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Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/11/2012 3:14:07 PM

urfunmaleslave

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/2/2012
Status: offline

I can't understand why I can't find a mistress to serve. I have talk to some but I guess I didn't meet what they were looking for. I'm looking to serve a mistress and in a year I'm willing to be a live in slave. I know I'm to this life but willing to do what she said, I just want to make her happy. I'm willing to get a job and give her what I make. I guess I need some guidance.

Post #: 1

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/11/2012 3:19:24 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Be patient: 6 weeks is not that long a time to be looking.

Also, your profile says nothing really much about what you would be bringing to the table: who are you apart from the kinky wants and desires?
What skills do you have, what are you good at, what do you want to learn - apart from the kinky stuff?

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Post #: 2

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/11/2012 3:54:43 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

There aren't lots of Dominant women sitting around looking for slaves to serve them. There are however lots and lots of submissive men wanting to serve a Dominant woman. You've made up your mind to enter into this lifestyle but there isn't a guarantee that you'll be able to. So work at it. I'm sure you've put in lots of effort already trying to find a Domme, you have to do more. If you are looking for something rare, that's how things go. Fill out your profile as Angelika suggested and try to be interesting and engaging to the women you send messages to so they'll want to meet you.

Just as an FYI, I'd keep the part about giving a Domme the money you make from a job to yourself or all you'll get as interest will be the ones who want your money.

Go about this how it's usually done when a man wants to meet a woman...what does he do? Does he send her pictures of his genitals and say he'd like her to use him (not saying that you are)? Or is he asking a funny question or two about her profile and trying to get to know her as a person? It's really no different here, just try to meet women the way you usually do without having it be all about the sex and kink and having it be about being interested in her as a woman. No woman really wants to be approached as a compilation of body parts or a supplier of kink. It's demeaning. How would you make conversation with a girl at a party? Do that.

(in reply to urfunmaleslave)

Post #: 3

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/11/2012 6:00:44 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

What the ladies said. ^^^

Read and heed every last word of the FAQ in this section. That should give you a peck more chance than a snowball in hell. Good luck.

(in reply to urfunmaleslave)

Post #: 4

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/11/2012 6:20:21 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

Treat them as people first, urfunmaleslave. It never, ever works otherwise. Keep your kink under firm control until it's time to let it out. Nobody, not even a 'Goddess', wants a relationship that isn't human.

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(in reply to urfunmaleslave)

Post #: 5

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/12/2012 6:33:30 AM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

I see nothing here about pie baking skills.

What?

chia* (the pet)

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Post #: 6

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/12/2012 6:59:48 AM

FemmeDominion

Posts: 146
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

This...

quote:

Treat them as people first, urfunmaleslave. It never, ever works otherwise. Keep your kink under firm control until it's time to let it out. Nobody, not even a 'Goddess', wants a relationship that isn't human.

And this...

quote:

No woman really wants to be approached as a compilation of body parts or a supplier of kink.

I admit that this is a personal issue, though I think many Tops/Dom/mes have a similar desire, of a person giving me an honorary before we have an agreement - it drives me mad. To do so before has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you and your fantasy. If I'm going to spend my time and talents with you I want you to appreciate me for me - not because I look a little like a fantasy you have. This is true if I'm going to be in a romantic relationship with a person. I want them to want me not the fantasy of "me" that they've either brought with them or created. Otherwise you're just letting your kink rule you as stated above. While this may work with a Pro Domme whom you're paying for a service is it really how you want to have a relationship - all about your wants and needs alone and not knowing anything real about your partner?

And this as well...

quote:

Be patient: 6 weeks is not that long a time to be looking.

Even if you've been looking on other sites every time you go to a new community you're going to have to start all over again. You will find your top.

And, yes, I did it. I looked at your profile. You are more than your kink. If you want to be engaged by someone you have to give someone something to engage. Your profile makes me think of a climbing wall with no grips. Give a perspective Top something about you to "hold on" to in the climb to get to know you- give them you.

Good luck!

ETA: I mixed my metaphors there at the end. I'm good for that. But I figured out how to change it. Now this P.S. message makes little sense and has no use. la la la

< Message edited by FemmeDominion -- 2/12/2012 7:11:55 AM >

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(in reply to urfunmaleslave)

Post #: 7

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/12/2012 7:07:33 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

~FR~

what sometimes gets me is that fact that if some of these folks would READ THE FAQs, there is a LOAD of helpful advice there!

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Post #: 8

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/12/2012 10:27:27 AM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
Status: offline

Do these people ever even come back to read what we write? Or use the fucking search button?

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Post #: 9

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/12/2012 10:52:29 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

My search button is entirely virginal. Yours sounds like a slut.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 10

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/12/2012 10:55:17 AM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
Status: offline

I hate you. lol

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Post #: 11

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/12/2012 11:57:47 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: urfunmaleslave

I can't understand why I can't find a mistress to serve.

The reality is that there are about 100 submissive guys vying for the attention of each dominant woman. So you can't come into it thinking that you can just post a profile on a kinky website and dominant women will start lining up outside your door.

The reality is that many (most?) of the submissive men on here will NEVER find a Domme. That's right, I said "never". The numbers just aren't in our favor.

Because of that, there is something called a pro-Domme. "Pro" means exactly what it sounds like. You pay her.

Pro Dommes get a bad rap from some people, but I think they serve a very important purpose. You can pay a pro, and thus get to experience many of the things that you've fantasized about, or you can wait and compete with all the other sub guys.

I don't mean to paint a depressing picture for you. But you need to understand the reality of the situation. If you don't separate yourself from the pack, and show a dominant woman why she should pick you over all of the other studly submissive men who are trying to gain her attention, then you're going to spend a lot of time fantasizing and masturbating.

And remember, many of those other submissive men that you're competing with are smarter than you, handsomer than you, taller than you, richer than you, and have a bigger dick than you do. So knowing that, what makes you special?

Think about the answer to that question, and then make sure that your profile communicates clearly why you are a better alternative than all of the other men on this site.

I hope that helps.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 2/12/2012 12:04:52 PM >

(in reply to urfunmaleslave)

Post #: 12

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/12/2012 3:17:18 PM

masmiss

Posts: 494
Joined: 2/16/2009
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: urfunmaleslave

I can't understand why I can't find a mistress to serve.

The reality is that there are about 100 submissive guys vying for the attention of each dominant woman. So you can't come into it thinking that you can just post a profile on a kinky website and dominant women will start lining up outside your door.

The reality is that many (most?) of the submissive men on here will NEVER find a Domme. That's right, I said "never". The numbers just aren't in our favor.

Because of that, there is something called a pro-Domme. "Pro" means exactly what it sounds like. You pay her.

Pro Dommes get a bad rap from some people, but I think they serve a very important purpose. You can pay a pro, and thus get to experience many of the things that you've fantasized about, or you can wait and compete with all the other sub guys.

I don't mean to paint a depressing picture for you. But you need to understand the reality of the situation. If you don't separate yourself from the pack, and show a dominant woman why she should pick you over all of the other studly submissive men who are trying to gain her attention, then you're going to spend a lot of time fantasizing and masturbating.

And remember, many of those other submissive men that you're competing with are smarter than you, handsomer than you, taller than you, richer than you, and have a bigger dick than you do. So knowing that, what makes you special?

Think about the answer to that question, and then make sure that your profile communicates clearly why you are a better alternative than all of the other men on this site.

I hope that helps.

There are? Where are they?

_____________________________

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I am the captain of my soul.

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(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 13

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/12/2012 3:39:24 PM

fetisheden

Posts: 274
Joined: 1/25/2011
Status: offline

probably not

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fornica

Do these people ever even come back to read what we write? Or use the fucking search button?

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(in reply to Fornica)

Post #: 14

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/12/2012 4:02:22 PM

slaveAtHerFeet

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline

masmiss your are right,but what do we have to be "richer"??why do we have to pay to someone we are serving???why paying a mistress to serve her and she isnt a prodomme??i just want an answer to the "tribute" that most of them require it,and at end,belive me,if they worth to be ladies and queens,they wont ask for money

(in reply to masmiss)

Post #: 15

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/12/2012 5:04:11 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: urfunmaleslave

I can't understand why I can't find a mistress to serve. I have talk to some but I guess I didn't meet what they were looking for. I'm looking to serve a mistress and in a year I'm willing to be a live in slave. I know I'm to this life but willing to do what she said, I just want to make her happy. I'm willing to get a job and give her what I make. I guess I need some guidance.

My thinking is (and maybe it's just me) if you're "willing to get a job"........I'm thinking.....you should get a job anyway.

(But that's just me).

(in reply to urfunmaleslave)

Post #: 16

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/12/2012 5:28:22 PM

smartsub10

Posts: 865
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline

edit

< Message edited by smartsub10 -- 2/12/2012 5:29:02 PM >

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Post #: 17

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/12/2012 5:33:36 PM

Endivius

Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline

is it not obvious? If you can't take the initiative to do something simple like use the search feature, how can you expect a woman to waste her time on your lazy ass?

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Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to smartsub10)

Post #: 18

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/12/2012 5:55:44 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveAtHerFeet

masmiss your are right,but what do we have to be "richer"??why do we have to pay to someone we are serving???why paying a mistress to serve her and she isnt a prodomme??i just want an answer to the "tribute" that most of them require it,and at end,belive me,if they worth to be ladies and queens,they wont ask for money

You are entirely missing Rochsub's point.

He's saying that you're competing with subs who have more money and are physically superior to you. Just his way of saying that manners and personality will HAVE TO BE the means by which you compete.

Um, and spelling and punctuation, too.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to slaveAtHerFeet)

Post #: 19

RE: Why can't I find a Mistress - 2/12/2012 6:02:55 PM

fetisheden

Posts: 274
Joined: 1/25/2011
Status: offline

RIGHT

but i fear slaves like him will never get it. they will keep complaining about not having a Mistress, gain even more weight, never read a book, make even less money, & 20 years later still wonder why they are alone & not with an 18 y.o. hottie....

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveAtHerFeet

masmiss your are right,but what do we have to be "richer"??why do we have to pay to someone we are serving???why paying a mistress to serve her and she isnt a prodomme??i just want an answer to the "tribute" that most of them require it,and at end,belive me,if they worth to be ladies and queens,they wont ask for money

You are entirely missing Rochsub's point.

He's saying that you're competing with subs who have more money and are physically superior to you. Just his way of saying that manners and personality will HAVE TO BE the means by which you compete.

Um, and spelling and punctuation, too.

_____________________________

http://losangelesblackdominatrix.com
http://findomme.blogspot.com
http://blackmailfetish.blogspot.com
www.twitter.com/fetisheden

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 20

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