lizi
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Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
My brother is like that with emergency rooms.
Partly because the hospital emergency department is where our mother died in and after that happened one time when he went with his wife, his wife was put in the same room our mother died in.
He wasn't all that comfortable before but after that... my sister-in-law loves him and has come up with a plan B: me. She prefers my attentive company and support.
I don't do sick by myself well.
My Master has brought me to the ER and often brings me to Dr visits and will come in to appts when requested.
If I am ill, He will ask, Do you need the doctor?
He is however, not always available.
I do know He cares and I am to keep Him posted.
To the OP:
One thing I don't know is how well do the 2 of you communicate in general?
Is it possible that you expected him to get how important this was to you and how afraid you were and what you needed.... but didn't actually tell him?
The best Masters still aren't mind readers.
edit: clarity
Angelika, people like your brother and his aversion to hospitals or any medical area are fairly common. Think about it, bad things happen when you go to a doctor/hospital. You get told devastating things, you encounter pain with testing and whatever, you're sick, others are sick- not fun places to be. Places of great emotion - much of that is negative emotion. Almost everyone in this country has had a bad experience in a place of medicine.
There's usually a backstory to anything, you need to find out what it is in any circumstance. It happens that we get disappointed by our loved ones, it's life. No one will never disappoint us. What it comes down to if it is understandable and ultimately acceptable to the disappointed one. I have a thing for contact. I'm good to a certain point with no contact from my partner - my limit happens to be about 3 days. Contact could literally be a 15 second phone call, or a sentence or two in email. I don't need much.
After the 3 days I get a bit loopy - I honestly can't help it. My Dom knows this. There are times when he's gone over my comfort zone with this into no man's land - more than 3 days - for various life reasons. We don't live together or even real close, about 1 1/2 hrs away - it's not impossible to run into this once in a while where he has responsibilities to attend to or is sick or whatever and I don't hear from him. Thankfully, knowing my issues with this, it is rare. He tries to do what he can to avoid it, still, we've run into it.
When that happens I'm frustrated and hurt, it could all be avoided in my eyes by some attention on his end to my need. On his side he does his best, but his needs are not mine, therefore he lets it slip by at those times. I can't impose my own hierarchy for this on him- he's a completely different person with different needs. In the end, I'm not willing to let him go when it happens, but I am sorely tempted at the time because I get sad, and upset. On his side, he doesn't blame me for needing what I need and he tries to meet it, but he feels put upon. Neither of us at times like that feels that the other really understands their side. Both of us feel as though the other should bend a little and accept the other's reality. Neither of us us entirely happy with this state of affairs but we can't see ending things for it. Maybe that will change, I don't know. All we can do is pay attention to ourselves and how it works for us, and if we can deal with it or not.
I'm not trying to compare this to the situation of being in the hospital undergoing great emotional and physical stress, I'm only illustrating that there are times when there are emotion-laden situations that bring about a reflection on whether things are a good match or not between two people.
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