RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle?

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/7/2012 10:58:09 AM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tameeks

It just gets better and better don't it?!

The train that keeps on wrecking.

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/7/2012 11:08:11 AM

Buzzzz

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I found that for a newbie being a female ( not your case). Decorative roPe works very well. Sensual, pretty ( hopefully) and kinda feminin. You can do it on top of her clothes if she is not comfortable being naked.

In your case, maybe you should ask go get tied up ? The knotty boys have some videos on YouTube that could get him started :)

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/7/2012 11:49:01 AM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Compatibility is on both of our decision trees, just in a different order.

Is that supposed to make sense???

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/8/2012 3:53:58 AM

kalikshama

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Because I don't have the software ATM:

You:

Are we compatible? Yes/No

If No > Move on

If Yes > Is she kinky? Yes/No

Me:

Is he kinky? Yes/No

If No > Move on

If Yes > Are we compatible? Yes/No

Typically related graphically:

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/8/2012 4:09:47 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

Are you submissive?

Tell him to grab you by the hair, make you kneel and ya know.....

If I had more experience in say, fire cupping, I'd have no problem giving him pointers but I'm not in a place where I'd be willing to have a convo THAT basic. I started BDSM 101 in 1997.

I did say "Let's put a TENS on our shopping list for NELA's Fetish Fleamarket Faire" but that presupposes he's familiar w TENS and down with attending the FFF.

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/8/2012 1:56:33 PM

MrBukani

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Just tell him to spank your fuckin ass cause it gets you off.
Men love women who cum, even when they fake it.

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 3/8/2012 2:04:34 PM

JeffBC

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Everyone's going to have their own approach. With me, what would work well would be a frank conversation.... conversation only... and then some space to process... and then some dipping toes into the pool to see how it feels. But at least in any relationship I would be in, two things would be true:

a) If I didn't think I could have that frank conversation then in no way are we ready for any sort of BDSM activity... and I'd have to wonder why I'm in a relationship with them at all.

b) The fact that my partner desired it would automatically make me pre-disposed to liking it... whatever "it" is. So I'd certainly give it a fair try. After that though, who knows whether it would appeal? I doubt it'd be in the "ewwwww" category.... I'm not able to hold such thoughts about the woman I love. But it might be in the "ho-hum" category. Sadism is like that for me. It doesn't make me all crazy to think about OMG HURTING CAROL!!!! OMG!!!. But it just doesn't do much for me. If, however, it did more for her then I could definitely get into it as an acquired taste.

In the end, relationships are a team sport. Instead of trying to covertly manipulate your boyfriend, why not simply share with him the goal and ask his cooperation in helping get the team there?

~Jeff

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 4/7/2012 3:47:10 PM

SlaveSubtoserve

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Because I don't have the software ATM:

You:

Are we compatible? Yes/No

If No > Move on

If Yes > Is she kinky? Yes/No

Me:

Is he kinky? Yes/No

If No > Move on

If Yes > Are we compatible? Yes/No

Typically related graphically:

this, though given the low number of ostensibly Domme women out there that i match up with on the general compatibility factor, i go with the first approach usually and have had success with that over the years, though my current Mistress was really a combo approach of identifying both compatibility and D/s simulateously it seems so......depending on the fishing pond you are in either would be appropriate ie a kinkfest v a cocktail party in vanillaland.

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 4/7/2012 3:51:14 PM

SlaveSubtoserve

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

Ultimately, my advice is don't date vanilla... its hard to make that kind of change -- I tend to think of my leather as an orientation which is, to me, inside you, not something you can put on. That said -- maybe sometimes someone just needs a spark...

so.. try this book -- When Someone You Love is Kinky by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt... its from Greenery Press

i understand the point here, but would specify don't date 'confirmed' vanilla as some women i have found particulary after divorces, etc.....are open to kink but just have not had the right invitation from the right guy to get them interested and this is speaking as a guy sub also......

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RE: Best way to intro someone to the lifestyle? - 4/7/2012 4:05:42 PM

another1harder

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A dom friend suggested the book, Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns. Bought it. Using baby steps, takes one from vanilla to condemned. Also provides wank fodder until you meet your bdsm soul mate.

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