry I need to rant.

In my community the people who are consistently "disturbed" by things they see, or have reactions that are completely incongruous w/ those practicing the play that bothers them are the people who don't grow.

We all have seen aspects of this community that initially bother us, if someone says they haven't I bet they are lying.

Those of us who can grow to accept the reasons why others enjoy those modalities of play, and can appreciate their interest are the ones who keep evolving.

I used to get wigged out by even the idea of golden showers, then spontaneously my best friend in the scene starting going into extreme detail as to why she loves giving golden showers, and I was like "Oh." I used to be weirded out by pet players, and now there is a whole group of them in our community, and I can now appreciate what they do.

I'm never going to engage in pet play, or in golden showers, I'm never going to be a slave. But I respect the hell out of people who take on these roles and engage in these activities. All of them have helped me grow in many ways.

Our emotional reactions are what matter, not the words that come out of our mouths. Words are easy to change, emotions are harder.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in


You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Leaving marks/bruises - 2/1/2012 7:23:08 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Clickofheels

I tried to explain what I saw and where I saw it. I said it is YOUR CHOICE. I said I was NOT being a judge and a jury. I was NOT trying to offend ANYONE in ANYWAY. I asked one question to try to understand how corporal punishment is managed. And out of all the posts...ONE person answered my question without giving me static about how I worded my post...O-N-E.

You may ignore my post and my question...forget it was even posed to any of you.
I won't be back to see if there are any more comments.


Lol, it's funny Clickofheels that you don't see the obvious here in saying that only one person answered your post in a manner that appealed to you. Only one, hmmm, well I guess then that you must have put things in a way that people reacted badly to it. And what's up with thinking posters here should answer in a way that you would like them to? Time to look back at how you posted here instead of being so upset, it should tell you something that all but one took things in an inflammatory way. Er....perhaps it was you?

(in reply to Clickofheels)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Leaving marks/bruises - 2/2/2012 6:09:50 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Clickofheels

...at what point should "enough" become "enough?"



You've gone too far when you need to buy a tarp and a shovel.

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to Clickofheels)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Leaving marks/bruises - 2/2/2012 6:41:13 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Clickofheels

Lately, as I've browsed the photo section on this site which I do from time-to-time, I've noticed a number of the photos showing marks bestowed on a submissive to be extremely severe. And to be honest, I find them to be quite disturbing!!

You may say I react this way because I am not a practicer of corporal punishment, and I've never hidden the fact with anyone here that I am not a Sadist. However, I honestly feel it is my "humane" side that reacts as it does when I see photos of people undeniably BEATEN to the point of spots that go beyond mere bruisings and flesh that is not all...shall I say intact?

Personally, I have not experienced the necessity to physically mark anyone who has been my submissive in order to feel that he belongs to me. For those of you who feel that need, that is SURELY YOUR CHOICE. And I am not attempting to be your judge and jury in any way.

But I thought since the topic for this thread is "leaving marks", I might pose the question...at what point should "enough" become "enough?" The inflicter is the one who "sees" the results from a vantage point that the inflictee doesn't immediately have. So I'm curious as to how the Dominant makes that judgement call?

I hope I have chosen my words carefully enough not to offend nor anger anyone. For that was surely not my intention.
Thanks.





Some people are masochists.
Some people even classify themselves as "extreme masochists" and those people may end up with skin that is not intact after a session.


I wasn't offended by your post.

My Master does mark me: often in the way of love bites; sometimes from impact play.
He does not mark me in places that are visible.

Today he made a mark deliberately, of the love bite variety; He is going away for a week and now I have something concrete to have. Marks for me are symbols of His Ownership.

As for when is enough enough, He doesn't want to harm me but I do have a safeword: He insisted on it.
So either when His judgment guides Him that it is enough or when I utter my safeword.




_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Clickofheels)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Leaving marks/bruises - 2/2/2012 7:48:46 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Clickofheels

I tried to explain what I saw and where I saw it. I said it is YOUR CHOICE. I said I was NOT being a judge and a jury. I was NOT trying to offend ANYONE in ANYWAY. I asked one question to try to understand how corporal punishment is managed. And out of all the posts...ONE person answered my question without giving me static about how I worded my post...O-N-E.

You may ignore my post and my question...forget it was even posed to any of you.
I won't be back to see if there are any more comments.

Oh for heaven's sake.  I'm trying to be nice here, but the expression "the pot calling the kettle black" comes directly to mind.

Clearly, you would be well served by educating yourself about sadism and masochism.  What is it exactly that makes you think that those 'extreme' pictures are linked to corporal punishment?  Even a quick trip to google for definitions of sadism and masochism can tell you what S/m is about.  A sadist is someone who receives pleasure or gratification from inflicting pain.  A masochist is someone who receives pleasure or gratification from receiving pain. 

Does that sound like corporal punishment to you?  It doesn't to Me.  It sounds like two people who know what they like and engaging in it together.  If you don't personally care for it, that's fine.  You don't have to participate.  At the same time, you don't get to knock the pictures that display other people's kinks that you specifically went looking to see (that's what "browsing the photo section" is) because they disturb you.  As long as the pictures don't violate TOS, your reaction to them isn't really of consequence.

I do have more to say on the matter, but I'm going to refrain for those same guidelines that say discussions civil and mature and not insult the kinks, lifestyles, and preferences of others.  Perhaps, along with correcting your absence of knowledge of sadism and masochism, you may also wish to brush up your education on communication skills, so that you don't run into this problem as frequently as you do.  It's very rare in life that the problem really lies with everybody else when all issues of this nature have the same common denominator.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Clickofheels)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Leaving marks/bruises - 2/2/2012 8:24:29 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sheisreeds
Sadism also often makes lousy punishment for a masochist, that's why my partner licks my forehead.

That... is hilarious!

In some parts of the world -- for sure places in both the US and Oz -- the spankos look down on the BDSM'ers and vice versa. The spankos think the BDSM'ers are pervs who go way to far, and the BDSM'ers think the spankos are fundamentalist Christian head of household nutjobs. The argument in this thread reminds me of that.

Almost all of the women I have played with, in my entire life, wanted a bruise to take home with them. Even the spankees! In my experience, not wanting marks is the exception, and, in fact, the first thing that comes to my mind when someone says, "No marks," is, "Is this person cheating?"

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to sheisreeds)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Leaving marks/bruises - 2/3/2012 7:48:13 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I like bruises and cuts and marks...they're symbols of his ownership over me, that he can and does do whatever he wants from me and also symbols of his love and pride in me and me in him and so yeah, I don't  mind if others see them. If they ask I just shrug my shoulders and usually give them a smile and say "rough sex".


Haha, rough sex is when she has to wear a crash helmet to keep from getting a concussion on the headboard.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Leaving marks/bruises - 2/3/2012 4:06:12 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		hey even that's not enough! <remembers the time we broke a headboard in a hotel as it came crashing around us.>


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Leaving marks/bruises - 2/4/2012 5:37:20 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

hey even that's not enough! <remembers the time we broke a headboard in a hotel as it came crashing around us.>




Hah!
I'd forgotten that. That was a fun day. :-)

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 77
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