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RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/23/2012 7:12:07 PM

ProlificNeeds

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OP: I don't ask, and I don't tell, I'll discuss what sort of activities I've experienced or not, but never who or how many.

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RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/23/2012 7:31:12 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TaylorMarie

I'm just curious about if it matters how many sexual partners
Your submissive or slave has had before you?
How much is too many?

He's never asked, so I'm guessing it doesn't matter.

He cares about the present, not the past.

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RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/24/2012 8:45:51 AM

sirjake1379

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1. no, it doesn't matter to Me - there are other things about a person that are more important
2. see answer 1.

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RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/24/2012 8:57:07 AM

sexyred1

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I am not interested in how many sexual partners someone has had; I am more interested in knowing the types of serious relationships they have been in; I find that is much more telling.

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RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/24/2012 12:16:54 PM

Epytropos

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I find it strange that people (I noticed 2) say they would refuse to tell a lover their number... isn't a fundamental part of being in a relationship, whether BDSM or otherwise, the ability and willingness to share anything with your partner? I can't imagine a conversation going "<Question>?" "I'm not comfortable telling you that." "Ok no worries." regardless of what was between the <>s. Call me demanding, but if you have something to hide from me the only reasoning I could have for that would be that something has gone horribly wrong somewhere along the way, assuming it isn't a (very) new relationship...

I can get being secretive about that (ok not really, but I'll accept it as an axiom) but once you're in a relationship doesn't that necessarily have an effect on the landscape?

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RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/24/2012 12:25:31 PM

Iamsemisweet

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I agree with this. I don't think it is an unreasonable question.

I would simply have to answer that I don't remember. Because I don't.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos

I find it strange that people (I noticed 2) say they would refuse to tell a lover their number... isn't a fundamental part of being in a relationship, whether BDSM or otherwise, the ability and willingness to share anything with your partner? I can't imagine a conversation going "<Question>?" "I'm not comfortable telling you that." "Ok no worries." regardless of what was between the <>s. Call me demanding, but if you have something to hide from me the only reasoning I could have for that would be that something has gone horribly wrong somewhere along the way, assuming it isn't a (very) new relationship...

I can get being secretive about that (ok not really, but I'll accept it as an axiom) but once you're in a relationship doesn't that necessarily have an effect on the landscape?

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Post #: 46

RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/24/2012 4:31:02 PM

SpiritedRadiance

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos

I find it strange that people (I noticed 2) say they would refuse to tell a lover their number... isn't a fundamental part of being in a relationship, whether BDSM or otherwise, the ability and willingness to share anything with your partner? I can't imagine a conversation going "<Question>?" "I'm not comfortable telling you that." "Ok no worries." regardless of what was between the <>s. Call me demanding, but if you have something to hide from me the only reasoning I could have for that would be that something has gone horribly wrong somewhere along the way, assuming it isn't a (very) new relationship...

I can get being secretive about that (ok not really, but I'll accept it as an axiom) but once you're in a relationship doesn't that necessarily have an effect on the landscape?

When is it okay in a relationship to bring up that youve been raped?
That youve been in a domestically abusive relationship?
That you suffer from a mental illness?
That you suffer from a physical illness that isnt very noticable?

All of these things are things i wait to tell people until I can trust that person... saying something too soon ends the relationship, saying something too late ends the relationship....

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RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/24/2012 4:43:46 PM

Epytropos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos

I find it strange that people (I noticed 2) say they would refuse to tell a lover their number... isn't a fundamental part of being in a relationship, whether BDSM or otherwise, the ability and willingness to share anything with your partner? I can't imagine a conversation going "<Question>?" "I'm not comfortable telling you that." "Ok no worries." regardless of what was between the <>s. Call me demanding, but if you have something to hide from me the only reasoning I could have for that would be that something has gone horribly wrong somewhere along the way, assuming it isn't a (very) new relationship...

I can get being secretive about that (ok not really, but I'll accept it as an axiom) but once you're in a relationship doesn't that necessarily have an effect on the landscape?

When is it okay in a relationship to bring up that youve been raped?
That youve been in a domestically abusive relationship?
That you suffer from a mental illness?
That you suffer from a physical illness that isnt very noticable?

All of these things are things i wait to tell people until I can trust that person... saying something too soon ends the relationship, saying something too late ends the relationship....

Fair point, and as I say a new relationship needs to have boundaries for a while, but is having had sex with X number of partners really equivalent to the things you listed in terms of the need to keep it secret?

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Post #: 48

RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/24/2012 7:06:33 PM

Awareness

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Only inasmuch as the number of sexual partners can be an indicator of issues. It's more an understanding of who she is and how she feels about herself, men and life which is critical. And basically, I have no desire whatsoever to hook up with a chick who has mental illness.

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RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/24/2012 8:38:18 PM

Ishtarr

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I usually ask the guy myself fairly soon, if he doesn't ask me.
For no other reason really than to provoke him to ask me in return.

I've had a weird past, to put it mildly, and I hooked for a while.
I estimate that my number lays somewhere between 100 and 300 but I really don't have a clue, because I lost count long ago.

The reason it's important to me that numbers get discussed is because some guys have an issue with a women who have a sexual adventures past, or women who have slept around more than they have.
If he has a problem with it, he's very obviously not the right guy for me, and so I rather get that conversation out of the way sooner rather than later.

The last thing I need is passive aggressive condemnation from a guy who feel threatened by women who happen to enjoy sex.

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RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/24/2012 8:39:29 PM

Epytropos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr
The last thing I need is passive aggressive condemnation from a guy who feel threatened by women who happen to enjoy sex.

A thing can still be shameful, even if everyone does it. Like pooping, or women enjoying sex.

Joey Comeau

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RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/24/2012 8:40:51 PM

littlewonder

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I'm suspecting it's really not the fact that one has had a lot of sex partners but that they are/were a sex worker.

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Post #: 52

RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/25/2012 2:50:39 AM

SailingBum

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Freely admits to being with my fair share... I can't remember ever once being asked. Im more curious as to why you would ask that question in the first place. So you say because of STD to that I say hogwash. If you for one minute really think that all the ppl youve screwed that they have screwed ...<you get the idea> is any indication that they might have a STD I have a bridge to sell you.

Im thinking if Im concerend about it A. Im not gonna sex it up B. Blood test. So why ask in the first place...

BadOne

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RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/25/2012 6:10:00 AM

SomeCdnGuy

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Why on earth would I care?

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RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/25/2012 6:59:55 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

The last thing I need is passive aggressive condemnation from a guy who feel threatened by women who happen to enjoy sex.

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RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/25/2012 7:24:24 AM

Hippiekinkster

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I agree with this. I don't think it is an unreasonable question.

I would simply have to answer that I don't remember. Because I don't.

I try to remember by state; i.e. Virginia 30 TX 15 CA 10 GA 26 etc. but I forget some even that way. Many of their names are lost in the mists of time... the women I had feelings for, I'll always remember them. I remember the really hot women, too, and the ones with intense kinks (most every woman has some sort of kink, even if it's a tame one), and the threesomes and one memorable 3-girl foursome. And a few other scenes from my "experimental" days.

I wish I did remember; I sort of feel like I am diminishing, or dishonoring, them if I do not (if that makes sense).

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Post #: 56

RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/25/2012 7:57:25 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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I have had this conversation come up, but more in a casual sort of way. It isn't really an issue for me, since I can count on my digits, without having to take any socks off, the number of guys I've been with.

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RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/25/2012 8:43:09 AM

subcurious12

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I think it's a reasonable question to ask and to answer if you're in a serious relationship or a relationship that's heading in that direction. Partners should be able to share their pasts with each other--the good, the bad, and everything in between. If someone is asking for a judgemental reason or reacts in a judgemental manner to your answer, they're probably not someone you should be with anyway. Sex is important, understanding someone's sexual evolution gives you a better picture of who they are and how they came to be that way. Just like anything else I don't think there's a 'right number' for anyone, if you're comfortable with your experiences or have learned from them and found a different path that's what counts.

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RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/25/2012 12:57:15 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subcurious12

I think it's a reasonable question to ask and to answer if you're in a serious relationship or a relationship that's heading in that direction. Partners should be able to share their pasts with each other--the good, the bad, and everything in between. If someone is asking for a judgemental reason or reacts in a judgemental manner to your answer, they're probably not someone you should be with anyway. Sex is important, understanding someone's sexual evolution gives you a better picture of who they are and how they came to be that way. Just like anything else I don't think there's a 'right number' for anyone, if you're comfortable with your experiences or have learned from them and found a different path that's what counts.

"Grasshopper" The path to .... HogWash sounds like some bad kung fu episode... Wait were there any good ones???

BadOne

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RE: Dear Masters,... - 1/25/2012 2:20:43 PM

Epytropos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subcurious12
Just like anything else I don't think there's a 'right number' for anyone, if you're comfortable with your experiences or have learned from them and found a different path that's what counts.

Fuck a different path. Seek bliss.

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