RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent....

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (Full Version)

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Winterapple -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 3:26:34 AM)
It's alright to vent. But if he's a sadist by venting directly to him you may have inadvertently given him pleasure. And I doubt you've shamed him if he's truly a ass. There is the possibility he got cold feet because of issues of his own. He might be afraid you're out of his league. If he does contact you again you could hear him out. He's human to. I'm sorry you were hurt and disappointed. But there are other fish in the sea. You'll be ok. Vent and let it go.

Baroana -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 5:29:13 AM)
To stand you up was inexcusable. He is a bad person. Chances are, he will get what's coming to him.

Fornica -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 5:41:09 AM)
I vote that you cyberstalk him for a good year, and set his house on fire.

LaTigresse -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 5:45:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx Why would you feel he is out of your league? Did he have really hot pictures and a great job? He probably isn't the person he portrayed himself to be, anyway. Did you talk dirty to him on the phone and/or cam? It's probably a case of the guy isn't who he claimed to be, and it would be quite obvious if he met up with you, so he enjoyed you while he could, but has now disappeared into the ether. Sorry you got stood up. That's got to be really frustrating. But, chin up, there are lots of great men here, and women get to choose...sooo...take your time choosing and pick a great one! What Blushes said!!

angelikaJ -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 5:46:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx Why would you feel he is out of your league? Did he have really hot pictures and a great job? He probably isn't the person he portrayed himself to be, anyway. To the OP, you need to work on your self-esteem if you think that anyone who chooses you might be out of your league. As long as you keep thinking that guys are going to use that to their advantage: making you feel grateful they are even talking to you. You will be attractive to some people and not to others; that is how personal preferences work. My suggestion is that if people want to play on-line before you meet chances are that is all they are really after. You aren't being un-submissive by not camming for them right away or not engaging in on-line play... or not submitting to them before you meet. I don't know if that happened in this case or not but it is something to consider in the future. Edit: fix quote box

Hillwilliam -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 5:52:50 AM)
To the OP. Why do you feel he is out of your league? From what I have seen regarding his behavior, you are out of his league.

lizi -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 5:53:24 AM)
FR: Sorry that happened to you OP. BDSM doesn't have a thing to do with it, it happens in all walks of life. ResidentSadist brought up a point that I subscribe to, which is that the emergency scenario isn't ever going to be the answer. At least he knew of one instance where it was true, in my life and anyone else I know - the guy/girl has never been hurt or detained by something unavoidable. I'm sure it happens that people end up in the hospital or have a death in the family when they're off to meet someone, but honestly how likely is that going to be? And how likely is it that they can't get a message to you at all? I know sometimes we expect something more than the usual from someone who labels themselves Dominant, but they're just people too. If someone deserves your respect for being a trustworthy, admirable, person, is usually something we find out over time. Eh, almost all of us have had the disappearing acts happen. It sucks, brush it off and keep going. The next man you meet might be the one.

poise -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 5:55:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia 3) His wife or significant other caught him sneaking out the door to meet up with you and he is still talking his way out of hot water. (A cheater.) quote: ORIGINAL: tabbz thanks Cynthia..think i considered all those options on the way back...and you're right.... he's definitely one or more of the above...lol Or maybe he decided at the last minute that a fling wasn't worth the risk of messing up your marriage, or he feared for his safety should your husband find out...or he couldn't follow through with taking something that belonged to another man. You know, even kinky people have morals. Maybe his finally showed up, albeit at an inconvenient time for you. Of course, it would have been much nicer for him to tell you this in advance.

DarkSteven -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 5:58:13 AM)
OP, count yourself lucky. You wasted two 20 mile drives and some time waiting for him. Maybe a bit over an hour to find out he wasn't the man for you. Had he shown up, you might have gotten involved with him and it could have wasted years.

LaTigresse -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 5:59:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: poise Or maybe he decided at the last minute that a fling wasn't worth the risk of messing up your marriage, or he feared for his safety should your husband find out...or he couldn't follow through with taking something that belonged to another man. You know, even kinky people have morals. Maybe his finally showed up, albeit at an inconvenient time for you. Of course, it would have been much nicer for him to tell you this in advance. Oye

kalikshama -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 6:02:11 AM)
quote: i did feel he was way out of my league when i saw his pics Ya, I received some really hot pics once and the guy turned out to be 15 years older and 50# heavier [:'(] When someone goes poof I wait til they reemerge to call them on their bad behavior.

kalikshama -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 6:11:10 AM)
quote: Or maybe he decided at the last minute that a fling wasn't worth the risk of messing up your marriage, or he feared for his safety should your husband find out...or he couldn't follow through with taking something that belonged to another man. You know, even kinky people have morals. What?!? /checks profile/ Oh. OP - I've had both consensual and non-consensual non-monogamy and much prefer myself now that I am an Ethical Slut. Why don't you buy a copy of "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism" and ask your husband if he'd like to try some of it with you. Failing that, spend more time at the gym or get a divorce.

Delilya -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 6:28:24 AM)
I've had plenty of subs who disappeared when it was time for a meeting. That is why I don't discuss kink with anyone I haven't met face to face yet. I consider myself lucky because the one who did show up, well he was the one for me, and we are very happy. Brush it off and simply say: Next! Your one is out there waiting for you too.

Fornica -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 6:30:32 AM)
Oh. Any sympathy i had just died. Sigh. I don't feel bad for you that your affair was unsuccessful, sorry dude. quote: ORIGINAL: poise Or maybe he decided at the last minute that a fling wasn't worth the risk of messing up your marriage, or he feared for his safety should your husband find out...or he couldn't follow through with taking something that belonged to another man. You know, even kinky people have morals. Maybe his finally showed up, albeit at an inconvenient time for you. Of course, it would have been much nicer for him to tell you this in advance.

Kaliko -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 7:29:19 AM)
Oh, see now OP? I was just about to commiserate, too. I'm not judging. Everybody does their thing for whatever reasons. But I hardly think you can then complain about the bed you lie in, you know? That's ironic, really...that you are venting about someone's character.

Delilya -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 7:41:57 AM)
Well allrighty then.

lizi -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 8:08:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: poise Or maybe he decided at the last minute that a fling wasn't worth the risk of messing up your marriage, or he feared for his safety should your husband find out...or he couldn't follow through with taking something that belonged to another man. You know, even kinky people have morals. Maybe his finally showed up, albeit at an inconvenient time for you. Of course, it would have been much nicer for him to tell you this in advance. Oh snap. I generally read profiles before responding, should have in this case. Yeah, not feeling the empathy any more.

DesFIP -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 8:28:24 AM)
The op is married herself and not open about her interests, so she of all people should understand that when a guy's wife gets suspicious, he's not going to get himself in even more hot water by saying he has to text a strange woman.

sheisreeds -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 8:29:02 AM)
Getting stood up happens, since a lot of these guys don't have any interest in anything real. I always made meet ups in a place I didn't mind being by myself for a few hours. My favorite was a coffeeshop a few blocks from my old apartment. I used to help run the place, and had plenty of friends to keep me entertained. It was also next to no effort since I could just walk back home. Or I'd pick a spot where I wanted to go shopping, or explore. Don't be surprised if they message you like nothing ever happened in a week or two. These guys live in their own fantasy land.

SilverBoat -> RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... (1/22/2012 8:34:23 AM)
I've only missed one online kink-date (and it was months, years maybe before she got un-mad about it). It was back in the days before cellphones, and as I recall, I had a day's layover, and she'd driven over an hour to meet for lunch. Between the hotel's 10am checkout, the chatsite's wee-hours crash, no other way to get in touch, and the town having grown and sprouted several new and renamed brewpubs within a half-mile of each other, the connection never got made. As things turned out, I'd seen her pass by a couple of times (I was on shank's-mare), but hadn't figured it for her jeep, and she was busy driving. But, yeah, she was understandably upset, for quite a while. We got over it eventually, and last I heard, she was dating a nice guy in her area. And I wound up having dinner with an aunt I hadn't seen in years, so it all worked out, I guess. There wasn't any intent to stand her up, though, I guess that was the point I was trying to make. In your case, heck, I dunno. If he totally drops out of existence, or his explanation doesn't hold water, then yeah, for whatever reason, you're better off finding somebody else. ...

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