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RE: Fear of oral - 6/13/2006 11:40:47 AM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
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i was NOT saying that you can't be in this lifestyle because of your feeling, i was, in fact, saying the exact opposite. And furthermore i was saying that to say that someone who has been abused can't be in this lifestyle is an assinine comment. So i was defending you.

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RE: Fear of oral - 6/13/2006 11:44:58 AM

enigmabrat

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Joined: 8/1/2004
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heartfeltsub

hon that comment wasnt directed at you at all it was directed at the numersouse others who have said it and hinted at it... Im sorry i wasnt more clear I didnt mean it directed at you in any way and i thank you for the suport

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RE: Fear of oral - 6/13/2006 12:36:51 PM

heartfeltsub

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Joined: 11/5/2004
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No problem, the problem with the reply that it always looks like it is replying to the last poster unless you specifically reply to a specific post.

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RE: Fear of oral - 6/13/2006 3:05:46 PM

candleTC

Posts: 148
Joined: 5/8/2006
From: Springfield, Il
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Never said you can't be in the lifestyle, because you were abused or otherwise. What i have merely pointed out to you, is that there is healing to be done, regardless... and education and growing within yourself........... and apparently, anger issues that need to be dealt with.. that is all *i* was saying... oh well, ( rolls her eyes ) tired of debating this issue , i guess.

Beth

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RE: Fear of oral - 6/13/2006 5:31:01 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I am an advocate of tough love when someone gives themselves into bad self talk. If I felt inclined to rip on your ass, you need not check with sources other than those here who have given you very sound advice which you have pretty much shit on, to find out that I have been rather stern but correct with you.

I am an asshole of gargantuan and intergalactic proportions and can readily make you swallow your own tongue ala Hannibal Lector...

I was pointing out to you in rather plain fashion, that you can overcome this, as well as some of the other bad self-image posts you have diddled with around here, but it must be within you.

Damn. Whats a girl gotta do around here to get a stern lecture like that? It's not fair, I tell you. Some girls get all the damn attention!

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RE: Fear of oral - 6/13/2006 5:37:07 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

Maybe she will find some man who doesnt like his cock sucked...stranger things have happened.

They have?

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RE: Fear of oral - 6/13/2006 6:40:38 PM

reticence

Posts: 180
Joined: 2/28/2006
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quote:

Damn. Whats a girl gotta do around here to get a stern lecture like that? It's not fair, I tell you. Some girls get all the damn attention!

I was thinking that , myself. :)

almost enough to make a girl turn into a sam (grin)

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RE: Fear of oral - 6/13/2006 6:48:53 PM

mnottertail

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you haven't returned to complaints and anal burning and saw where we are at with the take-out idea.

LOL.

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RE: Fear of oral - 6/13/2006 7:13:31 PM

marieToo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

you haven't returned to complaints and anal burning and saw where we are at with the take-out idea.

LOL.

ha! Be right back!

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Post #: 129

RE: Fear of oral - 6/13/2006 7:35:21 PM

misfire

Posts: 55
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Greenville, SC
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Maybe I missed it, enigmabrat, but I didn't see anyone here hinting you shouldn't be in the lifestyle.

The only thing that's gonna help is therapy. According to your profile, you're in the NYC area, so I'm sure you could find a kink-aware professional who'd work through this with you, since that's the idea I've picked up on from your postings. After all, you did say that you weren't interested in giving the abuser any power over you, and your fear of giving oral sex is giving him power.

Put it in your profile that giving oral is a hard limit. Since you've opened up to us strangers, it shouldn't be too difficult to open up to prospective doms and explain exactly why oral is a hard limit for you.

When I was 13, I discovered the joy of sex. Well, masturbation and a nice fantasy, anyway. The most frequent fantasy for me was a rape scene -- hey, I always knew I was messed up. When I was raped, I thought I'd never be able to indulge in that again.. sex alone scared the bejeezus out of me, but my favourite fantasy was being held hostage by frightening reminders of something that never should've happened. But you know what? I took that back. I took back what was rightfully mine, and I've never been happier.

You can get past the abuse too -- you just have to want to.

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RE: Fear of oral - 6/14/2006 1:22:06 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
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greetingto alll

Someone had written about sucking pf the thumb
i am one who does this but it is my two fingers I have no problem
wiith oral sex at all it just i wil not do it with a black male. I know that 'is so
small minded and crappy but it is how i am i move pass this stage but i still
can not have my brother over he still looks at me that same ways, he did say he was
sorry but saying it and meaning it is to different things, he abused my twin too.
I think that is why i am a domme more then anything else i feel stronger. It is hard for the
woman who post i hope all of you were kind to her she is not the one who was at fautl with some
tender love and help she made be able to over come this but i have to think of that i have not
over come my fear of black man. I live in an area that is hardly any blacks so i have dated white males
and i found them to be more open to kink and anyone else why i wonder lol.
Abuse is so hard and at twenty i woke to find my brother with his hands up my ass and then
he climb into my bed and i do not remember to this very day what happen. When someone who is abuse
it stays with us even when we forgive that person and talk with them. It still stay I have been in therapy for
years to get over this and i must say i am doing so well and greatful that i am healing and can not
take anger out on my submissive. for somthing that happen so long ago. I paint and draw and
do so much to help other abuse victim mainly childern, so yes i can tell everyone this because i did nothing
wrong, my brother did! thank you for letting me tell you this and maybe you will understand the woman who
wrote the post judge or you will be judge. I was so ashmed for many years now i am not. that is healing (when i am nerouves my dyslexic comes out very strong so please forgive my spelling mistakes)

best wishes and get her abreak
mons/jane

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RE: Fear of oral - 6/14/2006 1:46:09 AM

Kedikat

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Joined: 4/20/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

Something bad hapend to me as a child
I was abused badly growing up by someone I was supposed to TRUST!!
I honestly would be happy to NEVER give oral it freaks me out, but Doms want it

That something is in the past. However terrible it was. It is past. But you are letting the person who committed it to continue to abuse you. Now you are abusing yourself. Keeping alive a fear that is continuing to spoil things in your life.
The thing that happened to you was very likely the action of a weak person. One with no self control or decency. You are giving them strength to torment you forever. See the event as what it was. A worthless weak person, taking advantage of you. Pity them. Remember any lessons, forget the worthless scum. Stop helping them abuse you still.

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RE: Fear of oral - 6/14/2006 5:15:29 AM

heartfeltsub

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quote:

The thing that happened to you was very likely the action of a weak person. One with no self control or decency. You are giving them strength to torment you forever. See the event as what it was. A worthless weak person, taking advantage of you. Pity them. Remember any lessons, forget the worthless scum. Stop helping them abuse you still.

very well said

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RE: Fear of oral - 6/14/2006 5:16:33 AM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
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The only person who seemed to say that submissives who have been abused in their childhood shouldn't be in the lifestyle was Stoney, other than that, you are very correct, no one was saying that.

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