Morals and values (Full Version)

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Whenready -> Morals and values (1/22/2012 3:54:59 PM)

This is a spin off from another thread.

1) I'm married and seeking. Some people find that unacceptable. I'm comfortable with that, and with their holding the view that what I do is dishonest. Everyone is entitled to an opinion.

2) Changing tack, spanking is - in some states and some countries, viewed as assault.

3) I have the impression that most people here are - at the very least - discreet - about their bdsm activities in their vanilla activities. I certainly am.

So - I'm not having a go at anyone here - I'm asking out of curiousity - where is "honest" for you? If bdsm is fine, why do we appear to need to hide it? And if we need to hide it, does that not imply a moral conundrum? Are all or any of the above examples "right" or "wrong" and where is the line for you? Thoughts?



LaTigresse -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 4:00:11 PM)

The line for ME......

I won't get involved with a slave that is in a relationship with another. I don't share.

I am honest within my relationships and demand the same from others.

I will freely admit there was a time in my life I wasn't the most honest. I paid the price, mostly in my own feelings about myself. I'm never going there again and I won't allow anyone I am interested in to go there either.

As for spanking......since I don't get into BDSM activities with people I am not in a relationship with, it tends to lessen any risk I have.

I don't advertise my relationship style but I also don't hide it. I've had snoopy grands dig a bull whip out of my closet. I've had a young woman visit me, at my office with flowers in hand, and kneel. It was pretty obvious she wasn't just a friend stopping in for lunch The same woman was seen out in my north lawn, throwing knifes in a black bikini. She is 5'9", very long black hair, many dramatic tattoos, and stunningly gorgeous. People that drove by noticed and later asked the guy I live with, who she was. He answered that it was one of my women. And that was that.

You see, I have found, that people just tend to not ask me. They ask those close to me. They talk amongst themselves, but leave me alone. Certainly there are probably some misconceptions but none of it has ever had a direction impact on me or how I wish to live my life.



risktaker9 -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 4:00:35 PM)

1. Wrong.
2. Right, if I consent to it.
3. Yes, I am discreet as it's no one's business what i do in private.



Whenready -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 4:05:07 PM)

Thanks for your responses LaT & risk.

Pressing a point - would business associates act differently if they knew about our private lives (and - if so - is there a morality involved?) Midnight here, so will catch up again in daylight.



kallisto -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 4:08:22 PM)

I think it simply boils down to my morals and ethics and thoughts, etc. may not be interchangeable and compatible with anyone else's. Being honest about my relationship or life doesn't mean I have to flaunt it in front of everyone else for it to be an honest relationship.

1. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. What I think is right for me may not be right for you. I'm not here to judge. It just may not be the right thing for me.

2. I love spankings ....

3. I respect others opinions and thoughts and would not want to impose mine on someone who may not agree with me.



risktaker9 -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 4:08:26 PM)

I'm sure they would. Everyone has opinions, they're bound to play into things. Which is why my business is my own. I'm sure some would feel that whatever goes on between consenting adults is none of their business and for some others it would change their opinion of you for the negative. 



Baroana -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 4:09:52 PM)

Deceiving the person you dedicated your life to? You know the answer.



RexDarcy -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 4:10:16 PM)

I am honest and discreet. I am that way no matter if its under the realm of BDSM or vanilla. I want the same from the people that I chose to have in My life. If they won't be, they don't have a place in My life. Simple as that.

With the being married and seeking thing, does your spouce know? If your spouce knows and is okay with what you are doing, its nobody elses buisness what you are doing unless you are involved in a relationship with them.



NyxPontia -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 4:10:44 PM)

I agree with LaT.

I don't get involved with couples. I like monogamy. But to each their own, as long as everyone is honest, I see no harm in it.

If being spanked is wrong, who wants to be right?

I don't hide my lifestyle choices. Those that don't know are because I'm not close to them in any way or form, so I don't tell them anything about me. I've had my adoration for BDSM and the fact that I'm a slave splattered on most of my profiles on social networks, because I don't care who knows. I have been led around on a leash before in public. It was heaven. I don't make it a point to bitchslap anyone with what I do, but I don't keep it tucked away in a neat little pocket, either.





SpiritedRadiance -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 4:17:44 PM)

Usually it boils down to this, if your married and your spouse doesnt know.... many will not accept that only because you are lying to the woman you vowed your life to, what hopes do does the other woman have that you will be honest to them.

If your wife does know, it will be less difficult, however it does take a different kinda person to accept an already established relationship...

I do not think BDSM has anything to do with this at all.... Its the same as if we removed D/s from this....




OsideGirl -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 4:24:04 PM)

1. Nonconsensual and lying.
2. Honest and between two consenting adults.
3. It's no one's business what I do in my bedroom and that is exactly the same view I held when I was vanilla.



tameeks -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 4:33:05 PM)

1. Yes I do think it's wrong to lie to the one you've pledged your life to.   Like on postere has said, I feel like if a man would lie to his wife, what expectation should I have that he'll be honest with me?  I mean he supposedly pledged his life to her, and hopefully married her because he was in love with her.  

2. I like to be spanked, as long as I agree to it.

3.  My kink is my personal business.  I do not know of one person I consider just a co-worker who I have shared my personal interests in the bedroom with.  And I don't want to know theirs either. I don't think this question really pertains to morals per se.

edited to fix my spelling errors.  :/ 



crazyml -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 4:36:12 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

This is a spin off from another thread.

1) I'm married and seeking. Some people find that unacceptable. I'm comfortable with that, and with their holding the view that what I do is dishonest. Everyone is entitled to an opinion.


You say "their holding the view that what I do is dishonest.." does this imply that you don't regard it as such?

quote:




2) Changing tack, spanking is - in some states and some countries, viewed as assault.

3) I have the impression that most people here are - at the very least - discreet - about their bdsm activities in their vanilla activities. I certainly am.

So - I'm not having a go at anyone here - I'm asking out of curiousity - where is "honest" for you? If bdsm is fine, why do we appear to need to hide it? And if we need to hide it, does that not imply a moral conundrum? Are all or any of the above examples "right" or "wrong" and where is the line for you? Thoughts?


Very simply - wrong is when my actions negatively affect others, or where they run a real risk of negatively affecting others.

1) Is wrong

2) Nothing wrong here, provided we're talking about competent, consenting adults.

3) None of their fucking business.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready
would business associates act differently if they knew about our private lives (and - if so - is there a morality involved?)


Certainly some would, but there's no issue of morality here.

I don't know if this is an exercise in rationalising the moral dilemma you have (and I'm kind of assuming that your spouse isn't aware that you're looking?) but to me the distinction between 1 and the other examples should be easily made, even by a 7 year-old.



OsideGirl -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 4:39:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml


You say "their holding the view that what I do is dishonest.." does this imply that you don't regard it as such?

I wonder how his wife would regard it.



poise -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 4:41:07 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

This is a spin off from another thread.

1) I'm married and seeking. Some people find that unacceptable. I'm comfortable with that,
and with their holding the view that what I do is dishonest. Everyone is entitled to an opinion.

2) Changing tack, spanking is - in some states and some countries, viewed as assault.

3) I have the impression that most people here are - at the very least - discreet - about their bdsm activities in their vanilla activities. I certainly am.



The biggest difference between right and wrong in scenarios 1 and 2 is the word CONSENT.
Those that are seeking intimacy with others while the spouse is unaware are abusing the
vow they made to their partner, and the pain this can cause lasts a whole heckofalot longer
than a spanking.

As for #3, I don't share with the world that I like to be tied up or spanked, and it isn't because
I feel right or wrong about my bedroom activities, but because its nobody elses business.
Heck, fellatio is still illegal in some states too, and that isn't considered BDSM.



crazyml -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 4:41:54 PM)

Well, if she doesn't know, and hasn't agreed previously to him going out and looking w/o her telling him, then I cannot fathom how anyone in their right mind would not regard it as dishonest. [Note to mods. This isn't a personal attack on the op, just my personal opinion]



tazzygirl -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 5:07:18 PM)

quote:

This is a spin off from another thread.

1) I'm married and seeking. Some people find that unacceptable. I'm comfortable with that, and with their holding the view that what I do is dishonest. Everyone is entitled to an opinion.

2) Changing tack, spanking is - in some states and some countries, viewed as assault.

3) I have the impression that most people here are - at the very least - discreet - about their bdsm activities in their vanilla activities. I certainly am.

So - I'm not having a go at anyone here - I'm asking out of curiousity - where is "honest" for you? If bdsm is fine, why do we appear to need to hide it? And if we need to hide it, does that not imply a moral conundrum? Are all or any of the above examples "right" or "wrong" and where is the line for you? Thoughts?


I will come back to 1.

2) Yes it is, if I report it.
3) Do we broadcast it? Nope. Nor do we go out of our way to hide it. No more than a vanilla relationship wouldnt talk about the fucking they got the night before... that doesnt mean they didnt get a great pounding.

Back to 1.

The problem with 1 is that other people are involved. For me, this is a lifestyle about consenting adults doing things they enjoy. Along with that is the need for honesty. We are not speaking of the honesty to tell all to everyone you meet. But the need to be honest between intimate partners - In that I also include play partners who you may never have had sex with, but are much more intimate than a friend might be.

I have no problem with people that have open marriages... where everyone is in agreement. I do draw the lines at having a partner who lies to another partner. If a man will lie to his wife, what guarantee do you have he wont lie to me? And if you are lying to your husband, how will a dominant know you arent lying to them as well.



fragilepieces -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 5:16:45 PM)

OP,

If you are married and seeking IMO that is YOUR business and I really could care less. I would not choose to be with someone who was married even if the other person knew about me; that is my choice. If my partner decided to be with someone else besides me I hope he would care enough about me and our relationship to let me know.

Changing tack===anal sex is illegal in many states but if I want booty sex I am probably going to have booty sex.


I am very discrete about my sex life and personally I feel that BDSM is very sexual. I am not going to tell my co-workers that my partner and I had intercourse the night before, and I am certainly not about to tell them he tied me up and spanked me. People assume we have sex because we are a couple but the details of that are intimate and I am not going to tell people. I am not hiding it---it simply is no one's business. He is the Dominant in the relationship and I don't need to tell anyone that either. I am not hiding that nor am I flaunting it either.



xxblushesxx -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 5:17:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

Usually it boils down to this, if your married and your spouse doesnt know.... many will not accept that only because you are lying to the woman you vowed your life to, what hopes do does the other woman have that you will be honest to them.

If your wife does know, it will be less difficult, however it does take a different kinda person to accept an already established relationship...

I do not think BDSM has anything to do with this at all.... Its the same as if we removed D/s from this....




I sign off on all of the above.



Ishtarr -> RE: Morals and values (1/22/2012 5:24:57 PM)

1) What you do IS dishonest. It's dishonest because you're lying to somebody to whom you've consciously made a commitment you are now breaking.

2) Alcohol used to be illegal in a lot of places. Slavery used to be legal in a lot of places.
Legality or illegality does not make an act moral or immoral. It just makes it punishable.

3) Most people -BDSMers and vanilla's alike- are very discreet about their sex life.
This is the socially accepted norm at the time.

BDSM doesn't "need" to be hidden. People choose to do so because it's the way they feel more comfortable about something that is inherently private.
Vanillas don't advertise their sexual preferences or bedroom practices by screaming them off the roof tops either, yet you're not claiming that they're "hiding" the fact that they engage in sex.
BDSM isn't any different. It's not hidden so much than that it's simple not a polite topic of conversation in public.



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