RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (Full Version)

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Calandra -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 11:11:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pleasureprincess

Well Jimmy I agree with you. she's only been honest and upfront with her profile and who she talks to. She get's tons of mail from morons who send her nasty stuff  AFTER she tells them she's not interested in them. Thats where you all get the wrong impression of her.
If you read it you'll see. it's all AFTER DISMISSING THEIR INTENTIONS she gets the bad email or Im from them.



My main point this whole time is this:
Post the emails if you wish... but remove ALL possible contact info - handles, email addresses, pictures, profile address, etc...
 
I, myself have posted stupid wanker emails from time to time<In the same venue> in a way that the identity of the wanker was anonymous. And my reason for doing so was that other wankers might see the example and correct their ways, AND so that other females receiving the same type of emails would know they are not alone...
 
and the choice of livejournal was a bad one, simply because it is not dedicated to only lifestylers, and it's against their terms of service...
 
How can anyone blast others for not reading a profile (her set of rules) and then refuse to follow the POSTED rules of not one, but TWO sites????

edited to clarify <> 



kittinSol -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 11:15:00 AM)

When you say you spend much time around lawyers, do you mean it is in order to defend the many litigation suits you're involved in?

One must smile when one doesn't know.

Peace and all that sort of thing.



MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 11:19:47 AM)

Oh thats funny. I like that.



Pleasureprincess -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 11:21:31 AM)

Ok I"m bored but I support those who post letters from morons.
You did it but now you blast her for doing it?  Hmmm I feel a backlash comming on to this post again.
Geeze let me put the hated words up that you all really adore
Let's get along people ok? LOL or at least stop blasting eachother for the moment.
Aren't we supposed to be talking about people on vanilla sites that are on BDSM sites too?
And I"m on a sex site as well as this one so does that mean I'm in the wrong as well? going to out me to my friends and family as well? This is getting just discustingly rude.
I"m done..... and yeah you can blast me for being done. I support her and anyone else that does that and that's all that counts in my book.



Calandra -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 11:24:44 AM)

I have a request, plese....
 
I spent much time thinking whether this thread would be useful in making people aware of the possibility of being outed in this way. Yes, the discussion began to zero in on one specific situation involving a CM member who had in fact already done this, but for much of the thread, many many people were able to discuss and debate issues, NOT PEOPLE.
 
I was delighted, yesterday to find that even when people had differences of opinion, it did not dissolve into personal attacks and accusations. At each turn, when it could have begun to go awry, the people involved began exclaiming that they respected each of the views, but wanted to discuss the differences. We even had a period of time when we "cooled down" and laughed together.
 
This afternoon, posts have begun to take on a more personal note, and that saddens me. I know opinions are strong on everyone's part, however I still hope that we can be adults, debating issues, and not children squabbling.
 
PLEASE, from this point forward, consider whether your post will be constructive or simply negative? And refrain from giving vent to emotions that will inflame the situation...



Pleasureprincess -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 11:32:47 AM)

I swear that's what I was trying to do as well. just because it's getting old to blast one person again. or anyone that does something you don't like.
But I think that if you are on a vanilla site (as I am too which was before I found collarme) I think it's ok t obe on both . Just make sure you know what you are in for if you keep both profiles up with pictures of yourself.
There ya go calandra there's the first on hopefully more pleasing messages about being on a vanilla site. So PLEASE
 be well and blessed be



MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 11:32:52 AM)

Note that people in the right, never have to defend themselves or what they do. It's those with unscrupulous intentions that defend themselves the most fervently and ferociously.



SweetSarijane -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 11:42:10 AM)

(Fast Reply)

The only problem I had or would have with such situations is contact info being posted with the emails. I may not necessarily agree that ALL were from wankers and whatnot, or were bad, but it's contact information posted on the one's who send them that hits me wrong. Posting or not posting such emails is up to the individuals who receive them whether it's considered right or wrong. And yes I read the ones discussed.



Calandra -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 11:49:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pleasureprincess

I swear that's what I was trying to do as well. just because it's getting old to blast one person again. or anyone that does something you don't like.
But I think that if you are on a vanilla site (as I am too which was before I found collarme) I think it's ok t obe on both . Just make sure you know what you are in for if you keep both profiles up with pictures of yourself.
There ya go calandra there's the first on hopefully more pleasing messages about being on a vanilla site. So PLEASE
be well and blessed be



I also have a livejournal account. Being on a vanilla site isn't the issue. I even discuss topics of a BDSM nature on it in hopes that someone might read it and find things that also apply to them... What I DONT do is post anything that would give personal contact information about anyone else who hasn't consented to it. 
 
Lets say I am unnerved or upset about "so and so" and want to journal about it to clear my head. I will either use a fictitious name of my choosing to keep that person from being recognized, OR I'll ask permission to use their name in my blog. If the situation is one where I don't want to ask their permission, I go with the first option. I wouldn't say they work in the starbucks on King street, Or add any other detail that MIGHT give their identity away... Period.
 
There is value in blogging. There is value in sharing things that happen to you in order to let others know, but even if you don't agree with the other person, you don't have the right (except in exceptional occasions) to give their privacy rights away. Only they can do that. 



slaverosebeauty -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 12:00:19 PM)


         This will be my last post until I am collared and under the protection of a Master as it seems that I need it from so many daggers being thrown at me from all directions.

         I was on jury duty for a long time so I was around lawyers a lot; I also work with different offices so I speak with lawyers of different speciailities and I READ [wow, new concept] law books [things with pages of paper that are bound together that have laws and other information containted in them] for fun, since I am interested in many areas, law is just one of them.

         If posting emails from people that do NOT read my profile is wrong, then I must have missed class that day where we were told to, 'email lots of people without reading their profiles to see if we have things in common and then attack them when they don't respond the way I want or publically attack them.' I have made a BIG note of that [I may have to take summer school to take that class] and if I have to look or a Master in the future I will go along with the croud and email people at random and NOT read their profiles. Ok, now I get it. Thank you all for educating me on how things are done.

         Calandra has once again given false testimony against me since she says that I 'hate daddydoms.' Hate kills, so why would I 'hate.'

quote:

The worst thing that we can be to our fellow man is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them.


         I don't 'hate' daddydoms as has been alledged on here, I don't agree with them or thier 'little girls' I have written journals on a few sites stating my views on that. I have not hidden how I feel and I even back up what I say, {another new concept} and I leave it up to others to make their own opinons and to NOT force their views on me.

         My private off-site journal will address all the accusiations and slander that have been cast my way, since too many on here only see and hear what they want too; I thought we were suppose to be the 'openminded group.' {guess I missed that day in class as well}

         The rest of you really do need to get lives, if attacking me is all you have to do with your time, I suggest that you get a hobby, that does NOT involve a computer.

         By attacking those who have come to my aid, I see the true colours of those on this site [colours is spelled correctly Calandra, it's how they do it in the UK], a few friends have stepped up to 'defend' me since so many others are on a rampage and those people have been attacked as well.

         Pictures posted on websites that are NOT marked 'copywrite' are public domain. I posted pictures that were posted on a public site [collarme IS a public site], so no law was broken. Get on with whatever lives you have.

         If you are trully interested in what Calandra has left out [which is plenty], then read my off-site journal on livejournal; if not, then for the sake of maturity, drop the subject. A link to this forum will be posted on my livejournal for those who have not been in on this little 'witch hunt' that has been so prevalant. Yes, that is what this is, a witch hunt; a moder day witch hunt.
Some of us have lives to attend too that don't involve a computer and slander.

         God Bless each and every one of you who have posted on this subject; I forgive Calandra for the mis-information that she has spread about me and will probably continue to so do. I don't feel anything for you, dear Calandra but, love. As I was taught to love my neighbors and my enemies. I do not see you as an enemy, only as another stepping stone into making me a stronger person and one with convictions and evin higher standards and ethics. Thank you for that, I trully mean it.


God Bless,
slaverosebeauty



Proprietrix -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 12:00:41 PM)

(Fast Reply)

I just sat here and read this entire thread.
Here’s my suggestion:
Why don’t you gals take your high school gossip spat, online drama of the week, he said she said, internet clique soap opera somewhere besides collarme forums,
have a Mod delete this whole thread since it’s ridden with TOS violations,
and if someone wants a more adult discussion about "outing" without all this finger pointing and immature playground slam book BS, start a new thread.



Pleasureprincess -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 12:10:04 PM)

Well I just tried to change it back and got quoted as doing it again the blame game.
But I digress
I am on a vanilla site but it's a sex site! and on collarme as well so....
Does that mean I should be outed to people as well?





BuddingSub -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 12:29:49 PM)

I was on a vanilla site where someone took my old profile and current pic, including the one you see as my avatar.
While I did what I was supposed to, email all the powers to be etc.... they did nothing.
So I can only hope that the men that meet what they assume is me will be drastically surprised.
I have set up a couple of meets with these so called persons with the Dom Mentor that I currently have whom I met on this same site. We try to enlighten them but I am afraid they are as stupid is as stupid comes.
No remorse for taking my name, pics or anything else.
Some of these women are so butt ugly I hurt to think they are misleading the general populace with my profile and pics. By the way I was a full paying gold member paying through the nose for what I thought was some type of protection against this but when it came right down to it, no one cared. Until I deleted my account and stopped sending money. THEN they had alot to say!!

Have to just roll with the internet punches I guess. That is what the internet is all about and I am afraid that Collarme will be a pay site before long.

My humble opinion of course!

Becca



juliaoceania -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 12:36:27 PM)

gone and done



Pleasureprincess -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 12:36:57 PM)

There was someone else on another site that had her pics and name stolen as well. Kind of makes you wonder doesn't it?



timeoutgurlie -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 12:40:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

(Fast Reply)

I just sat here and read this entire thread.
Here’s my suggestion:
Why don’t you gals take your high school gossip spat, online drama of the week, he said she said, internet clique soap opera somewhere besides collarme forums,
have a Mod delete this whole thread since it’s ridden with TOS violations,
and if someone wants a more adult discussion about "outing" without all this finger pointing and immature playground slam book BS, start a new thread.


LOL [:D][:D]  I'm fresh out of highschool, and yes, this is exactly what it's like, wow lol

I read through this and all I could think of was how childish it all was and how much I wish that THIS could be my biggest problem in life.

To any of you who actually think this is a big deal, count your blessings, because there are millions of people who are dealing with REAL problems right now while you're sitting at your desk fuming over something so trivial.  If you only knew how truly lucky you are...



Pleasureprincess -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 12:45:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: timeoutgurlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

(Fast Reply)

I just sat here and read this entire thread.
Here’s my suggestion:
Why don’t you gals take your high school gossip spat, online drama of the week, he said she said, internet clique soap opera somewhere besides collarme forums,
have a Mod delete this whole thread since it’s ridden with TOS violations,
and if someone wants a more adult discussion about "outing" without all this finger pointing and immature playground slam book BS, start a new thread.


LOL [:D][:D]  I'm fresh out of highschool, and yes, this is exactly what it's like, wow lol

I read through this and all I could think of was how childish it all was and how much I wish that THIS could be my biggest problem in life.

To any of you who actually think this is a big deal, count your blessings, because there are millions of people who are dealing with REAL problems right now while you're sitting at your desk fuming over something so trivial.  If you only knew how truly lucky you are...

We're changing  the subject back to the original statement of:
Should you out a collarme person on a vanila site.
Answer that not the other matters. and damn you have hours to read all 15 pages of this? you are good.



Calandra -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 1:06:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: timeoutgurlie
To any of you who actually think this is a big deal, count your blessings, because there are millions of people who are dealing with REAL problems right now while you're sitting at your desk fuming over something so trivial.


I think "passion" and "fuming" are very different animals. Passion can be inspired by many things, whereas fuming tends to originate with anger. At no time have I been angry in this situation. I have been outed non-consensually, as have others I know and love. I also know that being outed can be life-altering and should not be taken lightly. If I see someone I know from a local dungeon at Wal-Mart, I will quietly pass by. I am openly out now, so if they want to strike up a conversation I let THEM set the tone.
 
When I originally posted this thread, I was putting a finger on the pulse of a group of people who will not be afraid to speak their minds. I know that they come from vastly different walks of life, and have different perspectives. I began with hypotheticals, at some point others began to zero in on the issue as reality and I received emails asking if this had really happened. So for a time, we all struggled with not posting the member's name or the blog address. Intelligent debate happened, and disagreements were discussed rationally and with great insight and mutual respect.
 
I have to say I am impressed with the way so many conducted this discussion, because it IS a hot topic with no "one true answer".
 
It was never intended to be "gossip" and I don't percieve it to be so now with the exception of a very few posts by individuals. The issues stand on their own merits regardless of whether "someone actually did this already".
 
I think we're all more aware that our information is out there, and can be exploited by ANYONE with the motive to do so. That, to me, may motivate some who do wish to protect their identities to make changes quickly. It might also motivate others to consider letting people in their lives KNOW about their choice to be involved in this lifestyle.
 
Outing is a violent, intrusive act. The people who become aware of your kink may feel betrayed, violated, afraid. They may not understand how you could fantasize about the things you do. They may feel genuine hurt that you didn't trust them, even if the BDSM is "no big deal". 
 
It is always better for the person who is into this to share truths about themselves when THEY are ready. It is also THEIR responsibility. Someone who outs a person often dosen't have to see the pain and chaos. They don't have to take any responsibility because in truth, they usually aren't there after the sensational announcement is over. They don't see the outed person, alone, hurting, missing their children, or the wife they love, feeling betrayed by instincts and needs that they have simply because someone judged them.
 
Sorry, you can see it as schoolhouse bullshit, but I know a hell of a lot of people who are still scarred for life from their time in school. The ramifications of outing someone go way way beyond anything ANYONE could do to you in high school.
 
Sorry, but thats the way I feel.



juliaoceania -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 1:14:25 PM)

I will say this, I do not have many problems, and yes I am blessed in that.. thanks for pointing this out to me. I will also say maybe it is my Aries nature, but I see people being put in harm's way for a bunch of BS and I will speak my mind on it. It is very cruel to out someone. Incomes and reputations can be destoyed. It would not matter much to me if I were outed, my career would not suffer, not everyone is that lucky. I might have a hard time explaining it to my teenage son, but at the same time I have tried to raise him to be accepting of others... it would be embarassing, but I would get over it.

As far as middle school stuff, well that is your opinion and you are welcome to it. I see it a little differently.... if it was your contact info posted on a site and your boss/parents/teachers/children saw a pic of you with socially unacceptable kinks listed in an email you sent someone you might not feel this was "middle school" stuff.

Everything I needed to learn I learned in Kindergarten.. wow that book title was right on...

I prefer the Golden Rule.... Do Unto Others as you would have them do unto you.... and I am not a Chrisitian even...lol

If people think that not reading a profile is an offense worthy of outting them to their entire community as a kinkster... well that reflects on them.. and I can drop it. Personally I think that the punishment should match the crime. I do not think someone should lose a job because someone didnt like what they wrote in an email or their kink.

I am often wrong, and if I am wrong about this.. I can live with that. I find it very easy to live with me... basically because I do follow the Golden Rule...



Calandra -> RE: Outing Collarme members on vanilla websites...? (6/4/2006 1:23:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I will say this, I do not have many problems, and yes I am blessed in that.. thanks for pointing this out to me. I will also say maybe it is my Aries nature, but I see people being put in harm's way for a bunch of BS and I will speak my mind on it. It is very cruel to out someone. Incomes and reputations can be destoyed. It would not matter much to me if I were outed, my career would not suffer, not everyone is that lucky. I might have a hard time explaining it to my teenage son, but at the same time I have tried to raise him to be accepting of others... it would be embarassing, but I would get over it.

As far as middle school stuff, well that is your opinion and you are welcome to it. I see it a little differently.... if it was your contact info posted on a site and your boss/parents/teachers/children saw a pic of you with socially unacceptable kinks listed in an email you sent someone you might not feel this was "middle school" stuff.

Everything I needed to learn I learned in Kindergarten.. wow that book title was right on...

I prefer the Golden Rule.... Do Unto Others as you would have them do unto you.... and I am not a Chrisitian even...lol

If people think that not reading a profile is an offense worthy of outting them to their entire community as a kinkster... well that reflects on them.. and I can drop it. Personally I think that the punishment should match the crime. I do not think someone should lose a job because someone didnt like what they wrote in an email or their kink.

I am often wrong, and if I am wrong about this.. I can live with that. I find it very easy to live with me... basically because I do follow the Golden Rule...


I want to thank you personally for remaining firm, yet fair in your responses. I can feel that you are passionate about this subject and are willing to stand up FOR people who don't feel they can. I don't always agree with your opinions, but I always agree with your attempt to debate the issue and not the person.
 
I look forward to reading your posts because I can learn from them. ~smiles~ 



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