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LoreBook -> RE: He wants me to change....? (2/29/2012 4:33:26 PM)
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Actually SpiritedRadiance, despite your repeated claims, I am not trying to apply how things work for me to the rest of the world. You, however, are doing just what you accuse me of. It’s you who is trying to apply your particular dynamic to the OP’s Master, and from that you've determined that he is an evil abusive insecure fuckwit simply for exercising his rights as the Dominant in the relationship. You see, despite what you want to believe, I do not believe that a TPE dynamic is the only valid dynamic.
I do believe, however, that if one is going to talk the talk, one should walk the walk, and the OP is not doing that. As you say, the OP uses the term Master. Now there are two possibilities here, the first is that he is in fact her Master, in which case she should stop whining and do as she's told. The other possibility is that she is simply using the term for its increased fap-factor. I suspect the later, because since she does not identify as a slave, then he can’t really be her Master, so they are just pretending. These words have meanings, you see, you can't just redefine them however you want just to heighten your erotic thrill and expect the rest of the world to abide by your new definitions. But, that's part of their kink. They like the added thrill of using the term Master, and that's fine, it’s their prerogative to do so, but the rest of the world can’t reasonably be expected to take them all that seriously when they do. To me, she comes across as really no different from the fapmasters and do-me boys that get so warmly welcomed in the Ask a Mistress forum. She wants all the trappings and fun of a D/s relationship with none of the work or effort of a D/s relationship.
Nobody disputes that the OP finds these requests unreasonable, however the fact that she does is not really the issue. The issue is are they? And they are not, they are perfectly reasonable requests. It’s a rare woman indeed who has not been asked at some point or another by an SO to lose weight. The MATH has made a few hints to me recently that I should hit the gym and work off the extra holiday cheer I accumulated. That’s not unreasonable or a sign of insecurity. It’s a sign that he finds that I’ve put on some weight and he’d like me to lose it. I’ve done the same thing to him when he started packing the pounds on. That’s what people who are not insecure do; they express their wants and desires openly and honestly.
It’s the same thing with the tattoo. I’ve already related how I was asked by a BF in high school to get a tattoo, and while I never actually counted, it seems to me that by the end of high school roughly ¼ to 1/3 of the girls had a tattoo of some sort or another, most of them at the request of their BFs, so it can hardly be considered an unreasonable request.
Now, I do agree that turning down the promotion looks questionable, but as has been pointed out several times by various people -- and been completely ignored by you; we don't know a thing about what is involved in this promotion, and there are umpteen possible reasons why his request is in fact perfectly reasonable. Last year, the MATH was offered a high paying position in Afghanistan. I asked him to turn it down, I felt the dangers outweighed the benefits, the money just wasn’t worth him risking life and limb that way. I’m sure you will agree that my request was perfectly reasonable. The OP’s “Master” may have an equally valid reason for his request.
What I do find unreasonable is your insistence that there is no possibility of his requests being reasonable, your reaction has been one of "How dare he ask such things of her!?", and that, I'm afraid is both an unreasonable response and a case of allowing your freely admitted prejudice against men, to cloud your judgment and thereby rendering your advice both tainted and, in this case, destructive and counterproductive. This is really very irresponsible of you, because your advice is not based on the facts and events of the OP’s situation as presented, but are apparently based on some experience out of your past completely unrelated to the OP and her current issue. It is doubly so, because you seem to have little understanding of what is implied in the concept of a D/s relationship.
Now, regarding the sudden sweeping change you say happened, I'm afraid that you are, once again, making things up, or projecting some past experience of your own. There's nothing in the OP saying that he has changed or is drastically different. All she says is that he has recently made some new demands of her. How do you equate him making new demands of her with suddenly completely changing, with Kana becoming a fluffy DaddyDom? I'm afraid this drastic change that you cite just isn't there in the information we've been given. I personally think there has been a change, I think the change is that for the first time in 3 years, her “Master” has asked something of her that goes beyond “bend over and spread ‘em” or “suck me slut”, and she resents him trying to actually dominate her and to control her life beyond the bedroom. The evidence presented in the OP supports that theory far better than it does yours.
You're right that loving and caring for your submissive isn't a crime nor does it make one less or the submissive a do-me, however, nobody but you is discussing loving or caring about your submissive, once again, you are inventing things out of whole cloth to support your position. I would not take a submissive that I did not care for deeply nor would I want my submissive to be unhappy, and that is precisely why I would require my submissive to give over control to me.
From reading your responses in this thread and a few others, it’s increasingly clear to me that you simply do not really understand the fundamental concepts of dominance and submission, so you have a hard time accepting that there is another way to do things other than your method of placing the submissive's wants above all else. That, I'm afraid, really isn't submission, at best it’s topping from the bottom -- and thank the gods that way isn't the only way.
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