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LaTigresse -> RE: To truly please a Lady (2/4/2012 9:36:34 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
quote:
ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
And that, to me, is what it CAN feel like when you are telling someone about a difficult situation and what you get back is "You should......." "You should have......" or "Well I would have...."
The are in effect saying that they feel the way you are handling something, or did handle something is less effective than they would.
I don't know a male friend who's ever expressed the complaint that you have about other males' listening/advice skills to them, actually.
That is because they are guys. Guys communicate very differently with one another.
I feel I am very lucky in that I spend most of my time around guys. I live with one. I work with three of them. I actually spend very little time around women. The only consistent female company I have in my life right now, are three dogs. The other company in our building has two women but I actually have very little interaction with them. We were friends at one time but when they started trying to use that friendship in an unethical way in business (they rent space from the company I manage) I backed off the friendship.
I really enjoy the company of men. If a guy is mad we have it out and it's over. In fact, of the guys in my life only one has a tendency to pout for a few days. but then, when it's over, it's over. There are a lot of more male traits that I really appreciate and prefer in companions. I love the differences between men and women.
Like LadyHib, I recognize the differences and accept the reality that male and female brains really do work differently. That is a conversation that I've had frequently with Generic Dude and the guys I work with. Especially my boss in conversations about his marital struggles.
What I've seen is that women really seem to get upset when evidence, that a man's brain doesn't work like their own, pops up. Kinda like I saw Lockit post about the movie Pretty Woman. Hell, I don't really care for the story line but I appareciate the eye candy of Julia Roberts. In that case I have a unique perspective. Also, like LadyHib, I've been accused of having a brain that works more like a man than a woman. Personally I think it's just that I spend a lot more time with men and have learned to communicate and think in a way that allows me to work well with these guys. More nurture than nature.
For ME, guys are easier friends and companions. I don't have to second guess their words. Women are more prone to hidden meanings, having two 'conversations' one obvious and another less so. Women, tend to be a lot more passive aggressive even though it's not strictly a female behaviour. My pressman will readily admit he is and has zero plans to change it. The great thing is that, because he's a guy, we can actually talk about it without him getting bent out of shape and making it an issue.
I am not trying to over simplify or demean the male brain. I just acknowledge that it does work very differently,, in many ways than the female brain. And I enjoy it.
If a guy wants to please a woman, he's going to benefit from recognizing the differences and working with them instead of having those difference work against them.
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