Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle?

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Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/6/2012 5:22:42 AM

innocent1989

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I've been in the lifestyle for a couple years now and would really like to get my boyfriend into it but i'm not sure where to start. Anyone have any ideas or advice?

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/6/2012 5:26:23 AM

Kainundeva

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get a girlfiend to use you or use a girl in front of your guy.
at least that got ME into that lifestyle.

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/6/2012 5:45:14 AM

MrRodgers

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quote:

ORIGINAL: innocent1989

I've been in the lifestyle for a couple years now and would really like to get my boyfriend into it but i'm not sure where to start. Anyone have any ideas or advice?

It is difficult for those who find themselves in the lifestyle so-called, to suggest any grand unifying theory to 'get into' [it]. Two ways, one is how you got into it and the other is trying to attend local munches.

Back in the day, submission had to be inspired having no board like CM and others within which to declare one's proclivities. Rarely described then as a lifestyle, one was always on their own as to whether one dominates or submits.

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/6/2012 5:54:50 AM

Kainundeva

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and he has to have an affinity towards it. else you need another BF.
the same way a top is a top and a sub is a sub, somebody is vanilla or not.
there you can only wake the beast, not create it.
but be prepared that the beast could run in an entirely different direction than you think as soon as it is awake...

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/6/2012 5:57:31 AM

Madame4a

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Ultimately, my advice is don't date vanilla... its hard to make that kind of change -- I tend to think of my leather as an orientation which is, to me, inside you, not something you can put on. That said -- maybe sometimes someone just needs a spark...

so.. try this book -- When Someone You Love is Kinky by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt... its from Greenery Press

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/6/2012 6:00:48 AM

DarkSteven

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Next time you're in bed, I'd simply ask him "What would you like me to do for you?" After, tell him that you get pleasure from giving him what he wants. After a few times of him getting to be in charge and get served (likely cocksucking), ask him to spank you.

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/6/2012 6:23:54 AM

MrsT301

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Share a fantasy with him and see if he wants to try it.

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/6/2012 6:39:01 AM

OsideGirl

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There's a good book: When someone you love is Kinky. I would suggest starting there.

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/6/2012 9:13:01 AM

kalikshama

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I joined my now ex husband on a mission to find a cock ring and saw all the cool toys at the sex shop. I started reading about BDSM and suggested to him that we go to a munch.

We bought several of the books on this list: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm , and went to public and private play parties. Afterwards, we'd try out what we'd seen.

Hopefully, your bf has an inclination for BDSM.

Me, I'd only date people I knew from the start were kinky.

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/6/2012 9:37:07 AM

jennileigh8182

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Me, I'd only date people I knew from the start were kinky.

This.

Vanilla relationships are not fulfilling for me. I end up despising the man for being 'weak' if he doesn't display a sense of dominance...and being an alpha, I will take control if he's not capable, even though I don't really want it. I just can't stand to see someone else fuck it up when I'm better qualified.

However, this combined with my EXTREME picky-ness about who I find interest in led to a very long period of being single before I met the dominant I'm currently seeing.

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/6/2012 9:43:49 AM

tameeks

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jennileigh8182

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Me, I'd only date people I knew from the start were kinky.

This.

Vanilla relationships are not fulfilling for me. I end up despising the man for being 'weak' if he doesn't display a sense of dominance...and being an alpha, I will take control if he's not capable, even though I don't really want it. I just can't stand to see someone else fuck it up when I'm better qualified.

However, this combined with my EXTREME picky-ness about who I find interest in led to a very long period of being single before I met the dominant I'm currently seeing.

The bolded... sooooo me! I couldn't have expressed it better if I tried.

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/6/2012 10:07:10 AM

DesFIP

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OP, you're profile says you are in a dom/sub relationship, and also says you're looking for cyber. Yet, now you claim he isn't into it.

I'd try something novel, like being honest with him. I wouldn't suggest cheating on him online or with a phone only dom.

Do you just want kinky sex? Then ask him if he would spank you, because you read about it and it sounds like fun. Or tie your wrists to the bedpost with some scarves and tease you until you're incoherent with desire. And tell him the rest of it is all about him, he should do whatever he wants and not think about your pleasure.

Or do you want him to take control which is something else entirely. If so, tell him you have had more than enough stress for the week and don't want to have to make a single decision that night. That you want him to decide what he wants for dinner, that you are going to ask him for everything, should you have water or soda with dinner, etc. When you should wash the dishes. If he wants a massage, he just tells you to give him one. That he decides where you should sit, with him or on a pillow by his feet. That if he wants a blow job, he should just tell you when. If he wants sex, he decides where and what position.

Most important, whatever he does, you need to be grateful. You need to make it a positive experience for him. Then over the next couple of weeks you need to tell him, text him, leave him notes telling him how wonderful it was. How you can't stop thinking about it, and could he please do it again only this time more intense. Harder, longer, and as soon as possible because you're dripping wet just thinking about it. Beg to give him a blowjob, ask him to use your mouth harder, that you want to choke on him etc.

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/6/2012 10:22:22 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

However, this combined with my EXTREME picky-ness about who I find interest in led to a very long period of being single before I met the dominant I'm currently seeing.

Ya, it was after about a year of active dating and 6 years after my last relationship went from romantic to just roommates that I found M.

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/6/2012 11:52:59 PM

Alacrity

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If you find a direct discussion too awkward, try watching a kink themed movie together. The Secretary works well.

As always, communication is the key, but a movie can be used to jump start the conversation.

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/7/2012 3:24:27 AM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I joined my now ex husband on a mission to find a cock ring and saw all the cool toys at the sex shop. I started reading about BDSM and suggested to him that we go to a munch.

We bought several of the books on this list: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm , and went to public and private play parties. Afterwards, we'd try out what we'd seen.

Hopefully, your bf has an inclination for BDSM.

Me, I'd only date people I knew from the start were kinky.

Aint that like putting the cart before the horse? First I wanna get along with someone. I mean I dont see how you can do it.

She said "are you kinky"

He said Ok

She said lets go out and see if you like me

WTF Over

BadOne

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/7/2012 7:11:03 AM

kalikshama

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Compatibility is on both of our decision trees, just in a different order.

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/7/2012 10:01:03 AM

chatterbox24

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Are you submissive?

Tell him to grab you by the hair, make you kneel and ya know.....
I didnt ask though.
worked for me anyhow.

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/7/2012 10:12:01 AM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

Are you submissive?

Tell him to grab you by the hair, make you kneel and ya know.....
I didnt ask though.
worked for me anyhow.

It did? Have you found a new master who won't have sex with you?

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/7/2012 10:32:26 AM

tameeks

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It just gets better and better don't it?!

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/7/2012 10:33:02 AM

chatterbox24

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

Are you submissive?

Tell him to grab you by the hair, make you kneel and ya know.....
I didnt ask though.
worked for me anyhow.

It did? Have you found a new master who won't have sex with you?

Lol, not yet, and definitely not looking.....chances of that are slim if I was. Thats really how I came to find out I liked kink though, and intense mental stimulation.

< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 3/7/2012 10:39:05 AM >

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