chatterbox24
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Joined: 1/22/2012
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kalikshama
Perfect Match - The Narcissist Marries a Borderline Personality
When a narcissist chooses a marital partner, he/she makes sure that this person will adoringly follow his lead in every aspect of their lives. The narcissist expects to be mirrored perfectly---to receive from his partner: absolute loyalty, adulation, compliance, selfless service. There is an unspoken understanding that the narcissist will never admit mistakes, nor should his faults and failings ever be pointed out, even in the vaguest of terms. Narcissists often choose marital partners who suffer from borderline personality disorder. These individuals are emotionally dependent and have a fragile sense of themselves as valuable individuals. The narcissist is the master; the borderline, the servant. That is the arrangement. The partner will be constantly lied to and betrayed. The narcissist holds the threat over the head of his borderline spouse that he or she can be disposed of precipitously
The individual suffering from borderline personality disorder lives in perpetual fear of abandonment and psychological annihilation. Borderlines fuse psychologically with others, often to the point where they are emotionally unable to distinguish between their identity and that of their partner. This grave psychological impediment is described as a boundary issue. Psychological boundaries are necessary for each person to have a firm sense of who he is and to distinguish and respect the individuality of the other. The borderline has not reached this stage of development, often due childhood trauma. Her growth was arrested. Inside, she feels like a very young child, desperately hanging on, begging a parent to pay attention to her, to promise not to hurt or abandon her again. The borderline suffers from a fragile sense of self and feelings of worthlessness. They are emotionally dependent on others and have poor impulse control. Some of these individuals go through periods of delusional thought and paranoia, have psychotic breaks and end up in psychiatric hospitals. Higher level borderlines function quite well in the world despite their psychological dependencies and unconscious feelings of worthlessness and instability. Unlike the narcissist, the borderline is capable of feeling deeply for others and can be highly empathic.
This is a marriage made in Hades. The borderline acquiesces to the demanding, perfectionistic, self-entitled narcissist. Beneath the yoke of her psychological burden, the borderline despises her spouse the way she unconsciously hated her parents when she was a child. She repeats this pattern in adulthood, hoping to get the love and respect that she deserved so long ago. The borderline has come to the wrong place. She will not be accepted and loved for herself here. She will be exploited. Many borderline spouses stay with their abusive narcissistic mates because they are in so much psychological pain, suffer from low self esteem and are accustomed to being treated abusively. The cruelty of this marital arrangement mimics the familiar painful psychological patterns of childhood. The cycle continues until the narcissist decides to discard his current spouse for an updated, more attractive, compliant model. The used up spouse is ejected to fend for herself. The narcissist moves on to his next great excitement without memories or regret. For him, it's a relief: a one handed flick of a fly off the face.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph. D.
http://www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/borderline.html
This really doesnt sound like a teenagers advice...unless they are Doogy Houser. So WHich of You borderlines would like to meet a sadonarcissist? I know one. 
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RE: Master does not want sex - 
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