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I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 5:58:08 AM

irishbynature

Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

I can only imagine how many emails you get like the one I'm posting.
Obviously, my story very much the same as some I've just read.

I began submitting to a Dominant. The hard limits: One-on-one relationship and honesty. Meaning, he would tell me if he wanted something or someone else.

He bought me a cell phone so he could have access to me at all times. He was always a gentleman. Always kind. Claimed he had "found what he was looking for and stopped his search!"

I submitted more of my body, mind and soul...out of affection and caring. He called daily, we saw eachother twice a week most of the time...5 months.

He would tell me, "I'm thinking of you way too much...I miss you, I need you....I adore you...."

Last night, I discovered...he was secretly seeking more subs/playmates. He has NO idea I discovered this. I was shocked, hurt, and anyother kind of emotion one can think of came over me.

I asked him shortly after..."Are you needing to move on ....?" He replied, "What are YOU doing up so late?" He WILL NOT ANSWER MY question.....which is "DO YOU NEED TO MOVE ON??"

Why can't he just say, "Yeah, I need more...move on, release, go..."???

What do you respond when you've submitted your affection, loyality and body to a Master who won't be honest with you?

Post #: 1

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 6:04:59 AM

TolerableCruelty

Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

brutal honesty is always the best policy in My book...

simply tell him that you've found out that he's been talking to and/or seeking others... and that you're either A) comfortable with that and could try a poly relationship or B) not comfortable with that and want a monogamous relationship.

regardless of what any "dom" or "master" tells you... you hold the power in the relationship, girl... slavery and submissiveness is consentual, not forced, and if he's playing with your emotions and mind... then he's obviously not a big enough man to be a real master to you, and you should cut your losses and move on.

at least thats My opinion, and thats what I would do in your shoes.

T.R.

_____________________________

Never explain~~Your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you

I'm sorry if I've offended you.... but maybe you needed to be offended

(in reply to irishbynature)

Post #: 2

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 6:05:25 AM

Whitebear

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/7/2004
Status: offline

Hello
Not sure what advice yo are seeking. The question is simply do you want to stay with him or not. If the answer is no. Thne you move on wehther he wants to or not .

Whitebear

(in reply to irishbynature)

Post #: 3

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 6:14:33 AM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

~quicky post~

If he/she is stepping on your limits its time to go.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to Whitebear)

Post #: 4

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 6:24:06 AM

irishbynature

Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

But if so...why can he not just say, "Yes, move on?" Perhaps he is really just a coward? I guess I assumed that Dominants had a higher code of standards, such as honesty...due to the nature of the relationship? Or perhaps, I am niave?

Should I really mention this or because he is dishonorable...just walk...I mean...RUN away without a word. I question whether he is even worth a reply...ya know???

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 5

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 6:26:01 AM

irishbynature

Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

I think you're on to it there...he's "not a big enough man to be real"....dom or no dom.

(in reply to Whitebear)

Post #: 6

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 6:34:02 AM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

He, unfortunately, is an example of a bad Dom. In the online environment we can make bigger connections and faster connections. But it does create a sanctuary for liars and deceivers as well. Right now your profile is rather vague in what you are looking for so I can't say go to munches and dungeons and such. But I can tell you to look at the posts of potential Dom's and it will give you insight into who they are.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to irishbynature)

Post #: 7

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 6:34:26 AM

redpetals

Posts: 229
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

i think you are a coward if you dont tell him why you are moving on
thats being dishonest
sure he may not really deserve an axplanation,but do you want this to come back and bite you?
it might..so just tell him..what could that hurt?

_____________________________

Love is a verb.

(in reply to irishbynature)

Post #: 8

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 6:35:59 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: irishbynature
But if so...why can he not just say, "Yes, move on?" Perhaps he is really just a coward? I guess I assumed that Dominants had a higher code of standards, such as honesty...due to the nature of the relationship? Or perhaps, I am niave?

Should I really mention this or because he is dishonorable...just walk...I mean...RUN away without a word. I question whether he is even worth a reply...ya know???

This is one of the biggest most pervasive myths regarding this lifestyle. You will not find a higher percentage of morally or ethically higher people here than you would find anywhere else. Just because a person calls themself a Dominant or Master does not mean that they are superior to others in morals, ethics, honesty or integrity. Those are traits that you will have to discover on an individual basis. There are just as many scumbags here as there are anywhere else.

As for leaving without a word....that is your call. Personally, I would prefer to make the person aware of what the disconnect was about.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to irishbynature)

Post #: 9

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 6:36:30 AM

redpetals

Posts: 229
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

i am not a master..but i had to put my two cents in..i am a sub and i feel for you kiddo,(so please forum police..dont get tiffed)

_____________________________

Love is a verb.

(in reply to irishbynature)

Post #: 10

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 6:36:50 AM

irishbynature

Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

Wulf..great idea...and I think it's time for my pic to go up as well...(smiles...what have I got to hide? Nothing!) My profile isn't filled out yet, but you've inspired me! (Time for this sub to take control of finding someone worthy, right?)

(in reply to redpetals)

Post #: 11

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 6:37:10 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: irishbynature
I submitted more of my body, mind and soul...out of affection and caring. He called daily, we saw eachother twice a week most of the time...5 months.

The twice weekly real life dates and the buying of the cellphone are big- anyone who did that I would NOT guess to be cheating around online without any other signs.

Which is too bad because there are certainly plenty of them who do. He was likely just scared and unable to actually commit.

Which means you really didn't seem to have any signs that this would be coming and can't even watch for it next time, which REALLY sucks.

But at least you know the truth now.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to irishbynature)

Post #: 12

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 6:40:15 AM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: irishbynature

Wulf..great idea...and I think it's time for my pic to go up as well...(smiles...what have I got to hide? Nothing!) My profile isn't filled out yet, but you've inspired me! (Time for this sub to take control of finding someone worthy, right?)

Good job!!! You have discovered your control! I am looking forward to you coming in like a lion and taking the bull by the horns.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to irishbynature)

Post #: 13

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 6:40:26 AM

irishbynature

Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

lol red...i understand...i too probably still have a lot to learn about what being 'submissive' really means...as far as making better choices. As far as me being the coward...dunno---to me, a huge part says, "Ya know, if someone is that low....maybe they deserve nothing..not even my typing on an email...!) And, I cut off the cell phone he gave me...and it will remain off...don't feel he's even worth answering the phone for. Call it cowardly...? Maybe...I sorta feel empowered as if "You aren't worth my breath anymore"

(in reply to redpetals)

Post #: 14

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 6:53:21 AM

passionatepet

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline

irish, like you, i discovered dishonesty in a Dom/sub relationship, though i was less than a month in at the time. Even so, it was extremely hard for me pick up and go -- i rationalized, i made excuses, i downright ignored the dishonesty. After all, he was telling me exactly what i wanted to hear!! Eventually, though, enough incidents built up that i couldn't deny it, and i separated from him. The point is, though, that i caused myself weeks of suffering that i didn't need to experience! The original dishonest action i discovered should have been enough, as it clearly indicated that this man felt that his ends justified any means, moral or not. He was extremely good at telling me what i wanted to hear -- like your Dom is! - and i allowed myself to be lulled by that. My hard-earned advice -- send him an email telling him what you know and why it's unacceptable, then stay away, no matter what he says! (i recommend the email method because, as subs, we are prone to giving in in person.) Be prepared, he WILL pull out all the stops to keep you, and he knows what to say to pull you back to him. Be strong, turn a deaf ear, and start looking for a new, better man. It isn't easy to do this, i have trouble with it myself, but but not compromising on the big things means you'll be happier in the long run. Have faith, and believe that you are worth happiness!

(in reply to redpetals)

Post #: 15

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 7:00:21 AM

irishbynature

Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

So true passionate....as I read your post..I began to deflate a bit...as a submissive, I tend to only 'hear' what I want to hear. It tugs, it pulls...and my only drawback is even allowing him the satisfaction of 'hearing' my voice. To me, a person who openly lies to me once...isn't worth or should not be honored enough to ever 'hear' my voice on the phone..and definitely NOT in person./or via email. He has his toys...he can go play. I will remain true to myself first, not him...nor give him the opportunity to attempt to pull me anywhere.

Thanks!

(in reply to passionatepet)

Post #: 16

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 7:13:18 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: irishbynature

But if so...why can he not just say, "Yes, move on?" Perhaps he is really just a coward? I guess I assumed that Dominants had a higher code of standards, such as honesty...due to the nature of the relationship? Or perhaps, I am niave?

Should I really mention this or because he is dishonorable...just walk...I mean...RUN away without a word. I question whether he is even worth a reply...ya know???

No, there isn't some higher code of standards for doms. Thats just niave bullshit. He's a man, like any man you meet on the street. There is no "Dom School" to teach a higher code of standards and there isn't a "Dom Police" to enforce it.

Now, just to be fair, are you sure he's searching for others? How did you find this out? Did you go through his emails? Find that his profile is still up? Your very vague about this.

If you went through his emails, why were you snooping in the first place? This would point to a trust issue on both sides and yes, then it's time you bucked up and said you're moving on.

If his profile is still up then that really doesn't prove anything, does it? I would keep my profile up simply because I enjoy the forums here. Maybe he has a few people on here that he wants to keep in contact with.

Reguardless, you need to treat him exactly how you wish to be treated, despite how it may seem that he is treating you. If you don't, then you're no better then what you precieve him to be.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to irishbynature)

Post #: 17

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 7:17:45 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Frankly dear, you got played. Happens all the time and whilst the 'higher standards' myth is nice, it isn't real. Some have higher standards, others simply wear the mask and lie through their teeth. Like any kind of relationship you have to build the trust and there is always the chance that somewhere down the line you will find something like this that blows that trust right out of the window.

If you don't say anything and simply walk away, aren't you being a coward yourself though? Just because his standards turned out to be low, no reason to let yourself down. Confront the creep, let him know what you have found.... then walk. If nothing else it should help give you closure on it.

Good luck on your search petal, hope you find someone who DOES have high standards.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to irishbynature)

Post #: 18

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 8:18:29 AM

zumala

Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: redpetals

i think you are a coward if you dont tell him why you are moving on
thats being dishonest
sure he may not really deserve an axplanation,but do you want this to come back and bite you?
it might..so just tell him..what could that hurt?

Oh, it sounds like this one deserves an 'AXplanation' alright. LOL. But seriously, I'd go ahead and give him the axe. Personally, I'd ditch the phone and compose a very brief message to his account here on CM. Tell him you know the jig is up and that you're leaving for that reason. Then block him. Never talk to him again.

zuma

(in reply to redpetals)

Post #: 19

RE: I could really use a Master's advice. - 6/1/2006 9:01:15 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

The hard limits: One-on-one relationship and honesty.

Last night, I discovered...he was secretly seeking more subs/playmates. He has NO idea I discovered this.

Irish,
As Mr D pointed out these two statements from your OP are contradictory. But then you defined the first statement; "Meaning, he would tell me...". You didn't have the same obligation to tell him? Or is honesty defined as a crime of commission versus omission? You've omitted disclosing to him what you "found". How you "found" it really doesn't matter.

It's impossible to go back. There was a thread regarding how to go about re-establishing trust; the answer is you don't - you can't. You'll have a better chance ripping open a feather pillow in the winds of Chicago and chasing and collecting every single one and sewing them back up in the case.

Honesty and trust are 'one time use only' assets. Based upon what you presented it appears your dom spent his. But you have as well. "Move on?" Emotionally you already have done so. Your "shock, hurt, and other emotions" are indications that mentally you won't be able to submit your "affection, loyalty" in the same manner. The question becomes one of the "body".

You have to decide if the physical aspects of the relationship are still something you desire with this person without trust and honesty. That answer won't come from anyone's response to this post. Only you can make that decision.

(in reply to irishbynature)

Post #: 20

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