RE: Fear of oral (Full Version)

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timeoutgurlie -> RE: Fear of oral (6/3/2006 9:35:56 PM)

Then I apollogize, Sinergy.  I attempted to edit out my previous comments but I'm guessing my post count isn't high enough, it says I don't have permission.



Sinergy -> RE: Fear of oral (6/3/2006 9:39:21 PM)

Fair enough, timeoutgirlie.  I accept your apology.  In my mind, everybody in this place has their own path to travel, and it is not
my place to pass judgement.

Enjoy your evening.

Sinergy



Johm1902 -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 2:30:28 AM)

I do not understand the remark “Dominant man want this” (oral sex) Imo sex has nothing to do with SM  activities, it might be a part of a relation which goes beyond D/s or M/s but I do not see why a Dominant man even should get out of his clothes when guiding and teaching his slave or she should be trained as a sex slave. To often man see this as a way to be able to have sex. Is true Dominance not about training and guiding your slave? For me this means sex might be part of it but more often it will not and certainly not doing things she is not able to do or really not willing to do. Hard limits should be respected at all times and a true Dominant will not even try to force his slave into something she really is not able to or willing to do. No discussion.
So Dominant man who force you to have (oral)sex all the time and force you to do things you do not want to are calling themselves for the wrong reason dominant, it is then just an easy way to fulfill their sexual desires.



becca333 -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 4:17:05 AM)

I hated the idea of giving oral - I wouldn't even do it in cyber play.  And I'd never done it with any of my partners.  Hard limit, totally revolted by it.

But with my current partner, suddenly and for no reason that I can see, I'm fine with it.  He's so sweet and kind and loving, and I really want to give him as much pleasure as he gives me.  Also, he never demands I give him oral, and if I choose not to that's fine, so I don't feel pressured. 

Maybe, with the right person, it will cease to be a problem for you. 

And if you can't do it - then don't.  There's so many ways to give and receive pleasure that you'll find some great substitutes. 



littlesarbonn -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 4:20:20 AM)

Seems pretty simple. On your profile, you put "No oral. It's not negotiable." Then if someone contacts you and "demands" oral, then you tell the person to bugger off (today, I'm an Englishman...don't know why) because that person wasn't interested enough in you to actually read your profile before contacting you.

Be fearful of the control freaks that contact you stating: "You're not truly submissive UNLESS you do...". My response would be "You're not truly getting this submissive BECAUSE you said...."



fellatrixkris -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 4:32:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

Yes...
The fear like I said comes from  years of abuse.
Id be happy to never do oral, at the same time I feel like getting over the fear might help me deal, maybe it wont!!
Id like to hear from the men on this


Honestly I just can't understand, I mean I can cum just from giving oral to my Master but hey thats me! I do think that if its somthing you really want to get over, finding someone you TRUST completely is VERY important here, also someone who won't FORCE it on you and who will go slow, taking time to let you be near it, inspect it up close, lick around it...ok now im getting wet[:D]...hahaha sorry honey, just try to find someone who respects your limits and also is willing to be a teacher, lover, and understanding if you decide to NEVER do it. *hugs*



MasterStoney442 -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 4:48:55 AM)

Ok timeoutgurlie,
I have read your profile , in there is nothing about giving oral.
 First let me say this. Being a sub the rights are there . Being a slave the rights are of the Masters desire . As a slave there are NO rights but the ones that are given by the Master/Mistress. That is the life style .
I would say that you would not say No to haven your pussy licked. But thats not the point . The point is , in a S/m /M/s Relationship Tis what ever the Master/Mistress wants to have done .
 
Yes we all Know every one has there limits ,even Masters/Mistress's. But in the end it is up to that Master/ Mistress. This life style is not game to be played . It is real. If there some thing that you do not like , That is when you discus it before you get in to the relationship .
 
I am not getting down on you at all . But I see this all the time , one who thinks that as a sub/slave they really do not know what is involved.



bignipples2share -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 5:07:03 AM)

There are still men out there that really don't want, or care for oral. I don't understand this myself, but they are out there. I find it rather disconcerting when everything is going along great, lick my lips, while viewing this beautiful tower of excitement and figure it's perfect for pouncing on and they say.."wtf are you doing? I can't do that"
I guess that's what I get for occasionally dating in the vast streams of vanilla and don't get to pick off a list of what our preferences are. I'm sure there are men in the BDSM arena who don't have that as one of their major criteria when picking a partner as well. You really don't have to like, or do, every single thing sexual activity out there to be a good sub, but you do have to know, like and be who you are to find happiness.
Some people have hard limits, just list this as one of yours.
I would suggest trying to find an analyist who is familiar with BDSM and who you can connect with. You really need to work on the shy portion of not being able to open up to her/him. Lay all the cards on their table so they can help you work through it.

~Big

____________________
ahhhh I see sounds




irishbynature -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 5:31:46 AM)

I was never abused sexually in any form or fashion....hugs egnimabrat in the hopes that regardless of her limits---that she seeks help to overcome the pain of such abuse. I don't think the real issue is "Oral Sex" but that she needs to process and heal from such a horrible experience in her past.

I embrace her honesty and adores the fact that she can freely admit there is an issue.

Egnimabrat, I would not engage in oral sex or anything that makes you uncomfortable until you've discovered the core issue and healed so that you can find freedom and happiness in all that you do.[:D]



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 8:09:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Johm1902
I do not understand the remark “Dominant man want this” (oral sex) Imo sex has nothing to do with SM  activities, it might be a part of a relation which goes beyond D/s or M/s but I do not see why a Dominant man even should get out of his clothes when guiding and teaching his slave or she should be trained as a sex slave. To often man see this as a way to be able to have sex.

That's not a bad thing.  For many people, bdsm is EXACTLY a form of sexuality for them, an extension of their sexual being.

quote:

 Is true Dominance not about training and guiding your slave?

No.



Mercnbeth -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 8:34:16 AM)

quote:

enigmabrat: I have a real issue with oral sex, basically Im terrified of it, most Doms insist on it yet it isn't something I am able to do at least not yet, what should i do?


Depends - do you want to be 'cured' or understood?

Unless you have a requirement that your perspective dom be a psychologist, don't expect the 'cure' to come from him, nor should it. The terrible trauma you experienced in youth doesn't have it's 'cure' in a relationship, vanilla or alternative.

Understanding can come from a partner. As others have pointed out, oral sex isn't necessary for all men. You only need to find one. The easiest way is to do is list it as a hard limit in your profile. You needed go into the reasons. The disclosure you made here took courage. When the time is right with someone you've met you can draw upon this courage to go into it in depth with him.

Meanwhile just be honest with yourself and the people you meet. Good luck!



puella -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 9:08:48 AM)

Hello enigmabrat,

I think it is a wild understatement to say that I am sorry to hear of your abuse, especially as a child.

That being said.. I do not think you will find the advice and help you need on this forum to clear up your troubles.  You need a professional councilor, not advice from peers or Masters.

If you really want to overcome this traumatic hurdle.. it will take time and a lot of dedication on your part to get to a place where you can perform oral without it being a re-visitation to that scar within you.

I also think there are a number of men sensitive and smart enough to understand this problem and either be patient enough to encourage counseling and not demand it of you until you are ready, or to simply not demand it of you at all (I still think counseling is in order however, even if you do not seek to find a way to enjoy oral).

I do wish you the best of luck.



champagnewishes -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 9:13:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

Ok here goes
I have a real issue with oral sex, bassically Im terrafied of it, most Doms insist on it yet it isnt something I am able to do at least not yet, what should i do?


Just my thought....you owe it to yourself as a person, a woman and a sub to seek professional help with this issue.  As it stands now, fear of oral is something that has control of your life.  You may decide after this time that you do not want to give oral.  But that will be YOUR choice and not something that is making that choice for you.



kittensmailbox -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 9:22:30 AM)

i love, love, love giving oral {male or female}.... in fact i hunger for it....  HOWEVER....  i hate getting it...  i was always told by my former Master that it was a submissive act... So when a man wishes to give oral sex, i try to steer him another way....



gentlypleze -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 11:21:28 AM)

I'm very new to this lifestyle, and have many fears.  Several months ago, while chatting with someone, I mentioned one thing that I was not comfortable with.   I couldn't explain why, because I didn't really know, but it was just something I didn't want to do.   Later in the conversation, it was that one thing that he "commanded" me to do.   

He also told me that it was "all about him".  He wouldn't work to give me an orgasm.  If it happened, that was ok, but that wasn't the goal.   To me, at the start of any relationship, whether it be in this lifestyle or not, it's not all about sex.   I know others have different opinions, though, and I respect that.
 
I'm new, and learning, but have since then learned that it's not "all" about the dominant.
I need to be happy, too.




timeoutgurlie -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 12:50:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterStoney442

Ok timeoutgurlie,
I have read your profile , in there is nothing about giving oral.
 First let me say this. Being a sub the rights are there . Being a slave the rights are of the Masters desire . As a slave there are NO rights but the ones that are given by the Master/Mistress. That is the life style .
I would say that you would not say No to haven your pussy licked. But thats not the point . The point is , in a S/m /M/s Relationship Tis what ever the Master/Mistress wants to have done .
 
Yes we all Know every one has there limits ,even Masters/Mistress's. But in the end it is up to that Master/ Mistress. This life style is not game to be played . It is real. If there some thing that you do not like , That is when you discus it before you get in to the relationship .
 
I am not getting down on you at all . But I see this all the time , one who thinks that as a sub/slave they really do not know what is involved.


I fail to see what point this message was intended to have, and to be honest, I'm not even quite sure that it was meant to be directed to me.  Maybe you meant to direct it toward the member who originally created this thread, enigmabrat.

In any case, I agree with what I believe to be your main point, that a sub/slave has no choice for it's all up to the will of the Dom/Master.  That said, the choice a sub/slave does have is in choosing the right Dom/Master for her, and this is what my messages to brat are all about.  She needs to decide if she will or won't engage in oral sex, and then she needs to decide on the right Dom/Master for HER based on that decision.

While I agree completely that once IN the relationship, you surrender yourself to your Master, he is just another Dom guy until you accept him as your Master and he accepts you as his slave.  BEFORE there is that commitment, even a slave has choices.

The only point I can address is what significance my preferences on "haven" my "pussy licked" has on this thread [&:]



enigmabrat -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 5:40:06 PM)

OK lets say Im NOT interested in EVER doing oral,
to the Doms out there, is that something you could live with??



CERCKL -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 6:05:53 PM)

I had been with a couple of different girls in my early twenties who were afraid of oral for the same reason...though they would do it sometimes, it was just too overwhelming for them. I would suggest counseling to deal with the abuse. Otherwise it will always control you.

C




perverseangelic -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 6:08:51 PM)

well, like I said, my friend found one...





enigmabrat -> RE: Fear of oral (6/4/2006 6:30:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CERCKL

I had been with a couple of different girls in my early twenties who were afraid of oral for the same reason...though they would do it sometimes, it was just too overwhelming for them. I would suggest counseling to deal with the abuse. Otherwise it will always control you.

C




I am in counsaling



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