quote:

Counseling? For a once a month drive by blow job relationship? What purpose would it serve, except to line some counselor's pockets? It sounds to me like the OP realizes this was infatuation, not true love that would lead to a happy relationship. In those cases, I have always found that the best way to get over it is to meet someone else. Good hunting, OP.

quote:

You see you might call that what you share with your 'Master' a relationship, but is it really? From what I can see I couldn't even call it a decent cleaning job.

If this is a proper intimate D/s relationship between Master - submissive, then where is the intimacy, where is the mutual benefits, where are the payoffs for both?

At best it's nothing but a superficial relationship, or even closer to the truth, two separate individual people pretending to themselves that it's a relationship when it's anything but.

You appear to be doing one of the classic female sub things of shifting responsibility for yourself either onto your Master or onto the relationship itself and not seeking to develop a mutually rewarding and beneficial relationship with the man before you even consider him to become your Master.

You are 44 years old, why are you still creating superficial relationships in your mid-40's? Why is something so fundamental and basic as sex still an issue so far on into this 'relationship'?

quote:

ORIGINAL: stellauk

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Stella, while I think you are one of the most insightful posters on these forums, I just happen to disagree with you this time.

This I understand and accept, but 'dismiss'? Really?

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

I appreciate the advice.
Yes there has been some red flags in the relationship but my attraction to him is intense. I tried to end it a couple times but he pursued me and he is hard to resist.
I want to add I am a very attractive woman who has no problems getting men. I am not a frumpy desperate middle aged woman.
I could see where you think he is married but I assure you i know he is not. His work is public so knowing his background is very easy.
He has never said he was monogamous so I dont even expect that. This is not a lifestyle I pursued it pursued me.

quote:

Kalikshama, I just want to say you are one intelligent, insightful lady. You describe this man like you know him. Are you into psychology in some way?
I have opened my eyes completely to this situation. Not just what i want to see but what it truly is. ANd honest to God I thought this was some kind of introduction to the lifestyle by giving and showing trust. Now I see I have just been involved with a man with naricissitic tendencies and sadism who just happens to be involved in the lifestyle.
I am leaving him before he ruins my life. There have been many very good posts to help me reach that decision but I must say Kalikshama you are the one I thank the most because you have lived through such an ordeal. Sounds like yours advanced into living together which isnt gonna happen here, and I so MUCH THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart of this insight. HUGE HUGS TO YOU!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

I appreciate the advice.
Yes there has been some red flags in the relationship but my attraction to him is intense. I tried to end it a couple times but he pursued me and he is hard to resist.
I want to add I am a very attractive woman who has no problems getting men. I am not a frumpy desperate middle aged woman.
I could see where you think he is married but I assure you i know he is not. His work is public so knowing his background is very easy.
He has never said he was monogamous so I dont even expect that. This is not a lifestyle I pursued it pursued me.

It does not matter if you think you are attractive; he obviously does not find you attractive enough to have sex with. If you find him so hard to resist, then stay in a situation where he is using you and get laid somewhere else.

He asked you to go out and compare? Do it or leave.

Men have sex with who they want to have sex with.

Oh, and this is not a lifestyle thing, this is a guy who who is not fulfilling your basic needs.

I don't care if you are 18 or 44, you know what is going on.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

quote:

Kalikshama, I just want to say you are one intelligent, insightful lady. You describe this man like you know him. Are you into psychology in some way?
I have opened my eyes completely to this situation. Not just what i want to see but what it truly is. ANd honest to God I thought this was some kind of introduction to the lifestyle by giving and showing trust. Now I see I have just been involved with a man with naricissitic tendencies and sadism who just happens to be involved in the lifestyle.
I am leaving him before he ruins my life. There have been many very good posts to help me reach that decision but I must say Kalikshama you are the one I thank the most because you have lived through such an ordeal. Sounds like yours advanced into living together which isnt gonna happen here, and I so MUCH THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart of this insight. HUGE HUGS TO YOU!!!

Its addictive. I dont think I could ever explain it well enough to people who have never "been there". They leave just enough crumbs to keep you waiting, hoping for more. They wont say "No" to your questions, its always an evasive answer like "Im not sure" or "I cant answer that". They do this intentionally. They dont want to close that door with you. They may even make promises, to only later tell you they "changed their minds" and, as a "dominant, that is my right". There are very few intimate moments. Yet, when they feel you pull back, they can turn on the charm.

Master manipulators. Emotional sadists. Narcissistic personalities

I lived with one for four years. It hurt like hell living with him. It hurt like hell leaving him. I begged to go three months after moving in. But our dynamic was one that I had to wait for permission. I kept "hoping" it would change, based upon the tiny morsels of affection he would give, then withdraw, then give, then withdraw.

It was a complete mind fuck... which, normally,. I enjoy.

But my health started bothering me, my hair started falling out in patches. I moved out, but only down the street. The sex continued (for me, that was the addictive part, the sex, which was terrific, in a twisted sort of way) but the emotions were even more lacking. I could possibly have still been there, but I met someone who made me think more of myself. I put myself out there, and got caught by an incredible man.

The last I heard from the ex was two months after I moved away. He had met someone and was moving in with her. I wished him luck and suggested he should spend his time working on his relationship with her and allow me to do the same with mine. We havent spoken since.

John has seen the tears, the hurt, the anger, the confusion. He has dealt with the mistrust, the fear, the questioning. And he has been my rock.

There are some of us who have been where you are to some degree or another. Eventually, you have to cut those ties. They are imaginary ribbons, cocooning you in the fantasy, with no real basis for a relationship. Im sure, one day, the man I was with will find a woman who makes he want to be close to her. I was not that woman.

I am that woman now.

Just with a man who actually loves me, cares for me, wants me in every way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

Yes the whole relationship has been about mental control. Over time it advanced to him asking for gifts to redeem myself. He wanted control over everything, and recently asked to start a bank account together and mind you we dont live together. This is when I started really thinking, something is definitely off with this guy. He has always knew i wanted more so he would say things to lead me on.
I am sure there are alot of people out there wondering how anyone could be so dumb. Trust me this man is a master manipulator, charming, demanding, and handsome. He has a gift of getting his way and being powerful in the world, and I fell for it. But now Im done.
If I was the person on the other end reading what this relationship has been, I would think what a freaking idiot!!! But Im not an idiot, I just got wrapped up in a guy who I loved and wanted to believe in. I dont have low self esteem, I never had trouble having relationships...........I just did a really foolish thing and that is keep talking to a controlling pursuasive man who after months got me to fall for his game. I am sure the challenge of getting me to comply was intoxicating for him.
If anyone else comes across this thread having the same problem. My advice is STOP ALL CONTACT AND RUN!

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24
Trust me this man is a master manipulator

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

quote:

Kalikshama, I just want to say you are one intelligent, insightful lady. You describe this man like you know him. Are you into psychology in some way?
I have opened my eyes completely to this situation. Not just what i want to see but what it truly is. ANd honest to God I thought this was some kind of introduction to the lifestyle by giving and showing trust. Now I see I have just been involved with a man with naricissitic tendencies and sadism who just happens to be involved in the lifestyle.
I am leaving him before he ruins my life. There have been many very good posts to help me reach that decision but I must say Kalikshama you are the one I thank the most because you have lived through such an ordeal. Sounds like yours advanced into living together which isnt gonna happen here, and I so MUCH THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart of this insight. HUGE HUGS TO YOU!!!

Its addictive. I dont think I could ever explain it well enough to people who have never "been there". They leave just enough crumbs to keep you waiting, hoping for more. They wont say "No" to your questions, its always an evasive answer like "Im not sure" or "I cant answer that". They do this intentionally. They dont want to close that door with you. They may even make promises, to only later tell you they "changed their minds" and, as a "dominant, that is my right". There are very few intimate moments. Yet, when they feel you pull back, they can turn on the charm.

Master manipulators. Emotional sadists. Narcissistic personalities

I lived with one for four years. It hurt like hell living with him. It hurt like hell leaving him. I begged to go three months after moving in. But our dynamic was one that I had to wait for permission. I kept "hoping" it would change, based upon the tiny morsels of affection he would give, then withdraw, then give, then withdraw.

It was a complete mind fuck... which, normally,. I enjoy.

But my health started bothering me, my hair started falling out in patches. I moved out, but only down the street. The sex continued (for me, that was the addictive part, the sex, which was terrific, in a twisted sort of way) but the emotions were even more lacking. I could possibly have still been there, but I met someone who made me think more of myself. I put myself out there, and got caught by an incredible man.

The last I heard from the ex was two months after I moved away. He had met someone and was moving in with her. I wished him luck and suggested he should spend his time working on his relationship with her and allow me to do the same with mine. We havent spoken since.

John has seen the tears, the hurt, the anger, the confusion. He has dealt with the mistrust, the fear, the questioning. And he has been my rock.

There are some of us who have been where you are to some degree or another. Eventually, you have to cut those ties. They are imaginary ribbons, cocooning you in the fantasy, with no real basis for a relationship. Im sure, one day, the man I was with will find a woman who makes he want to be close to her. I was not that woman.

I am that woman now.

Just with a man who actually loves me, cares for me, wants me in every way.

quote:

He is not done so therefore its not done.

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

Oh here we go!

I told him I needed to end it and he told me He is not done so therefore its not done. He went into how I knew he was not usual and that I knew he was the TRUE ALPHA for me, and that if a man was screened thru him then I could have my needs met thru someone else. TOld me our mental dynamic was to beautiful to release, and was I aware I was the only one who would wear his collar. Also told me only one other had wore it before for years which he had never even told me that story before.

Gotta be strong, I want to fall for it again!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

Oh here we go!

I told him I needed to end it and he told me He is not done so therefore its not done. He went into how I knew he was not usual and that I knew he was the TRUE ALPHA for me, and that if a man was screened thru him then I could have my needs met thru someone else. TOld me our mental dynamic was to beautiful to release, and was I aware I was the only one who would wear his collar. Also told me only one other had wore it before for years which he had never even told me that story before.

Gotta be strong, I want to fall for it again!!!