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RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 1:58:48 PM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline 		My Master would never have me be alone at the hospital--serious or not--unless he absolutely couldn't be there (work or other obligations, although currently works out of our home and so he would have the luxury of putting it on hold for something like that.) He knows I can handle it myself but he also knows that I would be scared and lonely and that him being there would be a great comfort to me. He cares for me immensely and he loves me. Why wouldn't he be there? That's just what people do when they care about each other. God knows I would be there for him as well, and I wouldn't leave his side unless I had to.

He wants to be sure I am all right and he wants to take an active part in my medical care. He would be at my side as much as possible, making damn sure I was getting proper care and that he knew what was going on. This is especially important because the local hospital here is...not so good. More than once I've had someone try to give me an antibiotic I already made sure they know I am allergic to. They are lazy and careless about things, don't take the care to put an IV in properly, don't answer questions about your current state or your care, they take shortcuts, etc... My Master's sister gave birth to her first child at said hospital and there were complications: the infant needed intensive care and thus they took him to the proper unit, no big deal except the new mother was very nervous and scared for her baby and wanted information about his condition--when she asked, they refused to give her any answer except "He's in God's hands, honey" (if you haven't guessed, we live in the bible belt.) And no, they didn't mean that the baby was dying or they were unsure if he was to live and could do nothing at that point. The baby was just fine and the nurse just didn't care to answer or find out the information for her. Every single damn time I've had experience with that hospital, they fucked something up or were disgustingly apathetic about the patient. Thankfully so far nothing horrible has come of that, but it is concerning to me. Sorry for the rant, I digress.

In any case, my Master comes with me even to regular check-ups. Not because he has to or that I can't deal with it on my own, but because he wants to be a part of my care. Part of him being my Master is being responsible for me, and my physical well-being is a part of that. He cares, and thus he is there for me. If your master refuses to be there when you are scared, alone, in pain, or having medical troubles, you may want to examine why that is and perhaps consider that he doesn't care as much as you may have thought he did.

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 2:23:07 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		You are not looking for actual answers to your question.
You are looking for sympathy and pats on the back that scream 'you poor poor thing'

Since he is not here to give us HIS reasons for not wanting to be there...my advice would be...suck it up and act like an adult. So he does not come to the hospital to hold your hand. Big deal.
YOU stated that it was not anything serious and that all you want him there for is because you are feeling insecure.

So, suck it up.



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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 2:38:32 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		OP:
It boils down to this:
Do you want a life partner who wants to be there with you when you experience such things? If yes, find one who does.

If he doesn't understand your emotional needs in the relationship even after you explain them, perhaps it's time to start weighing the pro's and con's of what he brings to the relationship for you, and if it's worth not getting the emotional support you need with such a health condition.

Personally? I always will volunteer to visit friends or take them to the hospital or doctor if they want me to be there, and for my relationship partner? Wild dogs couldn't keep me away. Even when my mom goes to the ER and says she doesn't need me there, I secretly call the nurses station to get a status check on her while she's there.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 2:56:30 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

You are not looking for actual answers to your question.
You are looking for sympathy and pats on the back that scream 'you poor poor thing'

Since he is not here to give us HIS reasons for not wanting to be there...my advice would be...suck it up and act like an adult. So he does not come to the hospital to hold your hand. Big deal.
YOU stated that it was not anything serious and that all you want him there for is because you are feeling insecure.

So, suck it up.




Having read of some of what happens when she is sick, I would have to understand feeling insecure or even wanting some nurturing. Even wanting some compassion isn't out of line. Wanting someone to show support, assist, be there for you, isn't too much to ask. I am a very strong person, a big girl in most all my ways and yet... an ER visit is something I would like some support and attention for. You aren't at your best and sometimes, in an ER or medical setting, you damn well better be at your best or you could have some difficulties. You don't feel good. You are challenged in a major way and it isn't like you are going in for a cold most of the time... it could be serious, whether it actually is or not, it has been and that is enough to set even the strongest of all things in life and person in a position of wanting to know someone cares, has their back and is there for them.

Our submissives if you want to put it only as that, have emotional needs and we should know them, as well as being a considerate adult in seeing that our partnership requires certain things of us. We need to be there not only when they are sucking or licking at something or requiring some service. We sometimes need to serve as well. Serve as a partner, friend, loved one and support system. If that is too much to ask... then I have to wonder what the hell is wrong with the one that cannot see fit to do these things even in a situation that might need some tempering, which can come with love, guidance and attention once passed the crisis.

Why can't a dominant suck it up and do what is needed? A dominant can't suck it up and do what a caring person would do? Or have they reasons that would warrant leaving another to suck it up and be a big girl rather than tackle it together? It wasn't like a shopping trip she didn't want to do or some other life responsibility one should be able to handle alone. It was an ER trip... an experience that has been very difficult in many ways at other times and anyone that cannot see that it could be something that might bring on the emotions or needs, is rather ignorant or careless. It isn't a matter of whether she could handle it or not... it was more a relationship thing and how best to serve the relationship.

If we ask much of a submissive or partner... then we must give much in my opinion. How much does it hurt to show support, concern, love and a 'I've got your back'?

< Message edited by Lockit -- 2/23/2012 3:07:07 PM >

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(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 3:18:47 PM   
girlbri


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/28/2012
Status: offline 		wow...i was waiting on this from someone...i dont want sympathy i wanted opinions from other Dominants..obviously you want to start drama.



< Message edited by girlbri -- 2/23/2012 3:22:14 PM >

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 3:21:53 PM   
SoftBonds


Posts: 862
Joined: 2/10/2012
Status: offline 		In the Dom's defense, I do think we should remember that he did go see her in the ER, he just didn't go right after he got out of work. OP said he got off work at 6 and saw her at 8:30...
Slight difference from not showing up at all.
I'd have gone right there, but I don't know the whole situation...

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 3:23:37 PM   
girlbri


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/28/2012
Status: offline 		Umm, he showed up when it was time for me to leave...I was there for 5 hours..but thanks for your opinion.

(in reply to SoftBonds)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 3:25:44 PM   
SoftBonds


Posts: 862
Joined: 2/10/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: girlbri

Umm, he showed up when it was time for me to leave...I was there for 5 hours..but thanks for your opinion.


OK, sorry, I didn't know that.

(in reply to girlbri)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 3:27:50 PM   
orimotis69


Posts: 69
Joined: 10/21/2011
Status: offline 		I agree with everyone here. I wouldn't call this person a human being let alone a Master if they didn't come to the ER with you.

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-Every point of view is useful, even those that are wrong - if we can judge why a wrong view was accepted.
-You have not really defeated the enemy if you adopt their methods.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 3:31:33 PM   
girlbri


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/28/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone for your thoughts and opinion..i really do appreciate it :) i'm just hurt and wanted to see if my feelings were valid..not to stir up controversy.

We can close this thread now, unless someone feels strongly enough to say something else.

All my best,
bri

(in reply to SoftBonds)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 3:33:08 PM   
ShadoCat


Posts: 7
Joined: 12/31/2011
Status: offline 		I would have to be physically removed.

That's the responsibility I signed up for. She's mine and I'm going to protect her.

I may or may not say anything during the care (she is a big girl and can take care of herself) but everyone there will be aware that they are to be professional and competent.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 3:33:48 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SoftBonds

In the Dom's defense, I do think we should remember that he did go see her in the ER, he just didn't go right after he got out of work. OP said he got off work at 6 and saw her at 8:30...
Slight difference from not showing up at all.
I'd have gone right there, but I don't know the whole situation...


I went back to see what I missed. I did miss that post somehow, however, considering her medical history that I would assume a dom should be well aware of, I still must wonder why it wasn't important enough to go directly there, even if only on an emotional level. Now, she considered his job and work hours.. why wouldn't she consider that maybe his kid fell off a skate board or had some important thing that prevented his coming directly to her? It think it is reasonable to assume that there wasn't something that prevented his coming sooner other than himself or how important he viewed things. He may not have seen it as important having more information of what might be happening, but... we have here a submissive woman that feels something was wrong. If in the time between the ER visit and now... that hasn't been addressed, it suggests that something is wrong in my opinion.

Whether that is a communication lacking or hurt feelings held in or not... as a dominant, I would have explained why I wasn't there or went there directly to be sure that my partner understood what might look like a lack of concern. Something is wrong with this picture and I won't automatically go to something wrong with the dominant because of my own experiences, but because of my experiences will look to see what each might be feeling. She may be feeling too much considering all and yet... it does seem all the way around that he wasn't feeling enough.


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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 3:45:29 PM   
Cuffkinks


Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline 		If I couldn't take her there myself because I was stuck at work and couldn't get out of it, I would have gone directly to the ER as soon as I got out. But that's me.

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(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 3:59:12 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He'd have left work immediately to show up and be with me. He insists on coming to all my doctor appointments. He even comes to the eye doctor so I don't have to drive with dilated pupils or else hang out in a restaurant nearby for an hour waiting until I can see again.

There is no way he wouldn't think I wasn't important enough to be with.

As far as pleurisy goes, I didn't realize there was a mild form of it. I'm more familiar with those who get a collapsed lung from it.


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(in reply to Cuffkinks)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 4:24:04 PM   
girlbri


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/28/2012
Status: offline 		Lets just say the last time i had pleurisy, they did a procedure where they stuck a needle through my side to remove the fluid off my lung...this was very painful and scary.

i had no idea if this was going to be the situation and luckily last night it wasnt...but to just have him there would have made me feel better. We just recently moved to VA, so i couldn't reach out to just anyone to take me or come sit with me.

Anyway, we're beating a dead horse here..it is what it is..

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 4:50:38 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		I'm not reading everyone else's response yet...this is a partner thing, a relationship thing and personally I don't think it has aynything to do with D/s or power dynamic relationships... I know that sometimes it seems silly to be at the hospital with someone as its a lot of sitting around... but I ended a longterm relationship because I realized, when I'd been in the hospital two times in two years.. and home unable to completely fend for myself and I got little or no support ... that this was not the longterm partner I wanted...

If someone is not willing to support you in that situation, move on... that is a make or reak issue for me...

quote:

ORIGINAL: girlbri

Hello,

i consider myself a slave, but needing Master's/boyfriends opinion on this subject.

If your slave, submissive, and or girlfriend went into the e.r. for being sick would you feel you needed to be there with her? Would you feel she could be a grown up and handle it herself? That she is just going to lay there and watch tv so you can go whenever? Or would you feel she/he is scared, insecure about what is going to happen, so as a Dominant you need to be there for her/him

oh and this was not an emergency per se...but a condition called pleurisy (fluid on the lungs)

i would appreciate your honest opinions..

bri



_____________________________

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But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
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(in reply to girlbri)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 5:15:34 PM   
girlbri


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/28/2012
Status: offline 		@Madame4a thank You.Your words mean a lot :) i have a difficult road ahead of me..

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 6:56:31 PM   
PrincessDonna11


Posts: 289
Joined: 8/7/2011
Status: offline 		I would not leave my dog at the vet by him self so I dont think I would leave any other property such as sub/slave to face it alone. But to be honest I dont know the dynamics, did he feel you were using it as a reason to get attention from him? What was his answer when you asked?

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 7:16:16 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		If my partner was in a similar situation, I'd be there for him. End of story.

PS: Hope you're feeling better.

(in reply to girlbri)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: slave needing Dominants POV - 2/23/2012 7:26:22 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I've been in the emergency room and he's been there- also vice versa. It might be as Lockit pointed out that he's not good with that type of thing and just couldn't bring himself to do it. I know he's supposed to be the leader here but Dominants and Masters are still people. Maybe his grandmother died in a hospital after a lingering illness and it horrifies him to be in a hospital again...this is not an excuse for him but it is pertinent information. It's just hard to condemn someone without knowing the whole story. Even if there were mitigating circumstances for him to not be there, it doesn't mean they'll be acceptable to you, or even anyone here.

At the heart of things you were disappointed in his behavior. Where will that take you? Since this illness is part of your landscape so to speak, this situation will probably come up again. Others have said that they need their loved one to be with them and have chosen relationship-wise to reflect that choice. Do you find it a deal breaker or not? Only you know that answer. It wouldn't work for me or many others who have responded. It's another one of those things where it comes down to a match. It's probably not going to be acceptable to many, but some could overlook it. If you cannot then you know what to do.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
Profile   Post #: 40
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