LookieNoNookie
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Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss
I need some advice, or some thoughts because I am kind of freaked out right now.
I met a dominant who had a wife, we met two times going to coffee (all of which I was early for). Everything started out fine, the wife seemed to be not sure about things at all, her husband kept D/s from her. He was starting to tell her.
I really liked his dominant style, but eventually something upset him. Sometimes, I was stupid and wrote "would of" instead of " would have" in text. He told me to change it, and I did, but SOME I missed on accident still, but my grammar was getting a lot better. A LOT better. When I made a mistake he would say " you are either careless or stupid, so which one is it?" He had to keep correcting it, which I know is bad, but I was trying, it's an automatic habit. This was the first red flag though because he was judging everything about me based off of my grammar. He would say " if you can't fix something simple like this, what else can't you do?" I know little things show a lot, but I think other stuff shows a lot also. I worked my whole entire schedule around to get my STD tests in, I went the day he asked me, to ME that shows a lot also. I was on top of things. He kept telling me he wanted me in his life a very long time, he wanted poly. I believed him.
Well, I was going to his house yesterday finally him and his wife and i were all going to just hang out. Well, he was mad at me about the grammar again, he was implying I was dumb, which upsets me he was telling me I had to prove to them I'm not. (Which is dumb because I'm doing a lot in school and the internship I have I could not get if I was dumb). So I was flustered (I was already nervous), and I forgot the papers. I was half way there and told him I forgot them, at first he said we are going to have to reschedule, that I was acting like I really don't want this . I wasn't late to ANY of the coffee dates at all. I told him i am usually never late... and because of the grammar and this he goes " you keep telling us you aren't like this yet that is what you are showing." Anyway, he decides to let me come. We just play pool, it goes well. Then he goes and talks to his wife, he comes out and talks to me, and he says " i want you and her to play together, do you want to?" I'm like... I don't know I feel nervous , i said i'd have to get alcohol to give me that extra push. Well, we ended up drinking, and everything was going great. He told me to play with her... so I did.
Well, when I was fingering her, she started to bleed. I felt really badly, but I don't understand because I've fingered many girls like I did her and they didn't bleed. Anyway, I thought it was still a good night, they were acting like it, they kept going, and I felt bad and wanted to stop. But, also, she was really drunk, and so was I .
Anyway, I leave that morning, I never receive a text. I finally say to tell me even if there is something wrong. He goes " yeah it's not going to work, we feel that where we need you to be would take too much time and we are in the process of moving and it's just too much, we don't have that time. And, my wife is still bleeding, we got her a doctors appointment for tomorrow."
I feel kind of violated, I trusted him, I did what he asked, I played with her.. I feel really badly, I did NOT mean to hurt her. But, I opened myself to him.
Did I do something wrong? Is there a reason I should be feeling so uncomfortable? I feel like if you decide to play with someone, something might happen, you consent to that. Also with drinking you don't know what could happen. He always told me he was smarter than me and more educated, but his thought process isn't very sharp? Why try to get two people to play together the first night we really hang out ? Should of said no to me asking for alcohol, and stuff like that happens, that doesn't mean i'm a bad person.
Can you please tell me your thoughts? As dominants? I feel bad, but I did what he said. And he was really mad I was 20 minutes late, but I was flustered and nervous. I feel they didn't even give me a chance, or was I the one, who really messed it up? Would you guys judge me off of this stuff too?
There are sooooooooo many things here that are fucked up.
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RE: Freaked out - 
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There isn't a person on this earth who hasn't done something (sometimes lots of things) they later regretted. Mistakes have a purpose if you learn from them and don't repeat the same one twice (new mistakes are OK and inevitable...that's how we learn.) Now...if you keep doing the same thing over and over and expect a different outcome...that would qualify as 'stupid.' 
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