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RE: How do you define stalking? - 6/4/2006 1:26:20 AM   
TeacherNStudent


Posts: 22
Joined: 3/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trainmepls

Whenever I personally have been harassed, I have delt with it head on- like "What are you doing???" "What do you think you are going to get out of this???" just hit him in the gut! and see what happens!!


Assuming that you were addressing me, what makes you think I haven't dealt with it head on?  And I cannot literally hit him in the gut legally; that's assault.  Figuratively, this toad doesn't let much in the way of reality bother him.  He's already got his facts written down, so don't try to confuse the issue by injecting reality.  He's already filed a false report with Social Security, claiming that I'm on disability fraudulently.  Unfortunately, I'm informed that if Social Security does not wish to file criminal charges against him for that, there is nothing that I can do.

(in reply to trainmepls)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: How do you define stalking? - 6/4/2006 1:43:12 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greetings to all


This is not a hard question to answer!

1 anyone who does not stop when told ex. do not call me anymore at all, but still calls

2 comes to your home without being asked, but when asked to leave begs, or plead to stay
he or she promise to behave but never does

3 stand outside of your home or apartement and just watches all you do will not leave nor
will he or she says anything, (they turly think they are in the right)

4 theratens to harm theirselve or you and uses this as a way to get back into your life

5 last but most dangerous is the harm they will do to family and friends (do not take threats lightly they
mean to hurt you but leave you alive to have the pain forever)

Iknow this is the hard facts but if anyone of you is being stalk call the police in many states they have strong laws against people who stalk this is not laughing matter it is and can become dangerous to the man or women

take care

mons/jane

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: How do you define stalking? - 6/4/2006 2:09:27 AM   
TeacherNStudent


Posts: 22
Joined: 3/1/2006
Status: offline 		All good advice, Mons.  Unfortunately, the laws with regard to cyberstalking are not as clear-cut.  They HAVE finally figured out physical stalking, after far too many deaths.  And now they sometimes even listen to you.  Cyberstalking?  Still working on it.  Get back to us in another ten years when we understand it better.

(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: How do you define stalking? - 6/4/2006 4:37:03 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		Stalkers are sad, obsessive creeps who are desperate to get some kind of power over another person.  They're spiteful and unpredictable.

Stalking is when a person imagines a relationship that doesn't exist, or believes they can force someone into a relationship by interfering in that person's life.

They are totally self-centred, disconnected from reality and can be dangerous.

And all the little bastards should be shot, have their fingers broken so they can't use a keyboard, get kicked in the goolies until their eyes bulge, and possibly have all their teeth removed as well.

You may be able to read between the lines to pick up the subtle hint that I don't like them.

(in reply to TeacherNStudent)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: How do you define stalking? - 6/4/2006 4:38:42 AM   
becca333


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Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TeacherNStudent

All good advice, Mons.  Unfortunately, the laws with regard to cyberstalking are not as clear-cut.  They HAVE finally figured out physical stalking, after far too many deaths.  And now they sometimes even listen to you.  Cyberstalking?  Still working on it.  Get back to us in another ten years when we understand it better.



I agree - the law seems to be completely out of touch with reality. And how you've coped with years of it is beyond me - you must be incredibly patient, and strong.  I'd be screaming, or hunting him down.

(in reply to TeacherNStudent)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: How do you define stalking? - 6/4/2006 5:59:02 AM   
irishbynature


Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline 		When you end up facing someone in court and having to request and "Order of Protection"....(as I did several years ago)...it is stalking. Unwanted contact, via the internet, phone, location....are all stalking behaviors.

I was a victim of stalking and the judge granted me an "Order of Protection" for one year, and even added "No Internet contact" as a condition of the Order. If the stalker came within 25 feet of my home, or place of work, or engaged in ANY "Electronic means of communication"....he would have been placed in jail for 10 days.

It is a serious matter. Never allow anyone to threaten, harrass or place you in fear!

Respectfully submitted,
Irish


_____________________________


What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller


(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: How do you define stalking? - 6/4/2006 6:05:00 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		 
Im sorry I do not want to minimize anyone's situation.  But I still do not see that what you all have described as online stalking is actually stalking.  Changing names to email you?  Ok, its a pain in the ass.  But its not dangerous.  If there is a threat in it, then file a police report.  Someone found out where you live?  So what?  .  Hundreds and hundreds of people drive past my home every day and see me in the yard, or on the porch,...Guess what? one of them could be a wacko...and he knows where I live.  Unless theyre planning on showing up to do something illegal, it is not stalking for someone to find out where you live.  As far as someone knowing what you look like because you had a pic posted.  Again, big deal.  Every time I walk into a grocery store, a movie theatre, or any other public place, hundreds of strangers now know what I look like.  As far as someone saying untrue things about someone on another site...again...who cares?  There will always be people saying untrue things about you.  Theres a woman in my neighbor hood who gossips about everyone, twisting truths and making up complete lies.  Ive been included.  Is this stalking?? 
I think there are some cases where it IS a danger...as in the girl who wrote about the guy who showed up at her place and the cops came etc.  I think that was someone she had been involved with and it sounded like real danger and a real threat to me.  But most of what I read here as definitions of stalking...ie...someone found out what you look like, where you live, or emails you repeatatively, would not be what I consider to be dangerous.  Its more like a form of harassment.  One girl said she was being stalked for about a year.  Another wrote about being stalked for 6 years...both online.  Ask yourself...Have you yet to be harmed by this person?  Have they yet to show up at your house with a knife?  Have they done anything OFF the computer to *endanger* you?  Or are they just being pitas???  Oh...and do you feed their fire?? argue with them?  Threaten to take action???  You are most likely feeding their fire and giving them what they want. 

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: How do you define stalking? - 6/4/2006 6:11:44 AM   
irishbynature


Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
 
quote:

Ask yourself...Have you yet to be harmed by this person?  Have they yet to show up at your house with a knife?  Have they done anything OFF the computer to *endanger* you?  Or are they just being pitas???  Oh...and do you feed their fire?? argue with them?  Threaten to take action???  You are most likely feeding their fire and giving them what they want. 



Well Marie, when they call your place of work, telling your boss and family members they are going to harm you; or EVEN any unwanted Internet communication, is stalking and is NOT normal behavior.

Orders of Protection are designed for those individuals who don't understand the words, "Leave me alone!" If you research stalking, whether it be the Internet or in real-life, you will find that in most cases, if not reported or handled, the stalker will go further in their threats and actions. No form of stalking should be tolerated.

Respectfully,
Irish


_____________________________


What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller


(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: How do you define stalking? - 6/4/2006 6:31:34 AM   
bklynbbw


Posts: 147
Joined: 10/19/2005
Status: offline 		If the stalking/harrasment was strictly on line I would ignore it...just continue to block and delete.   If it went past there, to personal contact...calling, showing up at my house or work...threats to me or my children of physical harm,  I would take matters into my own hands.  As for an order of protection....well they are about as useful as toilet paper...only good for one thing.  I once had a good friend, got an order of protection against her abusive husband while filing for divorce.  We had lunch together on the afternoon that she was granted the order and I was so proud of her for taking the right actions finally, only to sit down to dinner later that evening and see a breaking news report of how he went to her job and shot and killed her at her desk.    Take any and all threats seriously.   Im sorry for all that you being stalked are going through, but if the authorities are not going to protect you, I believe you must protect yourself however you can.

(in reply to irishbynature)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: How do you define stalking? - 6/4/2006 8:05:03 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		Bklynbbw, that is a good reminder to take such things seriously. I'll only add that if they are breaking other specific laws such as threatening harm, document it somehow because that is a far more serious crime. They may not get much for stalking without making threats, but if they break other laws, and you can prove it, they are going away for a good while. Plus, there is always the civil action of defammation of character that one could pursue.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to bklynbbw)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: How do you define stalking? - 6/4/2006 9:54:26 AM   
lilhips


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/3/2006
Status: offline 		the true definition of stalking is someone following you repeatedly or someone contacting you repeatedly with the intentions of making you uncofortable or causing you fear.... online, often referred to as cyberstalking, can happen from e-mails and messengers to blogs and messege bourds... and usually before seen as actual stalking they must threaten you or your well being before the authorities are worried about it...

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: How do you define stalking? - 6/4/2006 12:00:55 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: irishbynature

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
 
quote:

Ask yourself...Have you yet to be harmed by this person?  Have they yet to show up at your house with a knife?  Have they done anything OFF the computer to *endanger* you?  Or are they just being pitas???  Oh...and do you feed their fire?? argue with them?  Threaten to take action???  You are most likely feeding their fire and giving them what they want. 



Well Marie, when they call your place of work, telling your boss and family members they are going to harm you; or EVEN any unwanted Internet communication, is stalking and is NOT normal behavior.

Orders of Protection are designed for those individuals who don't understand the words, "Leave me alone!" If you research stalking, whether it be the Internet or in real-life, you will find that in most cases, if not reported or handled, the stalker will go further in their threats and actions. No form of stalking should be tolerated.

Respectfully,
Irish



Threatening to harm, I would take more seriously.  I am not trying to minimize what some people have gone through in terms of being harmed, hurt or stalked in a real way in real life.. 
 
 But I think its a very valid point to mention that the last couple of years it seems almost "fashionable" for everyone to claim they have an online stalker.  In most of these cases---MOST---NOT ALL---I think it is encouraged by the stalkee and even enjoyed.  

(in reply to irishbynature)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: How do you define stalking? - 6/4/2006 12:24:23 PM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra
how do you define stalking... really?


I define stalking exactly like the law does.
Here’s how Ohio Law defines menacing by stalking.
(There’s no actual law against stalking, only "menacing by stalking".)

Engaging in a pattern of conduct that knowingly causes another person to believe that the offender will cause physical harm to the other person or cause mental distress to the other person.
"Pattern of conduct" means two or more actions or incidents closely related in time.
"Mental distress" means any mental illness or condition that involves some temporary substantial incapacity; or would normally require psychiatric treatment, psychological treatment, or other mental health services.

Burden of proof falls upon the person filing the complaint.
Misdemeanor in the 1st degree.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: How do you define stalking? - 6/4/2006 2:48:01 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bklynbbw

We had lunch together on the afternoon that she was granted the order and I was so proud of her for taking the right actions finally, only to sit down to dinner later that evening and see a breaking news report of how he went to her job and shot and killed her at her desk. Take any and all threats seriously.



My stalker was a client, and being a lawyer, I was only too aware of the physical limitations of the legal system, even after he pulled a gun on me. Eventually, a Hell's Angel guardian angel took care of my problem.


_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to bklynbbw)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: How do you define stalking? - 7/15/2006 5:11:15 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		According to my legal dictionary, (from 1996)  stalking is:

1. The crime of following a person about in such a way as to instill the fear of bodily harm. This is typically dealt with as a form of criminal harassment.
It may also give rise to a tort (civil suit) action for "assault of intentional infliction of mental distress".

2. Secretly following a person about, or lying in wait for the purpose of committing a crime. In most states, this is punishable as "an attempt to commit a crime." 

These are fairly broad criteria (I think). If someone thinks they are being stalked, I'd suggest contacting an attorney for a free consultation (or legal aid) to see what can be done legally, if they want to pursue a case against a stalker. Different states have different laws about this. The police, I would contact about what to do to try to stop it, or otherwise deal with it in a more immediate sense.

- Susan  

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/15/2006 5:16:45 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to throbbin)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: How do you define stalking? - 7/15/2006 6:06:48 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		Stalking is defined as "entering the perimeter of the location your restraining order told you to stay the hell out of".

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: How do you define stalking? - 7/15/2006 7:16:31 AM   
ArtimisBlack


Posts: 154
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline 		Just out of curiosity....it seems that in most stalking incidents being talked about here it is a male doing the stalking. Has anyone here ever been stalked by a female? I'm pretty sure it does happen, I just want to know if any here have experienced it or know someone who has and what happened. Are there different tactics used? Is the threat not perceived as being as great? etc.....

_____________________________

I wanted to put in my 2 cents but I only have a dollar. Do you have change?

The pain is free. Do not pick the scab.

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: How do you define stalking? - 7/15/2006 7:41:51 AM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArtimisBlack

Just out of curiosity....it seems that in most stalking incidents being talked about here it is a male doing the stalking. Has anyone here ever been stalked by a female? I'm pretty sure it does happen, I just want to know if any here have experienced it or know someone who has and what happened. Are there different tactics used? Is the threat not perceived as being as great? etc.....



      An ex-girlfriend followed me around for a few months once, parking across the street from my apartment or work.  Same sort of BS Drama that caused me to end the relationship.  It stopped when my new girlfriend caught her doing it and scared her off.

       Obsessive behavior comes in both genders but I think testerone makes it burn hotter.

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: How do you define stalking? - 7/15/2006 8:51:09 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Oh I was accused of stalking when I was pursuing someone for an apology and/or an explaination. I told her an apology would see me gone like grease lightening and I would forget she ever existed. No apology and the matter will never rest.

Bad mistake I guess, I think it gave her something interesting to tell her friends and let her portray herself as a victim rather than a malicious trickster.

The situation is not closed and never will be but I don't pursue her now because I don't expect an apology but she will eventually be reminded of what she did and time is on my side.

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: How do you define stalking? - 7/15/2006 9:02:57 AM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		stalking is very serious business, whether in person or online. for those who minimize the online nature of stalking, I can assure you it is very real, very upsetting and dangerous. when someone stalks you online and tells you details of what you have worn that day, where you went shopping, etc., you tell me if you would not freak out.

fortunately, the FBI has a cyber crime unit and speaking to someone in the NYC field office, helped alleviate my particular situation, but always take these things seriously. some people do not understand the word NO and are able to find you whether you block them, change email addresses, etc.

and for those who are trying to lighten up the thread by saying how thrilling it is to be stalked, maybe in your dreams, not in reality.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 60
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