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RE: Sir or Master - 1/25/2012 2:37:49 AM

LadyPact

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Last one, before we take this thread entirely off track.

While you want to give de Sade credit for being such an innovator, I'd seriously question it. My reasoning for this is My own question on whether the average kinky person has even read de Sade and if that has influenced any activities that they have engaged in themselves. Instead, going with your 'do your own thing' line of thought, that's what most people did.

Leather, on the other hand, was more about people who joined together and included some of the social aspects. They adopted a particular lifestyle and did have an influence in the community. It wasn't a stand alone thing. There were (and are) a certain structures of protocol within the leather community. Right down to things like the original question of this thread.

On the other side of it, kinky folks don't really have that structure. A number of people wouldn't have even known what to call what they do if it hadn't been for the description in the DSM. The term BDSM wasn't really coined until the late nineties (thanks to the internet). Munch groups actually came after leather clubs were in existence. Leather groups, conferences, and organizations were far ahead of the game.

Anyway, this is probably a lot more than the OP was hoping from his question. If you're interested in continuing the discussion on some of the differences between leather and BDSM, I'd be more than happy to talk about it with you so you can get the leather perspective of things.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 1/25/2012 2:38:46 AM >

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Post #: 101

RE: Sir or Master - 1/25/2012 7:06:29 AM

crazyml

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Joined: 7/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

I've had subs that wanted to use "Sir" or "Master", and it seems to me that it would be a little churlish not to appreciate the respect that this desire implies.

Agreed. However would it not be just as rude for them to insist on using them after you explain that you don't enjoy being called that, and that you much prefer being called by name? Especially since by insisting on using the title they prefer, instead of the one you prefer, they are refusing to submit.

Oh crikey... you make a good point.

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Post #: 102

RE: Sir or Master - 1/25/2012 1:25:14 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

I've had subs that wanted to use "Sir" or "Master", and it seems to me that it would be a little churlish not to appreciate the respect that this desire implies.

Agreed. However would it not be just as rude for them to insist on using them after you explain that you don't enjoy being called that, and that you much prefer being called by name? Especially since by insisting on using the title they prefer, instead of the one you prefer, they are refusing to submit.

Oh crikey... you make a good point.

Not *my* sub but I get the "Sir/Master" bizzo quite a bit in CMail. Like crazyml, I appreciate they're just trying to be respectful but with the intimacy factor of my girl calling me "Sir", I just don't appreciate it from strangers.

Which is the other end of Celeste's point.... Rather than "refusing to submit", they're submitting when they're not welcome to. So yeah, I politely inform/invite them to use my name.

Focus.

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Post #: 103

RE: Sir or Master - 1/25/2012 8:11:04 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Last one, before we take this thread entirely off track.

While you want to give de Sade credit for being such an innovator, I'd seriously question it. My reasoning for this is My own question on whether the average kinky person has even read de Sade and if that has influenced any activities that they have engaged in themselves. Instead, going with your 'do your own thing' line of thought, that's what most people did.

Leather, on the other hand, was more about people who joined together and included some of the social aspects. They adopted a particular lifestyle and did have an influence in the community. It wasn't a stand alone thing. There were (and are) a certain structures of protocol within the leather community. Right down to things like the original question of this thread.

On the other side of it, kinky folks don't really have that structure. A number of people wouldn't have even known what to call what they do if it hadn't been for the description in the DSM. The term BDSM wasn't really coined until the late nineties (thanks to the internet). Munch groups actually came after leather clubs were in existence. Leather groups, conferences, and organizations were far ahead of the game.

Anyway, this is probably a lot more than the OP was hoping from his question. If you're interested in continuing the discussion on some of the differences between leather and BDSM, I'd be more than happy to talk about it with you so you can get the leather perspective of things.

QFT

... I have had a "wall of text" reply sitting on my desktop for a while. But LadyPat covered the many perspectives very well with fewer words. I really would like to talk about the "differences between leather and BDSM". I shall save that stuff and see if I can put a worthy thread together with it.

I hate this thread. I feel like the dolt in this cartoon.

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Post #: 104

RE: Sir or Master - 1/26/2012 7:49:06 AM

AndreSanThomas

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Here's my take. You're the one in charge, you decide what you want to be called, then you convey that and enforce it. If you want to be called "Lord High of the Manor of the Grand and Glorious Cock of the World", then so be it. It doesn't matter what other people call each other. That has no impact on you and your partner.

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Post #: 105

RE: Sir or Master - 1/26/2012 2:33:34 PM

hausboy

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Getting back to the original post....

It will depend not only on the Dominant's preference, but the role of his or her subordinate. In my case, I am not a slave, so I do not call those I serve by Master or Mistress. As a domestic servant, while there is certainly a Master of the House, Lady of the House, (or called the Head of Household) the appropriate titles are typically either Sir or Madam/Madame, or Mr., Ms. or Miss.

I use formal titles socially (in my non-BDSM life)--it was how I was raised, how I was trained and unless requested not to, I start at the most formal level and can get "casual" at their. request/preference. When I am "in service," I use Sir. If we are in public, I refer to him as Mr.----, if we are someplace where he deems we can relax,(out at lunch, for example) first names are allowed.

For me, the titles also serve a purpose. When we correspond via email or text, I know that if he addresses me by my servitude name "Frederich" (not my real name) and signs it "Sir", I know the context of the email and how I am expected to respond. If he uses my real first name and his first name, I know that the conversation is a casual one and not in any BDSM context.

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Post #: 106

RE: Sir or Master - 1/26/2012 5:14:35 PM

chatterbox24

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Joined: 1/22/2012
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I really adored calling my guy Master. At first it seemed a little uncomfortable but over time I loved it and it flowed as naturally as his name did. I never did get quite comfortable with Sir.
I liked the titles, I thought it showed respect.

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Post #: 107