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Moving on - 1/26/2012 4:30:09 PM   
unclaimedheart


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/19/2012
Status: offline 		I was not officially released by my previous master. It was such that either of us could end the relationship when we wanted and he first suggested that we "probably" and "maybe" should stop seeing eachother. He has kept any communication to a minimum, but I have not been able to heal without the closure. He maybe waiting for some time unkown to me that he feels is best to wait to resume a relationship, or something else entirely. I joined this site to see if I could love another as quickly and as completely as I did with him. My question is after months of asking to be taken back, when, if at all, would it be appropriate to tell him I belong to someone else?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Moving on - 1/26/2012 4:42:29 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unclaimedheart

My question is after months of asking to be taken back, when, if at all, would it be appropriate to tell him I belong to someone else?



Somehow, from what you've said here, I don't think he will even care enough to ask. He has already checked out emotionally. Time for you to do the same. Chasing him just makes you the crazy stalker chick.

(in reply to unclaimedheart)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Moving on - 1/26/2012 4:46:00 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unclaimedheart


My question is after months of asking to be taken back, when, if at all, would it be appropriate to tell him I belong to someone else?


Why bother and why shit on the one you're with now?

_____________________________



(in reply to unclaimedheart)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Moving on - 1/26/2012 4:53:39 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I am getting the impression that you are just looking now?

Over is over. There are many times when we don't get "closure" and have to invent our own.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Moving on - 1/26/2012 5:29:17 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		You're just going to have to move on and forget him. He's not likely to care that you're with someone else (well, unless he's still not with someone else :p) and it's unfair to the person you're with if you're just with him as revennge to the first guy.

Burning things is sometimes a great way to move forward. Write his name on a paper and burn it. Symbolically release yourself, if you absolutely MUST have closure.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Moving on - 1/26/2012 5:35:42 PM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
Status: offline 		He dumped you.
There's your "release". He doesn't get to know about your life now.
:)

_____________________________

There is no spoon.


(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Moving on - 1/26/2012 5:45:41 PM   
unclaimedheart


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/19/2012
Status: offline 		I am just looking now. I have been emotionally closed off to casual friends, but do believe I can move on with a new master. I think a new love will be completely different. I think I will try the symbolic burning. Even if there is a reunion at some future point it would have to be all new, we couldn't just pick up where we left off.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Moving on - 1/27/2012 12:38:26 AM   
SilentSlade


Posts: 23
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline 		It sounds to me like you had something you hold as really special together.  It is very difficult to let that kind of connection go, especially when it has become a part of your life for many years. 

Open communication is an option.

Sometimes I have found that a well written heartfelt letter (yes envelope, stamp, and all) with everything you have on your mind written out and laid bare can help you move on.  You learn a lot about yourself when you write.
If you feel that would be to much, or inappropriate, you can choose to burn that too.
Don't like writing?, get audacity for the computer, record yourself talking into the mic.  Say whats on your mind, what you feel.  Let it all out, and then save, and play it all back. Listen to yourself, and what you really feel and why.  Ask yourself what is holding you back and keeping you from moving on.  Then act on what you learn.

Other solutions are to date new people, vanilla or otherwise, just to become accustomed to the idea of someone new.  Of new experiences and perspectives.  Try making a bucket list.  Start knocking some items off of it.  The feeling of
doing something amazing and new may help you look forward to whats next, and who is next.

In the end there is no wrong choice.

I've rambled on for too long.. In any case, good luck.





(in reply to unclaimedheart)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Moving on - 1/27/2012 1:54:46 AM   
NyxPontia


Posts: 224
Joined: 1/8/2012
Status: offline 		Burning has ALWAYS helped me, so props to those that suggested it.

I also find music can help. Usually, during a breakup, I will turn on whatever break up song fits the way it ended and while it plays, use the lyrics like a conversation. Talking out loud to myself as if that person was there can open up the heart and help wounds heal. Writing, as stated, can also help. But when I do that, I look back and get mad at myself for making mistakes. I kick myself for my feelings. So writing can backfire. Especially if you keep the journal/letter.

But you could burn it, as was suggested earlier.

And his house. You could burn that down.


_____________________________

"Bleeding Is Believing, Bleeding Is Breathing." Natalie Imbruglia

A slave without a collar is just the mammal form of a chicken with it's head cut off.

(in reply to SilentSlade)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Moving on - 1/27/2012 4:18:00 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I have not been able to heal without the closure.

I find that women sabotage themselves in their search for closure. Trying the burning thing, get a new man, join a gym, do volunteer work, anything but seek it through your ex.

quote:

I joined this site to see if I could love another as quickly and as completely as I did with him.

Sometimes these insta connections blow out as quickly as they blow in.

quote:

when, if at all, would it be appropriate to tell him I belong to someone else?

I'm leaning towards Never, but minimally, if and only if he initiates a conversation.

(in reply to unclaimedheart)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Moving on - 1/27/2012 6:03:40 AM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
Status: offline 		^^ has teh wise.

_____________________________

There is no spoon.


(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Moving on - 1/27/2012 7:37:00 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		You need to let go and move on. Stop all contact with him and stop asking to be taken back. You need to find your dignity and self respect.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 1/27/2012 8:15:16 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Fornica)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Moving on - 1/27/2012 8:08:53 AM   
tameeks


Posts: 173
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unclaimedheart

I am just looking now. I have been emotionally closed off to casual friends, but do believe I can move on with a new master. I think a new love will be completely different. I think I will try the symbolic burning. Even if there is a reunion at some future point it would have to be all new, we couldn't just pick up where we left off.


I don't think you're quite ready to move on yet.   It wouldn't be fair to start something with someone new with the thought of maybe your old one will come back to you. You're starting it off with one foot out the door already.

< Message edited by tameeks -- 1/27/2012 8:09:27 AM >

(in reply to unclaimedheart)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Moving on - 1/27/2012 8:46:18 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		Tameeks is right - you still seem to hope that you'll meet him again. If you do the burning thinng, remember that that is only a step in the process. When my last Person died, it was a sudden accidental death, and there was no closure. I can relate to feeling like you nneed that personn to "release" you before moving on, but when that isn't possible - well, even if it is, you have to understand that one action isnn't going to make you "over it" instantly.

You may need to give yourself more time. Don't jump into a new relationship just because you miss beig in one. Do it because you're healthy annd looking to really move forward with life.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to tameeks)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Moving on - 1/27/2012 9:27:49 AM   
xXLithiumXx


Posts: 723
Joined: 9/2/2008
From: Hell, Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fornica

He dumped you.
There's your "release". He doesn't get to know about your life now.
:)



^^ This exactly.

_____________________________

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement


You have to believe in yourself. -Tsun Tzu-

Resident Malkavian.

(in reply to Fornica)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Moving on - 1/27/2012 10:39:32 AM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline 		Sorry that you miss having him in your life.

But I agree with all of the other posters who say you need to move on. Do what you need to do to create your own closure for yourself - the closure will not come from him. And consider it completely over. I would not entertain thoughts of getting back together again in the future. This will make it even harder for you to move on. I would also not contact him anymore. Remove his contact information from your phone. If he reaches out to you, that is one thing. But in my life, generally a woman reaching out to a man in a situation like this is never a good idea.

And do what you can to get out and meet new people. You might not replace your Dominant any time soon, but sitting at home and feeling sad is not a helpful thing to be doing either.

The pain from a break-up is really bereavement. So understand that it is going to take time to get to the other side. There is no way to speed up the healing/recovery process. One day, you will wake up and not be thinking about him. None of us can tell you how long that might take for you.

_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to xXLithiumXx)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Moving on - 1/27/2012 10:49:10 AM   
NyxPontia


Posts: 224
Joined: 1/8/2012
Status: offline 		Am I the only one gunning for arson?

_____________________________

"Bleeding Is Believing, Bleeding Is Breathing." Natalie Imbruglia

A slave without a collar is just the mammal form of a chicken with it's head cut off.

(in reply to fucktoyprincess)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Moving on - 1/27/2012 10:58:04 AM   
SilentSlade


Posts: 23
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NyxPontia

Am I the only one gunning for arson?


You secretly have my vote.

(in reply to NyxPontia)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Moving on - 1/27/2012 10:58:26 AM   
Ninebelowzero


Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline 		I vote pyromania too. That or explosives.
quote:

ORIGINAL: NyxPontia

Am I the only one gunning for arson?



_____________________________

More come backs than Frank Sinatra

(in reply to NyxPontia)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Moving on - 1/27/2012 11:00:21 AM   
NyxPontia


Posts: 224
Joined: 1/8/2012
Status: offline 		Well thank Y/you, fellas 

_____________________________

"Bleeding Is Believing, Bleeding Is Breathing." Natalie Imbruglia

A slave without a collar is just the mammal form of a chicken with it's head cut off.

(in reply to Ninebelowzero)
Profile   Post #: 20
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