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RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 3:26:34 AM

Winterapple

Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline

It's alright to vent.
But if he's a sadist by venting directly
to him you may have inadvertently given
him pleasure. And I doubt you've shamed
him if he's truly a ass.
There is the possibility he got cold feet
because of issues of his own.
He might be afraid you're out of his
league. If he does contact you
again you could hear him out.
He's human to.
I'm sorry you were hurt and disappointed.
But there are other fish in the sea.
You'll be ok. Vent and let it go.

_____________________________

A thousand dreams within me softly burn.
Rimbaud

(in reply to tabbz)

Post #: 21

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 5:29:13 AM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

To stand you up was inexcusable. He is a bad person. Chances are, he will get what's coming to him.

(in reply to Winterapple)

Post #: 22

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 5:41:09 AM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
Status: offline

I vote that you cyberstalk him for a good year, and set his house on fire.

_____________________________

There is no spoon.

(in reply to Baroana)

Post #: 23

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 5:45:47 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Why would you feel he is out of your league? Did he have really hot pictures and a great job? He probably isn't the person he portrayed himself to be, anyway. Did you talk dirty to him on the phone and/or cam? It's probably a case of the guy isn't who he claimed to be, and it would be quite obvious if he met up with you, so he enjoyed you while he could, but has now disappeared into the ether.
Sorry you got stood up. That's got to be really frustrating. But, chin up, there are lots of great men here, and women get to choose...sooo...take your time choosing and pick a great one!

What Blushes said!!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 24

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 5:46:32 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Why would you feel he is out of your league? Did he have really hot pictures and a great job? He probably isn't the person he portrayed himself to be, anyway.

To the OP, you need to work on your self-esteem if you think that anyone who chooses you might be out of your league.

As long as you keep thinking that guys are going to use that to their advantage: making you feel grateful they are even talking to you.

You will be attractive to some people and not to others; that is how personal preferences work.

My suggestion is that if people want to play on-line before you meet chances are that is all they are really after.

You aren't being un-submissive by not camming for them right away or not engaging in on-line play... or not submitting to them before you meet.

I don't know if that happened in this case or not but it is something to consider in the future.

Edit: fix quote box

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 1/22/2012 5:48:37 AM >

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 25

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 5:52:50 AM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

To the OP. Why do you feel he is out of your league?

From what I have seen regarding his behavior, you are out of his league.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 26

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 5:53:24 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

FR:
Sorry that happened to you OP. BDSM doesn't have a thing to do with it, it happens in all walks of life. ResidentSadist brought up a point that I subscribe to, which is that the emergency scenario isn't ever going to be the answer. At least he knew of one instance where it was true, in my life and anyone else I know - the guy/girl has never been hurt or detained by something unavoidable. I'm sure it happens that people end up in the hospital or have a death in the family when they're off to meet someone, but honestly how likely is that going to be? And how likely is it that they can't get a message to you at all?

I know sometimes we expect something more than the usual from someone who labels themselves Dominant, but they're just people too. If someone deserves your respect for being a trustworthy, admirable, person, is usually something we find out over time.

Eh, almost all of us have had the disappearing acts happen. It sucks, brush it off and keep going. The next man you meet might be the one.

(in reply to Baroana)

Post #: 27

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 5:55:27 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia
3) His wife or significant other caught him sneaking out the door to meet up with
you and he is still talking his way out of hot water. (A cheater.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tabbz

thanks Cynthia..think i considered all those options on the way back...and you're right....
he's definitely one or more of the above...lol

Or maybe he decided at the last minute that a fling wasn't worth the risk of messing up
your marriage, or he feared for his safety should your husband find out...or he couldn't
follow through with taking something that belonged to another man. You know, even kinky
people have morals. Maybe his finally showed up, albeit at an inconvenient time for you.
Of course, it would have been much nicer for him to tell you this in advance.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to tabbz)

Post #: 28

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 5:58:13 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

OP, count yourself lucky. You wasted two 20 mile drives and some time waiting for him. Maybe a bit over an hour to find out he wasn't the man for you. Had he shown up, you might have gotten involved with him and it could have wasted years.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 29

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 5:59:47 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Or maybe he decided at the last minute that a fling wasn't worth the risk of messing up
your marriage, or he feared for his safety should your husband find out...or he couldn't
follow through with taking something that belonged to another man. You know, even kinky
people have morals. Maybe his finally showed up, albeit at an inconvenient time for you.
Of course, it would have been much nicer for him to tell you this in advance.

Oye

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 30

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 6:02:11 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

i did feel he was way out of my league when i saw his pics

Ya, I received some really hot pics once and the guy turned out to be 15 years older and 50# heavier

When someone goes poof I wait til they reemerge to call them on their bad behavior.

(in reply to tabbz)

Post #: 31

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 6:11:10 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Or maybe he decided at the last minute that a fling wasn't worth the risk of messing up your marriage, or he feared for his safety should your husband find out...or he couldn't follow through with taking something that belonged to another man. You know, even kinky people have morals.

What?!?

/checks profile/

Oh.

OP - I've had both consensual and non-consensual non-monogamy and much prefer myself now that I am an Ethical Slut.

Why don't you buy a copy of "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism" and ask your husband if he'd like to try some of it with you. Failing that, spend more time at the gym or get a divorce.

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 32

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 6:28:24 AM

Delilya

Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline

I've had plenty of subs who disappeared when it was time for a meeting. That is why I don't discuss kink with anyone I haven't met face to face yet. I consider myself lucky because the one who did show up, well he was the one for me, and we are very happy. Brush it off and simply say: Next! Your one is out there waiting for you too.

_____________________________

“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 33

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 6:30:32 AM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
Status: offline

Oh.
Any sympathy i had just died.
Sigh.
I don't feel bad for you that your affair was unsuccessful, sorry dude.

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Or maybe he decided at the last minute that a fling wasn't worth the risk of messing up
your marriage, or he feared for his safety should your husband find out...or he couldn't
follow through with taking something that belonged to another man. You know, even kinky
people have morals. Maybe his finally showed up, albeit at an inconvenient time for you.
Of course, it would have been much nicer for him to tell you this in advance.

_____________________________

There is no spoon.

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 34

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 7:29:19 AM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

Oh, see now OP? I was just about to commiserate, too.

I'm not judging. Everybody does their thing for whatever reasons. But I hardly think you can then complain about the bed you lie in, you know? That's ironic, really...that you are venting about someone's character.

(in reply to Fornica)

Post #: 35

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 7:41:57 AM

Delilya

Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline

Well allrighty then.

_____________________________

“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

(in reply to Kaliko)

Post #: 36

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 8:08:27 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Or maybe he decided at the last minute that a fling wasn't worth the risk of messing up
your marriage, or he feared for his safety should your husband find out...or he couldn't
follow through with taking something that belonged to another man. You know, even kinky
people have morals. Maybe his finally showed up, albeit at an inconvenient time for you.
Of course, it would have been much nicer for him to tell you this in advance.

Oh snap.
I generally read profiles before responding, should have in this case.
Yeah, not feeling the empathy any more.

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 37

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 8:28:24 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The op is married herself and not open about her interests, so she of all people should understand that when a guy's wife gets suspicious, he's not going to get himself in even more hot water by saying he has to text a strange woman.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to seababy)

Post #: 38

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 8:29:02 AM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline

Getting stood up happens, since a lot of these guys don't have any interest in anything real.

I always made meet ups in a place I didn't mind being by myself for a few hours. My favorite was a coffeeshop a few blocks from my old apartment. I used to help run the place, and had plenty of friends to keep me entertained. It was also next to no effort since I could just walk back home.

Or I'd pick a spot where I wanted to go shopping, or explore.

Don't be surprised if they message you like nothing ever happened in a week or two.

These guys live in their own fantasy land.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to seababy)

Post #: 39

RE: is it wrong to need to have a little vent.... - 1/22/2012 8:34:23 AM

SilverBoat

Posts: 257
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

I've only missed one online kink-date (and it was months, years maybe before she got un-mad about it). It was back in the days before cellphones, and as I recall, I had a day's layover, and she'd driven over an hour to meet for lunch. Between the hotel's 10am checkout, the chatsite's wee-hours crash, no other way to get in touch, and the town having grown and sprouted several new and renamed brewpubs within a half-mile of each other, the connection never got made.

As things turned out, I'd seen her pass by a couple of times (I was on shank's-mare), but hadn't figured it for her jeep, and she was busy driving.

But, yeah, she was understandably upset, for quite a while. We got over it eventually, and last I heard, she was dating a nice guy in her area. And I wound up having dinner with an aunt I hadn't seen in years, so it all worked out, I guess. There wasn't any intent to stand her up, though, I guess that was the point I was trying to make.

In your case, heck, I dunno. If he totally drops out of existence, or his explanation doesn't hold water, then yeah, for whatever reason, you're better off finding somebody else.

...

(in reply to Delilya)

Post #: 40

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