champagnewishes
Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mistoferin
champagnewishes,
I would really like to know where you got the information that you based this post upon. As someone who worked for a good number of years in a Domestic Violence shelter, both with clients and law enforcement, your depiction seems to be about 180 degrees off of what I saw the reality to be.
I know of noone who has ever been jailed for raising their voice. Evidence does not come from a victim statement, and unless there is visible evidence of abuse or admission of the abuser, arrests are not generally made. Actually, at least in this state, the victim has no say whether they wish to prosecute or not, that decision is up to the state. The Prosecutor's office has final say on whether or not they will enforce the charges and seek conviction. They are very selective as they wish to maintain a high rate of conviction of the cases that they follow through on (they are elected officials afterall), so therefore an amazing number of cases are either dropped or plea bargained. Removing an abuser from a home is not quite as easy as you have made it out to be, having children removed from a home practically takes an act of Congress. Could it really be so different in California?
mistoferin,
i appreciate the fact that you question the plausibility of my post. Five years ago, i would have had serious doubt as to the validity of such an occurrence happening. Rereading my post which was made in the wee hours of the night, i find i probably was not clear on many of the details that transpired.
The bottom line is domestic violence is not a new problem, but an old one that law enforcement have been reluctant to acknowledge. It was not until such high profile cases such as the OJ Trial, that law enforcement officials began to see a need to adopt policies specific to domestic violence in order to not only prevent such incidents but to protect their departments from any liability that may arise down the road by not taking effective action. In an effort to communicate the seriousness of domestic violence, a "zero tolerance" policy was adopted...(I am only aware of the policy that was adopted by Orange County law enforcement agencies, not law enforcement agencies in general). Although this may sound very clear cut on the surface the reality is these policies are ambiguous. Males alleging abuse is new area of consideration. There is a lack of presidents for charging these cases.
I was first made aware of this policy one night when my ex returned home intoxicated. I am a very passive person and go to great lengths to avoid confrontation. When things began to escalate, i called 911. I wasn't afraid of the ex nor did i truly believe i was in any physical harm. I needed an intervention. I explained all of this to the officers when they arrived. We were placed in opposite sides of the house and questioned. I explained i was in no harm, he had not touched me physically but i had felt extreme measure had been needed to cool the situation down. Yes i realize police officers are not marriage counselors but at 3:00 am i felt i had no other resources available. As i became increasingly distraught, i called 911 for help. I was then told that my spouse claimed i had pushed him. (After everything was said and done, he swears he made no such claim) Unless i had something more concrete in regards to his actions, they would have no choice but to take me downtown. I panicked and told them i had feared he may have done bodily harm. A high priced attorney with 32 years of trying court cases in OC was able to get the charges dropped.
This was an eye opening experience but paled in comparison to later events. Forward three years...I became a victim at the hands of my husband and then a victim of the criminal system. Call me naive, I had faith in the system and even as a series of unbelievable events unfolded before me, i continued to believe that justice would be served. How wrong i was. What i witnessed was a team of attorneys use an ambiguous policy to their advantage as they proceeded with the task they were being paid top dollar to do.
Everything happens for a reason and i realized the reason after everything was said and done. Through several court ordered classes, i met other woman who were in similar situations...albeit not to the degree i had become a victim, but a victim none the less. They were not victims of physical abuse but victims of the system's shortcomings and of their opportunistic spouses with their high priced attorneys.
Not easy to remove someone from their home? It was very easy as once i posted bail and was released from jail, a restraining order was in place preventing me from going within 100 yards of my own house. The children were not removed but the restraining order covered contact with all occupants residing at that address. I was also prohibited from removing any contents of the house...clothing, money, personal belongings....my car. My options limited after paying an attorney 5k. I could plead guilty to a charge of domestic violence, take four 52 week classes at my own expense, community service and informal probation or i could pay an additional 10k to go to trial with the possibility of facing one year in jail. I had already dropped a bundle on a divorce attorney. I had no place to live, no vehicle and no access to my bank accounts...i had no option. I stood before a judge and pled guilty to a charge for a crime i did not committ. At that point, i realized what had transpired. I never stood a chance from the very beginning. Keep in mind that everything occurring in criminal court has an equal or greater effect on decisions being made in family court. To this day, i am still hit with the reprocussions of this event.
I have a great need to turn my negative situation into something positive. I was emotionally and mentally abused by the end of my experience… My own self worth had vanished as i faced the realization that i was a criminal. I can’t help but feel other’s would have collapsed under such an experience. I will not find peace until i am able to help others who find themselves caught up in the nightmare of abuse that I found myself in….and so nicely done, within a legal manner .
_____________________________
Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.
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Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 
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