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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/14/2012 5:23:10 PM

angelikaJ

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/14/2012 5:23:27 PM

mnottertail

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/14/2012 5:23:42 PM

hausboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Steve2199

Ok thanks buddy, I guess I don't feel the whole scene was right for me, my heads all over the place to be honest

And I have to also agree... online therapy is a sham. Find a decent therapist that you can talk to face to face.

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/14/2012 5:26:51 PM

Killerangel

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LH, check your mail please.

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/14/2012 5:30:49 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Seen and answered!!

Well, I am off, it's apparent that I am not going to accomplish a blessed thing tonight. Maybe I'll check in after dinner to see if anyone has invoked Freud!

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/14/2012 7:05:25 PM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Steve2199
but neither is it normal to let someone abuse you, but everyone has different morals,

The problem we're having Steve is that for us it isn't abuse, it's an expression of love.

I have to ask why you felt so strongly in need of trying this that you spent the money to go see a pro domme. Because that's not cheap.

Beyond that, you don't need a sex therapist, you need a regular therapist. Call your doctor and ask for a referral to a qualified therapist. Not a social worker, a clinical psychologist.

Because you must have had strong yearnings in order to spend this much money. Yet, you also found it very upsetting. You are conflicted about your sexuality. That's pretty common especially if you come from a religious background.

Just like getting drunk once doesn't make you an alcoholic, one intro session being topped doesn't make you a sissy - even though you think it did. Until you straighten out your feelings, and lose your shame about your sexual desires, you will find it impossible to have any kind of good relationship with a woman. And that's a damned shame, because we all deserve love.

The only thing keeping you from the relationship of your dreams is you.

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/14/2012 9:09:58 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

I have had anxiety attacks ever since, I used to get them when I was younger but this has brought them back. It's like since I did it I don't feel manly or human anymore, just really weak and timid.

Looks like you repressed whatever was causing the anxiety attacks when you were younger and your session triggered something from the past. You need a real shrink, not an online one. You were willing to cough up the money for a Dominatrix, now do the same to get help.

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/14/2012 9:38:08 PM

DommesLesEnigma

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: Steve2199

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Therapy. Crisis hotline. Your church, if you are religious.

Are you sure that this one incident is enough to have pushed you into a whole new zone?

I can't think what else it could be, I felt great before I did it, it's kind of freaked me out I dunno why.

Your feelings about yourself and the experience are more likely to be impacting you negatively than the experience itself.

What she said....Your mind is a powerful thing. Especially if the experience touched a rare nerve in you.

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/14/2012 9:54:33 PM

JanahX

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quote:

Ok thanks buddy, I guess I don't feel the whole scene was right for me, my heads all over the place to be honest

Dood -----> you sound completely mental. If life is weirding you out this bad, go check yourself into a psych ward. They can dope you all up and send you on your merry way. Christ on a crutch ... its not that difficult.

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/15/2012 2:31:30 AM

Steve2199

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I guess we got different morals, I would class control as abuse.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Steve2199
but neither is it normal to let someone abuse you, but everyone has different morals,

The problem we're having Steve is that for us it isn't abuse, it's an expression of love.

I have to ask why you felt so strongly in need of trying this that you spent the money to go see a pro domme. Because that's not cheap.

Beyond that, you don't need a sex therapist, you need a regular therapist. Call your doctor and ask for a referral to a qualified therapist. Not a social worker, a clinical psychologist.

Because you must have had strong yearnings in order to spend this much money. Yet, you also found it very upsetting. You are conflicted about your sexuality. That's pretty common especially if you come from a religious background.

Just like getting drunk once doesn't make you an alcoholic, one intro session being topped doesn't make you a sissy - even though you think it did. Until you straighten out your feelings, and lose your shame about your sexual desires, you will find it impossible to have any kind of good relationship with a woman. And that's a damned shame, because we all deserve love.

The only thing keeping you from the relationship of your dreams is you.

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/15/2012 3:58:37 AM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Steve2199

I guess we got different morals, I would class control as abuse.

Really? If you had this attitude going into it then why would you even try things out at all much less with a pro where you are spending a lot money for something you already feel isn't going to end well?

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/15/2012 4:48:56 AM

StrikingBeauty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Steve2199

I guess we got different morals, I would class control as abuse.

If you didn't think that BDSM activities revolved around some level of control, then you obviously have no clue what BDSM is...which makes me call BS on this whole thread.

< Message edited by StrikingBeauty -- 2/15/2012 4:49:38 AM >

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/15/2012 4:56:42 AM

FrostedFlake

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Right. Uuuhmm. Pretending this is serious :

*You saw a Pro.
*You didn't like it.
* So you paid a stranger online by the minute to read to what ever it was (???!) you wrote, and then write back.
*And that Pro told you, "You have to accept that you are the way you ain't."
*And we are not supposed to say, "Uh, what?"

Hmmm...

I am not clear on which of these Pros you are saying caused you the problem. Was it the one who did what you asked her to, and conveniently "Allowed you to escape...". Or was it the other one?

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/15/2012 5:37:37 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Steve2199

I guess we got different morals, I would class control as abuse.

Do you think a parent insisting a child eats dinner before dessert (which is control) is abusive?

When a teacher says either you do all the homework and get at least a 70% grade or you fail - do you find that abusive?

When a boss tells you that to keep the job you have to do all the work involved plus dress appropriately and be on time - which is also control - do you find that abusive?

Some of us want control. For me it's a break from me being in control all the time. In fact, my therapist who is a PhD sees it as healthy for me.

Go call your doctor, ask for a referral to a therapist.

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/15/2012 5:39:29 AM

lizi

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I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt because anyone in need deserves empathy, I've been wondering about the OP and this thread all along though. Things just seem too pat and convenient and....familiar. The only thing that really seems true is that he's got an ax to grind against BDSM.

OP- are you from the UK by any chance? If you're the same person from there who pops in every once in a while to get on your soapbox against consensual kink please go take your case elsewhere. No one here really thinks it's damaging although you seem to - we get your point, now please take ours- we like it and actively seek to include it in our lives.

I'm off to school for the day, but if I get time later I'll look up your old thread. If I'm mistaking your identity and you are having emotional issues here, there isn't anything to do but go see someone who can help you so please do and good luck with things.

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/15/2012 6:05:54 AM

MrBukani

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Steve2199

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fornica

Dude. You need to give us more to work with here.
You had coffee? You sucked cock? You fucked a horse? what we talking about?

I didn't suck any cock. Just kind if got naked and dominated/humiliated etc, I'm sure most of you can imagine, I felt aroused but also angry and a bit weak, I feel like half the man I did before I tried it, I feel confused, maybe it's my own fault for doing it but I guess it's too late now,

Thats kinda part of the prob, aint it? You liked it because you were aroused, didnt like it, cause you felt like half a man afterwards.
Anxiety attacks can be a bitch, but its probably not the humiliating part that started it, cause people did that plenty again here. Did you have another attack on here? So search your own feelings. Talk 1 on 1 with somebody you trust.
When after that you still dont get it, you can always spend a fortune on a shrink.
Control is not always abuse as others said. So you might wanna selfsearch your perspective on things like that as well.

Cheerio, good luck and its not the end of your world. Think positive. If all things you try and dont like, freak you out there is something wrong.
You probably are very sensitive to certain things.

< Message edited by MrBukani -- 2/15/2012 6:12:34 AM >

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/15/2012 6:34:19 AM

DesideriScuri

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Fornica

Dude. You need to give us more to work with here.
You had coffee? You sucked cock? You fucked a horse? what we talking about?

Quite the interesting mix you have there, Fornica. Coffee...dick sucking...horse fucking?!?!?!? LMAO!!!

Damned funny shit...thanks for the laugh today....

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/15/2012 6:48:06 AM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

I've never seen BDSM "mess someone up"--I've seen people who were already messed up, had some mental health issues, and for some of them, certain types of BDSM play exacerbated their problems.

This!

But frankly, I'm with Ron on this one. I applaud those of you who have been trying to be helpful and empathetic to the OP. But I've got to call "BS" on this entire thread. None of it makes sense.

From the ridiculous premise of the OP itself, to the idea that he actually thought that a pay-per-minute on-line counseling services was a viable form of therapy, to the "moving target" nature of his story, none of it sound like the behavior of a sane, rational human being. So either he's pulling our collective chains, or he has serious mental health problems. Troll or crazy person? Take your pick.

The OP said that he has another account here on CM. I have to say that he sounds eerily like Kevin.

This thread has already reached 5 pages. That's 4.5 more pages than it deserved.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 2/15/2012 6:50:10 AM >

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/15/2012 6:52:32 AM

mnottertail

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well 'boss about' and 'shite' is at least very northern England if not Ireland.
And if he has another account that is so famous that hes in here sliding sideways and this is old one-eyes first trip to see the optometrist..............and so on......it aint cricket.

You said it well though Roch. In fact, its certainty has left me near as blue as you.

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RE: Can bdsm mess you up? - 2/15/2012 6:55:30 AM

hellionsLight

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No, this isn't common. Mistakes were made. Take care of your health.

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