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RE: Safe Word? - 3/4/2012 12:12:34 AM   
LoreBook


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/22/2012
Status: offline
quote:

For you, that may be perfectly acceptable. But, shouldn't be up to the individual Dom and sub to figure out for themselves when safewords should come in?
I very plainly said "I don't think it should...blah, blah, blah....". I don't know how to make it any clearer that what I posted expressed my thoughts on the topic and not some universal rule.

If you're going to insist that every question be answered with some variation of "Its up to the individual Dom and sub to figure for themselves", then what's the point of having a discussion board? What exactly is it we're going to discuss?


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(in reply to MDomCouple)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Safe Word? - 3/4/2012 12:29:37 AM   
MDomCouple


Posts: 90
Joined: 2/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LoreBook

quote:

For you, that may be perfectly acceptable. But, shouldn't be up to the individual Dom and sub to figure out for themselves when safewords should come in?
I very plainly said "I don't think it should...blah, blah, blah....". I don't know how to make it any clearer that what I posted expressed my thoughts on the topic and not some universal rule.

If you're going to insist that every question be answered with some variation of "Its up to the individual Dom and sub to figure for themselves", then what's the point of having a discussion board? What exactly is it we're going to discuss?

The post of yours I responded to made it seem as though you were attempting to say that your views on the matter should be considered universal. If that isn't the case, then I stand corrected. Thank you for clarifying.


(in reply to LoreBook)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Safe Word? - 3/4/2012 6:39:11 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Safewords under the right circumstances also make for great mindfucks,as others have pointed out some dominants get people for example to go to yellow if they use that scheme and have consequences for that that makes it hard to say it, they are torn, and it can break a sub into subspace (obviosuly, that is for advanced players, with a dominant who knows how to do that safely; you could get a sub inexperienced enough to hit something that is truly hurting them, refuse to safeword, and end up seriously hurt, it is a form of edge play.


While a sub may interpret a forced yellow as a mind fuck, a Dom may do this simply as a means to get to know a new partner's limits or break a sub's mental block against safe wording when appropriate.


(in reply to njlauren)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Safe Word? - 3/4/2012 6:43:57 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LoreBook

quote:

For you, that may be perfectly acceptable. But, shouldn't be up to the individual Dom and sub to figure out for themselves when safewords should come in?
I very plainly said "I don't think it should...blah, blah, blah....". I don't know how to make it any clearer that what I posted expressed my thoughts on the topic and not some universal rule.

If you're going to insist that every question be answered with some variation of "Its up to the individual Dom and sub to figure for themselves", then what's the point of having a discussion board? What exactly is it we're going to discuss?



Since multiple people on multiple threads are finding you One True Way-ish, would you like some suggestions on how to not come across as such without having to resort to adding "Its up to the individual Dom and sub to figure for themselves" in every post?

(in reply to LoreBook)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Safe Word? - 3/4/2012 7:26:23 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LoreBook

quote:

For you, that may be perfectly acceptable. But, shouldn't be up to the individual Dom and sub to figure out for themselves when safewords should come in?
I very plainly said "I don't think it should...blah, blah, blah....". I don't know how to make it any clearer that what I posted expressed my thoughts on the topic and not some universal rule.

If you're going to insist that every question be answered with some variation of "Its up to the individual Dom and sub to figure for themselves", then what's the point of having a discussion board? What exactly is it we're going to discuss?



ppsstt...LoreBook, add "personally" or "I think" or "imo" in your paragraphs. Unfortunately, being here for years, I've learned you have to do that if you don't want everyone down your throat telling you constantly that you come across as "One True Way". I absolutely hate having to do that. It should be assumed that what you type is your opinion, but people here really don't see it that way.



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Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Safe Word? - 3/4/2012 7:47:15 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		littlewonder,

You don't come across as One True Way because you frame things as being about your experiences in your relationship.

While your relationship wouldn't work for me (hot as your man sounds ), I never get the sense that you are speaking about universal truths.


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Safe Word? - 3/4/2012 7:50:49 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		like I said, I've learned I've had to phrase things like that so I don't come across in that way. When I first started online in bdsm forums many years ago I did come across that way because I feel strongly about the differences between sub, slave, Dom, Master, Bdsm/d/s/M/s. Since I don't like confrontation though I just got used to wording it so I don't have to argue with others lol.


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Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Safe Word? - 3/4/2012 7:51:27 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		Personally, safe word is there to keep me safe. As in, you know, sometimes a dom may not realise he has gone too far, and needs you to like help him to keep you safe. That's how I kinda see it. Ideally, a long term dom/sub relationship should reach a level where the dom is in such deep connection with you, that you never ever have the need to use the safe word, as he never goes too far, and does just enough before it goes overboard. But I think it's reassuring that you will be always safe and safe words will always be respected.

I mean..., for first time play, I had a dom said to me, he does not believe in safe words, that I should just trust that he will not go overboard. And that's like...., are you kidding me? I don't know you. And you don't know me, so how can you possibly know if you went overboard or not? With me?


< Message edited by Greta75 -- 3/4/2012 7:55:26 AM >

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Safe Word? - 3/4/2012 6:21:52 PM   
LoreBook


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/22/2012
Status: offline
quote:

Since multiple people on multiple threads are finding you One True Way-ish, would you like some suggestions on how to not come across as such without having to resort to adding "Its up to the individual Dom and sub to figure for themselves" in every post?
No.

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WITHOUT "ART" THE EARTH IS JUST "EH"



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(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Safe Word? - 3/4/2012 6:28:07 PM   
LoreBook


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/22/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks for the tip littlewonder, I tried doing that in this thread, but as you can see it didn't make a difference. Oh well. shrug


_____________________________

WITHOUT "ART" THE EARTH IS JUST "EH"



LLT

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Safe Word? - 3/4/2012 9:02:43 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		+1 @kalikshama

I was thinking the same thing. I read lots and lots of posts each day from lots and lots of people... some of whom I agree with and some I do not. Some posters, however, manage to convey that they know everything there is to know about life, the universe, and everything. Honestly the last set of these was the Arpig show and I gotta admit I keep wondering if Lore is his newest sock. It's that same sort of arrogance coupled with young/female.

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(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Safe Word? - 3/4/2012 9:51:29 PM   
DownrightEvil


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/28/2008
Status: offline 		There are a lot of good posts on this topic already, but I'm going to throw my $0.02 in anyway.

When I first started down this path, I was lucky enough to be around some very thoughtful, helpful and just plain "good" people. For a long time it never crossed my mind that anybody would/could play responsibly without a safe word. (In this sense, I'm using what is to me the more traditional idea of a safe word. A pre-agreed word that means stop right now, something's terribly wrong.) Over time though, I came to the realization that that particular concept is fatally flawed. Especially, I might opine, for the newbie Top. I've seen enough newbie Tops essentially take the position that if their sub didn't say "Magenta Butterfly" or "Red" or whatever, that it meant everything was OK. At the same time, I've seen subs who believe that as long as they have that word, whatever it is, that they're safe (presuming their Top respects it.)

As many have already pointed out, it's not unheard of for someone to forget what word it is they're supposed to use. Hell, it happens to me on a daily basis in normal conversation, I'm not about to rely solely on someone remembering on a single word or gesture. And honestly, it cuts both ways. First, the sub needs to remember and verbalize, but just as importantly, it needs to sink in with the top that it was uttered. Yes, yes, the Top needs to be paying attention and need to be aware of what's going on. But the fact is, we're all human. A gesture can be missed, a word can literally go unheard.

Anyway, here's my main point. As so many have said, the green, yellow, red variety safe word has issues. Especially when we're talking to/about newbies (I'm not saying the OP was a newbie), the emphasis should be on communication. I personally don't know any Doms who wouldn't recognize and stop for "My leg is cramping, stop you damn prick!!!" or something similar. Even with resistance play, non-consentual-consent or any other hard-core kinds of activities, I would submit that real, honest communication is more effective than a singular safe word. And for those who insist that a traditional safe word is the only way to play safe, I simply ask, would you stop (Or would your Dom stop) if the words "Asshole! My shoulder just dislocated!" rang out in your play space. If so, the point of a safe word is....?

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Safe Word? - 3/5/2012 12:05:24 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Original: JeffBC

manage to convey that they know everything there is to know about life, the universe, and everything

Oo oo, I know this one!

42

quote:

Original: DownrightEvil

I personally don't know any Doms who wouldn't recognize and stop for "My leg is cramping, stop you damn prick!!!" or something similar.

While I have done this from time to time, when I'm deep in subspace it's very hard for me to verbalize.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 113
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