RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women

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RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 6/1/2006 4:27:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Would it help in abuse cases (and rape cases) if there were a law in place that said "if you are found guilty of filing a false complaint, you have to serve the same sentence the other person would have if they were found guilty"?

There was a case in England a few years ago of a man jailed seven years for rape. It was then discovered the woman had lied ( I forget how) and she was only given a one year jail sentence. That seemed rather odd to me.

Odd and unfair, meatcleaver. Abuse and rape are horrible, and I have no pity on those that prey on others, but as lee said, the trauma of being falsely accused is horrific as well.

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RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 6/1/2006 4:36:32 PM

slaverosebeauty

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I survived DV, by a few men on this site and in vanilla life as well, and when I was on jury duty, the guy killed his pregnant girlfriend after a chain of DV with witnesses; it's sad but this stuff happens, a LOT. For the rest of my life, I will be effected by beignon that jury, but, it hit me becuase I could have been in a similar situation, and now, I know what to look for and I know that in this lifestyle, we walk a fine line of DV and I keep my wits about me adn recognize that; its sad that others don't know that or recognize that.

Remember, emotional, psychological abuse, are still forms of DV; things can easily esilate and go to the extreme; I wil forever have that young woman's face burned into my mind; that's the face of DV when I think of it, her dead in a vineyard, and her boyfriend without a conscious.

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RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 6/1/2006 5:16:44 PM

mistoferin

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I'm fully aware of what constitutes Domestic Violence. As I said before, I spent a good number of years working in the field of Domestic Violence. Unfortunately, emotional, psychological and verbal abuse are forms of Domestic Violence that in most instances are not prosecutable offenses, except in the most rare of situations. I personally believe that they should be as they are equally if not sometimes more damaging.

I can't stretch so far as to say that we walk a fine line in this lifestyle though between what we do and Domestic Violence. While we certainly have more than our fair share of abusers here, I think that it would be insulting to those who live this lifestyle in a purely consentual and ethical manner to say so. That is not to say that those of us who are "s" types do not need to keep the possiblity of abuse uppermost in our minds, especially when dealing with "D" types that we are not completely familiar with. As in any other aspect of life, a little common sense goes a long way. Be aware and listen to your instincts...and at the first sign that things aren't as they should be, that is the time to act.

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RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 6/1/2006 5:53:16 PM

Veryfewcan

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A topic I had to respond too.
Domestic violence has always been a problem in society. Women by far experience more than men, but it happens both ways. I was married for 14 years to a woman that had a very violent temper. I had been hit with baseball bats, pans, fists and even an ironing board. Several times she knocked me out. I didn't even realize there was a name for it. I just kept on, for the sake of the kids. We had beautiful, twin daughters. I never hit back, because I was raised to never even raise a fist to a woman. Then one day she turned her anger towards the kids. I packed them, left and filed for divorce. She actually stalked us and I had to go into hiding with the kids for awhile. In the longrun, the kids told the Judge of what happened; as they saw it and I was awarded custody.
She has since got help, but the damage was done.
Domestic violence is a bad thing, all the way around.

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RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 6/1/2006 6:11:38 PM

VvShadowspawnvV

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Domestic violence takes a toll, sure... it has also become something of a hot button issue. In Maine, where we live, the state has a "pro-arrest" policy in cases of "suspected" domestic violence... meaning a man/woman could be arrested if a neighbor/family member/other random person reports that s/he has abused his/her partner. It also states that the decision to prosecute is up to the state, NOT the alleged victim. As a person who often sports bruises, this makes me nervous for entirely different reasons. With laws like this, it is possible that a neighbor could report my bruises, the police could show up and arrest Master, take Him to jail, or even to trial, no matter what i, the "victim" say.

Just another thought.

becca

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RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 6/1/2006 7:58:35 PM

Veryfewcan

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Yes, this is indeed a good thought. Florida is quite different in those terms. When the police are called and only when they are called, both parties go to jail. A neighbor complaining does not allow for the police to interfer, unless children are involved. I am sure most laws are made, because of events that have happened. I have several police friends; women and men and they will tell you that domestic violence calls; are the scariest for them. It is a known fact that men are stronger than women. Sometimes the laws have to protect the Ladies against this type of violence. Perhaps this is the subject case in Maine. Then they make the law sex/correct. Thus protecting both sexes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: VvShadowspawnvV

Domestic violence takes a toll, sure... it has also become something of a hot button issue. In Maine, where we live, the state has a "pro-arrest" policy in cases of "suspected" domestic violence... meaning a man/woman could be arrested if a neighbor/family member/other random person reports that s/he has abused his/her partner. It also states that the decision to prosecute is up to the state, NOT the alleged victim. As a person who often sports bruises, this makes me nervous for entirely different reasons. With laws like this, it is possible that a neighbor could report my bruises, the police could show up and arrest Master, take Him to jail, or even to trial, no matter what i, the "victim" say.

Just another thought.

becca

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RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 6/1/2006 8:16:39 PM

Petronius

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I don't mind Zero Tolerance laws for domestic violence. It's the Infinite Tolerance laws for perjury and malicious prosecution in domestic violence cases I object to.

Moreover, in criminal cases the victim is the body politic, as in "The People versus ...." So somebody who witnesses a crime, like the person attacked, as an obligation as a citizen to come forward and to keep coming forward. They really don't have any right to back away.

Is that sometimes tough on the witness? It sure is hell is. That's one price of living in a republic and having rights as a citizen of the republic: obligations go with the rights and the obligations can sometimes be very heavy.

I want to see the criminal justice system nail real criminals, whether they're violent people who those who perjure themselves to have others arrested as violent people.

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RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 6/1/2006 9:11:17 PM

pinkee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Veryfewcan

A topic I had to respond too.
Domestic violence has always been a problem in society. Women by far experience more than men, but it happens both ways. I was married for 14 years to a woman that had a very violent temper. I had been hit with baseball bats, pans, fists and even an ironing board. Several times she knocked me out. I didn't even realize there was a name for it. I just kept on, for the sake of the kids. We had beautiful, twin daughters. I never hit back, because I was raised to never even raise a fist to a woman. Then one day she turned her anger towards the kids. I packed them, left and filed for divorce. She actually stalked us and I had to go into hiding with the kids for awhile. In the longrun, the kids told the Judge of what happened; as they saw it and I was awarded custody.
She has since got help, but the damage was done.
Domestic violence is a bad thing, all the way around.

i am terribly sorry Sir. i am glad things improved for You, but what an ordeal.

pinkee

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RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 6/1/2006 9:13:41 PM

pinkee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VvShadowspawnvV

Domestic violence takes a toll, sure... it has also become something of a hot button issue. In Maine, where we live, the state has a "pro-arrest" policy in cases of "suspected" domestic violence... meaning a man/woman could be arrested if a neighbor/family member/other random person reports that s/he has abused his/her partner. It also states that the decision to prosecute is up to the state, NOT the alleged victim. As a person who often sports bruises, this makes me nervous for entirely different reasons. With laws like this, it is possible that a neighbor could report my bruises, the police could show up and arrest Master, take Him to jail, or even to trial, no matter what i, the "victim" say.

Just another thought.

becca

It's not state-specific; the federal Violence Against Women's Act removed a great deal of discretion from cops and prosectors....mainly for the good, but there have been unintended results.

pinkee

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RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 6/1/2006 9:57:43 PM

champagnewishes

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mistoferin...your right...you did read wrong...the he said she said was a prior incident when he was actually arrested but charges were dropped. i was arrested when he and his girlfriend both told the police that i had been screaming at the top of my lungs at them...they could have told the police anything...the point was to get me out of the house on DV charges...that was simply what got the ball rolling,

And no, i did not say policies were adapted because of the OJ Simpson. What i was implying was that because of high profile cases such as OJ's, DV was something that could no longer be tucked under the rug.

Actually, i have forgotten what my original intent was...LOL....I guess that there is a need for a better defined definition with appropriate sentences in regards to DV. As it stands now, there are major loop holes that allow misguided people the use of policies regarding DV for the wrong reasons.

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RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 6/1/2006 10:10:09 PM

MsMacComb

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Would it help in abuse cases (and rape cases) if there were a law in place that said "if you are found guilty of filing a false complaint, you have to serve the same sentence the other person would have if they were found guilty"?

Yes in a "just" world that would be the case. I recall years ago some lady that falsely accused a guy who did about 7 years in prison. Her excuse? She was screwing around with another guy, somehow decided that same night that she would end up pregnant (she didnt but didnt recant for 7 years) so made up a false rape claim. During a line up she just randomly picked a guy out, then stuck with her story for 7 years so she wouldnt look like a fool. She finally came clean after a bout of a conscious and perhaps growing a fucking spine. Anyhow, to the best of my knowledge she did almost no jail time. This guy was like 22 when he went in so lost some of the best years of his life. If it was up to me she would have done every single day he did PLUS another couple years for filing a false report. Equality is a two way street.

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RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 6/2/2006 2:09:56 AM

pinkee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMacComb

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Would it help in abuse cases (and rape cases) if there were a law in place that said "if you are found guilty of filing a false complaint, you have to serve the same sentence the other person would have if they were found guilty"?

Yes in a "just" world that would be the case. I recall years ago some lady that falsely accused a guy who did about 7 years in prison. Her excuse? She was screwing around with another guy, somehow decided that same night that she would end up pregnant (she didnt but didnt recant for 7 years) so made up a false rape claim. During a line up she just randomly picked a guy out, then stuck with her story for 7 years so she wouldnt look like a fool. She finally came clean after a bout of a conscious and perhaps growing a fucking spine. Anyhow, to the best of my knowledge she did almost no jail time. This guy was like 22 when he went in so lost some of the best years of his life. If it was up to me she would have done every single day he did PLUS another couple years for filing a false report. Equality is a two way street.

It is a crime to file a false police report, and if it goes to court, the offender is civilly liable for malicious prosecution.

pinkee

< Message edited by pinkee -- 6/2/2006 2:10:36 AM >

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RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 6/3/2006 8:31:12 PM

popeye1250

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Mac Comb, what a dreadfull story!
Anyone who does something like that woman did should be jailed for life with no chance of parole and her victim should be compensated to the tune of millions of dollars.

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RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 6/3/2006 9:47:52 PM

NakedOnMyChain

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How about women who beat men up when sincerely provoked? Do they count as abusive?

I had a bad ex, fortunately far in the past, who made my life miserable. He and I had no qualms about beating the shit out of each other. He'd hit me, I'd hit him, and so on. The only times I ever hit him without him hitting me first was when he was destroying something that belonged to me or when I'd catch him in bed with teenage (and I mean young) girls. Interesting relationship, that. I wouldn't take it back, but I'm very glad it's over. It made me grow up. It was interesting listening to him cry his eyes out when I left him, though.

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RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 6/3/2006 10:56:49 PM

MsMacComb

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedOnMyChain

How about women who beat men up when sincerely provoked? Do they count as abusive?

I had a bad ex, fortunately far in the past, who made my life miserable. He and I had no qualms about beating the shit out of each other. He'd hit me, I'd hit him, and so on. The only times I ever hit him without him hitting me first was when he was destroying something that belonged to me or when I'd catch him in bed with teenage (and I mean young) girls. Interesting relationship, that. I wouldn't take it back, but I'm very glad it's over. It made me grow up. It was interesting listening to him cry his eyes out when I left him, though.

With no disrespect thats not abusive, thats just sad.

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RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 6/3/2006 11:00:04 PM

MsMacComb

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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Mac Comb, what a dreadfull story!
Anyone who does something like that woman did should be jailed for life with no chance of parole and her victim should be compensated to the tune of millions of dollars.

I had a couple of the facts confused with yet ANOTHER similiar case, but here it is.
http://www.ipt-forensics.com/journal/volume10/j10_3_6_13.htm

Makes me ashamed to be a woman and a human that someone could do this to another person.

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RE: Domestic Violence Takes Heavy Toll on Women - 6/4/2006 12:45:22 AM

leakylee

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This is not in response to anyone in particular, and I am gonna kinda play devil's advocate. I truly feel for victims of CV. But having said that., there is a point. Where do you draw the line with a family member or friend that is involved in this situation, that has gotten clear, but continually returns? At what point do you just say ok enough? Yes the stress and trauma from DV is incredible. But at some point each person has to accept responsibilty for themselves and thier own lives and actions.

I mean we as a whole in this lifestyle screw around with the psyche to no end, but I dont see where anyone is ever absolved from the responsiblity of thier own personal well being. I understand that this is not an easy thing to do, but how many times can anyone be expected to offer a hand to someone that wont help themselves? I am not saying this to be arguementative. I lived with the mess for 18 years. My mother has for nearly 40. There just has to be a line where a person chooses to stand on thier own.

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