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Unsolicited Advice? - 3/10/2012 8:44:14 PM   
ScoutsHonor


Posts: 30
Joined: 9/25/2011
Status: offline 		Sometimes I stumble upon profiles here, most being those of Dominate males considering that I am a heterosexual female sub, that could use some work or poses a question I have the answer to or something like that. Now I’ve never spoke with these Doms before, nor am I interested in being their sub, I just have a comment to make that I hope will be helpful to them. Should I speak up or is it more polite to jut keep my mouth shut and move on?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/10/2012 8:49:22 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Your call. However be prepared that many of them will assume you are interested in them.
If the question is sexual or kink, that's going to assure them you really want them.

The problem with telling people that their profile is poor is that most people have trouble with criticism. They will take it not as the profile isn't good enough, but as they aren't good enough. They will be hurt and frequently guys who feel that a strange woman attacked them (even though that isn't your intention) will respond being more hurtful.

Now if it's a nonsexual thing you're responding to, then you're more likely to be able to have an adult conversation.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ScoutsHonor)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/10/2012 8:57:52 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Why do you feel compelled to help them? Help them with what? If they are asking a question - then sure= answer away. But other than that - why do you feel that this is a productive thing to do with your time?

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to ScoutsHonor)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/10/2012 9:00:46 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm with DesFIP. Some Doms will think you're coming on to them, and some will just get ticked.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/10/2012 9:06:51 PM   
ScoutsHonor


Posts: 30
Joined: 9/25/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

Why do you feel compelled to help them? Help them with what? If they are asking a question - then sure= answer away. But other than that - why do you feel that this is a productive thing to do with your time?




That's a good question. I don't know, I'll have to think about that.

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/10/2012 9:12:12 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScoutsHonor

Sometimes I stumble upon profiles here, most being those of Dominate males considering that I am a heterosexual female sub, that could use some work or poses a question I have the answer to or something like that. Now I’ve never spoke with these Doms before, nor am I interested in being their sub, I just have a comment to make that I hope will be helpful to them. Should I speak up or is it more polite to jut keep my mouth shut and move on?

It depends.

Are you commenting on something specific that you read in their profile? Something that you think is a good conversational piece? If yes, then I see no reason not to comment. As mentioned though, most, not all, but most will take it as an indication that you are in some way interested in THEM.

If you are just commenting on something in their profile that you feel needs 'work', then my advice would be to just mind your own business.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to ScoutsHonor)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/10/2012 9:23:27 PM   
LoreBook


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/22/2012
Status: offline 		What I do in situations like this is turn it around. How would you feel if a Dom wrote you with unsolicited advise on how to improve your profile?

The preceding statement represents the views and opinions of the author and the author alone, and should in no way be considered an attempt by the author to define or determine anything for anybody but herself.


_____________________________

WITHOUT "ART" THE EARTH IS JUST "EH"



LLT

(in reply to ScoutsHonor)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/10/2012 9:47:05 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		People around here don't seem to take kindly to unsolicited profile advice.

Moreover, I believe you are not single, correct? Then don't contact men. As stated above, they'll think (not unreasonably) that you are interested in them.

(in reply to LoreBook)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/10/2012 10:19:05 PM   
ScoutsHonor


Posts: 30
Joined: 9/25/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


Moreover, I believe you are not single, correct? Then don't contact men. As stated above, they'll think (not unreasonably) that you are interested in them.


No, I am single. Trust me if I wasn't I wouldn't be contacting anyone.

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/10/2012 10:20:16 PM   
ScoutsHonor


Posts: 30
Joined: 9/25/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LoreBook

What I do in situations like this is turn it around. How would you feel if a Dom wrote you with unsolicited advise on how to improve your profile?

The preceding statement represents the views and opinions of the author and the author alone, and should in no way be considered an attempt by the author to define or determine anything for anybody but herself.




Good point. I believe I'll just continue to keep my mouth shut.

(in reply to LoreBook)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/11/2012 4:57:10 AM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScoutsHonor


quote:

ORIGINAL: LoreBook

What I do in situations like this is turn it around. How would you feel if a Dom wrote you with unsolicited advise on how to improve your profile?

The preceding statement represents the views and opinions of the author and the author alone, and should in no way be considered an attempt by the author to define or determine anything for anybody but herself.




Good point. I believe I'll just continue to keep my mouth shut.



I agree. Every once in awhile someone will "advise" me that my profile is too wordy. Counter that against the many messages I get about how someone likes that my profile is a bit more detailed, and one can see that it's really just a matter of taste. You may not find what they wrote to be appealing, but that just may mean that he is not the man for you. Move on, no need to advise.

Of course, as was noted, if someone asks for the advice? Go to town. I love doing that. :)

(in reply to ScoutsHonor)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/11/2012 5:02:10 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		If someone continues to contact me after I've made clear I'm not interested, I'll give him some profile advice as a PSA.

I'd never reach out and make first contact with advice, for the reasons given by other posters.

(in reply to ScoutsHonor)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/11/2012 5:15:34 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScoutsHonor

Sometimes I stumble upon profiles here, most being those of Dominate males considering that I am a heterosexual female sub, that could use some work or poses a question I have the answer to or something like that. Now I’ve never spoke with these Doms before, nor am I interested in being their sub, I just have a comment to make that I hope will be helpful to them. Should I speak up or is it more polite to jut keep my mouth shut and move on?


I'd say you're mistaken. That pretty much everything you (or anyone else) says or does is representative of that person's true self. Meaning a personal profile is presumably written by the person it purports to represent. While you may think another's profile is lacking in some way, they are likely showing *you* their true self. If that's not good enough for you, then pass on by....

To tell someone their profile is wrong in some way is to be telling them that they're wrong. Can't see that going over well - not even with all your lovely red hair.... ;) If you were otherwise interested, then you could at least ask them rather than tell them.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to ScoutsHonor)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/11/2012 5:21:36 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

Why do you feel compelled to help them? Help them with what? If they are asking a question - then sure= answer away. But other than that - why do you feel that this is a productive thing to do with your time?


This is a good point, too. What if it's some abusive arsehole trolling for naive new meat - and you come along and help them hide by pointing out an obvious flaw with their "bait"?

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/11/2012 6:45:04 AM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScoutsHonor


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


Moreover, I believe you are not single, correct? Then don't contact men. As stated above, they'll think (not unreasonably) that you are interested in them.


No, I am single. Trust me if I wasn't I wouldn't be contacting anyone.


My mistake.

(in reply to ScoutsHonor)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/11/2012 6:55:05 AM   
ScoutsHonor


Posts: 30
Joined: 9/25/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: ScoutsHonor


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


Moreover, I believe you are not single, correct? Then don't contact men. As stated above, they'll think (not unreasonably) that you are interested in them.


No, I am single. Trust me if I wasn't I wouldn't be contacting anyone.


My mistake.



No problem.

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/11/2012 8:05:49 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LoreBook

What I do in situations like this is turn it around. How would you feel if a Dom wrote you with unsolicited advise on how to improve your profile?

The preceding statement represents the views and opinions of the author and the author alone, and should in no way be considered an attempt by the author to define or determine anything for anybody but herself.




I dunno...how would you feel about folks who let you walk around all day with spinach in your teeth?
I mean, yeah, it may hurt your feelings and all, but wouldn't you rather they tell you than not?

And this comes from a cat who once, true story this, changed his profile, part of which was an opening paragraph regarding the importance of good spelling, grammar, etc...
Except when I cut and pasted the profile from Word, I missed two letters on the first sentence...and, worse, somehow didn't catch it when I posted the new profile.
Oops.
So for two days I had a profile whose opening line drummed on about proper syntax etc, while the very first word was misspelled.
Egg all over the face.
And know what?
None of my fine internet friends said a damn thing.
Took a strange girl to write me a letter before I noticed-she asked me if I was being intentionally and very cleverly ironic or if I was the worlds biggest moron?
I felt kinda stupid. To say the least
But I was also grateful for the feedback as, while I may have looked to be an ass in the past, could at least prevent obvious idiocy and embarrassment in the future.

To quote that eminent philosopher Marsellus Wallace, "you may feel a slight sting. That's pride fucking with you. Fuck pride. Pride only hurts. It never helps. You fight through that shit."

< Message edited by Kana -- 3/11/2012 8:06:46 AM >

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to LoreBook)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/11/2012 9:20:02 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScoutsHonor

Sometimes I stumble upon profiles here, most being those of Dominate males considering that I am a heterosexual female sub, that could use some work or poses a question I have the answer to or something like that.


Do you advise them that dominate is a verb and that you cannot be a verb?


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ScoutsHonor)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/11/2012 9:49:33 AM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		I try to abide by the maxim that the worst vice is advice. However, I suppose I violate it most every time I post here.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Unsolicited Advice? - 3/11/2012 10:58:24 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you really want to advise people about their profiles, wait a bit. Every so often someone comes to the forums asking for just that kind of feedback. At which point we tell them, as bluntly as possible.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 20
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