RE: Sex and Emotion (Full Version)

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JeffBC -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 9:35:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jennileigh8182
In the course of this discussion, i was told that it is 'unnatural' for all humans for sex and emotions to have anything to do with each other.

In my experience when most people talk about what is "natural" for humans, they are not actually talking about what is natural for humans. I could point to... well... pretty much the entire course of human history as a rebuttal to this "argument". I might also point to specific biochemical chains but hey... what's our own internal biomechanics got to do with what's natural?

This is about on par with the Goreans thinking that building advanced civilizations is somehow "not natural" for humans. Honestly, if I want to know what's "natural" for humans or any other species, I look at what that species actually does... not what someone thinks it ought to do.

To answer your question, love & sex are intimately tied together in me. I can't really imagine wanting to fuck some woman that I didn't love.



Whenready -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 9:46:03 AM)

First off, I'm more than happy to accept pyro's amendment - SOME men are better at separation of emotion and sex.

A lot depends on context. There are well established theories that - in general - most (is that enough caveats?) men are wired to spread their genes as widely as they can, as part of ensuring their continuation. Most women - in general - have - HISTORICALLY - had an interest in keeping one male close enough to guard and protect her and her children while they are vulnerable. One may or may not agree with this theory, but for humankind as a species (as distinct from individuals) it seems to have been largely true through most of human evolution so far.

That said, on a personal level, sex is better when my emotions are involved.

The evidence in the town centre on a drunken weekend night does however suggest that - sometimes - yes, he/she is breathing - is enough for sex to take place to the presumed satisfaction of both involved (at the time anyway).

What works for YOU is personal, whatever the species might want.



xssve -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 9:55:39 AM)

I just flat out form emotional attachments to people I have sex with, period, I care about what happens to them even after we stop having sex, and I tend to react badly to the end of a relationship - nothing violent, but I go into a funk for at least Three days before I even feel like looking at another horse, much less getting back on it.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 10:24:37 AM)

I'm going to go with "what Frosted said" and "what Des said". The lust-based sex that I used to pusue was fine, but nothing like the sex I had with those I had real affection and/or love for.

And I read in anthropology so there!



PollyAMorris -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 10:46:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

he's an anthropologist and studied in human sexuality, and claims it's all fact.


Was he trying to get into your pants?



That was my thought, too.



GreedyTop -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 10:59:28 AM)

~FR~

I saw this quote and it sums my thoughts up pretty damned well:

"Sex without love is merely healthy exercise."
Robert A. Heinlein



SoftBonds -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 11:03:12 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

~FR~

I saw this quote and it sums my thoughts up pretty damned well:

"Sex without love is merely healthy exercise."
Robert A. Heinlein


His next quote was: "Scratch that, sex is not *merely* anything." I probably messed up the quote cause I don't have my copy of time enough for love handy, but he was trying to say that bad sex is still good.



GreedyTop -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 11:04:12 AM)

yep. and I agree ;)

ETA: that reminds me, I need to start replacing my RAH books. The only one I currently have is Farnham's Freehold. I think the rest went walkabout.



jennileigh8182 -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 11:11:47 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SoftBonds


quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

~FR~

I saw this quote and it sums my thoughts up pretty damned well:

"Sex without love is merely healthy exercise."
Robert A. Heinlein


His next quote was: "Scratch that, sex is not *merely* anything." I probably messed up the quote cause I don't have my copy of time enough for love handy, but he was trying to say that bad sex is still good.




I don't know about that laughs...I've had bad sex that was just plain bad. The kind where it's over and you think, "ugh, I have to clean up and I didn't even get anything out of it? I could have just masturbated and had a better time!"



GreedyTop -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 11:15:23 AM)

ok, fair point. SO have I. but it's still healthy excersise!! *snort*



jennileigh8182 -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 11:19:36 AM)

*lol* I'll give you that part!



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 11:25:43 AM)

Meh. I would rather have had a biscuit.



GreedyTop -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 11:27:08 AM)

I usually would, after, Hibbie ;)



SorceressJ -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 11:29:53 AM)

Anyone who likes and quotes Heinlein *WINS*.

Didja know that if you smoke after sex, you were probably moving too fast (or not using enough lube)? Just thought I'd make sure y'all knew that..
Bong rips after sex are nice, too. [:D]



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 11:30:54 AM)

I was thinking of an encounter where a stale biscuit would have been superior...



SorceressJ -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 11:32:51 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
Honestly, if I want to know what's "natural" for humans or any other species, I look at what that species actually does... not what someone thinks it ought to do.

To answer your question, love & sex are intimately tied together in me. I can't really imagine wanting to fuck some woman (insert 'male' here because SJ is more or less hetero) that I didn't love.


THIS.
p.s. nice to see you, Jeff. Much clown love for You and yours.



poise -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 11:34:12 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jennileigh8182

So, this came up in a long (and frustrating) conversation with someone tonight:

Do sex and emotion have any connection for you? Is physical pleasure greater when
emotions are involved? Do emotions (of the appropriate nature) lead to a desire for
physical pleasure with the person? Are they completely separate entities?


Currently, sex with the one I am emotionally invested in is awesome, and I can't imagine
having this fire with anyone I haven't connected with emotionally.

However, there were times in my life where I was too shy to tell this man of my desires, simply
because of the emotional investment. I think it has been both a blessing and a curse. [:D]

Also, I am not ashamed to admit that I sometimes fantasize about sex with a stranger, but I have yet
to fantasize about sharing emotions with a stranger, so perhaps the balance is that sex is wonderful in
and of itself, but even better where there is fire.



slaveluci -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 11:40:24 AM)

1 - Yes. Sex and emotion have a connection for me. Is it usually love? No. Not usually unless I'm with a partner I'm committed to and who I love.

2 - Is physical pleasure greater when emotions are involved? Well, emotions are always involved so I can't answer that. If the question is "Is physical pleasure greater when LOVE is involved?" then I'd have to say not necessarily. The overall fulfillment may be greater when love is involved, but not physical pleasure for me.

3 - "Do emotions (of the appropriate nature) lead to a desire for physical pleasure with the person? Are they completely separate entities?" No. They aren't completely separate entities for me. Alot of different things can lead to a desire for physical pleasure with someone for me. I don't know what emotions of an "appropriate nature" consist of but things other than pure physical attraction can lead me to want to engage in physical pleasure with another person.

Basically, I am a free spirit sexually and always have been. For ME - in MY OWN relationships with others - I do not need to have some big tangle of heartfelt emotions to enjoy becoming physical with him/her. I don't need to love, cherish or value him/her. If I'm attracted to him/her and he/she is attracted to me - for whatever reasons - I am perfectly ok with becoming physical and then walking away with no strings attached at all.

On the other hand, I am capable of falling deeply in love with another person. I have done so in the past and am currently deeply in love with my husband/master. There is a connection there that is DIFFERENT from those with whom I've had casual sex but that connection doesn't necessarily mean the physical sensations of the sex is better/more intense - it's just DIFFERENT.

Someone mentioned being hardwired monogamous. I am definitely hardwired non-monogamous. I am bisexual, polyamourous, non-monogamous, casual and pretty much carefree in the sexual realm. I am not one of the doomsday naysayers who are obsessed with using protection and not becoming fluid bonded and thinking that casual sex kills everytime[sm=binky.gif] because it simply doesn't. It is possible to have casual - dare I say even "unprotected" - sex with others without love and deep emotions and enjoy it and survive unscathed and disease-free. I know. I've been doing it for 20-some years[;)]

luci





PeonForHer -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 11:45:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

~FR~

I saw this quote and it sums my thoughts up pretty damned well:

"Sex without love is merely healthy exercise."
Robert A. Heinlein



My favourite is Woody Allen's 'Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.'

I'm wondering about the subject of masturbation. If everyone feels emotion and lust to be so inextricably connected, how are they able to crack off those sherbet fountains with porny pics or, indeed, those floods-in-the-basement with dildos or rampant rabbits? I have to admit I've never thought of sending a porn model flowers and I somehow doubt that women lovingly cuddle up to their dildos after sex and ask them 'what you thinking?' .



sexyred1 -> RE: Sex and Emotion (2/19/2012 11:54:52 AM)

I think it all depends on the person of course. And, the time of life you are into.

I was fortunate to discover mind blowing sex and love at the same time so I always felt intense emotion with my partners.

However, in retrospect, it seems that sometimes lust was masking as love and while it felt amazing, it still was not ultimately satisfying.

Now, I wish I could be more casual about sex; I envy those who do, truly. I meet alot of hot guys who turn me off intellectually or emotionally.

Moving forward, I could never even attempt to have sex with someone unless I formed at least a strong mutual "like" and respect with them; I would rather be alone than just engaging in random sex. I disagree that even bad sex is good; not for me it isn't.



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